CDing Vs. Control

[Jeanna]

I'm finding it quite humerous that so many have strayed away from helping me, to just insulting my therapist. So what if your parents were nice and that doesn't explain why you dress, that's you, and is not helping me in any way. I'm looking to see if what i've said can make sense, and if any have had similar situations and how they've dealt with it.

I do believe that you are Sally and Sally is you. Unless your Dr concludes that you a schizo,,don't worry about it. I also believe that you need to get away from mommy, be free and discover your life.

Jeanna

[Jonianne]

Sally, I know how you feel. When I was in therapy I felt afraid that I might find out that my crossdressing was caused by something in my life and that I would feel devestated or start questioning myself, like you felt. What I found out was that it is OK to search down every rabbit trail to see where it leads. The reason why the question "Why do I crossdress?" is never answered, is because there is no single reason. It's the comming together of many factors. I think what your therapist may be doing is trying to help you find out what coping mechanisms you use in dealing with your parents control. It could be you are using CD'ing, just like you could be using sports, putting your head in the books in studing, it could be a job. It could be a whole bunch of things, none of which are necessarly bad. Abusing alcohol or drugs is certainly not a healthy way of coping.

Just know that being transgender is a part of your spirit and that will always be with you. You can search any path for unhealthy areas and still know that who you are is not going to change, just get better.

I always remind myself that "others have the right to tell me how they feel, but they do not have the right to tell me how I should be."

[Stephanie Miller]

Do not mistake any humor as not caring. Everyone cares or they wouldn't waste any time talking to you. Also do not just read what is on the surface of posts - go deeper. Inside my humor I was trying to convey a very important message. You stated that your therapist brought up her "theory". Her theory, unless she is well versed in crossdressing, could be misleading your thoughts of who and where you are in this world. If she IS well versed then she may well be trying to lead your thought pattern another direction for you. I, nor does anyone else on this board knows which. What I would like to see is what I expressed in my last few words " you should do the research". Then you will know for yourself if your sessions are on the right track. I know of too many ladies that have gone to "therapy" only to come out totaly screwed up because the "therapist" didn't know squat and was winging it. On the other hand there are many out there that had good and benefited. There is no such thing as too much information. Take care and know that we are on your side.
Steph

[Jamie VieJolie]

I don't think it's as simple as you dress because you have controlling parents. Of course you could move out and see if living on your own creates a change.

And so what if dressing is a coping mechanism. Some people cope with alcohol, gambling and other destructive behaviors. I'd rather just be a woman for a while. Works for me.

[Barbara Dugan]

Your therapist is dealing with a chicken and egg situation. Which came first?

As you know yourself your TG feelings came first. CDs create their alter ego in order to step outside their masculine personality to avoid dealing with the psychological barriers of "wrongness and pervertedness" which is an intrinsic part of the male gender conditioning to demonize femininity. So the origins of Sally is she is a necessary tool to enable you to access your feminine side. However by creating a separate distinct aspect of yourself you have opened the doors to other escapist opportunities. So Sally also becomes a tool to allow you to escape the depressing restrictions your parents impose upon your routine (masculine) personality.

I can relate to your feelings. I stayed with my parents for too long. While they were not overly controlling, their conservative attitudes affected me and made me feel very inhibited. It felt like my personality was being slowly crushed under a heavy weight. CDing and computer games became important avenues of escape where I could find temporary relief from my predicament.

My eventual solution is painfully obvious. Move out! and preferably far enough away that routine contact is no longer possible and where no-one else knows you so that you can restart your life and finally project the real you.

I also relate to the same kind of situations and as always Satrana has very nice observations

[Sally2005]

Another Sally... :-)

Stress can trigger the desire to CD. If your parents are causing you a lot of stress then maybe they do trigger it. However, many people deal with stress in other ways, so why did you choose to CD? I doubt your parents caused you to pick CDing in the first place...but I believe they do cause you stress which causes you to seek some way to escape. Your therapist may be on to something, but its probably not the big answer we're all looking for.

[Ballerina]

I've finally settled my mind down, and have found a good chunk of answers. I took Satrana's advice and found out that the egg came first, not the chicken. In other words, I found that Sally had been born strictly out of curiosity, and possibly genetics; not my parents' need to control my life and abuse my childhood.

When I first started fantasizing about CDing, I had pretty much turned 10, and things were going fairly smooth in my life. My youngest cousin was living with us, and that's where all my parents' frustration and control need was taken out of (like it mattered, she was/is HIGHLY ADHD). Also, it was a summer that I actually had free, and wasn't grounded because of school work. So, things were actually kind of happy for me.

I think the only influence that my parents have had on my CDing is the fact that maybe the walls have been strengthened (not created). I do have to remember that Sally is just an extension to my own feelings, not a seperate entity (I think that goes for just about everyone on this forum).