I have been cross dressing since 12 and I am only 18 now. When I first started, I felt a kind a perverse thrill, and yet there was this guiltiness and disgust tugging on my conscience, begging myself to stop what I was doing because I was ultimately male and what I was doing would be a terrible shock to my sisters and mother should they ever find out. However, as the years passed, I find myself more and more compelled to crossdress, and desensitized towards how my family would feel if they knew what I was doing.
A lot of you have already settled in your identity as a cross dresser, especially the older adults, however I am still struggling with this “identity”/”condition”. I never really put a name to my “identity”/”condition” until I did a thorough web search a few months back. At first, what I dug up was “transvestic fetishism”, which totally scared me because I never thought of myself as a transvestite and in fact, feel a certain degree of distaste towards transvestites. Most of my searches turned up medical reports and research papers, which viewed cross dressing from a rather detached and objective viewpoint, emphasising that it was a sexual disorder that had no cure. I didn’t want that sort of perspective, I needed personal anecdotes from actual crossdressers, I needed some form of compassion and empathy, and most of all I needed advice. When I discovered Dixie’s website, I felt like I had uncovered a windfall of information that was actually useful, I realised that there were actually people out there who had to same “identity”/”condition” whom I could talk to.
I was wondering if any of you could share your own experiences of struggling with deal with your cross dressing compulsion when you were younger. I know many think that cross dressing is an identity however, at this age, I am not prepared to accept that I will be cross dressing my entire life and would like to fight against it. Could any of you give me anecdotes and advice?
Thank you.