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Thread: Oh well . . .

  1. #1
    Gold Member TxKimberly's Avatar
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    Oh well . . .

    One of the cost cutting measures my company has been taking is to force everyone to take a week off every two months or so. It doesn't matter if you have the vacation time saved, or have to take it unpaid, you must take the week off. Usually when they do this, at least a few people have to work and this last week I was one of them. Fortunately, my task was to man the tech support hotline, and this can be done from home using my cell phone, so last week I spent the entire week at home with my wife. Each morning we walk my 6 year old daughter to school about a mile and a half or so away. Well, today I have to fly to Detroit so I told my wife "Sorry, I've got to get ready for my flight and so won't be walking with you."
    "Why not? You have plenty of time since your flight isn't until almost noon." she asked me. I have no idea why, but her tone was more than a little belligerent. Clearly she was angry that I didn't intend to walk with her. I started to explain that since I was gonna fly as Kimberly, it takes a bit longer to get ready, and she interrupted me.
    "Oh, I get it. That's more important to you than we are!" and then she turned and walked out of the room. I sat there kind of stunned, because I really didn't think that I had deserved that. Most mornings I would have been on the way to work and she would have walked my daughter by herself anyway, but like I often tell people - we TG's have our head trips and our wives have theirs. Well, nothing to be done about it now, at this point I'd rather put my wet finger into a light socket than proceed with my plans to fly as Kim. She told me two or three times "I'm sorry" as I put my stuff away and put on my guy clothes, but now I feel like a freak again and am depressed as hell. I was hoping for an amusing day and am instead stuck with a long boring day in airports and airplanes, all the while knowing that my wife resents me. Did I mention that I'm seriously depressed?

  2. #2
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    I kind of get that sometimes too.
    Its like she resents the fact that if your c/ding takes to split seconds of her time away she gets upset.

    It kind of hurts in a way.
    Remember to remind her of how much time she takes away from you when she gets ready...
    worked for me.

  3. #3
    Member Sara Jean's Avatar
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    I'm sorry to hear that your plans got ruined. i'm sure you have been looking forward to it and then your she deflates your mood
    you need a hug

  4. #4
    Junior Member KellyV GG's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by gwen cd View Post
    Remember to remind her of how much time she takes away from you when she gets ready...
    worked for me.
    ya but...from a GG's point of view. We have no choice but to spend all of that time getting ready every day (I hate it) and when you guys/girls do it it's not only time consuming it's like we (I, at least) know that it's more than just dressing, that it's a whole experience for you on a level we can't relate to, for you. And I find myself a little jealous of that, which can turn into resentment.

    Anyway Kimberely...she may have been irrational and snapped a bit for a second, but it's probably because she enjoys the time as a family and walking to school together and was disapointed about that, not upset about Kimberly.
    And I'm sure she really, truly is sorry.....

  5. #5
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    beating depression

    Kimberly every time I feel a bit down I watch a very happy u tube show. Yours! Always lifts me above the aloneness I feel and your happy travels, are something that helps me remember my past years and the good times and feelings I've had. I also had a wife,helpmeet,lover, all rolled into one. After she departed I was not worth any thing for the longest. You have become a bright spot in my life,as I know also with many others. I have a few states left to visit and I will do them enfemme. Mostly by POV.But do not plan on going abroad any more. This is thanks for the brightness you've added .

  6. #6
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    Kim, look at it this way.......................
    you really get many more opportunities than most of us to express your femme side. Heck, we all love to read your stories, and wish we could be out there doing what you do weekly. Be thankful that your wife is as accepting as she is, and remember she needs your male presence around too. If I were you, I would feel dissapointed too, but I would have made the walk to school, then threw on some panties and nylons under my drabs, and headed for the airport. You can always change when you get to your hotel and still have some of the day to be girly. Have a safe trip hun.

  7. #7
    Senior Member Sherry-Stephanie's Avatar
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    Look at it this way...you could be getting ready to move somewhere else and be starting all over.....but then again on the other side of the coin you'd be free to be whoever you wanted to be....it's either a no win situation or a win win situation..not sure which one it is yet!!!! LOL...ain't life grand????
    Discovering the female self aka "Bitch with an Attitude"

  8. #8
    Senior Member Sally2005's Avatar
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    Kim,

    I get the same guilt trip and it has nothing to do with CDing. I work at home and has taken years (and it is still not perfect) for my wife and others to get in the mindset that work means work...just because I am at home, it doesn't mean I am available. I struggled with depression in the past and it was mostly due to people placing expectations on me and myself feeling guilty about it while not keeping up with my own needs. Do something special or spend some extra time with them when you get home. Remember, the desire to CD is just part of you...don't feel guilty about it...just work around it.

  9. #9
    Time Lady JiveTurkeyOnRye's Avatar
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    Playing devil's advocate here,

    Quote Originally Posted by TxKimberly View Post
    Most mornings I would have been on the way to work and she would have walked my daughter by herself anyway,
    I think that was what about it made her upset. I kind of see her point, even if she maybe didn't handle it the best way. Normally you have no choice but to be unable to walk with them, but because of your week off, you've been free to spend more time with your family than you normally get to.

    Your wife probably was upset because she figured you'd want to spend as much time with her and your daughter as you could while you were both at home from work as well as in town since you were flying out that day.

    I can totally see why she was upset. In her mind you were choosing to do something else rather than spend time with her and your daughter.

  10. #10
    The best of both worlds Kathi Lake's Avatar
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    Kim, thanks for sharing this story. The fact that you'll also share the bad times shows we are your friends. That means a lot to us.

    Don't take your wife's misplaced anger too personally. We all lash out, occasionally.

    Kathi

  11. #11
    Style Icon Sara Jessica's Avatar
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    I'm so sorry this happened, that your day is now shaping up the way you described.

    For what it's worth, I get the same thing here and there from my wife. A little comment or the same "your girl time is more important than..." Hearing that it happens to others, it makes me think there's nothing malicious on their part, it's simply a genuine emotional response.

    One thing I did recently when confronted with such a comment was to explain point blank how such things are hurtful to me and drive me into a depression. And that's not playing a dramatic card with her, it's the absolute truth. But on the flip side of the coin, I think we have to understand that our very being, or behavior, can land them in an episodic or even perpetual depressive state, especially in a situation like mine where there's not tons of communication about the tg thing.

    Good luck in dealing with this little setback Kimberly. I hope that something said in the dozens of replies you're sure to receive will be of some help to you.
    Like a corpse deep in the earth I'm so alone, restless thoughts torment my soul, as fears they lay confirmed, but my life has always been this way - Virginia Astley, "Some Small Hope" (1986)
    Sunlight falls, my wings open wide. There's a beauty here I cannot deny - David Sylvian, "Orpheus" (1987)

  12. #12
    Silver Member Rhonda Jean's Avatar
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    I longingly remember when my (ex) wife wanted to be with me every possible moment. Now I can dress any time I want. I'd trade.

  13. #13
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    I love KellyV and Alyssa's responses.

    Remember, that as tough as it is for you to be able to work out dressing time, your wife may have a mix of emotions from time to time and her feelings may vary a little. None of us are ever at one level always.

    Maybe this is a instance where talking was appropriate but assumptions were in play. Take a deep breath and consider this flight out as sacrificing one for the Kimberly and SO team. Give her a call and make sure it is talked out. And I assume you are completely packed, so a night out to finish letting go could be in order!

    Oh, and

  14. #14
    Female Illusionist! docrobbysherry's Avatar
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    Kim, think, "SCC"!

    That should cheer u up!

    Suzy and the girls won't LET u be depressed! Maybe it's better that u get it out of your system now!
    U can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect to enjoy life to the max. When u try new things, even if they r out of your comfort zone, u may experience new excitement and growth that u never expected.

    Challenge yourself and pursue your passions! When your life clock runs out, you'll have few or NO REGRETS!

  15. #15
    Miss Conception Karren H's Avatar
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    Ohh come on Kimberly!! You know I love you like a sister and you live the life that we all wish we could, including me.. So no way should one time out of a thousand bring on depression!! And what happened to family first, btw? Suck it up girl friend and snap out of it!! Ohh and send your wife some flowers!! She's a gift from heaven and you and I both know that!!
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  16. #16
    The Girl Next Door Sally24's Avatar
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    Even the best of people get a little irrational at times. (not that I have, but I've just heard about it.)

    Remember that she is still recovering from having a baby and that can take awhile to settle down.My wife doesn't outright say things, but sometimes I get a feeling from her when she isn't happy. It can be something as small as me wanting to talk about a Sally night I had or something being planned for the future. It's always hit or miss and asking her if anything is wrong is just so not going to get me any answers.

    Roll with the bad days and know that "it isn't you".
    Sally

  17. #17
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    When life hands you Lemons, make Lemonade

    So ( my .02 worth ) you buy your daughter a surprise gift to give her at the end of your walk and say that you're sorry that you have to fly out and not be able to walk with her for a few days. If she is anything like mt daughter was at that age, her smile will be worth more than dressing. She's only six once and before you know it she'll be a teenager. And you won't be as important as MTV.

  18. #18
    Unofficial CD Mom Holly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by TxKimberly View Post
    ..."Oh, I get it. That's more important to you than we are!" and then she turned and walked out of the room...
    Kimberly, I'd venture a guess that the that the Misses was referring to had nothing to do with Kimberly and was a reference to anything that would take you away from your family. It could have been about going to the golf course or working on your Mustang or any one of several diversions we all have in our lives that cause us to be separated from our families. Pick her (and your daughter) up a little something in Detroit and present it to them when you get home. Then during some private time with your wife, reassure her that there is nothing more important to you than your family. We all like to hear how important we are from time to time . FWIW, I think your wife was showing her disappointment in your not being able to continue the morning ritual of walking your daughter to school together, something she evidently treasures. Don't resent her for that, Love her. The way she expressed it may have been a bit off the mark but the sentiment is spot on.
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  19. #19
    Aspiring Member joandher's Avatar
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    Kim Your not alone with that scenario I too work from home a lot and my wife expects that I go with her as much as possible,if I say I cant she looks at me so disapprovingly ,then says oh its ok ill go alone, it doesn't matter,
    I know exactly how you feel,but I've learnt to fit her requests in as much as possible just to keep the peace:


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  20. #20
    Junior Member Tiffany Leigh's Avatar
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    I say, be glad that she wants to be with you so bad that she is disappointed when she cant!

  21. #21
    Not so new... well sorta GINA-CD's Avatar
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    Kim, just let it go. There is no way to convince her that you didn't think CDing was more important than family, she just had a bad moment and raised some expectations that were different from your thoughts and plans. This happened all the time to me, and it didn't have anything to do with dressing, just a million other things that suddenly became "more important" than my (soon to be ex-) wife or her plans.

    Quote Originally Posted by joandher View Post
    Kim Your not alone with that scenario I too work from home a lot and my wife expects that I go with her as much as possible,if I say I cant she looks at me so disapprovingly ,then says oh its ok ill go alone, it doesn't matter,
    I know exactly how you feel,but I've learnt to fit her requests in as much as possible just to keep the peace
    I used to do this, fit her requests in as much as possible but at the end that sucks your soul... you just can't do that forever, sometimes you have to put yourself before anything else.
    I'll be ready when I'm ready

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  22. #22
    Gold Member MJ's Avatar
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    i'm sorry sis
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  23. #23
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    Don't let it drag you down too much Kim. Wives are human as well, and she was obviously disappointed in not having you with her to walk your 6 yr old to school. This is especially true if you travel a lot, which you do, and quality time together as a family can be minimal. The fact she appologized and did NOT carry on the issue says a lot. So just take it as it was presented, a sudden emotional reaction with words that just blurted out.

  24. #24
    Silver Member Amy Lynn3's Avatar
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    Kim, we are all on your side and we will cover your back, but I think Tiffany nailed it down pretty good with her reply. Wish I had a wife and daughter who wanted me.

  25. #25
    Clear Air Turbulence Joni Marie Cruz's Avatar
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    Hi Kimmy-

    <big hug> Don't let it bug you too much, hon. My wife snaps at me when I least expect it and if she really wants to push a button she makes it about my dressing. She doesn't really mean it and usually it's about some other reason entirely, she just knows it gets my goat. And yeah, it hurts, despite everything I'm not all that secure about my being TG and acceptance from her in spite of all sorts of proof that she loves me and supports me.

    Bring her back something nice from your trip. You know she loves you, every side of you.

    Hugs...Joni Mari
    "Because equality is not a concept. It's not something we should be striving for. It's a necessity. Equality is like gravity. We need it to stand on this earth as men and women. And the misogyny that is in every culture is not a true part of the human condition. It is life out of balance, and that imbalance is sucking something out of the soul of every man and woman who's confronted with it."

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