Wow Linda, I'm really sorry to read your post. I've been dressing for as long as I can remember. It is a part of me that will always be there and it is something about me that I truly enjoy and embrace.
When my wife I were dating I told her about it. I explained to her that this is something I enjoy and it makes me feel nice about my softer side. My wife was very accepting of it right from the start. I'll admit she was a little taken back at first but after the first few times I dressed up with her she was fine with it.
I've been very lucky to find someone who not only accepts it but embraces it and there are many times when we are out at the stoes when she will pull something off the rack and say how pretty I would look in it and even will buy some outfits for me as well.
She has never once had an issue with my wearing something sexy during lovemaking or even going out wearing something pretty. I hope you find that one day in this life so you can be who you are without the feeling of guilt or having to pretend to be something or someone you are not.
I feel sad for you that you have to hide such a huge part of who you are. I wonder how your wife would feel if you expected her to deny something that is so very true to your core of who you are?
Hope things improve for you and maybe you should get your wife to read these responses. Maybe it would help her to accept the man she married.
Good luck.