GLBTQ community, are we crossdressers singled out?

[johnboy23]

I feel comfortable in womens clothes. No wig, make up, heels, or acting femme. I like mostly just jeans, and tank tops and Vnecks nothing too too girly(although I will wear a dress on club nights) Why is it that Gay, Lesbian, and Transsexuals can have kids and be open and free about what they do but me as a guy that wears womens clothes throughout the day and night other than work should stay in the closet with my kids? I feel singled out. As if I am still a weird person to the GLBT community? Do I actually have to live as a woman to be more accepted in my family and to others?

[pointe941]

Hi Johnboy, I'm new to this site, but not new to CD'ing/etc.. Even with my experiences in the gay/kink culture it does appear that not falling into an easily defined category can make it a bit difficult to find general acceptance, and often has to be done on a one-one basis. You'd be surprised how many gays get uncomfortable around someone expressing a bit of a femme side without going full out as a full drag queen.

I have found that it's possible to wear womens jeans, some sneakers/etc without drawing too much attention. Although my b/f did kinda panic at the sight of me in a sportsbra. This seemed a bit odd to me since he's been accepting of me in heels (even up to ballet heels) for 8 years now. You need to accept others boundaries, and as said work on expanding them one step at a time

[Sara82]

Its interesting that you bring this up, as I was recently watching the Tyra Bank's Show, and she was doing a special on GLBTQ,and one one of each on the show, including both masucline and feminine gay men, masculine and feminine lesbian, a bisexual, a trans, and a drag queen.

From what I gathered, and obviously what tyra had on her show is a very small sample of the GLBTQ community, but it would seem that they don't quite take crossdressers and drag queens very seriously. I would imagine if you are straight and a crossdresser, you would probably find even less support from the community. But what is most interesting, is how negative the group viewed Bisexuals, they seem to be the most unsupported.

I found it all rather discouraging that a community that struggles for support from being different and against the norm, can't even be bothered expecting others who are a different.

[Sherry-Stephanie]

We are....but stop and think about for a minute....

Gay guys are looking for other guys and can't understand why a guy would want to wear a dress...or be female which they aren't interested in anyway....

Lesbians are only interested in other females (real ones) and aren't interested in wannabie females that we are....so basically we don't fit into either group although we are probably more accepted by the lesbians than the gay guys....

Seems regualr gg's are the ones as well as straight guys who want to get it on with a guy without being classified as "gay" or "bi" are the ones that are inclined to interested in us...JMHO....YMMV....

[xout101]

I'm the same way as the poster. Jeans, shirt, women's shoes. It's troublesome how crossdressers are portrayed in any media. There's very little gray area between manly men and drag queens, so as soon as some of us so much as hint that we like wearing women's <clothing item here>, automatically we're put into the category of gay, flamboyant, and want a sex change operation. Fortunately there are some teenage fashion movements advocating more androgynous clothes and styles for males, but the drag queen will always be a clown on TV.

And many of us don't want to be under the LGBT umbrella. We wear women's clothes, but don't consider it cross-dressing. It's ultimately up to us to raise awareness and deal with the labels, but man, it'd be great if one day Skechers started selling Mary Jane shoes for men.

[johnboy23]

I'm the same way as the poster. Jeans, shirt, women's shoes. It's troublesome how crossdressers are portrayed in any media. There's very little gray area between manly men and drag queens, so as soon as some of us so much as hint that we like wearing women's <clothing item here>, automatically we're put into the category of gay, flamboyant, and want a sex change operation. Fortunately there are some teenage fashion movements advocating more androgynous clothes and styles for males, but the drag queen will always be a clown on TV.

And many of us don't want to be under the LGBT umbrella. We wear women's clothes, but don't consider it cross-dressing. It's ultimately up to us to raise awareness and deal with the labels, but man, it'd be great if one day Skechers started selling Mary Jane shoes for men.

Good point

[Sophia de la luz]

I'm the same most of the time... jeans, femme tops with no make up, jewelry etc. It's a comfortable look that I wear to work. Sometimes a corset, and out of town, a bra. I don't stand out enough for people to really comment, but sometimes I get looks.
I'm married with kids, so I'm not looking for a partner. And most of my close friends are hip to my clothing preferences at this point.
Fitting in has not been a priority for me in my life. If the society was more fluid in accepting different styles for men, that would make the whole journey a lot easier and more fun.

[Crissy Kay]

These are the kind of threads that I like to read, but not comment on. Maybe its time for me to change that. As for the GBLT, I think they consider us as a sub group. Maybe too few in numbers to make any difference. That what I get from reading here, and other places. I am not looking for any kind of support myself, as I am happy as things are now. If we were more accepted by the general public, even a closet case like me would consider going out dressed!!

[Hope]

Well, honestly, even in the GLBT community the Trans people are the ugly cousin no one talks about.

A lot of cross-dressers make a big point of clearly stating that they are NOT gay, and in most cases NOT trans... So I am a little bit unclear why someone who specifically excludes themselves from a community would feel that they should be embraced by that same community. If you want to be a part of the GLBT community - awesome, welcome abroad. But then, yes, you have to be Gay, Lesbian, Bi-sexual or Trans-something...

Now certainly, marginalized communities should be the first to be open to the plight of other marginalized people, and for the most part I think the GLBT community does a relatively good job of that. I seriously doubt you will find a lot of vindictive speech or behavior sent your way by the GLBT community.

[pointe941]

Well, it is true that alot of gay guys want their guys to be guys.. but there is a rift between guys who want their guys to be "macho" guys (firefighters, swat, etc), and guys who want their guys to be more along the lines of a metro-sexual.

It's odd to me to see gay guys making fun of other gay guys for being prissy or sissy.. Not to mention a bit sad.

Unfortunately the LGBT community is not immune from stereotypes and prejudices. As said, one person at a time seems to work wonders. Especially if you can convince a key person in a group that femme clothing is acceptable.. others tend to follow.

As said earlier, I can only comment on the segment of the gay community I have most of my contact with.

[RachelTVG]

Now certainly, marginalized communities should be the first to be open to the plight of other marginalized people, and for the most part I think the GLBT community does a relatively good job of that. I seriously doubt you will find a lot of vindictive speech or behavior sent your way by the GLBT community.

Look at the biphobia and bisexual erasure running rampant in the gay community.

[Satrana]

Unfortunately many members of the GLBTQ community are almost as ignorant of CDs as the general population. Many gay men for example think CDs are gays in denial hiding behind the pretense of a heterosexual relationship (excluding gay CDs of course!) Others believe CDing is just a sexual fetish and does not equate to their situation. So don't automatically assume that GLBTQ know what you are and why you CD.

Secondly the CD community is largely invisible. We don't march in the streets for our rights, we don't stand up for ourselves even within our own relationships. The GLBTQ community is dominated by the success of the gay pride campaign. They have less respect those who choose to hide in closets. Basically CDs are wimps.

[Joni Marie Cruz]

Well, my take on it is that being gay, lesbian or bi has to do with sexual orientation, who makes you go sploosh, who you want jump in the sack and bump uglies with. You know.

Being TG is more about gender expression, how you feel about yourself between your ears and not between your legs. Most of us here on this forum whether we're mtf or ftm run the gamut, just like the general population, from gay to straight to bi to confused about the whole damn thing.

It's no wonder the the GLBT community doesn't get us and even has a general bias against TG people. Just because some group wants acceptance for themselves doesn't mean they can't be prejudiced against others.

Hugs...Joni Mari

[johnboy23]

Thanks everyone I thought I was going to get negitive input. I am glad to know that there are more that feel the same. I will persist in trying to make my community more aware of me and everyone else one small step at a time.

[Robertacd]

Gay
Lesbian
Bi
Trans.

What does the "Q" stand for?

Queer?

If so how is Q different from G?

[Barbara918]

Roberta, I believe the Q stands for "questioning (oneself)".

[Kaitlyn Michele]

I have to just say "Who makes you go sploosh?"
That's a great one!!!!!!

i hope someday none of us...drag/cd/fetish/trans have to worry so much about how we are labeled and perceived...and i must admit that there are people in all the above communities that have issues inside that umbrella..to me all people in all communities should be tolerant and accepting...but that's a fantasy in 2009...

Johnboy..you said...
Why is it that Gay, Lesbian, and Transsexuals can have kids and be open and free about what they do but me as a guy that wears womens clothes throughout the day and night other than work should stay in the closet with my kids?

GLBT people that come out are subject to all kinds of issues and it takes a boatload of courage to do it, especially if you spent your life denying yourself and hiding (which many of us do--i did) ...many people do NOT think its OK to be open and free about themselves....

there is no special reason why a person that crossdresses can't come out....i think you got it right in your last post that you just have to keep your head down and gain acceptance in whatever way you see fit...

As a TS woman, of my 3 best friends, 2 happen to be crossdressers and they are out to lots of people including their kids, and they handled it very well and its working out for them...my best TS friend has lived in an epic shitstorm since she came out....there are lots of people that think "going all the way" is alot wierder than dressing as the opposite gender

thats just my personal experience
I'm in it with you!
Kate

[Sarah_GG]

Gay
Lesbian
Bi
Trans.

What does the "Q" stand for?

Queer?

If so how is Q different from G?

I was about to ask the very same question... I only just manage to remember GBLT in the right order (Gourmet bacon lettuce & tomato) now I'm utterly thrown by the extra Q... cucumber?

[María José]

Gays and lesbians want to be gays and lesbians al their lives.

Transexuals don´t want to be transexuals for ever, the want to be woman or men.

Crossdrseers want to be ... What do we want to be?

[Fab Karen]

The more we generalize about any group of people, the further we get from reality. People are individuals.

[Lorileah]

Gays and lesbians want to be gays and lesbians al their lives.

Transexuals don´t want to be transexuals for ever, the want to be woman or men.

Crossdrseers want to be ... What do we want to be?

Rich famous and loved.

And yes we are the ones left out in the L&G community. (don't include the Bi's in there they can float from community to community). Part of the reason is because we aren't homosexual (often) but part is we allowed it to happen. We hung on the apron strings allowing the L&G's to fight for "rights" and now that they are having more rights, they don't think we are important to their agenda. We still allow the pervert tag to be tacked to us. We have not fought at all to clear up any misunderstandings. We are still either clowns or psychomaniac killers in the media. Even the politicians who support gay movements will dump us in a heartbeat (thank you Mr Frank for so graciously allowing us to tag along on ENDA). It all come back to stepping up. As long as there are a majority of CD's who find it easier to hide, we will never be noticed for the good things we can do. Have you ever seen the headline "Crossdresser saves lives in fire" or "Man in skirt donates 3 million to charity"? No, we get "Man in dress robs bank". Funny I have never seen the news article where they describe the robber as a 5'4" lesbian.

You know that when DOMA repeal and ENDA come up there will be the right wing shouting from the highest rafter about men in women's clothing being molesters or hanging out in restrooms. It won't be the gays who come to defend us.

We get to hang out at their bars because they don't see us as a threat. See all the posts above, we aren't stealing their men or their women. We MIGHT be a one night stand if they drink enough. You get what you work for. Although I have to admit, it is hard for us to be taken seriously in PRIDE marches when the majority of CD's would rather stay in the closet.

[tricia_uktv]

Up to you hon

[melissacd]

Do I actually have to live as a woman to be more accepted in my family and to others?

You cannot control acceptance, but to be happy within yourself you need to be willing to go out into the world as who you are regardless of the personal consequences and with the confidence in that expression of yourself.

Pretty simple actually.

[AmandaM]

Even among misfits, we're misfits.

[mklinden2010]

>>Secondly the CD community is largely invisible. We don't march in the streets for our rights, we don't stand up for ourselves even within our own relationships. The GLBTQ community is dominated by the success of the gay pride campaign. They have less respect those who choose to hide in closets. Basically CDs are wimps.


Gotta agree with most of what you say here - especially when it comes to politics.

When push comes to shove, I just declare myself, gay, bi, or, whatever to open people's eyes and to get some understanding.

The point is not, "Which am I?"

The point is that I am.