Rough night

[Missy Anne]

I can only give advice for the shopping problem.

In the beginning I felt like everyone was looking at me, and stayed close to my Wife too. Then I started to move away occasionally and now when we enter a store we separate immediately. We each know what the other likes and so we are both shopping for both of us. Once in a while she finds me and we have a minor discussion. She feels as though that gives me credibility.

But in reality it is not necessary. We have been shopping separately for over three years and I make extensive use of my peripheral vision to see if anyone is noticing me. No one EVER gives me a second glance.

The point is that once you realize that no one else cares, you won't either and shopping will be a whole lot more fun. Every once in a while take something off the rack and take it to your Wife and ask her how she likes it.

I have come so far that I even go through the unmentionables areas alone.

You can do it too!

Hugs!

Missy Anne

[Lynnda1951]

Sara,

I don't know what more I could say that others haven't said already. I will try and say something useful and comforting.

I want you to know that the following part of your post really touch me. I highlighted our similarities.

You said, "Not to get too split personality here but....

When things such as that happen, it's like the Sara part of me turns into an abused child and cowers away in tears into the corner of my mind, bracing for the next blow.

All that's left then is a guy in girls clothes and while he has protected Sara for years by hiding her away, that guy in girls clothes doesn't have a leg to stand on when it comes to an argument about anything feminine and can't protect her this time. Like a dog who only knows how to protect himself by barking and biting, that's usually when the anger comes out and everyone gets hurt.

Sara hasn't been out long enough to learn and grow and be able to form an identity, to be able to say "This is who I am, this is what I like, deal with it." I'm working on that but it's a slow and bumpy road.

I'm so incredibily sensitive right now it's crazy, I wish I knew how to magically be ok with all of this, but it seems like time is the only thing that will allow me to grow and heal. I get mad at myself for being so sensitive about this, I don't want my SO to have to walk around on egg shells but like I said I don't know I can do to not be this way right now other than to banish myself to the woods or something for six months so she doesn't have to deal with me. That or shove all this stuff back into the closet....

<sigh>I don't know, I'm just so grumpy with myself right now for feeling this way and putting someone else thru my BS.

Has anyone else felt like this or gone thru an overly sensitive time with coming to terms with the CD'ing?"

All I can say is ... I have!!!!!! It seems we have carbon copy personalities. You had more courage than I did when you pulled out a catalog to show your SO what you liked and disliked. It is unfortunate that your SO said, "You just like girly t-shirts." Too bad the catalog method didn't work. However, don't give up on that idea. My SO and I do that all of the time. More so that going out shopping.

You said Sara hasn't been out long enough to learn and grow. Growing up and dealing with everything life can throw at you is tough enough. The growing pains of coming out as a responsible crossdresser to an SO or anyone else is probably more frustrating than becoming a responsible adult. Added to that is what you and I think of as ourselves having a "split personality". Sometimes I call it my alter ego (Dr. Jekyll and a tender loving Mrs. Hyde). There is no doubt there are communication problems betweem you and your SO. I am sure its not all your fault. Being over sensitive is a huge barrier to successful communications. No one can say who has the bigger problem with communicating but I would tend to think you might be the one. To me, it appears your not being out to your SO for very long could be just as frustrating to her as well.

Like others have said, she doesn't know what your taste is in clothing. I don't have or need a lot of clothes. However, we do shop occasionally for Lynnda (that would me, of course) as if Lynnda were my sister or her friend. That helps a lot. When it comes to my makeup, I am sure my wife thinks it is a bit dramatic or overdone. How do I know without her saying so? I let her do my makeup but I first tell her to make me up in a way that pleases her. It is always less dramatic than my effort and I have learned a lot from it. However, she doesn't me doing my own thing either. I think the average woman dresses to please herself and others. Is it possible that wearing makeup and clothes that please your SO might lead to a more successful shopping spree. Especially if you attempt to compromise by agreeing to buy something she would like you to wear and you buying something you would like to wear. If that works you had better grit your teeth and wear what she likes once in a while.

In reading your post, I can truly say "Been there, done that, bought the T-shirt". I shoulda bought one for you except I don't know your size.

Darn, I can't think of who said .... I feel your pain! Honestly! I still have self esteem problems both as a regular guy and with dressing. Dealing with both of my alter egos is still very tough!

I don't post much. However, you lured me out of hiding because of our similarities. Hope this was both useful and comforting. You are not alone!

Kind regards,

Lynnda

[Stephenie]

Sara,

I too have a man that watches over me. I have been out very little and when things get hard or scary then he comes back to protect me. It's not a split personality but a part of me that deals with the fact that I don't look like I feel. It is hard to hear the condinsating things people say, not just to you but about TG/TS/CD's in general. Hang in there, and remember that you do have an accepting wife. Not all of us do.