What did your wife/SO say when...

[Desiree2bababe]

I told my wife while we were dating. She couldn't believe it and told me to prove it. I went and got dressing in a hot pink dress with matching sling back 4" heels, long blonde wig. She didn't like my taste in clothing, saying it was outdated. She said she couldn't believe I dressed, asked if I liked men, said she could understand if I were a petite man.

She came around and eventually we married, then the bucket dropped. She couldn't believe my collection of heels, dresses, wigs, jewelry, and my skill at makeup. She eventually turned against the idea and started with the names, insults, etc.

She now lives with the knowledge, even teases me from time to time........

[kerryann]

My girlfriend new I was bi so it wasn't a problem for her she has supported me. We shop together we have been together 11 yrs.

[nikki47]

I to her just after we met,she was very shocked,but we talked and talked,she started to buy me clothes and makeup,then we had a family and she asked me to never let our children know,so while they were growing up,i did restrict it to just the occasional time,now they are 22 and 17 and i'm dressing more frequently with my wifes blessing.So i feel very lucky to have a supporting wife.

Nikki

[Amymonroe]

I told my wife the day we got married as we were driving down the road and she took it pretty well. instead of going straight home we stopped at the nearest wal-mart and we went shopping for me. we have been married for 12 wonderful years. i am still some what in the closet due to my job. but when ever i'm not at work i'm en fem mode. and she is very supportive.

[AmiFL]

I had four opportunities to share my crossdressing with people significant in my life. They all reacted very differently.

First was a woman I lived with for 9 years. I dressed as a woman with her for two Holloweens. We were breaking up just before the second time but remained freinds back then. I told her about my desire to crossdress. She took it with an open mind ( I guess because she was leaving ) and had fun with it. She bought me some outfits, gave me some of her old clothes and critiqued my style. It was alot of fun until she moved out. With my new found freedom a dressed all the time.

Next, I was dating my present wife for about 5 months when I dressed infront of her for the first time. After too many glasses of wine, I bet her my legs were as nice as hers. That night she thought it was cute so I explained to her that I enjoyed crossdressing. The next day I gave her a nice card thanking her for her understanding. Well, sober she was NOT I repeat NOT so understanding. I married her anyway and promised not to dress anymore. As we all know that was a promise I was unable to keep. She found this out accidently and to this day she threatens to "out" me when we argue. Recently she did out me to my 18 yr old son who kinda blew her off.

Ironically, during a time in my marriage I befriended "another woman" who became sort of my confidant among other things. I told her about my dressing and my wifes threats. Her reaction was "I want to see you dressed!"
Now, back then I was much thinner and younger so I looked pretty good from the waist down when I dressed. Not as good as many of you, but the transformation amazed her. She loved to see me dressed any chance she could. Unfortunately the love of my children outshadowed my love for her and we we forced to part company.

Lastly, I told one of my best male freinds about the incident with my wife and son. He is gay and I knew he would understand. I was there for him when he came out. He did understand totally. He was supportive and wants me to leave her for my own good. Yet I stay for the good of my kids.

Thanks for letting me share.

Amy

[Lorileah]

She found this out accidently and to this day she threatens to "out" me when we argue. Recently she did out me to my 18 yr old son who kinda blew her off.

Amy here is a key to the whole thing. Your wife is using it as a control over you. That is not what a marriage is all about. You should never use anything as blackmail in a marriage. You can see what happened when she outted you to your son. It was a "non-moment" Next argument, don't let that be THE issue. The fight is over something else not your dressing. Fight fair. Bringing other issues into the specific argument is just one person's way to change the issue and out you on the defensive.

[mklinden2010]

You just asked for the immediate response, but it has always been a "One-two" response.....

First one:

"Is that all that's bothering you?"

She then proceeded to unload the dresser and to pick places to go shopping for "us."

Second one, "But, I want to be the girl in the relationship!"

She then proceeded to insist I do things correctly and kept an eye on me to make sure I did, "proper credit to real women."

Third one (But, not the only one.):

"So, do you want me to help you go clubbing, find a guy, what?"

And, then she did - not what I wanted or expected... But, that was her response.

Fourth one:

"Hmmm. Well, I think the relationship is worth it."

It is.

[AmiFL]

Amy here is a key to the whole thing. Your wife is using it as a control over you. That is not what a marriage is all about. You should never use anything as blackmail in a marriage. You can see what happened when she outted you to your son. It was a "non-moment" Next argument, don't let that be THE issue. The fight is over something else not your dressing. Fight fair. Bringing other issues into the specific argument is just one person's way to change the issue and out you on the defensive.

Lorileah,

I agree.... it is purely for control. Years past it bothered me, but now really "who cares". People do much worse and are accused of even more things and they survive. After her outburst to my son I realize I will survive another "intentional outing".

Thanks for your input.

Ami

[Teri Jean]

My wife passed two plus years ago and though I'm not in a realtionship the gal I'm drawn to knows and all she is worried about is my safety. If this freindship flurishes she knows up front. By the way I'm starting my transition, how far is to be seen, but at least she does know.

Teri

[suchacutie]

The first time I ever partially dressed was for my wife...stockings, platforms, lingerie, shirt...and she said, "look at those legs! We have to get you a dress!". I asked how we do that, and the world changed! She explains every aspect of being feminine as Tina's world expands. We're not sure how far it will go, but there is so much more to learn!

tina

[JulieC]

Here's a few different responses, all from different women I've dated (and in one case married):

Girlfriend #1 (not first, just numbering here): Thought I was gay, very uncomfortable with it. Stayed uncomfortable with it until I figured out what was gnawing at her and told her I wasn't gay. Then she sort of liked it. It was never really a factor in our relationship after that.

Girlfriend #2: Didn't like it. Pretty strong rejection of it. Ridicule on occasion. Was herself bi, but couldn't accept that I was different.

Girlfriend #3: Actively turned on by it. Relished it. Wanted me to dress. Relationship short lived.

Wife: Told her about four months into our relationship (long before we got engaged). Her reaction was essentially "is that all?" She bought me pantyhose a couple of days later. Did a 180 on me in terms of acceptance just before I went to my first support group meeting. She was scared of everything for a while; scared of her own attraction to me changing, scared of society's reaction, scared of me being pulled over by the police, etc. I went in the closet for months, and wouldn't talk about it with her. Over time, the door creaked open again, and she's back to being 100% supportive. She insists the 180 was an aberration and she'll never go back to being non-supportive.

[Wen4cd]

"That's IT?!?? That's your big secret? Jesus, stop scaring me like that!"

[Melissa in hose]

My wife has always suspected I wanted to. We dated in High School and she dressed me for a date. After we had been married a year, she told me to wear the pantyhose in bed. She was tired of wearing them all the time to help with my fetish and she told me to put them on if I liked them so much, she then liked the look and feel of them on me and a number of years later we discussed my desire to fully dress and she accepted it. I know the original question was about the first reaction but ours was longer drawn out process. She told me she would help me with "the look", and she did, she taught me how to wear my make-up and still advises me on my outfits.

[PhillyGuy2Girl]

After I tried on women's clothes when it was just to spice things and it felt great,I told my wife about my desire to CD and my femme side. She was understanding and had a few questions but that was it and has been supportive and partake ever since.


Felicity

[jacques]

Hi,
the love of my life said "it's only clothes!",
bless her!
luv J

[AmandaM]

She said, "So?".

[MissyW]

My wife has known our whole marriage. I was kinda scared to talk about it so i just blurted it out one day. Not very effective I know , but it worked ! She asked me if i thought I was Gay or Bi (answer no). Then she asked if i need help with sizes! What a great answer! Her stance on the issue is that if I am happy and not harming myself or someone else, our marriage will be happier. She has been accepting and supportive ever since that day. I am very lucky to have her.

[Shelly67]

The day I came out .....omg , who needs adrenalin sports ! It was a weird conversation as she ( bless her I love you sugar xx ) already had an idea I was up to something in private .I,d been so tense , wanting to tell her ( I hate lies ) but so , so scared I,d scare her away .I asked to sit down and have a heart to heart . At the moment of nearly blurting it all out in a rushed intense moment , hardly making sense she told me she had a question and to please be honest but not hit the roof . So , she asked me was I a crossdresser ....I felt an obvious surge in those endless moments until the words spilled out in an almost suicidal relief . I nearly fainted as the rush passed ..... what had I done ???
The room fell silent , I felt giddy , almost intoxicated , the relief of honesty now shattered . I tried to explain myself , she remarked she'd noticed things and wanted to know more - especially why I had'nt told her before . In those few moments my life , our life changed . There was such a look of dissapointment on my wifes face it really hurt me , I welled up so did she ...we agreed to talk more later , and not to be afraid on asking questions . Right there and then she asked how far had I taken things . I told her I dressed fully , spoke to 1-2 people online and had tried to take pictures of Shelly . So I showed her what I considered the best one . It was probably all too much too soon , but she again sat there in total silence .
The rest is what can only be described as nearly going to war . the arguments , the accusations , the questions of sexuality . Then there was the time my wife had to meet Shelly for the first time . A disaster ( had 1-2 too many glasses of alcohol to steady my nerves ) I must have come across so badly ....... From then on we took things so slowly , even to the point of playing board games together , watching tv , just sitting together , eventually holding hands until we explored that one magical moment . I don't need to explain any further ................... .
it certainly made me realise , a marriage must be worked at . We all have our faults , our mistakes - warts and all . Tis funny , even tho I was shaking in my shoes , that day of coming out will stay with me forever .........

[Sally24]

After I told my then girlfriend that I sometimes liked to wear women's clothes she asked "Do you like guys?". My response, "No, I can barely stand them!".

She has been the 2nd person to know as things changed and progressed thru the years. She has an occasional problem with "it" but has been very good about us setting boundaries that we both can live with. She helped me get out into public for the first time and for that I will always cherish her!

[Zoiq]

I didnt tell my first wife, she just ' found out ', and while some time after that she saw me dressed up once, (it was for a fansy dress party, where she dressed as a man), she just pain hated it.

Not accepting and at the end of the day not the one for me.

I told my current partner about 6 months into dating, show her what I had in the way of female things. After the usual questions, she didnt really say much at all, I think she just needed time to take it all in.

[Toni_Lynn]

NOTE: Kids don't try this at home!

When I told my wife she was just my girlfriend in name, but we both knew inside that before long we'd be married. It was a Sunday evening. She was at home in British Columbia, and I was at home in Pennsylvania. We where chatting on the phone. I kinda fumbled and stuttered and said, "I'ma acrossresser and I like to wear girls clothes." In true "Ed Wood" fashion (the scene in the tunnel of love), the was a pause and she said (in a very agreeable tone), "Okay". I continued on, saying, it can be a lot of fun for both of us and I'll never embarrass you with it, etc, the tears welling up in eyes and a knot forming in my throat, to which she again replied (in a very agreeable tone), "Okay". I continued on blathering, and she finally said --"It's alright. No problem!", to which inside of me, a little devil was saying "What do mean its alright, its okay -- don't you understand, I wear panties and bras, I'm a weirdo." Thank God the good angel came along and kicked that devil in the a$$ and said "scram!".

We talked a bit more about it, and giggled quite a bit. She told me that he son, who is autistic, liked to dress as a girl for Halloween!

We then talked about the , ah, er, sexual fun of it, ya know fantasies etc. I then told her I had a thing for girls in boys underwear to which she paused, and said 'Okay'. We are now in 'how to use shampoo mode'. See above scene, apply, lather, rinse, repeat.

The rest has been the stuff that crossdressing dreams are make of!

As to the "Kids don't try this at home!" bit -- telling you SO on the phone is generally NOT recommended!

Huggles

Toni-Lynn

[Stefanie_Adams]

Well, I didn't tell mine she found my "stash", but that was almost 20 years ago. We have a I don't tell unless she asks.

But it would be so wonderful to have a GG's help in all of this even after all of these years.

[Aska]

It started two days ago with me mentioning role reversal, moved on to us shopping for stockings and boyshorts to me shaving my underarms and legs for the first time last night. She couldn't keep her hands off my legs but said it was strange because the feel like womens leggs. Today she just keeps calling me sexy in almost all of her text and she gave me tips on shaving and feeling sweaty withe the boyshorts and shaved legs. I think she is still in shock because I am never this spontanious about anything except the toy store and computer stuff but she is going with it and I am trying to make sure she stays comfortable.

[Veronica Lacey]

I disclosed my dressing to my then g/f inside of the first three months by literally walking outof her closet wearing one of her satin blouses, panthyhose and a skirt.

Trying to find the right word for her reaction.

Not digusted. Not shocked, really. Maybe like this?

That look that somebody had pulled the rug out from under her but not pulled it over her eyes, if that makes any sense at all. The look that I had shifted from her new man to her new man with a very peculiar but senstive side.

Yes, she was surprised but willing to cope with it. Thankfully she has always had a reasonably open mind

[jweanie1]

[QUOTE=AmiFL;1886682]I had four opportunities to share my crossdressing with people significant in my life. They all reacted very differently.

I agree with Lorileah, it sounds like your wife is using it as an act of control.....so unfair.