Will moving help or does bad karma follow you around?

[Jesse69]

People call me gay or just don't like me because of my crossdressing. I'm a closet crossdressor but people generally know I crossdress because I buy a lot of womens clothes from stores and I don't have a girlfriend. So straight people don't want to make friends with me and I don't want to make friends with gay people. So I have few friends.

The problem with crossdressing is that people insult you and then give other people the wrong ideas about you. And a lot of people have the wrong ideas about me because of this.

I plan to move about March or April of 2006 to another city, maybe Atlanta, GA. I'll bring all of my clothes with me but in the new city I won't ever shop for womens clothes from stores again - I'll just buy womens clothes from ebay or online. Or when I take road trips to visit my parents. Or I'll buy from stores around where my parents live.

Has moving ever helped any of you other crossdressors ? - Provided that you didn't go out in drag or shop womens clothes again from stores and you kept crossdressing a secret. Or did somehow people still had bad opinions of you? Like "bad karma" followed you to your new city?

I couldn't help shopping in local stores or thrift shops, and I got a lot of nice clothes that way.

[Toyah]

Ok serious head on here, hun people dont call you Gay because you crossdress, mainly because they do not know. Same as they do not bat an eye if you buy something from a store, it is usually quantity they notice, bought a bikini today in drab no one blinked. You must be subconciously drawing attention to yourself so look honestly at what you do and if you dont like the response dont do it. If you are unhappy with what people say and you do not think you are doing wrong then tell em coz they are ars*****s.

[Jesse69]

You must be subconciously drawing attention to yourself so look honestly at what you do and if you dont like the response dont do it.

I'm not nervous when I shop, I've shopped so many times for womens clothes. But even when I buy a size 4 skirt suit - like the lady behind me called me a nerd. And shopping for womens clothes in stores has ruined my reputation.

[Toyah]

What kind of shops do you go to, I find that large stores dont give a hoot, small boutiques tend to get to know, I have one in my home town and they use me as a clothes horse, I sometimes spend over an hour getting things that they know I will like getting thrown at me, sounds like you have to look at where you go hun

[Jesse69]

What kind of shops do you go to, I find that large stores dont give a hoot, small boutiques tend to get to know, I have one in my home town and they use me as a clothes horse, I sometimes spend over an hour getting things that they know I will like getting thrown at me, sounds like you have to look at where you go hun

I go to large Dept stores like JCPenney, Sears, Marshall Fields, Lord & Taylor, and Carson Pirie Scott. I go to boutique stores like Casual Corner or Dress Barn - no other. Then I go to thrift stores like Salvation Army, Goodwill, the Village, and some independents.

I've bought most of my bras, panties, and lingerie from JCPenny and Sears. I rarely get anything from Victoria Secret or Frederick's - I don't like most of their stuff.

[Toyah]

I think maybe you have to come to the UK shops really dont seem to care what you buy here

[Deborah757]

If you want to move to Atlanta all I can say is its great down this way. I can't think of a better place to live than Georgia. But I agree with Toya that the fact that you shop in public probably is not a problem. NOBODY notices or really cares.

I too have few real friends, but its not because of shopping or crossdressing. I finally figured out it is just an inherent part of my personality, kind of like CDing is.

I recommend you go to http://similarminds.com/personality_tests.html and take their Jung personality tests. I did and found out I was an INFP ([size=3]Introverted iNtuitive Feeling Perceiving). [size=2]The key in my situation would be the introverted part. "Introverts can experience a sense of loneliness when they are in a crowd. Some are the most alone when surrounded by people, especially strangers. This type can enjoy being around people, but it can drain their energies. They need to find quiet places and solitary activities where they can meditate and recharge. Many introverts achieve the ability to extravert, but they never become extraverts. Introverts enjoy their private time, and if this is easily invaded, they learn to develop a high level of concentration so as to shut out the external world."[/size][/size]

I even signed on to a INFP forum and found there were lots of other people who felt just like me. The similarity of feelings and experiences was uncanny, kind of like the similarities you find here.

Anyway, even if this doesn't turn out to answer the question at hand, at least for me it gave me great insights into myself.

At the end of the test it will tell you what other people in history might have shared your personality type. For the INFP, these included,

Homer
Virgil
Mary, mother of Jesus
St. John, the beloved disciple
St. Luke; physician, disciple, author
William Shakespeare, bard of Avon

You can't beat being in company like that.

[Deborah757]

I think maybe you have to come to the UK shops really dont seem to care what you buy here

Even down here in the so called Bible Belt, stereotypically full of rednecks, nobody cares what you buy.

[Jesse69]

I'm not really an introvert. I used to be quite a dude and friendly with a lot of people back in high school. Then crossdressing ruined my social life after college. I don't have any social life here where I'm living at.

Yes, the #1 city I'm thinking about moving to is Atlanta, GA. But I wonder if it's too hot & humid there in the summer and how warm is it in the winter. Also, I wonder if I can bike in the city streets - or do drivers hate bikers there? I road bike a lot to lose or maintain my weight, and I went from a size 16 to a size 6 or 8 (but I can fit some size 2's & 4's).

[Tiffy]

I do not really see how being a CD can ruin your rep. Unless you have chose to let people see that part of you. I live near Charlotte in NC and but fem stuff for both my wife and I all the time. Noone has said a thing. And you can tell the clothes are for different people. My wife 5'2" 150lbs and I am 6' 340. A bit of a size difference. How ever if you have chosen to be discrete with your crossdressing then I see no way for it to ruin you. And people calling you a nerd is far from anything I have ever heard in reguards to a CD. Maybe there are other things that make them pick on you like that. It is only a guess and I hope things work for you. But, if you have not let people see your CD side and they are calling you names then I doubt moving will help.

April

[DanaJ]

I'm not really an introvert. I used to be quite a dude and friendly with a lot of people back in high school. Then crossdressing ruined my social life after college. I don't have any social life here where I'm living at.

OK, I gotta ask - if you are a closet CD, how did CDing ruin your social life?

DanaJ

[Jesse69]

OK, I gotta ask - if you are a closet CD, how did CDing ruin your social life?

DanaJ

People used to like me a lot and I was once a cool dude. They tended to gossip about me and follow me around. Then they found out I was buying a lot of womens clothes and "who for?" They guessed it was for me and the rest of my social life is downhill.

The last company I worked for followed me around after work and spied on me. Then they saw me buy womens clothes and knew I had no girlfriend. I didn't last long and they made fun of me at the company Xmas party.

[DanaJ]

People used to like me a lot and I was once a cool dude. They tended to gossip about me and follow me around. Then they found out I was buying a lot of womens clothes and "who for?" They guessed it was for me and the rest of my social life is downhill.

The last company I worked for followed me around after work and spied on me. Then they saw me buy womens clothes and knew I had no girlfriend. I didn't last long and they made fun of me at the company Xmas party.

OK, I gotta ask again - what kind of company has you "followed" after work and spied on, do you work for the CIA or something?

Also, do you not have a sister, a mother, a cousin, a niece?

DanaJ

[Jesse69]

OK, I gotta ask again - what kind of company has you "followed" after work and spied on, do you work for the CIA or something?

Also, do you not have a sister, a mother, a cousin, a niece?

DanaJ

I'm a mechanical engineer / technical writer - so I've worked mostly at manufacturing firms. And somehow almost every place that I worked at found out about my crossdressing.

Truthfully, I live in Chicago, IL - and I love everything about this city except the people. I think driving / navigating around Atlanta, GA will be horrible. I might consider Philadelphia, PA or NY NY if they have jobs for mechanical engineer / technical writers there.

No sister, no women cousins in my city, just my mom.

[Deborah757]

I'm not really an introvert. I used to be quite a dude and friendly with a lot of people back in high school. Then crossdressing ruined my social life after college. I don't have any social life here where I'm living at.

Yes, the #1 city I'm thinking about moving to is Atlanta, GA. But I wonder if it's too hot & humid there in the summer and how warm is it in the winter. Also, I wonder if I can bike in the city streets - or do drivers hate bikers there? I road bike a lot to lose or maintain my weight, and I went from a size 16 to a size 6 or 8 (but I can fit some size 2's & 4's).

Well it is hotter than hell here in the summer and also very humid. Today it was in the 90's and also pretty humid. But you get used to it and after a while its not so bad. In the winter it is usually in the 30s to 40s at night and up to the 50s and 60s in the daytime. Although sometimes it does get cold and snow. Not sure about biking in Atlanta. Maybe somebody from there can answer. I live a little further south and we do have bike trails here. One thing about Atlanta though is the traffic is horrible.

And I am jealeous about your size 6. I can barely squeeze into a 14.

[Deborah757]

I'm a mechanical engineer / technical writer - so I've worked mostly at manufacturing firms. And somehow almost every place that I worked at found out about my crossdressing.

Truthfully, I live in Chicago, IL - and I love everything about this city except the people. I think driving / navigating around Atlanta, GA will be horrible. I might consider Philadelphia, PA or NY NY if they have jobs for mechanical engineer / technical writers there.

No sister, no women cousins in my city, just my mom.

I've been to all those cities you mentioned and the traffic is bad in all of them. If you are looking for less traffic you will probably have to move to a smaller city of 250K or so.

[Stephanie Brooks]

Here's my input, fwiw.

You're doing something that says you're a crossdresser. It has nothing to do with karma, good or otherwise. It does have to do with patterns, namely those of your life. Moving isn't going to change anything, imho. You'll do the same things whether in Chicago, Atlanta, San Francisco, or Omaha.

If you want to know more about the signals you're sending, talk with a girl friend (as opposed to a girlfriend). Learn what you're sending for signals. Is it how you walk, talk, gesticulate? Is it what you say or how you say it? Is it what you wear or how you wear it?

I'll take this one step further. It sounds as if you have a few friends. Cherish them and don't waste your life on people who aren't your friends. Life's too short to spend it with jerks.

[Priscilla1018]

Hi Jesse,

You do'nt know me and I hope you don't take this the wrong way.You sound Paranoid and I think you should look into therapy.You can bounce your ideas off a therapist and they can advise you and ,hopefully,help you feel better.

[Melissa A.]

My gosh, people in Illinois certainly do have alot of time on their hands, don't they? Assuming that everyone you run into is putting so much time and energy into ruining your life, and the cat's already out of the bag, why don't you ruin their fun and let them know you aren't embarrassed? Then find new friends-you'll have to do that if you go away anyway.

Hugs,

Melissa

[Jesse69]

You're doing something that says you're a crossdresser. It has nothing to do with karma, good or otherwise. It does have to do with patterns, namely those of your life. Moving isn't going to change anything, imho. You'll do the same things whether in Chicago, Atlanta, San Francisco, or Omaha..

The only thing I do that says crossdressor is buy womens clothes at stores.

If you want to know more about the signals you're sending, talk with a girl friend (as opposed to a girlfriend). Learn what you're sending for signals. Is it how you walk, talk, gesticulate? Is it what you say or how you say it? Is it what you wear or how you wear it?.

I don't walk, talk, or gesticulate like a girl or gay person, and I don't wear anything effeminate in public.

I'll take this one step further. It sounds as if you have a few friends. Cherish them and don't waste your life on people who aren't your friends. Life's too short to spend it with jerks.

I would have had a lot of cool friends if those people didn't know about my crossdressing. They think I'm gay.

You do'nt know me and I hope you don't take this the wrong way.You sound Paranoid and I think you should look into therapy.You can bounce your ideas off a therapist and they can advise you and ,hopefully,help you feel better.

I already take Geodon - an anti paranoia pill. I don't think therapist are that helpful. I just take the pill because I wanna be sure I'm not paranoid.

[StephanieCD]

Hun, I'm not gay either but I don't understand why you don't want to be friends with gay people...? Some of the best, most sincere, honest and accepting people I've ever known were gay - and they're probably more likely to accept you as you are.

Perhaps you need to broaden YOUR mind and let those who damn you be damned!

[Jesse69]

Hun, I'm not gay either but I don't understand why you don't want to be friends with gay people...? Some of the best, most sincere, honest and accepting people I've ever known were gay - and they're probably more likely to accept you as you are.

Perhaps you need to broaden YOUR mind and let those who damn you be damned!

I've known two people before they became gay or lesbian. They when they became gay and lesbian they distanced themselves from me.

It's complicated making friends with gays because then the straight crowd will really think you're gay or they won't associate with you further.

I once went out with someone who I later found out was gay and when we ate somewhere there were dudes calling us c***ckers. So its kinda hard going out with gays.

[Cissy Suzie]

OK ... You have problems in Chicago, you think everyone knows you wear grrly things ? So what ? Guess what ? They really have no clue. Unless your "friends" have been shopping with you, they have no clue either!

I am not a psychologist or anything, but believe me, no one that you haven't told about your crossdressing has any idea about it. That includes the sales people where you buy stuff.

Atlanta is very cool, a rapidly growing city with a very large gay population, seeing an occaisional crossdresser isn't anything to write home about, so move here, but if you bring guilt, and feelings of shame with you, expect them to be constant companions no matter where you move.

Accept you for the unique individual you are, live your life, enjoy ... and good luck to you !

[StephanieCD]

I, personally, would rather be incorrectly called a c***cker than lose a friend. But I do know what you're saying - I've been lumped into steroetypes for hanging out with certain people. I cared far less about that than I feared being found out as a CD! 20 guys could call me a pillow biter and I'd laugh but if one commented that my eyebrows are a little more kept today than yesterday I'd probably go home and cry in shame!

To each their own eh?

As for your actual question - a new place is a chance for a fresh start - but you have to change, too, or it's just geography.

[Jesse69]

Atlanta is very cool, a rapidly growing city with a very large gay population, seeing an occaisional crossdresser isn't anything to write home about, so move here, but if you bring guilt, and feelings of shame with you, expect them to be constant companions no matter where you move.

I'm thinking about moving to Atlanta becuase it has a lot of manufacturing firms. If the traffic is stop & go in the city at all times maybe I might just bike everywhere and bike between the cars going past traffic.

I guess if I'm tempted to buy from stores maybe I should go full drag as a disguise. Lipstick, wig, shoes, and dress!

And I am jealeous about your size 6. I can barely squeeze into a 14.

Maybe I'll post a thread with me in my size 2, 4, and 6 suits - but these sizes I got all from thrift stores. Today I was thinking about buying a $189 Tahari pinstripe suit but declined since it was too expensive. I'm now on the hunt on ebay for a good pinstripe suit. I think I have 29 suits right now, and now I'm, getting real picky about what I buy becuase I have too much stuff!