Will moving help or does bad karma follow you around?

[Sindy]

I live near Chicago and although I am a nervous shopper, I still manage to shop at most of the stores that you mentioned. I have never gotten any of the results you have gotten. I'm not calling you out as a liar or anything like that, but I think that you are being to hard on yourself. You must be doing something that is letting your friends know. If they are following you around then they are not your friends at all. I'm in the closest about my dressing and none of my friends know about me but one, and I told her years ago.

[Deborah757]

Maybe I'll post a thread with me in my size 2, 4, and 6 suits - but these sizes I got all from thrift stores. Today I was thinking about buying a $189 Tahari pinstripe suit but declined since it was too expensive. I'm now on the hunt on ebay for a good pinstripe suit. I think I have 29 suits right now, and now I'm, getting real picky about what I buy becuase I have too much stuff!

I believe you about the sizes, I just really am jealous.

[Jesse69]

I live near Chicago and although I am a nervous shopper, I still manage to shop at most of the stores that you mentioned. I have never gotten any of the results you have gotten. I'm not calling you out as a liar or anything like that, but I think that you are being to hard on yourself. You must be doing something that is letting your friends know. If they are following you around then they are not your friends at all. I'm in the closest about my dressing and none of my friends know about me but one, and I told her years ago.

My 3 best male friends know about my crossdressing but they still love me as a friend and it hasn't changed anything. My male friend in Colorado doesn't know though, and he's a rich top level computer programmer.

I don't have any friends that are girls. Maybe I should just be friends with girls too. I'd like a real girl too do me in full makeup - I wonder how passable / good I'd look.

Sometimes I think that the people who gossip too much about other people are really not worth knowing. But me - I never say a bad word about anyone or spread bad gossip. It's the bad gossip about me that I hate about Chicago, otherwise I think Chicago is the best place to live! Like I will inherit the $*00,000 house my parent live in. I would consider living in other cities for awhile for an adventure.

[Clare]

Deborah,

My ex wife is an INFP.

I am right into the Myers Briggs Type Inicator - in fact i will teach it professionally one day.

Just for interest, i am an INTP. I have some info on my website here.

Christine

[Tiffy]

I live in NC but was born and raised in upstate NY. I have a lot of friends from down state and NYC. If you hate things where you are now and the people bother you.....The people in NYC will f***ing eat you alive.

April

[kathy gg]

Hi Jesse,

Wow, I have read pretty much every post in yoru thread and I have to say it sounds like you really need to get past that hump of really thinking or worrying about what others think about you.

Okay, I know this is hard. Since you did not say your age, I am guessing you are still under thirty. I know that this goes for both sexes because how many times hvae we all heard from SO's of cd's that their biggest fear is word getting out that their husband or boyfriend is a cd and it 'ruining' them. So I can only imagine that a 'thick' skin is something one gains from age and expericne in life. Or some pople do come by it naturally.

You said your confidence in shopping is being dampered by the fact that people have seen you shopping for womens clothing and then word got back to yrou workplace or people who could have been potential friends.

Okay, a couple of thoughts on that. First off, I always thought Chicago was a pretty huge city. Is it possible to shop in a different part of town where those you work with do not live or hang out? My hubby and I live in a surburb of Toronto, but we rarely shop locally here, but venture into the city where we are not as concerned with running into someone who knows him. Maybe finding new places to shop is key to solving that problem.

Secondly, these people you work with, they are positive 100% you don't ahve a girlfriend. WHy not 'create' one. You could always say you are dating a girl that lives in another state or city or on the net.

Lastly, any person who is avoiding friendship with you because you are a crossdresser is probably not worth having as a friend. Would you not rather surround yoruself with people who like you for the person you are, and not judge you based or rumor and gossip. And friend who wants a frienship will look past those things and see you and even if you choose to tell them the truth abotu who you are, will not stop being your friend.

Also, let's just say you are not so concerned about the people who have dissed you locally. Surely there is a cd support group in Chigaco that you can check into and make some real friends who you will have lots in common. Then maybe the sting of not making friends with these other people will not be so much an issue.

Also you said you like biking,a city the size of where you live surely has a bike group that you can join and make friends as well. Or look into some other thing hobby or interest that maybe has been dormant a while and see about just finding a new group of friends.

Also, I can't believe that people from yrou workplace followed you.! what a bunch of jerks! I don't think you are lying, I believe that people do nasty things like that and man they must be bored with their crumby lives if they have to spy on yours. But to make fun of you at a xmas party, that is crazy. I am sure you know but in many companies that can be construed as sexual harrassment. I would look into yoru companys human rights code or if there is any info on that where you work or if you indeed decide to relocate and find wirk elsewhere.

And my closing thoughts on relocating. I agree with the others are saying. You actually live in a large enough city where you should be able to go about your private affairs and not have the spyglass following you around. Ultimatly even if you change your habits and routines somewhere else, there is a slight possiblity that something about yoru personalinty is making you 'readable', maybe not as a cd, but as 'different' and that may not be something you can really change. And I have to ask ...why would you want to chagne it? The thing right now that is causing problems could indeed be soemthing that will eventually (if you put yourself in the right places mentally and otherwise) attact you to others who will like yoru aura and who you are.
Sincerely
kathy in canada

People call me gay or just don't like me because of my crossdressing. I'm a closet crossdressor but people generally know I crossdress because I buy a lot of womens clothes from stores and I don't have a girlfriend. So straight people don't want to make friends with me and I don't want to make friends with gay people. So I have few friends.

The problem with crossdressing is that people insult you and then give other people the wrong ideas about you. And a lot of people have the wrong ideas about me because of this.

I plan to move about March or April of 2006 to another city, maybe Atlanta, GA. I'll bring all of my clothes with me but in the new city I won't ever shop for womens clothes from stores again - I'll just buy womens clothes from ebay or online. Or when I take road trips to visit my parents. Or I'll buy from stores around where my parents live.

Has moving ever helped any of you other crossdressors ? - Provided that you didn't go out in drag or shop womens clothes again from stores and you kept crossdressing a secret. Or did somehow people still had bad opinions of you? Like "bad karma" followed you to your new city?

I couldn't help shopping in local stores or thrift shops, and I got a lot of nice clothes that way.

[Wendy me]

Hi Jesse,

You do'nt know me and I hope you don't take this the wrong way.You sound Paranoid and I think you should look into therapy.You can bounce your ideas off a therapist and they can advise you and ,hopefully,help you feel better.

ok girlfreind sister priscilla hit this on the head ....don't get upset with me or anything like that please...i had people following me around for real ...and thay could have gave a rats as_ if i was buying girly things but thats a whole nouther story... look you seame to be a nice person , likeable ....and feeling like the world is out to get you ...girlfreind thay are out to get you!!!! just like thay are out to get every one else ....ithink you are so affraid of being cought /found out that you scare your selfe.....please come here and talk with your sisters it's a good thing but please ... and i mean this in a good way look into talking to a thearpest some times if we have some live to talk to it helpes a lot ....girlfreind i not saying your crazey but haveing some one to talk to helpes running dose not work ....what happens when your shure you town you live in now has sent agents to alanta to tell all of them abought you ???? get a thearepest talk abought what is going on .....

good luck girlfreind

huge wendy hugs......pm me if you want......

[Jesse69]

Hi Jesse,

Wow, I have read pretty much every post in yoru thread and I have to say it sounds like you really need to get past that hump of really thinking or worrying about what others think about you.

Is it possible to shop in a different part of town where those you work with do not live or hang out? Secondly, these people you work with, they are positive 100% you don't ahve a girlfriend. WHy not 'create' one. You could always say you are dating a girl that lives in another state or city or on the net.

Lastly, any person who is avoiding friendship with you because you are a crossdresser is probably not worth having as a friend. Would you not rather surround yoruself with people who like you for the person you are, and not judge you based or rumor and gossip. And friend who wants a frienship will look past those things and see you and even if you choose to tell them the truth abotu who you are, will not stop being your friend.

Also, I can't believe that people from yrou workplace followed you.! what a bunch of jerks! I don't think you are lying, I believe that people do nasty things like that and man they must be bored with their crumby lives if they have to spy on yours. But to make fun of you at a xmas party, that is crazy. I am sure you know but in many companies that can be construed as sexual harrassment. I would look into you companys human rights code or if there is any info on that where you work or if you indeed decide to relocate and find wirk elsewhere.

And my closing thoughts on relocating. I agree with the others are saying. You actually live in a large enough city where you should be able to go about your private affairs and not have the spyglass following you around. Ultimatly even if you change your habits and routines somewhere else, there is a slight possiblity that something about yoru personalinty is making you 'readable', maybe not as a cd, but as 'different' and that may not be something you can really change. And I have to ask ...why would you want to chagne it? The thing right now that is causing problems could indeed be soemthing that will eventually (if you put yourself in the right places mentally and otherwise) attact you to others who will like yoru aura and who you are.
Sincerely
kathy in canada

I'm 36 years old, and I've been buying womens clothes since 1990. I guess I should have a girlfirends so that that people won't think I'm gay, but what sort of pretty girl would like a guy who has no career? I've been unemployed since 2001 and have been getting a monthly SSI check of about $734 a month. If I was professionally employed I'd be making $45K / year or more. I only feel confident in dating women if I have a job.

I shop anywhere from 1 mile away from home to 45 miles.

It seems there are people who are real picky about making friends. And they won't like you if you crossdress. Even when I was at a bike race they called me gay and weren't friendly. Chicago is just full of people who gossip too much.

I think relocating might be good for me since I've worked at a lot of manufacturing places in Chicago and I need "new ground" to try other companies at other places. Maybe I would live away from Chicago for 10 years then come back. Its nice living at home with your parents and not paying rent.

If I relocate I would really keep my crossdressing a secret. Wouldn't buy womens clothes from stores except during Xmas, Mother's Day, Valentines Day, and maybe Halloween? And how do I hide my big stash of clothes in my apartment? - Like I have 29 womens suits and some dresses.

I really was once a friendly outgoing guy but that changed when people didn't like me cuz they knew I was a crossdressor. Now I don't even go out at night or weekends to party / go clubbing anywhere. I have no social life but I guess I got used to that.

[Jesse69]

.....please come here and talk with your sisters it's a good thing but please ... and i mean this in a good way look into talking to a thearpest some times if we have some live to talk to it helpes a lot ....girlfreind i not saying your crazey but haveing some one to talk to helpes running dose not work ....what happens when your shure you town you live in now has sent agents to alanta to tell all of them abought you ???? get a thearepest talk abought what is going on .....

I actually do see a psychologist every 3 months. I really don't want to cuz talking to him really doesn't help much - he doesn't give too much feedback. But I only go to him to get a prescription for Geodon - an anti paranoia / schizophrenic drug.

It's a long story but when I was fired from my last job I believed a lot of people were following me around and harassing me. So one day I punched a senior citizen in McDonalds thinking he was following / harassing me. In short, I got a felony and probation for that. Now its hard for me to get any job with my felony and I live at home with my parents & get SSI disability. During my probation they made me see a psychologist every 2 weeks to a month.

I guess now I have to lie on every job application when they asked if I have a felony. Really, I've been unemployed since 2001. So that's why I have no social life or a girlfriend.

[Katie Ashe]

Moving helped my Karma do an 180. My thoughts are no matter where you live, your not going to please everyone. But to live where you feel safe is important. There are more friendly TG/CD cities out there.

My 0.02 here...

[Marla GG]

Jesse,

It's understandable that you would be worried about what others are thinking. You've had some bad experiences in the past, and that has made you fear that similar things will happen again.

But do you think it might be possible, at least some of the time, that you are jumping to conclusions that simply aren't true? Everyone has done this at one time or another--guessed incorrectly about what is in someone else's mind based on past experiences.

Are you sure that all these people, including strangers and casual acquaintances, really think that you are gay, or know that you are a crossdresser? Have they told you that they think that? Or do you just believe that based on their behavior towards you? If you are making an assumption, could you be wrong? Could there be another explanation for why they are acting that way? Maybe your assumptions about them are affecting the way you interact with them, and maybe they are not being friendly towards you because they sense that you are not open and friendly towards them. It is hard to trust people after you've been hurt, but if you have a preconceived idea that everyone is out to get you, it can only lead to more misunderstandings and more rejection.

I was obviously not there when some of these things took place, but I find it very unusual that people would call you gay while you are out minding your own business or at a social event like a bike ride, especially since you were not wearing anything out of the ordinary. It is unlikely that they would think it in the first place, but to say it to you like that, intended as an insult, is not normal adult social behavior. I would also be very surprised if neighbors, store clerks, and your other fellow Chicagoans were gossiping about you the way you seem to think. I encourage you to look for other possible explanations for why you don't have more friends.

My advice to you is to ask your psychologist if you can try some cognitive behavior therapy in addition to the medication you are taking. This type of therapy can be very useful for all kinds of problems, including issues like depression and low self-esteem (which you may also be suffering from). It can also help reduce paranoid feelings by teaching you to look at your thought patterns and assumptions, and the evidence you have for them. When you have the ability to monitor your negative thoughts and replace them with more positive ones, the world won't seem like such a hostile place. Please at least consider it.

Good luck to you Jesse, I wish you well. Moving to a new city may not be the answer, but it is possible for you to change your life right where you are if you want to.

[DonnaT]

Kathy saved me a lot of typing.

Look Jessie, my father in law was very paranoid and it cost him too.

I suggest you find a new psychologist. Now, the one you have may be perfectly fine and it is your paranoia that prevent you from seeing this. Maybe your meds aren't working. But if you see another one and come to the same conclusions about him/her as you have for your current one, then you'll know it's you with the problem, not them.

I'm sure you've read Jules' posts (aka Julie M.). She lives in Chicago and is out as a crossdresser. She doesn't seem to have the problems your discussing.

Unless you live in a really nasty neighborhood, and shop in same, customers won't be making comments about others without reason. Why would some lady call you a nerd? Makes no sense. Maybe you heard her wrong. Maybe she was talking about someone else. Maybe you did something unawares that pissed her off.

Moving will not get you away from your inner self.

As for lying on a job application, don't even try it. You might get away with it for a few days, then it'll bite you on the butt.

[geegee2]

People used to like me a lot and I was once a cool dude. They tended to gossip about me and follow me around. Then they found out I was buying a lot of womens clothes and "who for?" They guessed it was for me and the rest of my social life is downhill.

The last company I worked for followed me around after work and spied on me. Then they saw me buy womens clothes and knew I had no girlfriend. I didn't last long and they made fun of me at the company Xmas party.

if the company had you followed that is against the law and is dicrimination you can sue for that noone has the right to follow you it is also called stalking and that is also against the law It would be a good ideal to check into that cause its not right. And I say if you want to go out dressed up as a girl then do it,be youself and dont let others spoil your feeling, remember that they dont understand so they must try to hurt, be strong and be free
luv,kisses,hugs GEEGEE2