OK - here's a poser for you real girls out there, although I suppose it could be relevant to anyone.
If you had the choice to be told that your partner had had an affair, or was a transvestite, which would you find easier to handle - and why?
__________________
This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.
both could be difficult to deal with if he was not the one telling me as there would then be trust issues for me to handleand it would depend on when he was telling me about the TGism, by that I mean how long into our relationship he was telling me
I allow myself to set healthy boundaries ..... to say no to what does not align with my values, to say yes to what does.
Boundaries assist me to remain healthy, honest and living a life that is true to me
I will say transvestite, definitly!!! An affairs hurts peoples self esteem. My SO cding has not much to do with me in a sense and affair would have everything to do with our relationship.
Wow, that's a hard one to call.
Affair - it's pretty devastating to have that happen, and can be either only a one time thing, or can be recurring.
Trans - it's for life, but it's not violating trust, unless you knew that before you married and hid it.
I guess it just depends on how each came about and how it's brought out into the open.
Ann
I think that one of the worst phrases to get out of the closet with the SO is "Honey, I'm a crossdresser. But at least I don't cheat you"
It's a hard question. I just hope it's not intended to make us feel good, because "we are better than cheaters". I just don't judge other people (or at least try not to)
I think an affair would be devestating, but finding out they were a crossdresser would be difficult if they hadn't told me about it first and let me make the decision before I married them. It would cause lack of trust and from all of the self help books I have read say that you behave yourself into behaviors, such as, lying to your spouse about cding and, or having an affair.
My wonderful wife has told me that an affair would have been easier to deal with.
Interestingly, I was told the exact same thing.Originally Posted by scarlett
Mine has known since before we were married but this comment came after I confessed that my TG nature has been with me since my earliest memories (rather than just a dressing thing, her words, not mine).
An affair though would be a deal-breaker, yet we're still happily married. So much for the comment.
Like a corpse deep in the earth I'm so alone, restless thoughts torment my soul, as fears they lay confirmed, but my life has always been this way - Virginia Astley, "Some Small Hope" (1986)
Sunlight falls, my wings open wide. There's a beauty here I cannot deny - David Sylvian, "Orpheus" (1987)
Interesting, for me the "other woman" is me, I am committed. My SO knows it and accepts this like a halloween costume, at least I think so. She is supportive.
It's all about the amount of deceit involved. Cheating will always be one of the most horrible things one partner can do to the other, no matter what the excuses are. Crossdressing can range anywhere from positive self-discovery to neutral to betrayal depending on the circumstances.
If I were a GG I would rather my spouse wear womens clothes than to cheat on me. I may not appreciate the clothing issue, but what did I do wrong that he had to go elsewhere for companionship and or sex.
I'm not a GG either, to me an affair is one of the worst things in a marriage. It's a blatant betrayal of trust. Abuse of any kind is another. There's a lot of stuff I would put up with, but affairs and abuse are not among them.
Cheers
Giuseppina
[SIZE="3"]I'm sure to be the odd one here, but I feel there is absolutely NO comparison! Being told someone wears women's clothing and wants to become a woman or knowing that they violated the very sanctity of your relationship?! How can that even be a question?
I'd like to state now, that I understand fully that this can be something completely devastating to some people, but I honestly believe there is a level of compromise that can be achieved. I personally feel that almost anything, shy of abuse, is possible to recover from EXCEPT affairs. Hell even a one night stand is easier to deal with than the amount of effort that has to be put into an affair.[/SIZE]
Last edited by DemonicDaughter; 10-03-2009 at 11:03 PM.
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
[SIZE="3"]"We're all born naked. Everything we wear is drag," said Boy George
[/SIZE]
Hi Girls,
this topic has rung some bells for me,my wife kind of knows i cross dress although she does not know how serious i am about it,the thought of me growing breasts and a full removal of the girls sounds really good to me
Our sexless marriage over the last few years has led me to believe that she MUST be getting it else where if you know what i mean.
Distrusting of me i know but rightly so as i found some rubbers in her pocket some time ago (she said they were a work colleagues) Yeah right
bullshit
On the odd occasion i would have a look through her stuff,knicker draw,pockets and her bag (wrong i know but there you go)
I found an envelope containing some print outs from msn conversations that she has with a male at work.
In these conversations they get pretty close talking about what underwear they are both wearing and flashing her chest at him etc etc
They even talk about a wet patch on her skirt and buying sexy underwear on-line and having it delivered to work.
And red bum cheeks,handcuffs etc etc etc
I could go on and on and on
The bottom line of this is i don't know how to deal with this but to say i'm gutted is an understatement
So i think it would be a lot easier to deal with a cder than an affair
Hope i have not bored you girls
Avril xx
I love being a gurl
Why on earth would this be boring?Hi Girls,
this topic has rung some bells for me,my wife kind of knows i cross dress although she does not know how serious i am about it,
Our sexless marriage over the last few years has led me to believe that she MUST be getting it else where if you know what i mean.
So i think it would be a lot easier to deal with a cder than an affair
Hope i have not bored you girls
Avril xx
My first marriage was marred by my wife's and my inability to come to terms with each others needs as we developed.
Although we talked, including about my dressing, and it was tolerated to a large degree we were both very self-conscious about our needs.
After the marriage ended, I discovered that my wife had been having an affair for the last year we were together, and one reason for her tolerance was that she was no longer interested.
In my marriage now, although ostensibly saying 'zero tolerance' my wife and I are finally talking about a compromise situation. However, it was she who offered the opinion that an affair, admitted and dealt with as an awful mistake could have been an easier matter to deal with.
We can't have it both ways. If you are not dealing with your wife's affair because you are defensive about your dressing (just guessing) then neither of you are getting what you want.
Do you want your marriage to continue?
Last edited by Ashley Williams; 10-04-2009 at 02:00 AM. Reason: Extra sentence added
This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.
Trust is very important. I told my SO when we started becoming serious about each other. Being a CDer is easier that having an affair, that would destroy our marriage
This isn't the right place to get a real objective opinion or honest answers.
The gg's that are on here probably won't even bother much with answering. They already support their husbands. That's why they're here.
It's like going to a bar and asking the patrons if they supported a liquor tax.
Hi Paula,
I know this will sound funny, but based on what my wife has told me, my CDing is the worst thing in the world. We have never specifically discussed the effects of an affair, but her current opinion is, "nothing is worse than you dressing like a woman, I married a man, nor a god damn woman."
I can understand her stance as I didn't tell her of my dressing prior to our getting married, but still, it is a part of me and I feel that she should try and accept me.
Nicole
Yup, my wife once told me that an affair might have been nicer. Her words: "At least that's 'normal'. "
Exactly! My wife has also suggested that it would be possible to tell friends and members of the family that I had had an affair - but that she could never tell them that I cross dress.Yup, my wife once told me that an affair might have been nicer. Her words: "At least that's 'normal'. "
Yes - this is the track I am on. Even since the beginning of the weekend the air has cleared tremendously because we are talking - and Rosemarie might even join the forum, something I would have liked her to do from the start - but the fact that when I did tell her, early on in our relationship, that what I was disclosing was part of my past, she never considered that it might be part of our future.
I didn't encourage her to think about that either, but I did collect a lot of material for her to read, and as far as I know it was never touched.
Last edited by Shelly Preston; 10-07-2009 at 11:30 AM. Reason: merged - please use the multi quote button
This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.
My wife and second partner (2) both told me that they hated the idea of me crossdressing as they felt they could compete with another female but they couldn't compete with the female inside my head. They thought the same way about it as if I was gay - unable to compete. My wife wasn't understanding though she did try and then my partner positively encouraged my CD'ing and then couldn't come to terms with it when I got right into it.
So, unless you have a partner who is very secure in the relationship and understanding of your needs and you can oviously demonstrate who is more important, either option is very detrimental to a stable relationship. Duh, how is having an affair a demonstration of a stable relationship?
I see it as a very stange state of affairs when the biggest symptom of a relationship being in trouble (affair) is preferable to a CD'ing partner who offers no threat to the relationship (except he MIGHT want to be she? or vice versa).
I had just wished that they both would have been more understanding and we may have still been together. Obviously these are consecutive relationships and not concurrent. lol
Freedom to be an individual is all powerful
My wife is quite okay with the dressing but would be devastated if I had an affair. One thing I believe I am sensing here is that those that say their wife thinks the dressing is worse are those that told them sometime into their marraige. Am I reading into this too much? The reason is that to them, it may give them the same type of feeling as an affair would.
Yeah, there's that word again. "Normal". My wife watches a lot of Lifetime, Dateline, 48 hours, all of which have a nasty habit of portraying the seedier side of men as louts, wife-beaters, cheaters, crumbs, slobs, murderers, two-timers, self centered boors, and any number of other really fun adjectives. So had I ever cheated, she'd get all the negative reinforcement of that unfortunate stereotype she ever needed. But she'd see it as normal. She'd leave me for sure, but view it as normal.Yup, my wife once told me that an affair might have been nicer. Her words: "At least that's 'normal'. "
But this crossdressing thing, well, she never ever wants to see me en femme...period. It's just not normal.
Any money found in the laundry is MINE!
"This is no social crisis....this is me having fun!"
www.flickr.com/photos/tgmarla/
As a GG I've told my husband that an affair is far more devestating than his cding. I can't begin to fathom the idea of an affair because I know how devestating it can be to a marriage. I've also told my husband that if he were to ever change his gender forever then I don't think I could stay with him. Now I don't mind him dressing because I know inside he still wants to be a man and has NO desire what so ever to change genders (as he has validated that numerous times when he told me about his cding and he's always been open and told me many times since.) To me an affair would be more devestating to handle than him coming to me telling me he wanted to be a cd.
Many are saying they told their SO beforehand but what if the cross dressing starts after the marriage? I had desires to CD when I was young but never when I was married nor when I started my new relationship. My SO accepts that I sometimes have a fling but I fear if she also new about my CD impulses as well then this would be too much. You can tell that we have a very good and open relationship but I still fear telling her. Has anyone had the same experience and how did they a) broach the subject and b) what was the reaction?
I still fear my children knowing more than my partner.
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