Looks like I'll be having a talk with my son a bit sooner than I would have liked. I'm on my way to the airport and I get a call, "Dad, we need to talk." I asked what about. He said, "Kathi Lake. What the crap is that?" So, pray for me that it will go well and that I can get across to him that his dad isn't gay or whatever he is thinking.
Sigh.
Hi Kathi,
Wow, what a way to head out to the airport. I hope that everything goes well. I don't know what age your son is so I will refrain from giving you any ideas or suggestions on how to handle this situation. However, based on past posts from you I am sure that you will make the right decision and handle it properly. Good luck and let us know how everything works out.
Nicole
I'm real curious how he came up with the name.
Months ago, during a heated arguement with my wife, my son got in the middle in my defense. She looked at him in anger and said "your father likes wearing womans clothes". He looked at me and said "Do you????" My silence gave him his answer. He never brought it up again and our relationship even appears stronger than ever. I haven't broached the subject again, but I will eventually.
You look absolutely beautiful as a woman. If the cat is out of the proverbial bag, let him meet you when you get back. Big talk from a guy who is afraid to start dressing again while I am still im my marraige.........
Good luck kathi.
Kel
I can only imagine the distress you must be going through. We all try to protect our children from the world for as long as we can. I can't say anything meaningful here except; good luck, I wish you and your son a healthy happy relationship on the other side of that conversation.
Hey Kathi, my 15 year old son walked in on Tracy a year ago June. It was a major WTF moment. It was not what my wife nor I had planned, but it worked out OK. He was more upset that I hadn't told him and trusted him. He also came out to us that he is gay. So, some times it just works out for the best.
Whoever said, "Honesty is the best policy" really knew what they were talking about! OK, it was Benjamin Franklin (Darn you Internets! - Stephen Colbert).
PM me if you need any specific help.
Love, Tracy
Everybody's normal until you get to know them. - Tracy Schapes
An opinion should be the result of thought, not a substitute for it.
- Jef Mallett
Blog: Tracy's Happy Place
Kathi
Good luck with you son. Just hope everything goes well.
Lisa Renee
Kathi,
Obviously every situation is different, but, as a family we found ourselves having some "issues" when my son was about 12 years old. My spouse and I decided that one thing that would help was if he knew, so we told him. He's part of the current generation and it didn't seem to phase him.
He says that he is as comfortable with me en femme as he is with me en drab.
And it does get kinda weird when your son says, "Dad, I'm going to Rocky Horror tonight, do you have a pair of heels I can borrow?"
I'm sure you'll handle it well. If I can be of any help, just let me know.
Hugs,
Persephone.
"If you are living the life you want to live you've successfully transitioned to being the person you want to be." - Eryn.
"If you truly care about me you should damn well want for me what I want for myself" - Michael Westen (Burn Notice)
-.-. --.-/-.-. --.-/-.-. -../ Persephone™ and Persephone™ are trademarks of Persephone herself, accept no substitutes. The terms "en femme" and "en drab" originated with Marcia Sampson/Staylace (OBM).
Kathi, I hope all goes well. I told son when he turned 18 two years ago, I waited til then due to issues with my ex. It went well for me, turned out he crossdresses too, and it's not a big deal to his generation, according to him. For us it's genetic, as my dad also crossdressed - don't know about prior generations.
He could have found out thru looking at cookies stored on your computer. I know this site deletes them, but others may not, for example if you have email by the same name. (Just sharing a thought for all of you that are hiding your dressing from anyone in your family.)
PM if or post questions here if you have any - I would be happy to help any way I can.
Hugs,
Ann
Ouch! Did you leave the computer on to this site or did he through his own curiousity stumble on it himself? Good luck Kathi. You are strong and articulate so now is when the rubber meets the road. I wish you the best.
Teri
My wife does not want me to tell them,, im ok with that,, im still not comfortable in being girl mode in front of them,, im dad and i ok with that..
may i ask how old is your son.
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC] Vancouver Home 2010 olympics!
Oh oh... maybe start by asking him why he is asking. Maybe he thinks you have a girl friend. Otherwise, keep it light hearted and make sure he understands you accept yourself and his life isn't going to change.
Good luck Kathi. My kids are all adults and I wouldn't want to deal with them finding out and they should be mature enough to handle it. I hope your son has his feet on the ground and ears open when you talk.
And it might be a good time for an attitude adjustment as well. Let him know that regardless of his initial emotional response, "What the crap is that?" is inappropriate when dealing with something this important or serious. Generating the need for respect on this issue may set the tone for a real discussion instead of a blowout.
Sarah
Being transgender isn't a lifestyle choice. How you deal with it is.
I got home. There was a note on the table:
I need more time
I texted him to let me know when he is ready. We'll see what happens. I guess the question on whether or not to reveal myself to him is now moot. I wish the method was different. I still don't know quite how he found out. I guess I'll see - whenever he is ready. He just turned 18, by the way, and is in his second year of college for those wondering his age and maturity level.
Thanks for your kind thoughts.
Kathi
That seems like a positive Kathi. He wants to process it instead of melting down outright. We are behind you all the way.
The earth is the mother of all people and all people should have equal rights upon it.
Chief Joseph
Nez Perce
“Love isn't a state of perfect caring. It is an active noun like struggle. To love someone is to strive to accept that person exactly the way he or she is, right here and now.” - Fred Rogers,
Kathi, I was in the same position just a few months ago - it was the hardest place I'd been in my life, but entirely different circumstances, which I won't go into. It's the waiting, the not knowing what they know or think. I decided that since my son was 19 (at the time) I needed to give him his space. Eventually he came around to give me a piece of his mind - he was really upset. I let him spill his guts. But once I filled him in on the details he didn't know, it helped a huge amount. It took him a while after that, but he eventually came around to rebuild the relationship. Sometimes one has to just let go and let things happen. Hang in there! I'm with you 100%.
Hugs and more hugs,
Ann
He's likely over at a friend's house or dorm reading this exact thread right now.
Been some 'guests' viewing, haven't there?
Hi there kid. Go talk to your dad.
And so we go, on with our lives...
We know the Truth, but prefer Lies.
Lies are simple, simple is Bliss.
Why go against tradition, when we can admit defeat,
Live in Decline, be the victim of our own design?
You've got your work cut out for you Kathi, but if anyone can handle it, you can. Good luck gf.
I'm with Sally. You might want to consider feeling him out to see what he is thinking. That is if you think you might want to go different ways with this. Otherwise, just have the talk. The best of luck to you. I am sure you will do fine.
Kathi Lake, I would give him space but try to gather all of the facts for him and explain how long, you have felt this way and ask him what he feels and are there any questions that you can answer for him. My Daughter was about 16 when I explained to her about me and that I had always felt this way since I was about 7,this is so he just think that this just happen and that you are changing also explain that you are the same person that he has known and again explain how long you have been like this so he can understand that you are the same person and will always be the same person for him. I hope you understand what I meant I hope that everything goes well. However, based on past posts from you I am sure that you will make the right decision and handle it properly. Good luck and let us know how everything works out.
Joann0830
Last edited by Joann0830; 10-10-2009 at 02:08 AM. Reason: spelling
Hi Kathi
I would also like to wish you luck and I hope it all turns out well
Edwina
Hi Kathi-
<big hug> I know you'll handle it with the style and grace you always show. FWIW, I told my son when he was 18 also, though the choice of place and time was mine (my wife was with me, too), it turns out he already knew. The first question I asked him was if he knew what the terms transgendered or crossdresser meant. He gave me one of those, "Well, duh!" looks and said, "Of course, it's all over the internet." Apparently I wasn't covering my tracks as well as I thought.
As it turns out, he was okay with it though he doesn't want to see his old man in a dress, which is fine. It has not had any effect on our relationship and we are still very close. I think things will turn out okay for you. I mean, it's not like there are bodies in the crawlspace or someone's head in the freezer. There are many worse things than being TG. From talking with my son and his friends, this generation seems much more open to differences and are more willing to judge someone by the sort of person they are.
Best wishes, Kathi.
Hugs...Joni Mari
"Because equality is not a concept. It's not something we should be striving for. It's a necessity. Equality is like gravity. We need it to stand on this earth as men and women. And the misogyny that is in every culture is not a true part of the human condition. It is life out of balance, and that imbalance is sucking something out of the soul of every man and woman who's confronted with it."
--Joss Whedon, to a reporter who asked, "So why do you create these strong women characters?"
Kathi, I have a son too and I have no clue what to say if he found out about me. I can only wish for the best for you and your son. The best life has to offer to you.
Amy Lynn
I would think that cheating on a wife would be worse than CDing by a wide margin.Originally Posted by Sally2005
Maybe just me ??
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