How do you know when you are ready to go out in public and try to pass? Do you do it gradually, such as late at night first? How do you deal with being outted in public?
I truly feel like I want to go out but am a little scared.
How do you know when you are ready to go out in public and try to pass? Do you do it gradually, such as late at night first? How do you deal with being outted in public?
I truly feel like I want to go out but am a little scared.
I have a simple answer for me it will be NEVER. I don't think in my mind that I would ever be up to that point. But if that is what you want to do. I would think that when the time is right you will know.
my sister's reply when I told her how I prefer to dress
"Everyone has there thing, all that matters is that you are happy, love what you do and who you do it with"
As far as when you're ready -- that's really something only you can know for sure. But it helps to do it in baby steps.
A lot of people start out by taking a late-night drive -- easy to get out of the house easily and gets you used to being around other people (at least a car's distance). If you're feeling brave you might stop for gas. Some people also do a late night walk, but I wouldn't recommend that -- you can face the same dangers a GG faces out late at night.
It's actually easier to go out and blend in at crowded public place during daytime. (For example, Fisherman's Wharf or one of the other tourist traps in San Francisco -- near where I live.) People are usally preoccupied and not paying a lot of attention, which is the same reason pickpockets favor these areas. If it's daylight, you can wear sunglasses, which are good for "psychic armor," in part because between a wig and sunglasses, no one can really recognize you.
The key thing to blending in is to be sure to dress and do your make-up in a way that's appropriate to what GGs of your age and background will be doing in the same context. So it's often a good idea to do a little field observation ahead of time (plus it's always a good idea to scope out the area beforehand). Also, it helps to practice moving like a GG, which is more fluid and graceful than clumping along like a girl.
As far as getting read -- it will happen, especially your first couple times out. You'll probably be nervous, which people pick up on and cause them to give you closer scruntiny. Usually it's just a flicker of the eyes or a stare held too long. Once in a while I have had people gawk, but never laugh and point. The good news is once you've been read a couple times and you realize the sky doesn't fall in, you'll start relaxing and in turn that means you get read less. The key thing is if you act like you deserve respect, you'll usually get it.
Lena
A dream? What is a dream, but a blueprint for courageous action.
http://www.adahlshouse.com
Hi Jo Ann,
When I was married to my first wife she was my sounding board, so to speak, and she assured me that I could pass in certain situations and gave me support to go out. I started going out sort of by accident, being entirely dressed one day we needed something at the store and she wanted me to drive her so I did. Stayed in the car and looked straight ahead and I was convinced that everyone knew that there was a guy dressed as a girl in that parking lot. Well the truth is that no one even cared and this was in 1974. After that I went out many times without a bit of trouble or embarasment.
Although...I know that guy at the gas station who pumped my gas is still talking about the fag guy dressed as a girl, but I'm sure that was better than taking a ride in a tow truck if I had run out of gas.
So if you go out for a ride make sure you have plenty of fuel or.... none at all.
Love, Jo
It is hard work to be beautiful.
What we are given is our Fate...What we do with it is our Destiny!
Reminds me, if you go out for a drive, take along a "boy bag" with a change of clothes and shoes, make-up and nail polish remover.Originally Posted by Joanne08
Lena
A dream? What is a dream, but a blueprint for courageous action.
http://www.adahlshouse.com
At this time, I still haven't ventured out yet fully dressed but I would absolutely love to...and I have constantly been encouraged to go out by my other TG sisters whom are already out of the closet..Oh well, guess I would be more comfortable going out in a large group..Hope to do it soon
[SIZE="2"]Life is beautiful in the eyes of an accepted crossdresser[/SIZE]
im still too scared to venture out yet
If stepping out is something you really want to do one day you will be looking at those four walls and say to yourself, "I can't handle this anymore" and you'll reach for the door. It really is that simple. The advice from others here is spot on, don't worry about what others might think.
[QUOTE=Joanne_2003
I truly feel like I want to go out but am a little scared.[/QUOTE]
If you go to a friends house to get read and help with your make up. I is a lot easier to go from there. Fewer people will know you.
i have been called fag...i have been laughed at... i have been had somebody say "jes*s Chri*&st did you see that"
on the other hand, those 3 things happened over about 20 yrs of sneaking out and walking around first the apt complex where i lived...then parking lots of hotels or malls, now i'm going into hotels and malls..and by a factor of 100 - 1 i'm being treated nicely and in many cases getting addressed as the woman i am trying to emulate..
in the end though its up to you and if you're uncomfortable dont let anybody (any of us!) force you into anything...there's lots of ways to dress and whatever works for you is great for you!! and only you know that..
that beingsaid..if you are wanting to get out, i can tell you i've never heard of one crossdresser who had the feelings go away!
I went out for my very first time last Friday night. Did that classic two hours to get ready for a 30 drive to the gas station and ATM. I made up my mind to do it the day before. I scoped out the gas station -- I knew exactly which pump to pull up to -- furtherest one away, at the end of the island so no one could pull up behind me. I practiced getting in and out of my car before I drove away. I visualized a lot. I was having so much fun, and feeling so confident after getting gas, I went to the ATM (a burst of spontaneity!).
You will know when you are ready. You may never be ready, and that's okay. But it would appear from other's posts, and what I'm feeling know, that after the first time, you'll want more!
You will know when you are ready. It will not be when your make up or clothes are perfect; it will be when your mind says that you are tired of being inside and that you must be out. Many start with late night drives; I have always felt safer early in the morning on weekends. Whenever you start, enjoy the experience.
Debra
Joanne, all I can say, is once you've made up your mind, just head for the door and do it. As some of the others have said, it's not the clothes nor the makeup, it's the attitude you carry that will be your biggest factor in a successful time out. Please be sure to share with us when you make it!
Fulltime girl on the inside.
Lipstick=confidence
[SIZE=4]Holly[/SIZE]
Joanne,
I finally went out for my first time last Saturday. I was in the Toronto area and went to Wildside (it's a well known club/store for crossdressers). I had gotten partially dressed at the motel I was staying at and then drove to the club. After paying a cover charge for non-members I went to the make up room and put on all my make up (45 minutes) and then finished getting dressed. It was Karaoke night so off I went to that room. There weren't a lot of people there but it was nice. Then I overheard one of the girls say that she was waiting for Julie and then they were going out. I had to ask if I could join them. I was welcome to. Six of us girls walk out onto the street to wait for a couple of cabs to take us to the gay quarters. We first went to Zelda's, a gay restaurant/club which is TG friendly. The cab dropped us off a half block away so we walked down the busy sidewalk. We got looks but nothing negative. A couple of hours later we took cabs to a TG friendly night club. The place was packed and the music was loud. We saw other crossdressers there but most of the people were gay, lesbian and hetero. Lots of looks but all friendly. I stayed a couple of hours there and then left on my own. After saying my goodbyes to the other girls I walked out onto the street and hailed a cab. Then back to Wildside to change back to my drab self.
Going out with others who have been out before and know where to go was the best, I'm still smiling about it.
I wore full make up, long brown haired wig (no pigtails which I usually have it in), purple blouse, black skirt just above the knees, black stay-up stockings, black bra with silicone breasts, black cincher,black string bikini panties, black 5" spiked heels, earrings and a necklace and a black purse.
I don't know if you've heard of the place but you should check out there web site.
Bonnie
I knew when I got tired of glamming up and staying in. What was the point, I asked myself, of getting all dressed up and having no place to go.
As for the public, I could care less what they think. I don't owe them a single thing and they have no power over me.
DonnaT
Just go and do it. Go for a drive, and stop and get gas at first. When you are around people walk with your head held high and don't stare at them looking for a reaction. If someone does look at you smile back. Whatever you do don't slink around. Like everyone said, it is all about attitude. You'll find that the vast majority of people pay you no attention.
GypsyKaren
Start out by taking short walks around the block, work up to drive throughs, try the grocery store or go shoe browsing/shopping, when your comforable enough you'll be ready for the mall. When you clocked, just be yourself, you have the right to be there also, Mind your manners,and go about your business. Most, if not all, won't want to draw attention for noticing you. Self confidense is the biggest thing you'll need, even if you 100% passable or not, in your house or the mall
Best wishes on your journey.
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