Single and Dating Dilemmas

[Maddie22]

I pretty much have always been single for the most of my life, never have had a relationship much longer than 6 months, and I am 29. While I admit that I am a commitment phobe, before coming clean to myself (and to a few friends) about my gender issues, I've always felt another underlying thing that has made me a little nervous about getting into a serious relationship with some one. However I did date more frequently before coming out to myself and a few of my friends than I do now.

Since coming out, I know that if I seriously dated a girl, I would have to tell her about my situation, to be honest with her and myself, and those few friends would make sure I tell the person as well. (not in a negative way against me, but in order to be true to myself)

I feel lately like I have been avoiding dating girls, and I have had an extreme dry spell lately.

I feel like it is harder for me now to really meet some one because in the back of my mind I am always wondering how she will react when I tell her about my gender issues.

I went out on a date last night with a girl that I think is really nice, and I could be interested in pursuing further. I could use some more intimacy in my life, not only mentally, but physically as well.

We talked a lot about ourselves last night, and I know she is very pro-glbt issues. However, she also said that she likes to date masculine guys, no metro-sexuals or effeminate guys at all. Well S..! I do happen to be pretty metro and effeminate at times, and then there is the whole dressing side as well.

So I am finding myself in a dilemma here already, and the subject has yet to really come up. I know it is mostly in my head at this point too.

I am very certain that if it was to start getting to the point that we are both very interested, I would have to tell her, and I would tell her in a way that is honest and open, and tell her that I understand that I'm not a person she could date. (I do think that even if it changes her views of me as some one to have a relationship with, she would still be friends and supportive though)

So I guess what I am looking for is advice and to see if others kinda feel the same way about dating

[docrobbysherry]

Just see how it goes with this, and every other girl u date! Some girls may just want someone to talk with. Others, someone to take them to dinner. And, some may just want someone to sleep with!

I think you'll KNOW when u have something serious going on. THEN, u tell her! NOT before.

That's my 2 cents worth!

[mklinden2010]

That's all I can tell you about that.

Just keep hittin' it until you find someone who says, "Well, how does that work?" and you'll know you're close to making a sale.

Finding the right person is like shopping for shoes - no matter what you think you know, you still have to try 'em on to be sure.

And, so it goes for everybody....

[Karen564]

We talked a lot about ourselves last night, and I know she is very pro-glbt issues. However, she also said that she likes to date masculine guys, no metro-sexuals or effeminate guys at all. Well S..! I do happen to be pretty metro and effeminate at times, and then there is the whole dressing side as well.

Then maybe it's time to move on, dont you think???

Sorry but, She already told you what she likes in a man..and that you dont fit that description right?

I see no point telling her unless this turns into something more, but this was just 1 date..so.....dont worry about it yet..

PS, just a word from the wise here, if you feel your gender issues go way deeper than just dressing, it's time to seek some professional help now, I sure wish I did way before I got married at 27...
if not & not a problem then, you just have to keep looking & find a nice girl that can accept you for who you are..

Good luck!!

[Ralph]

If she has outright stated that she does is not interested in effeminate men and that's exactly how you see yourself, you surely do need to find a gentle way to tell her -- sooner rather than later. The longer you put it off the more pissed she will be that you led her on.

And who knows? Maybe she'll find that the time she has had with you was so enjoyable that she will need to rewire her thinking about effeminate men.

[Nikki A.]

As for someone who is recently back on the dating scene, I do agree she does need to know. As for when it depends on if you feel that there is chemistry between you and that the feeling is mutual. There was one that I did tell and while she was looking for a macho type (previous boyfriend just was shipped out to Afganistan (career military)), we do still chat.
You have to trust your feelings and even if this isn't the one, there will be one out there. You're a bit lucky, I think today's younger women are more accepting than women my age. You just have to find the right one. Good Luck

[Angie G]

I've been married for 41 years so dating isn't something I'm up on. If you feel you must tell her and you most likely do need to. I'd do it early on So you both don't wast a lot of time on something that's not going to work. Just my Hun.
Angie