Has your SO ever had a serious empathetic conversation with you about CDing

[Toni_Lynn]

After having posted the thing about observations from my wife, I thought it might be interesting to see if anyone else's SO has ever had a serious conversation with you about CDing in an an attempt to understand and be empathetic about it.

By this, I mean questions apart from "are you gay / does mean that you are gay". I mean questions about how it makes you feel, when did you start, what does it feel like, does it excite you, etc. Questions that show a great interest and a willingness to understand.

Anybody?

Huggles

Toni-Lynn

[SuzanneBender]

Several times. Some hearfelt and warm others out of frustration.

[Jonianne]

Yes, my wife and I talked extensively before we married about my cd history and she even went with me to Tri-ess meeting's to get more understanding. One of the SO's there gave her very important information that helped immensely.

Simply put, my wife has given me far more understanding and support than I ever imagined or hoped for.

[Raychel]

She is not really all that interested, She pretty much just puts up with it. That is about it. I doubt that we will ever really talk about it.

[Cathytg]

Yes, my wife and I discuss this many times. Usually it comes up because I bring it up. I think that I expect it to be a problem and she does not see it that way. She is wonderful, supportive, and very loving. She fully accepts the woman persona and is just fine with her, but she also will tell me that prefers the masculine. I tell her that the masculine is what she signed on with and she has every right to prefer it.

Our talks are long and fruitful. I have come a long way toward self-acceptance and this is largely due to her understanding and willingness to talk with me and to let me talk from my heart.

[Leslie Langford]

...Karren Hutton's reply. I bet it will be a doozy laced with enough sarcasm and exasperation at her own domestic situation to burn a hole through a 1" steel plate, based on her past responses to similar posts....

[Satrana]

My wife talks extensively with other TGs from all over the world online. She talks to them about her accepting views and helps them get over their guilt. She does more to help other TGs than I do.... but then she is my better half!

[DaisyG]

“THE CONVERSATION” with my wife was certainly serious, but it began without a trace of empathy.

Background: One day I was “discovered” wearing 3” pumps (but otherwise in drab), at 5:30 am out in the garage. My CD behavior had heretofore been kept neatly under wraps - - for a long time. Gosh, we’d been married so long our 30th anniversary was history.

“THE CONVERSATION” began shortly after I returned home from work that evening. It started with the two near-universal questions. Are you gay? (No. Not a chance. Couldn’t stand the thought of making love to another guy.) Are you going to have a sex change? (No. I’m this old (60) and haven’t yet, so don’t you think there’s little chance of that?) She didn’t really buy either answer, just sorta tabled those issues and went on with other questions. Iciness and no empathy at this point.

My wife wanted to know how long this had been going on. I told her about my first feminine attire, girl’s sandals (pre-school days, maybe age 4); of borrowing a playmate’s pretty Mary Janes for an afternoon (age six); and frequent times trying on everything in Mom’s closet in pre-teen years. Of slipping into something pretty whenever I could as a teen. Of alternate dressing and purging during college years.

She listened intently, and I think she could see I was really working at recalling things forgotten and buried in my distant past; that I was trying to give her a full and truthful picture. As I progressed I could see her thawing a bit and some genuine interest and empathy start creeping in. At this point I was getting rather deep into my private zone, and she could see that.

The next questions were directed at my stash. What besides the pumps did I have? I told her of the existence of several boxes. What did they contain? Bras, slips, panties, girdles, dresses, skirts & blouses, heels and hose. Some makeup items. Things to help me feel pretty. She didn’t ask for a show-and-tell, just to know of their existence. She grilled me about makeup. I described how unsatisfied I was with my attempts.

We both forgot all about dinner, and the conversation carried on . . .

This conversation was all the while boring deeper and deeper into my very soul in the way I’m sure many of the girls here understand. She wanted to know why I CD’d and what I got out of it. Wow! I had spent well over 40 years trying to understand that, and still lack a concise answer (as I always will - - there isn’t one). The best I could do - - I was born with a need to express my softer, feminine side, and to feel pretty. I described how I had endured several purges and periods of abstinence over the years, yet was driven to return. I tried to make her understand that I really feel better in a dress or skirt than wearing pants.

What did I experience sexually? Well, that was easier to answer, even if embarrassing. Short answer: I started CDing well before puberty and understood next to nothing about sexual activity. But in my teens thru 40’s I fairly often had sexual relief while dressed. Then coming up on 60, that phase had passed and I dressed simply for the need to dress itself.

I hardly need to say so, but this conversation was an extraordinarily difficult emotional experience for me. However, the conversation was absolutely vital as a foundation upon which to rebuild. While she was at first completely non-accepting, she carried away from the conversation a much better, factual picture of matters as they stood. Her attitude at this point was one of “I know about it, I don’t like it, and don’t let me see you even partly dressed”.

In the following months she came to realize that dressing was a need I have, and so gave permission for me to have a few nightgowns and panties if I kept them in my closet. I could wear them in bed, but not in her bed; and out of her sight. Step by faltering step she has walked the pathway to acceptance and on toward participation. Each step of the way I made sure to get her permission first. This was to ensure she felt she had some control over her situation. This process takes years.

She let me into her bed in my nighties. Soon after she allowed me to have some dresses. When I asked about shoes, she wanted a say as to style. Said she knew what would look good on me.

Well, that’s how “THE CONVERSATION” went, and where it led. It was truly the turning point in what otherwise could have quickly snowballed into a major disaster. I had an absolutely wonderful wife.

Our story ended earlier this year, when my wife of 39 years passed away.

Daisy

[charlen]

my so puts up with cd even help me shop. but it hard to get her to talk about.

[Sandra]

Hell yes

We've had loads of these conversations and will continue to do so.

It has helped me understand Nigella more and how she feels, and more so now that she identifies as TS.