Constant Limbo

[Meghan]

As a child, I got ear infections a lot. Like twice a year I think.

When I sat home, I would watch soaps, look at the characters and wish I were like them, in the sense that I wanted to know what it felt like to NOT have an ear infection. I wished and wished and wished, but it didn't matter.

Sometimes, when I see a beautiful, well dressed or just a "normal" woman, I wish as hard as I wished then that I were her.

Yet, when I see a "guy" on TV who is totally a guy, I wish I were him too, just wondering what it is like to not have this feeling looming just beneath the surface.

All of these feelings seem just as strong when I feel them, but I can't shake any of them.

Should I choose one and run it down, or is this a limbo I will have to face for the rest of my life?

Meghan

[Karren H]

Personally I think I'd go see someone and maybe resolve some issues... Get back to being happy with yourself as yourself and not someone else..

[docrobbysherry]

This has little to do with CDing. U must find yourself to be happy!

Whoever, and whatever u r, Meghan. Find out. After u KNOW YOURSELF, THEN maybe u can become whoever u choose!

Works for me, anyway!

[mykhelee]

I have a similar sort of dysfunction within myself.

I handle it like this-I shave it all in October and dress full femme when I can. When I am in full I pass quite well, for a woman of a certain age. In April I begin to let my mustache and goatee grow back, as well as the rest. Then I am manly man for six months. I am I, I like me.

I underdress all year long!

I have always been this way and once I stopped fighting with myself over right and wrong, things got a lot easier.
Peace

[deja true]

In thinking that maybe you need to pick one or the other mode to "find yourself", I think you might still be thinking that gender is a binary, a one or the other choice...

But it's not! Like Mykhelee, you're free to move from one to other. Or hover in any in-between state you feel comfortable in.

In fact, in doing this, not really committing yourself full time to either of the "standard" societal roles, you could experience a wholeness to your humanity that those who confine themselves to the either/or choices may never feel...

So don't feel that you have a make a choice ... maybe you're one of those who can feel fulfilled in either role ... or both ... or anywhere in between...

[Frédérique]

Should I choose one and run it down, or is this a limbo I will have to face for the rest of my life?

[SIZE="2"]Life is a kind of limbo no matter what you do, and the questions never end. It’s completely natural to question why you think about certain things – I distrust people that claim to have all the answers, since that is nothing but denial on a grand scale…

I’ve seen women I would like to look like or emulate, but it’s impossible, so I don’t waste my time thinking about it. I can’t say I’ve wanted to be a guy that I admire, simply because that type of person rarely enters my life in any form. When I notice behavior in females or males that I like (the ratio is something like 99 to 1), I knit them together in this crazy quilt called Freddy. This helps me get through the “limbo” called existence.

Should you choose one and “run it down?” No, keep your options open – all these influences are leading you somewhere, so take them all in for processing. After a while you’ll be able to look in the mirror and realize you’ve become a collage of those people you once admired – you can love and admire yourself, reaching a state of awareness few can hope to achieve. You’ll still be in a kind of “limbo,” pursuant to your own desires, but what’s in a name? [/SIZE]

[Meghan]

In thinking that maybe you need to pick one or the other mode to "find yourself", I think you might still be thinking that gender is a binary, a one or the other choice...

But it's not! Like Mykhelee, you're free to move from one to other. Or hover in any in-between state you feel comfortable in.

In fact, in doing this, not really committing yourself full time to either of the "standard" societal roles, you could experience a wholeness to your humanity that those who confine themselves to the either/or choices may never feel...

So don't feel that you have a make a choice ... maybe you're one of those who can feel fulfilled in either role ... or both ... or anywhere in between...

Hmmm...what an insightful way to put it.

I found my SO almost three years ago, and I approached her because she was dominant and had very strong opinions on things. She abhorred girlie things, and was finding her path as a dominant and strong female in a culture that doesn't seem to take well to those qualities.

She rarely, if ever wears makeup. She prefers to wear mostly drab clothing, tshirts, shorts etc.

Yet, when she dressed me a month ago for the first time, she had this wonderful glimmer in her eye when she tied the bow on the nightie she bought for me. I can see it in her eyes that she enjoys dressing me in a way she does not seem to enjoy dressing herself.

She's opened up this for me, and it's hard to just share this feminine side of myself that she has ALWAYS known was there, because I have never felt safe enough to do so. But each time we go there it's bliss, and we both seem to want to go back out of it after a day or two. It is indeed like I am moving from one world or reality to the other, one that is new and scary to another that is comfortable and familiar.

Maybe I am lucky to be able to transcend these worlds? You have given me something to really, really think about.

Thank you!!!

Meghan

[CherylFlint]

Reality check is in store for you. You don't have a period and you can't get pregnant and pass a watermellon, unless, of course you opt for an abortion. Get real. Nowdays a real woman is likely to get date raped. Imagine the truth for an instant instead of pretending the world is Never-Never Land. So our X's and Y's got a little bit out of whack, no big deal, it happens. Obviously, the trick is to come to a balance. The suicide rate of crossdressers is a lot higher than the general population so I suggest you have a good time when you dress, and then have a good time when you don't.

[Meghan]

Reality check is in store for you. You don't have a period and you can't get pregnant and pass a watermellon, unless, of course you opt for an abortion. Get real. Nowdays a real woman is likely to get date raped. Imagine the truth for an instant instead of pretending the world is Never-Never Land. So our X's and Y's got a little bit out of whack, no big deal, it happens. Obviously, the trick is to come to a balance. The suicide rate of crossdressers is a lot higher than the general population so I suggest you have a good time when you dress, and then have a good time when you don't.

I totally get your last sentence, but honestly, I find most of your note a bit inappropriate. I know I am not woman physically, I don't have any delusions about that. I think the point of my post is that I am indeed struggling and feeling out of balance a lot of the time.

I think your reminders are a bit graphic and disturbing though, and I am a little shocked that one of the mods didn't pick this up and look at it.

That said, thank you for reaching out.

Meghan