Transitioning

[silkyness]

I'm pretty new to this forum, but I am a current crossdresser beacuse it gets me as close as possible to who I feel I am. I am 19 (I don't know why my age in my profile is wrong) and ever since I was little, I felt as if I was in the wrong body. I've always felt as if I was a female stuck in a males body.

Ever since I was little, my mom would always tell me they had bought all female clothes for me when I was born because they had an ultrasound that said I was definitely a female. Since my birthday is late october, they brought me home in a witches costume.

Is there a possibility that something changed late in birth to make me a female, but certain female parts were still grown?

I have always hated my male genitalia and features and I always get "jealous" looking at women's genitalia and features...even looking at my fiancee's body gets me jealous sometimes. I have been with her for 6 years. It seems like it should be ME.

My fiancee is open with me to crossdressing and even enjoys it during intimate times now. She enjoys helping me with it, and even buys things for me when out alone.

She is NOT open with me transitioning at all. She tells me we would just end up " very good best friends" because she wants a male, not a female.

I need some suggestions on what do to, what you would do in my situation...anything.

Thanks!

[Byanca]

Very good best friends isnt so bad. I would do it, if that's the only thing holding you back.

[GypsyKaren]

An ultrasound isn't going to be definitive, it's just a picture that didn't show everything and was misread. Only you can decide if your relationship is worth not moving forward with your own self, I'll just say that not much stays forever other than who you are inside, while people in your life will come and go.

Karen

[Veronica_Jean]

Silkyness,

Karen makes a good point. Many of us spend decades struggling with what it seems you already know (in your heart).

We all have to decide for ourselves which paths to take in life. At your age there is so much still in front of you that you really should spend some time to make sure you can live without transitioning before you get into situations that complicate things.

Veronica

[silkyness]

Thanks everyone. At 19 I think it would be a great time to start and I would have a great future with it.

I have been with her for 6 years and I'm not ready to leave her. We have never really had any struggles together, and I realize that's hard to find. We'll see how things progress.

I REALLY want to go through with transitioning though. It's so hard.

I also have a problem thinking that I'll never be a natural female. I will never have real female genitalia, which is an important part for me.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

You are so smart to start thinking of this now...

Unless it is dealt with, Gender Identity Disorder is a destroyer..and regardless of what you do over time, make sure you are honest with yourself and that you don't trap yourself in an unwanted life (like i did..)

[Chari]

You must ALWAYS be comfortable and confident in who you are! IMO, there is more to being a transgendered female than just wearing high heels, clothing, and makeup. You not only have to dress as a girl/woman, you must move, act, talk, and think feminine 24-7! Keep communicating with your GF, as she can be a great help to you in choosing your perfect outfits, hair style, makeup, etc. Find as much info about transgendering as you can, and please talk to professional medical people that have done many SRS procedures! Most people in that field require you "live full time as a woman for a year before performing any surgery". Todays medical technology can make almost anyone look as "real" as most genetic born. Choose wisely what is best for you.

[LisaM]

I would begin to see a therapist and sort out your feelings before entering a permanent relationship. I ignored the same advice when I was your age.

[Karen564]

Wow, you've been with her since 13, seems you dont explore much huh..

Seriously, it sounds like your like I was, and if I had the knowledge I do now, I would of transitioned back then or even earlier..
Find yourself a gender therapist and get the ball moving now, and I'm sorry to hear your attached to her, and her to you, but do yourself & her a favor by moving on with your wishes, dont hold back because of her, in the end she will thank you for not wasting her life while shes still young enough to find another love..

I know this sounds so harsh, I really do understand, but by doing so, you wont live a life full of big regrets like I did for not doing it sooner & hurting someone I grew to love, it would of shown even more love on my part if I let her go a long time ago even as much as that would of hurt me then, at least it wouldn't of wasted her time with me for so long..

Of course before you do make ANY rash decision with your life or hers, you need to seek professional help give this deep thought before you do anything..

Best wishes..

[Melissa A.]

We still don't know for sure what causes the transsexual condition in some people, but what you describe sounds pretty consistent with what many believe...We aren't ALL smaller, more effeminate, less aggressive, and more prone to "female" looks and secondary sexual traits, but it does seem to happen that many, many of us have at leat one or more of these traits. So yeah, to me, it seems very likely that the missreading of your ultrasound, and who you are are connected in some way. But that's just my opinion. No one really knows, and that's why transsexuals are still officially suffering from a mental/emotional condition. I know that's B.S., but without scientific evidence, it doesn't matter what I think.

As Kaitlyn said, it's great that you're thinking about this now, but you should probably do more than just think about it. She's so right. Gender Identity Disorder never, ever, ever goes away, and almost always gets more pronounced over time. When you are young, you pretty much think you can overcome, or control anything. It usually takes some rough experiences to humble us into knowing that the opposite is true. But one thing you do have is the benefit of those who came before you. I would take that very seriously, if I were you.

Hugs,

Melissa