In trouble....need help please!!

[anisha_cd]

hello melbourne girls,

my whole has turned upside down in just a matter of days.....i got found out that im a CD! the other day it was all dressed up at home and going about doing some housework....i had forgotten to lock the front door that day(which i usually lock up when i dress at home). i live alone so there is never anyone to disturb me when i cd. unfortunately that day my gf decided to throw a little surprise party for me at my place in celebration of a new job i got last week......to cut a story short as u can imagine in walked a bunch of my friends and gf in stealth mode to surprise me and there i was standing at the kitchen counter fully dressed as a woman, in full view to all the people there and stunned.

this is not the way i ever wanted to be found out that i crossdress. in the next few days i lost my gf (she couldnt accept the fact i cd and was hugely embarresed in front of our friends), and a lot of the people present there that day have either stopped communicating with me or to some degree have given me the cold shoulder or snubbed me when i tried to communicate with them.

in all my life seems to be in disarray as i may have lost some of my very close friends and the woman i love. this has taken a heavy toll on me and frankly i do feel sucidal at the moment. i feel very lonely and i think i need some support. i couldnt think of any place to turn to than the internet and this forum.....hope u all lovely girls out there can help me regain my confidence and self-esteem and motivation.......to carry on with life.

would love to chat or tlk or meet with anyone willing to lend a little helping hand and support to this shattered person. i appreciate any help from anyone.

love u all,

anisha cd.

[Melissa Ryan]

Anisha I dont know what to say here. PM me
.........Melissa..........

[Emily Ann Brown]

Same here girl. PM me or email directly ltbemilt@yahoo.com
I'll talk as much as you feel you need to.

Emily Ann

[Laura Kane]

Well, for starters, it isn't the end of the world. You may feel humiliated and the next few months in your life are going to be hard, but this too shall pass.

As for the girlfriend, she wasn't a keeper anyway. If she could drop you like that, she'd have dropped you sooner or later anyway. Look at it this way. If she couldn't stand this characteristic of you, how were you going to live the rest of your life with her? in constant fear that the axe was going to fall at any minute?

As for the friends, well they weren't that good of friends either. Move on. Make new friends. Get a new job if you have to, but this isn't the end of the line. Life is full of surprises, many of them a wonderful.

This is your chance to start a new; find some people who understand, people who can love you for who you are. Like it or not, you're out. You might as well take advantage of it.

Good luck

[sarah]

There is so much i could say firstly were they ever friends if they dumped you .A friend of mine (best i ever had ) told me that a true friend is someone who would kill for you without question ,,not literally but in other words without question you are still the same person .You cant have a friend who is not accepting this is not a friend but just an acquaintance...I can understand the girlfriend being embarased but did you change because of your clothing ..No you didnt you are still the same loving person..Remember this ..you cant change your fate ,you can however drift from it but eventually you will end up there anyway...As for depression join the depression forum where a lot of girls have bigger problems and talk !!! Talking is a great way to feel better.xx

[Jamie M]

Oh my , you poor thing I don't know what to say lovey .

please do hang in there though , this of course isn't the way anyone wants to get found out , it's a shock for all concerned but do give your friends time to process this new information about you .

you never know if they are truly the friends they profess to be then they may just surprise you .

after this i'm sure that you'll be inundated with people offering support here at the very least . me being one of them of course

luv julia

[Carla_CD]

I have to say I agree with Laura, and I always felt deep down that things do happen for a reason.

How did that song go - Don't worry Be happy!!!!

You are you and nobody can take that away.


Be safe,

Carla

[JamieDP]

I so know the feelings of suicide and extreme depression because of crossdressing. I have been there because of discovery, because of being outed. It is not the end of the world. What you are experiencing has been felt by me and I am sure others. I know you're feeling the pain of the loss in addition to having to deal with being exposed or outted to the world, you family and closest friends.

To me this is a time where you get to see where you're true friends are and who really cares. If you think of how many culture's of people (and yes I am referring to crossdressing as a culture - maybe I'll start another thread on defining crossdressing as a culture), but how many cultures have struggled for acceptance, and recognition.

Beyond crossdressing I know how hard it can be to loose someone and have you're world changed because you are different.

I had my ex-wife (before we were married and still dating) out me to my coworkers. I can't tell you how difficult that was because I still had to come to work for at least a month until I could find a new job. I can tell that story later, but I actually wanted nothing but to stop existing in the world.

So if you need to talk, message me here or email me at JamieDP78@yahoo.com

There are people here for you. If you need a friend - I'll do my best.

-Jamie

[chloe]

Good luck Honey. It'll all work out.

[rubydiamond]

I know it will be hard to see it now, but this is a time when you will find out who your real friends are.....people that shun you because of this were never really your friends.....time will help but for now you have to understand that the time is the only thing that will help....and look at the good side...you don't have to worry about how to come out....you are OUT......

THIS WILL PASS....GIVE IT TIME........

[obsessedwithpantyhose]

i agree with Laura... if those people can just drop u like a hot potatoe then they r NOT ur true friends,,, everyone who knows me knows i dress and some have even seen me dressed but not on purpose,,, and because they know ME they still talk to me because they know the person inside the clothes...
so hang in there and make some new friends..

as far as the g/f goes,, i showed my now wife i dressed the first week we met ,,, been together 12 yrs now since july 5th,, and i wear my pantyhose 24/7,,,we even have been to the bar with me fully dressed and she luvs the drag shows.

[Holly]

Anisha, my heart also goes out to you. At the moment, this must seem to be the biggest problem in the whole world to you. But time does have a way of taking care of things. What is it that is said? Time heals all wounds... and time wounds all heals? And some of those so called friends are indeed heels if they would leave you over this!

I join with the others here and offer you my ear and my shoulder. Feel free to PM me anytime. If you Yahoo! we can chat, too. My Yahoo ID is in my profile. You're among loving and caring sisters here, honey. Hang in there. Better days are ahead.

[Priscilla1018]

Hi Anisha,

At the moment,this is a problem for you.In time the ones who are your true friends will be back.You have a new job and can start over with new friends in the Transgender Community.You will not have to hide in the closet again,you are out.You have the support and advice of your sisters here,let us help.If you wish you can PM me anytime,I am here alot.Good luck to you in your new future.

[michellej]

[QUOTE=anisha_cd]hello melbourne girls,

a lot of the people
some of my very close friends

anisha,
Life is not over, it has just changed.
I'm so sorry for you. What a hurt to bear. Please see what you said.... "a lot of the people" as well as "some of my very close friends". Rather than thinking of what you lost, think of those friends you gained. As hard as it will be, try to find the beauty in the friends that will stay by you. Contact those that will stay by you, and hold them very dear to your heart. Those that will stay by you are the dearest things you can possibly have. This is the time when you have found out, in a rather harsh way, who your true friends are.

[Dixie Darling]

Anisha,

I know that at a time like that PANIC would set in immediately, but what would have happened if you'd been able to retain your composure and told all of them that they thought they were coming to a 'surprise party' to surprise YOU, but you found out about it and decided to turn the tables and surprise THEM?

Dixie -- http://www.geocities.com/senorita_cd

[Olivia]

What my sisters here have said is so true Anisha. Please listen with your heart. Change is very hard for people to accept. Any change at all is difficult for some. You of course haven't changed; it's your friends' perception of you that has changed. Like so many here have told you, if they can't accept you as you really are, then I question their friendship. I've personally had to deal with this issue lately. I've seen how "friends" react to me as they found out about Olivia. Yes, some turned out to be "acquaintances", others accepted. As for your GF, it sounds cold to say this but it's better to know her "true colors" now dear, before you've gone too much further with her. As hard as the loss of her must be now, you must carry on; there are wonderful, accepting women in this world Anisha who will love you for the person you truly are. Hang in there, it will get better. You'll see, there is a great life waiting for you; in fact, the door to it has just opened for you believe it or not. If you need help in walking thru it, we are all here for you. Now is the time to be strong. Love, Olivia.

[Natalie x]

[size=4]Yeah, its a bummer alright.[/size]

[size=4]There's a lot of good advice and loving thoughts already posted by your friends here. I just want to add a couple of thoughts, maily to highlight the good things you can cling to.[/size]

[size=4]1) I gather from your post that not all of your friends are shunning you. If that's right, then you now know who will stick by you no matter what.[/size]

[size=4]2) Your girlfriend was naturally shocked to discover something about you that she had no inkling about, and her first reaction was to put distance between you. The same goes for your friends. As Julia has said, though, they could surprise you by accepting what they have learned about you, so don't give up hope. On the other hand, if they don't, then :duh: to them![/size]

[size=4]3) You have this wonderful community of friends for sympathy and support.[/size]

[size=4]4) No need to worry about getting found out any more, mate, you can move on to the next part of your life with confidence.[/size]

[size=4]Lean on us, girl. We are your sisters and we know what you're going through.[/size]

[Deidra Cowen]

Anisha,

My thoughts are with you and I know you will work things out. That had to be a scary experience but you will get thru it. Please just take a breath and don't do anything drastic.

Hugs,

Deidra

[MelissaAndProudOfIt]

Extremely sorry to hear about this personal dilemma. Can i first assure you that you're not on your own and your dilemma isn't a new one either. I have known many who have been found out in similar ways to you. With regards though to your case though your G/f was obviously surprised. You're obviously feeling dejected, neglected whatever.. but you have to dig strength from within, when strength from the outside lags. Friends are people who stick by your side unconditionally, and not conditionally. Their problem is your dressing, that isn't your problem, it's the simple fact they have a problem with it. If any of your friends are truelly friends, they will return albeit after a while of consideration. If they have a streak of decency, they'll realise it really has nothing to do with them what you do with your life. I reckon some will definently return after a while. I have faith in that too... you wait and see, my words will ring true!

Your G/f now.. Obviously she was shocked, maybe thats an understatement, but if she has any real love for you, as you... I think she'll come back. Like friendship, love should be unconditional, through thick and thin, through rough and smooth of life. She has a problem obviously with your dressing, once again note it's her/their problems with your dressing. Your G/f I hope and pray thinks loads of you, apart from this slight setback. Right now she needs time to absorb this revelation and take it on board, I have said this time and time again... You took years to discover your inner feelings for dressing i am sure, so please don't expect her to accept it with a matter of weeks or so... Keep a cool head, be patient, keep loyal and respect her feelings. Given a while I really think if she has any feelings for you, which I am sure she has, then i think theres a good chance that she'll come round to contacting you. When this happens... don't bring up the subject as i think that might seem like your rubbing it in for effect... If she brings up the subject of your dressing anyway, Just ensure her that she has not lost you as a male partner.. put her at ease.. give her as much positive reassurance as you can about your dressing intentions.... this will help put her at ease. Explain your true gender to her, most crossdressers by statistics are straight anyway.... tell her this.. in fact many are married, with kids too. Many more are married and wives don't know... so be positive and keep faithfull and with luck and a prayer I feel sure that your genuine friends will re emerge and your g/f will too... I'll pray that it does for you....


Best of luck


Melissa

PS will keep my fingers crossed..

[kellypm]

i can only guess at how painful this must be for you right now and how many emotions you have running round your heart and your head,

just try and remember the people that matter the most will come round they just need time to adjust it was probably just as much as a shock for them as it was for you,

when i found out about my husband it took time to understand what it all meant, i truly believe that with time and a little knowledge the people that love you the most will come back to you.

Meanwhile take comfort in the people on this forum whenever you need to please feel free to pm me if you would like to



kelly

[tammie]

Anisha: U keep on dear. Consider this; if there were 10 men at that "surprise" get together one of them is probably a CD. The women there R probably more understanding than the men, so one or more might ask if U need any of their things, depending on size. BE ready for someone to contact U. What everyone here has said is true. U might want to die, but in fact U won't, not from this anyway. Now your GF may be humiliated, and if she jetts U over this consider yourself blessed that U didn't invest more time in her. Remember we bring something to a relationship, and we have value as people too. We R not lepers just because we like to wear bras and panties. We don't rob steal or hurt people, we just like nice clothes. The world should just get over it.

[Ophelia D'Void]

I'm so sorry to hear about your horrible situation. Usually there is a certain amount of shock associated with seeing someone you know totally in drag. From what Ayla tells me, even though I tried my best to prepare her, and went slowly through the transformation process, she was still taken aback.

I can imagine how painful it can be for you, suddenly so needy, and suddenly being left out in the cold by those whose comfort you need the most.

To echo the alot of my sisters on here, I believe that many of your friends will come around, after they deal with their own insecurities. Those that don't come back, bah, they weren't worth being your friends if they can't take a little adversity. It wasn't like you killed their dog or burned their house down.

Just try to hang in there, and try to be patient as your loved ones digest what they've been through. I know waiting can be the most difficult part, but it's there, and there's nothing that can be done but to take one day at a time. Expect the worst (no one will come back) but hope for the best (they'll all come to terms with it). I suspect that the truth will be somewhere in between, and you'll see who your true friends are who love you for you, versus those who were just along for the ride.

And when some, if not all, of them come back, be prepared to finally come clean and answer as honestly as possible. This is an opportunity to embrace who you are as a crossdresser, and since it's out in the open, you can finally be honest with yourself and others.

I think the touchiest issue will be your girlfriend. She will be the most difficult to deal with, not only because of the emotional turmoil, but what she considers being humiliated in public.

Maybe the best way to approach her is just to write her a letter, so she can digest things in her own time. Assure her that you love her, that you had no intention of hurting her or humiliating her, and to try, if she can to see things from your perspective too. You're a human being like anyone else, and if anything, the hurt she's feeling is nothing compared to what you're going through. She still has a support group to talk with, and she was the "victim" (although in this case no one is to blame). And you too are going through humiliation, almost a magnitude greater in fact. Take things slowly, and hang in there. It's all about patience and damage management right now.

And just know that you have any and all of us to turn to. Hang in there, and my heart goes out to you.

Ophelia

[arula]

hello melbourne girls,

my whole has turned upside down in just a matter of days.....i got found out that im a CD! the other day it was all dressed up at home and going about doing some housework....i had forgotten to lock the front door that day(which i usually lock up when i dress at home). i live alone so there is never anyone to disturb me when i cd. unfortunately that day my gf decided to throw a little surprise party for me at my place in celebration of a new job i got last week......to cut a story short as u can imagine in walked a bunch of my friends and gf in stealth mode to surprise me and there i was standing at the kitchen counter fully dressed as a woman, in full view to all the people there and stunned.

this is not the way i ever wanted to be found out that i crossdress. in the next few days i lost my gf (she couldnt accept the fact i cd and was hugely embarresed in front of our friends), and a lot of the people present there that day have either stopped communicating with me or to some degree have given me the cold shoulder or snubbed me when i tried to communicate with them.

in all my life seems to be in disarray as i may have lost some of my very close friends and the woman i love. this has taken a heavy toll on me and frankly i do feel sucidal at the moment. i feel very lonely and i think i need some support. i couldnt think of any place to turn to than the internet and this forum.....hope u all lovely girls out there can help me regain my confidence and self-esteem and motivation.......to carry on with life.

would love to chat or tlk or meet with anyone willing to lend a little helping hand and support to this shattered person. i appreciate any help from anyone.

love u all,

anisha cd.

Anisha, I too was found out about 25 years ago. It hurt, Its gonna hurt alot. I carried on, met someone new. All the time Arula was by my side, an island for me to rest. I'm doing the Al Bundy thing now MWC. Arula still in my life, still separate. I'm being more cautious. Arula, she just won't stop! Girlfiend, you will keep going. If I can help, XO Arula.

[eileen1969]

I honey my heart and prayers go out to you love! as I did just say a little prayer for you! I could say that regardless of what others have done to you only will make you stronger hun! by reaching out for help is a good step! I can relate to your situation to a tee! if you need to chat n talk babe~ my addy is ronchester450@hotmail.com via messenger! I do have a lot to share with you as well support hun! all my love your feind always Eileenxoxo Love previals all!~

[Rachel_740]

Anisha,

I agree with Laura's comments on your friends, they can't have been REAL friends - especially if they have known you for some time or if they were YOUR friends, not your GF's.

As for some of them giving you the cold shoulder, it's very easy in this sort of situation to see a problem that doesn't really exist, so before you condemn those who are 'giving you the cold shoulder' have a very good look at what is actually happening and see if it could be you. If it is you may end up driving a truely supportive friend away by your own actions.

I'm very sorry if this comes across in a negative way, I can well understand it does, but I have written it to try to make you look your situation (hopefully) as an outsider.

I hope you understand what I am saying.

Anne