Beth has not been out in quite a while and I think i'm giong crazy. This isn't a joke. I have no one to turn to and my wife has no idea about Beth. i love my wife more than life itself but i can't put Beth away. I am Beth. without her I wouldn't be me. I just don't know what to do. Is counseling an option?
I need help my sisters. ASAP. I'm really starting to get depressed.
Thanks to all and hugs
Beth
Hello Beth,
Have you thought about saying something to your wife about Beth and how do you thing she would react to finding out at least a bit about your secret .
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]Joanne
Be truthful, she'll respect you all the more.
I have to agree with Joanne and Cheryl here - You are not happy as things stand and is it fair on your wife to keep this secret from her. How do you know what her reaction will be ? And you do have someone to turn to Beth - all the girls here will listen to you and help in any way possible. Lyndi
you need to talk to her and yes i think sitting with a therapst is a good idea
silk
Beth,
I agree with everything that has been said already. You talk to both a therapist and your wife. I think you need to find a therapist that is very familiar with gender issues.
Thank you all. she has found panties and such in the past and has expressed no desire to talk about it. I think a therapist is the best course of action and I will persue this. thank you all for "being there" for me. i don't know what i would do without you. I'll keep you all posted. I know that you care.
Beth
PS If anyone knows of a good therapist in the Ocean County area of NJ PLEASE let me know.
Last edited by bethw; 11-11-2009 at 02:17 PM.
I'd just like to give you a big HUG!
This can be a lonely journey, but please don't get too depressed about your situation. As the others have said, communication is important, although it may not provide a solution. Discussing this in the presence of a qualified therapist will allow you to convey your inner feelings in a way that may be more accepting to your wife, but that doesn't mean that she will accept the fact that you are who you are on the inside. There have been many threads here that speak to the tell/don't tell issue, and most of the GG's want to know, (perferably before marriage or the beginning of a relationship) but that doesn't apply in your case. Don't beat yourself up over it, but it will be a huge relief for you when you convey your feelings to her. On the downside, it will be a burden for her in many ways, but could also be a relief to know that you aren't cheating on her, and that you aren't looking for a major life change, i.e. sex change, etc. Go slow, be kind, and always be considerate of her feelings as she trys to deal with your revelation. Don't assume that it has to be an "either/or" situation as many of us have found a way to have a meaningful relationship and still be who we are, even if our spouses/or S.O.'s are unaccepting.
Suzanne
Transtronaut
You must first find yourself before you can discover your future-
sometimes a picture says a thousand words and is good to test the waters. show her a pic and if she freaks out at least you have broken the ice.
Thank you all so much. I'm sitting at my desk and I'm ready to cry. Suzzane, I'll take all the hugs I can get right now. we're going away for the weekend and maybe, just maybe, I'll work up the courage to start a conversation with her.
We've been married for 34 years and we've weathered worse than this, I think. we'll get through this too. She's an amazing lady.
Hugs
Beth
I will keep you and your wife in my prayers. 34 years is a long time, I'm sure she is a wonderful woman. We are celebrating our 30th anniversary next month!
Suzanne
Transtronaut
You must first find yourself before you can discover your future-
Hi Beth,
Two issues are pushing forward here:
1. You are lonesome and need someone sympathetic to talk with. This might be a therapist, or a local support group, or your many friends at this site. If you are in the internal turmoil you seem to be expressing, chances are very good that your wife is NOT your best bet until you feel a little bit better about yourself.
2. You need eventually to be honest with your wife; many of us waited for whatever reasons until after we were married to mention this "little" thing... It did not end well for many. (I am one of the extremely fortunate ones). It will not help if you try to discuss this while you are feeling ashamed and guilty.
Beth, we have all worn your shoes; my DearSweetWife has said recently that she loves almost everything about me, except for the crossdressing; on the other hand she realizes many of the things that she loves most are probably caused by the same internal makeup that led to the crossdressing. I hope your wife will adopt this attitude, but you will have to work for it.
Keep talking with us; it will get better.
-jj
Suzanne
She is the best thing that has ever happened to me. Thank you for the prayers.
Originally Posted by bethw
You'll have to decide how (and if) to tell your wife, but keeping secrets can also cause strain on family relationships.
Best Thoughts, and may God hold you in the palm of His hand.
Hugs,
Persephone.
"If you are living the life you want to live you've successfully transitioned to being the person you want to be." - Eryn.
"If you truly care about me you should damn well want for me what I want for myself" - Michael Westen (Burn Notice)
-.-. --.-/-.-. --.-/-.-. -../ Persephone™ and Persephone™ are trademarks of Persephone herself, accept no substitutes. The terms "en femme" and "en drab" originated with Marcia Sampson/Staylace (OBM).
Jennifer;
Thanks for the advise. I'll take it to heart. You're a good friend.
Beth
If you do talk to her, which IMHO you should do, let her know that she is not alone, tell her about the FAB forum we have here for wives/partners.
It's not doing you any good keeping Beth all closed up so take that plunge and chat to her.
Sandra
Administrator
I always used to rib you about your legs can't anymore. R.I.P Sexy Legs
R.I.P Rianna
Well now, hold on a minute. That doesn't necessarily mean you can't talk to her now. It depends on the details like... how long ago did she find panties? Her outlook might have changed some since then. Why exactly did she not want to talk? She might have suspected you were having an affair, and that's very different from crossdressing. If she understood how much stress you're under right now, don't you think she would care and want to help you?
I have to agree,being honest is the first step. trying to hide it make's you feel worse then telling and upseting the one you love most i have been there. and like a few girl's above my wife was at first shocked,but settled and decided we would work thing's out togeather. she love's me as amber and as a male counter part now. but it take's work and building a bridge of communaction and understanding is most likely the best step.
try building a little courge and understanding for your self,then you need to talk
Your life is a series of moment's,for each one passed is another one lost.
I agree with everyone here (with one exception, in a minute...) that you'll feel much better once it's in the open. Two things I must stress: First, make it clear that you are still the man she fell in love with and she is still the most important person in your life. Second, PROVE it by your actions -- put her desires first before yours, and if she has limits (such as "Don't go out in public" or "don't let the kids see you dressed" or "don't let me see you dressed") honor those limits like your life depends on it, no cheating when you think she won't find out. As long as you both have a way to get your needs met, this story will have a happy ending.
Now, I disagree with sallyjones about the picture. No matter how tasteful and attractive YOU think the picture is, it will be way too much information for her all at once. Better, I think, to build up to it slowly so she's not overwhelmed. Start by explaining you want to be completely honest with her about everything, but there's a part of you that she has never known about because you were afraid she would not love you if she knew (I'm assuming both of those statements are true). Explain that it has been a part of your personality since childhood and you know from your own experience and reading about it that it is not something you can just stop or turn off like smoking. THEN go into detail about the dressing, THEN emphasize that it doesn't change who you are or how you feel about her, and reassure her that you do not desire to have surgery to become a woman and you aren't gay (again, I'm assuming those statements are true).
After that, it's her turn -- ask if she has any questions or concerns, and answer them as completely and truthfully as possible.
A thought just crossed my mind...
Have any of you "tested the water" with your needs-to-be-told wife by bringing home a pleasant friend from work/school/league/church/whatever who happens to be a crossdresser? Or by innocently taking her someplace (a restaurant, shopping, whatever) where such a person "just happens" to be?
It seems as though this is a service we could offer each other to gently introduce our wives to something that might otherwise be unknown and frightening. Too many people immediately associate "crossdressing" with "drag queens" (not that there is anything wrong with drag queens) and it may be helpful for her to see/meet nice people who dress stylishly.
Just an idea...
-jj
Beth,
I mostly read the posts here, rarely writing, but I've been where you are. My wife and I were married 25 years before I told her. Wish I had done it sooner! Wife and I had been through some pretty tough stuff, (lost 4 of 5 of our kids to the automobile)and are still comming out of that. One day I just felt I had to tell her, didn't do my homework first, so it was another catastrophy on top of what we were already dealing with.
Anyway, I suggest you gather all the info you can in preperation. This will be one big dump on her, even going slow. And, I recommend slow! She will have questions that are going to be to the point and hard to answer. Tell the truth, if you don't have an answer, say so, because you won't have all the answers. Give her some credit too, she's not stupid. She'll need time to absorb, so don't rush her. Expect some adverse reaction (I spent three months in "dry dock"). She may want to set up "boundaries", that's a good thing,It's mostly telling you what she will accept at this point. May be negotiable down the road, go slow. If you marriage is solid it will survive. Also, try to put yourself in her shoes (nothing funny intended) and imagine how it would be if tables were turned the other way.
I'm sure there are others here that have the gift of gab and will relate thier experiences. I don't know what else to tell you at this point, only that the wife and I just celebrated our 43 annaversary. You might suggest she come on this site and converse with other wives that have been through this.
Huggs, Anna Kate
Beth I know just what you're going through. I met my wife 15 years ago and came into the relationship with full disclosure. from that point on she never wanted anything to do with it, talk about it, or acknowledge Evie still existed. So I carried on as discretely as I could, but last fall she found out I went out for a social drink with a GG friend of mine while she was out of town, and everything exploded from there. I am seeing a "therapist" who was recommended by my GP and is a "gender specialist". But as I write this I'm sitting in my new apartment, alone, contemplating what's next
You need to talk to her diplomatically not just blurt out your desires, be kind, patient, understanding (damn all those female traits) a lot of years of marriage and more than anything LOVE, can overcome and help resolve almost anything…
Good Luck sweety
Beth: come out to you wife. If it's eating you inside this much it is time to let You wife meet Beth
Depression is bad, but you can overcome it. You need to get to a doctor and get some anti-depressants. Even if you do get to dress once in a while you will get depressed. It sounds like you need to tell your SO, and comeout to her. Do not show her, but talk to her about it. At first she will think you are the wierdo that everyone told her not to get mixed up with, but if you tell her how you really feel and if she really LOVES you she should at least try to accpet you. Do not think she wants to see it as she may never ever want to see her MAN dressed as a female. The thing is to talk to her about someone else how CDs maybe over a time of a couple months and see how she reacts. Talk a more each time. Time is what you need. As for you you will have to get your dressing time in when you can. Be careful not to get caught, that can be worse than telling her.
Ladies have a GREAT time!
Smile GOD LOVES you!!!
GOD BLESS US ALL!!!
AMY Hepker
ROSES ARE RED
VIOLETS ARE BLUE
I'LL BE ME
AND YOU BE YOU
I feel for ya. I havn't been out scince Haloween, and it's diving me nuts!
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