When you decide you're trans and not just cd? I'm Very confused!
Help?
Marcie
When you decide you're trans and not just cd? I'm Very confused!
Help?
Marcie
thats a great question that i am interested in.
Happiness is a choice.
I'm confused by what you mean by "just CD".
Second star to the right and straight on till morning
If a line or the line exists, it is very blurry. I think that it really comes down to you deciding what you want and why you want it. Because it really comes from within, in my opinion, it takes a lot of introspection and realistic self-questioning and honest answering: it's not a line but a decision (a set of decisions).
warmly, Linnea
Is it at the full-time/part time boundary? Yeah- I'd have a tough time figuring out a time when I would not prefer to be dressed/underdressed but it's very hard to be a woman even in the modern world and in the final analysis it's not clear to me I'd be equipped to deal with all the inequities, assumptions and inconvenience of being a female in the social, not the "passing" sense. Once we've assumed the baggage of male moving to a non-lesbian female must be extremely difficult- dropping all the innate behavior of males would require, it seems to me, years and years for all but few.
I always thought the line was in the sand but we have crappy clay soil here... Or how about the line on the back of your stockings? I guess if you get those crossded then it could mean your trans... Or just not very neat? It's probably more when you line your eye... Yeah.. Lots of lines that could be crossed... Plain and simple...
If you are talking trans-gendered it's kind of an umbrella term that covers a lot of ground all the way from someone who likes an item or two of the opposite sex's clothes all the way to a person whose biological gender doesn't match what they feel their true gender should be and seek to correct it.Originally Posted by Marcie4you
Linnea has hit it right on the head I think. There isn't a hard and fast line between them; gender and sexuality are a little more fluid than most like to think.
"You are not an accident, nor are you malfunctioning. You are performing EXACTLY as coded." For many "Man in a Dress" is the worst atrocity commit-able; for me it's just reality. Click to Learn About Me. Click to Complain About Me! There is a fine line between brutal honesty and honest brutality. It is rarely in the same place for the sender and the receiver.
Marcie,
I don't think it is something as simple as a line. I have friends who always known that they are TS and then transitioned. Others thought they were CD but eventually came to feel they were TS and finally transitioned.
I find it very difficult to define the gender spectrum because it is often blurry. The differences between CD/TG/TS can be small but to those that eventually define themselves as TS they become much clearer over time.
One easy difference is the 'dressing'. Crossdressing never did anything for me. My dressing has never been erotic or exotic. I have always dressed to fit in with other women which means I wear jeans and slacks a lot.
Another difference is the comfort or discomfort with one's own gender. I have lived with gender dysphoria for as long as I have had memories and it has caused severe depression. It is almost the opposite of the 'pink fog'. Instead of feeling euphoric because you spent a short time dressed you feel incredibly depressed in everything that you do and it prevents you from doing just about anything.
I think anyone who starts to think that they may be more TS than CD needs to begin therapy with a therapist well-versed in gender issues. It is not a simple line you are crossing. It is very complicated and the jouney is painful and difficult and needs to be approached very methodically.
This is just mybut good luck and definitely try to find a good therapist.
I have posed that exact question to myself thousands and thousands of times to my self, and I always, come up with the same answer every time.
I have always pushed for an androgynous style, but even in the thickest of pink fogs, I would always come back to my male self. I am too happy with my male side, and could never give it up, but at the same time I need room for the female expression side.
There is this weird fine line between doing something for sexual gratification vs. trying to express yourself as you are, and I happened to cross that line early on. I never saw myself as a woman, but I always felt compelled to take interest in the same things women do, in the same way.
I always had a hard time understanding exactly what a transsexual is. For example, listen to a podcast of Robin Diane Goldstein (Schnauzer Logic) on TransFM and you will never know that the voice behind the microphone is a MTF transsexual. Maybe everyone is different.
In spite of the fact that I hate labels, I feel mostly aligned with the term bi-gender. See that black box with the switches below left? That's what I mean. All in all, I don't feel like being locked into anything.
Last edited by NathalieX66; 12-23-2009 at 04:45 PM.
Good question -
Well, if you want to live full time as a woman, regardless of other factors like passing or having the money for a bunch of fancy hormones or surgery, then you are more TS.
One thing though - if you claim the label TS, then some other CD or TS folks are gonna tell you "you are not really TS because..." and have a bunch of reasons.
And to hell with what they think.
Here is an interesting note - there is no fail-safe test to determine if someone is TS or not, if someone knew how to tell for sure, then how come there is no true test? Maybe just this -
A CD just wants to do it now and then but not all the time.
A TS wants to live full time and be in society as a woman full time.
Being CD or TS is a state of mind. It has little to do with how well you pass or how rich or level of acceptance.
I do believe ALL TG folks have to make sacrafices to be who they are, whether we enjoy making them or not. The important thing is - how do you want to live your own life?
It takes a true Erin to be a pain in the assatar.
[SIZE="3"]
Over the last year I have posed this question to myself many times.
I have come to realize that its not a decision to be either or. I honestly believe that it is about how you feel inside.
[/SIZE]
[SIZE="2"]
Hugs,
Tiffany
My facebook: www.facebook.com/ladysnow71
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By trans I'm guessing you mean Transsexual and not a member of the big umbrella of transgender (in which I include CDs).When you decide you're trans and not just cd? I'm Very confused!
IMO the answer is simple. You don't decide. If you have to consciously decide you're TS I would bet you are not. If you are TS you already know it. You may not accept, believe, or understand it but you know it deep down in your core.
What you do with it is strictly up to you. Find a place where you are able to be content and stay there. If you can accept you are a male and just like to express a feminine side that's great. If not then you need to decide how far you need to go. Note I use the work NEED, because as someone so succinctly put it: Don't transition unless you need to, but if you need to then don't let anything stop you.
You see, there is no real hard and fast delineation between any of this, it's all a sliding scale and only you can tell where you are most comfortable on that scale.
"Willfully turning aside from the truth is treason to one's self." - Wizard's Tenth Rule:
"Life is the future, not the past." - Wizard's Seventh Rule
"Deserve victory." - Wizard's Eighth Rule
"Be justified in your convictions. Be completely committed. Earn what you want and need rather than waiting for others to give you what you desire."
There is just one life for each of us: our own - Words from a fortune cookie
Do or Do Not. There is no try - Yoda
You've asked the question that has an many answers as there are people who've asked it. I thought I'd gotten to the place where I was a cd and that wasn't enough. I didn't like the going back and forth. Maybe i'm just lazy, but it wasn't that. I think that if you have questions you need to answer them so at least you don't spend you're whole life wondering. And not everybody gets there by the same road, but there are similarities, so i would recomend starting at TSROADMAP, it was a great help. And it provided the questions that I already knew the answers to, and I suspect, you do too. Carol
I have been burdened with a depression very much like this for some time. It is complicated by the fact that my wife and I have been having a pretty rough time for the last 3 years or so - but only two of them have been complicated by my telling her about my dressing.
Having recently had a chance to visit a safe venue as Paula, and also go out on my first 'public evening', albeit an LGBT event, I am finding myself thinking much more as Paula and my male self is the shadow that inhibits me rather than the other way round.
However, in the wider world I still exist as a male in a marriage - and there would be a huge amount of work to do if I were to clear the decks for a full-time Paula.
The whole question is one I find daunting in the exteme!
This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.
I am worrying about the same thing. Crossdressing was pretty much a sexual thing for me (although not exclusively). Just the thought of getting dressed would guarantee arousal and all the problems it causes. However recently I've found that although the anticipation is the same the actual dressing is not. I now get dressed without any arousal at all as if it was just normal life. It feels so much better to be free of the sexual pressure and just basically be dressed and doing everyday things around the house for as long as alone time allows. Funnily enough this does seem to be leading to a desire to dress more and more (I have dressed for part of every day for the last week). My question is this, am I subconciously crossing the elusive "line" between being a crossdresser and a transexual? I have even found myself standing with my hip down and ankle bent (you know the pose) waiting for the kettle to boil to make a cuppa for me and the wife. Any opinions or advice would be greatly appreciated.
not transsexual......I my mind I think it is when you share your first kiss with someone of the opposite sex......I currently am a crossdresser but have been considering becoming transgender.......Where is that mistletoe?
How long is a piece of string?
There is no definitive standard, you decide, when you decide.
At the same time, there isn't necessarily a continuum, where one starts out as a CD and progresses until they have SRS. Some people here do experience that continuum, others have very different experiences. Lots of the girls here aren't TS, and never will be. Lots of the TS girls here never were CD and never will be. Some girls dress in order to express who they are inside, some girls dress in order to be accepted by society in the gender they feel most comfortable in, some girls dress as a hobby, some girls dress because it is a huge turn-on for them, some girls dress because they like to mess with people's heads, some girls dress because they want to tick-off their family members, some girls like to dress for any number of other reasons. Some of those girls are TS, some of them are TS and don't know it yet, some of those girls will never be TS.
It is not like the girls who are TS are more advanced or have earned gold status or something - just different. It's not a competition - it's life.
"I don't mind living in a man's world, as long as I can be a woman in it." — Marilyn Monroe
[SIZE="2"]I’m a transvestite, so I’m between “trans” and CD. That is my own personal definition, and I’m sticking with it. The “line” is all in your mind, darling – you're allowed to make up your own criteria…[/SIZE]
There is no line. We all agree that there are not two genders, but a continuum of gender with many shades of grey. This is true of everything. There are no boxes, no labels that fit everyone, no excuses to categorize and to discriminate.
As Harry Truman said, "the buck stops here".
Last edited by Mary Morgan; 12-24-2009 at 04:26 AM.
My personal belief closely matches your interpretation here, pamela...
I concur with the concept of a myriad of intricate "parts" existing in each person, combining into a unique scenario for each individual. But I think many of those who strongly align themselves with "TS", have done so from "the beginning", and would not describe it in terms of a "decision" that was pondered.
The "decisions" were primarily focused on the challenges they will do/did face on the path to "making it right". "Leaving something behind" is a minimal or non-existent issue.
Again, generalities about "true" TS, not intended to discount any variations in status or commitments of others.
"We are all exactly alike, except for being totally different."
I think it is a matter of feeling good as you dress like a woman or feeling like a woman when you dress.
Put a little lipstick on you'll feel better
So many great answers! I have kinda wrestled with this also, over the last few months. The line is blurry, but I'm pretty sure I crossed it. Maybe I crossed it years ago, just didn't know it!
"And if you want some fun, sing Ob-Bla-Di-Bla-Da!"
Personally, labels don't mean a thing, unless you have a need for categorization. I think labels tend to take away from the fun and satisfaction of being TG'ed (oops, there goes another label)!! Don't worry about what to call yourself...just enjoy the experience and carry it far as you want it to go.
I couldn't agree to this more.[SIZE="2"]I’m a transvestite, so I’m between “trans” and CD. That is my own personal definition, and I’m sticking with it. The “line” is all in your mind, darling – you're allowed to make up your own criteria…
Crossdresser, transvestite, transgender, transsexual etc. all those are just simple words that most people seem to define differently anyway. You are what you feel you are not what someone else thinks you are. Only you yourself can truly decide what you want to call yourself. There is no real line between all these different "categories" but they are more so just something that helps you to explain to others what you feel. In the end, you don't even really have to use any of these words if you don't feel that it fits you. Just give it some time and it's going to come to you. *hugs*
So instead of worrying about what to call yourself enjoy yourself the way you are.
I look like a Girl
With Makeup on my Face
In Reality
A cute Kitty I am!
this supposed line doesn't exist.
If you wanna play that game though. technically you could say Im a full-timer, as I wear female clothing everyday, wear makeup everyday, and style my hair feminine everyday. Do these things really make someone a women? Given I don't wear dresses, or skirts, and heels, but I can name a dozen GG in my town who don't do that either.
Does that make me a TS girl? Is the only thing holding me back for taking that title, the desire to take hormones, cut off my junk, and change me name? These are all subjective and immaterial if you ask me. it's all in our own head, and only we ourselves draw the lines. And for me personally, there is no line. I feel I can live my life anyway I choose, I don't believe in gender as a binary system, and I certainly don't consider myself male or female, let alone a Crossdresser, or a Transexual.
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