Hello Everyone, I'm Christine... I'm relatively new to the board, but feel like I'm around likeminded girls, some of which share some of the things going on in my life now, and I really need to get something off my chest in an attempt to get on with life. I have been going through some very difficult times the last couple of years, and have been offline for at least that long, all the while, also due to changes in my home situation, have had to keep Crissy bottled up inside. I figure that it would be a good idea to re-introduce myself, so here goes...Crissy is not a "fetish" or "a stage" in my life, Crissy is one very impotrant half of me, a half that is very, very real and needs to live, breath, and interact with the world. Crissy has been a part of me as long as I can remember, first showing herself to me at a very early age. Even then, I knew that she would be with me forever...as long as the male side of me was alive. I recall one night, when I "brought Crissy out", and had'nt in a couple of months...When I finally saw her face in the mirror, I cried...as I had missed her so much! Things in my life had been great for a long time, I had a very sucessful business, which allowed Crissy pretty much unlimited shopping sprees, and allowed lots of travel time, for me to let her come out "in private". Things were great with the family life as well, bought a million dollar 5/3 home in a very upscale community in Central Fla., I was able to provide for my family everything they could ever want, bought myself the dream Porsche that I always wanted...My marriage was unbelievable..While like most here I'm sure, my wife does not know of my "Femme" side. I did, however, let her in on my love of silky things...pantyhose, sheer panties, high heels and such. I was estatic that she was accepting of it, putting me (and her) in expencive silky pantyhose and high heels when we made love. We'd slide our nylons against eachother over satin sheets and it was the most incredible feeling in the world, especially, that I got to share it with my S.O. She would even, many times, buy us matching nighties, it really was a very special time for us. Things really could not get any better for all of us. My business was doing so well that others began copying my business plan, and my market share dropped to dangerous levels. I knew that the business was sinking, and there was not much I could do about it. I got very stressed out, and handled it the only way I could...I just tried to "numb myself". I developed a little bit of what they call a "substance abuse issue", was living away from the family in hotel rooms, and living in a fog. I crashed and totalled my Porsche (with no insurance), almost killed myself...generally displaying a lot of self destructive behavior. Long story short, I lost the business, lost our house, and almost lost my family. In a moment of clearity, I took inventory of my life, and decided to regroup my life and dedicate myself to my family. We looked for a simpler life, on a small island in Florida, and found it, renting a small apartment for the three of us and our 4 pets. Things between the three of us never really got much better though. Things are not good, at all. It's been going on 4 years now since "my episode", and neither my wife or son seems to have forgiven me yet. I basically have no marriage anymore, for all practical purposes. We have not made love in months, and not that it has any bearing on it, have'nt seen seen the "silky things" in years either. She does not like me, and I know that she does feel the same way about me that she used to. She has over the years, transformed into the masculine role in the relationship. In addition to her being the "bread winner" now, She has transformed into someone who thinks like a man, dresses and acts like a man...she displays virtually no feminine qualities anymore, no tenderness, no compassion, no caring. The only femininity in our home is the femininity that I have within myself, but must control to keep up masculine appearances. This probably contrubutes to my need to let Crissy surface, and breathe once again. My son has no respect for me, and we rarely speak civilally anymore. I love the both of them with all my heart, and would of course, die for them. I've been stuck in this little apartment 24/7,on this little island, unemployed for going on four years now. My day consists of doing the previous nights dishes, planning the evenings dinner, feeding the animals, sweeping, making beds, mopping, and making dinner. Then I take my sleeping pills (insomnia..bad), and wake up to do it all over again. I have really lost my place in this world. I have no purpose in life, no friends, I have no family to talk to, the only thing that I have..is Crissy, and I can't even let her out anymore. There is no employment for me here, and after all this time and effort, things are not going to improve with my family, unless I can get away for a year or so and find "my place in this world". I've made a decision to make a change for the better, I'm planning on moving to where my heart is...NYC. I have several employment opportunities in Manhattan, and I'm going to go for it. I absolutely love Manhattan, and am looking forward to let Crissy come back out with a vengance. I don't really know anybody there, especially don't have any fellow "girlfriends" there, but if the was ever a place where Crissy could walk proudly down the sidewalk, it's there. I really want and need to make some new girlfriends there to talk to and socialize with. I dream of the day when I can go out "clubbing" with some other girls! That's where I am at physically and emotionally now. I have been crying now for weeks over my relationship with my wife and son, and now I have to do whats best for me. Words cannot explain how all alone and lonely that I have been...for so long. After a year or so, I'll come back home to see where I stand with them, but for now, I just have to do what's right for me, and Crissy. As they say..."how can other people love you, if you don't love yourself". Thanks for letting me vent, and if any of you NYC girls feel like taking a sweet southern girl under your wing, I'd really love to hear from you, and I really need the friendship. Christine Gwen Sweetleggs..