Help ! How do you know when you are ready to go out ?

[BonnieJG]

Hello
I'm been dress for about 10yr off & on in the house the wife knows let me dress in the bed roon all the time once and while around the house, the wife and me go shopping for stuff as she put it clothes all the time she allway ask me to you what any thing and shw will help me pick it out and she picks up lots too at the same time

I would love to try to go out HOW do you know when your ready to go out ?

When I get all dress up and look at myself I still look like a guy in the face How do I change that. . . .

How do you start, Help


I read lots of you girls going out for the first time I would love to go out BUT I think I still look more like a guy in the face to go out .

How do you get you wife to go alone


BonnieJg

[msginaadoll]

You never are truly ready to go out. There is that nervousness that is with you and wont go away. My two cents.... Go somewhere initially where u will feel comfortable and not on display. For some that is a local cd support group for some that is the Girls night out that local gay/lesbian bars have. Also support is wonderful, either having someone who has experience or even another newbie. One of my initial times in public I went with a group of cds who left from the Janets Closet store in michigan. It was so nice having that support. I think it is also import to know how you are socially. Socially I am kind of a dork and am shy. I have to challenge myself and stretch my comfort limits. I had to make myself go up and introduce myself to other cds. Met some wonderful people that way. Also may be important to face thae fact that you may not be a beauty queen- so what we ladies come in all sizes shapes and flavors. My first solo trip I felt like Gina the Ugly Mountain Troll- there was no way I could compete with the other girls. It took me awhile to realize that it wasnt a competition and I could only be me. Just work on being the best you you can be! And as a college professor once told me 'Set yourself up for success, not failure!"

[Sarah Doepner]

Bonnie,
It sounds like you need to improve your self confidence before you consider stepping outside. The thing you mention in your post is you feel your face looks too much like a man's when you dress.
The first thing you will need to do is work on your makeup more. Your wife is supportive and maybe she can help you improve your skills and give you more feedback on what needs to be done. I'd also recommend that you look at the all the help sites you can and practice until you can look in the mirror and feel good about what you see.
When you feel more confident about your presentation start looking for a safe place to go. A CD support group of some kind would be a great place to begin.
There is no need to rush. No one here would think the worse of you if you never go out or if you delay for months or years as you prepare for that step out the door. The worst thing to do is go out when you are not ready and have a terrible time. This should be fun and with good choices it can be.

[sherri]

When you have acquired the skills and materials to put together an attractive look. By attractive, I mean you've mastered makeup to an acceptable degree, found the right hair and fashions, etc. Forget about passing, it's way overrated. The important thing is to make a good impression on people, which means they can see that you have made the effort to be as attractive as you can. The rest is about how you conduct yourself -- even if you're scared spitless, try to relax, smile at people, be friendly and confident. You may have to fake the confidence at first, but it will come as you gain experience.

Search the forum for threads about where to go. It's been discussed a lot, with lots of good advice. As for getting the wife to accompany you, I can't help you there since I lack that experience, but I might suggest that your first outings take place in a nearby city or somewhere away from home, and in TG-friendly surroundings such as a support group meeting or nightclub.

There's really no escaping the first-time jitters, but it's actually way easier than you imagine. Most of the obstacles are in your head.

[Karren H]

When the excitement equals the terror and when combined... You don't faint.. Your ready..

[NV Susan]

I would love to try to go out HOW do you know when your ready to go out ?

[SIZE="2"]OMG Girlfriend, this line says it all......your ready to go out!!!
If you can't do your makeup ask the wife for help, sounds like she is Ok with your cross dressing......[/SIZE]

[Fab Karen]

Read the make-up section here. And find a post by Tamara V, you'll see a link to her website of tips for CD's.
Going out can feel a little like being dressed in a neon pink suit ( though FAR more people would notice that than they would a CD )- the trick is to not think about you're wearing, focus on what you'll be doing: shopping, getting a coffee or a meal, etc.

[trannie T]

I decided I was ready to go out when I got tired of just dressing for the cat at home.

[Loni]

A good time to know?
That is a very hard one, yesterday I saw a cd walking down the street, at first I thought a guy in baggy shorts, got closer and it was a dress, but the quickey blured "photo" of the face...neededs work.

But she was out in the daylight walking down the st.

I do not always get a good view of the face (driving45+),
if a real girl =fail worse than what I have seen of some that never get out.

Me I have been to cd clubs, hope to be out with "the English" byspring.
Walk is so-so, body..let's just say there is one. Voice.. Got one.
But need to try myself.
If your wife can help, and support you go for it.
Small steps at first.

.

[sheidelmeidel]

You'll know you're ready when you get back home safely...

[sandra-leigh]

I must respectfully disagree with some of the other posters -- or, rather, that their answers might be correct for some people, but not right for others.

It took me decades to realize that I was a cross-dresser... I didn't pick up on the hints I was giving myself. The time it took me to go from realizing that I was a cross-dresser at all, that I myself wanted to wear women's clothes, to the point where I realized that I wanted to go out in public dressed.... was about 16 seconds. The time it took me from there to actually get out dressed (in a major mall at that), was less than 3 weeks. I don't know that I would have been able to actually go out for the first week and a half, but by the 2 week point, it was a matter of waiting for the first opportunity rather than a matter of waiting to be "ready".

When you have acquired the skills and materials to put together an attractive look.

For me, the materials were a skirt (likely borrowed from my wife), some spare lipstick my wife had forgotten about for years (and, in retrospect, was the wrong colour for me), a mirror, and just enough bathroom tissue to wipe off the first lipstick drawing attempt; I went out with the second attempt, even though it wasn't very good at all. If I have my mental chronology right, I walked to a gas station about a kilometer away, went in and bought a can of pop, and walked out again. No wig, no eye makeup, and the lipstick was crooked, too thick, and "too obvious" (that is, didn't match either my skin or what I was wearing).

That first time for me, the look was not attractive, the "skill" was nearly non-existent, and I'm sure I was "read" trivially.


So what advice would I give on this matter? Perhaps this: you are ready to go out when your internal need to go out exceeds your fears of going out. It happened that for me, the way my life had progressed, fear of being laughed at, or "noticed" or of "not passing", were simply non-issues.

Sherri's mention of skills and materials and an "attractive look" are indirectly addressing the matter of fear: developing an "attractive look" is, for the majority of beginners, a matter of building up one's self-confidence that one will be "passable enough" to smooth which-ever fears you have.

There are some people on this forum whom have studied at home for over a decade, getting ready to go out, studied videos on movement and manners, studied and practiced "feminine voice", studied makeup theory and practiced looks and application.... and what-ever else they feel they need in order to "pass", to feel that when they step out the door, other people will truly believe them be completely female. For some of those people this kind of extended studying is driven by the idea of "really becoming a woman", but for many of the cases I read here, it appears to me that the primary reason for it is the fear that someone might otherwise detect that they are male and That Would Be A Catastrophy as far as they are concerned.

I know that I was at the other end of the spectrum: I wanted the experience of going out dressed, and "Let's see what happens" was part of my experimentation. Being relatively believable as a woman was not a concern in those first outings.

Later on, there were some evenings during which it was important to me to be perceived as a Real Woman, and a "desireable" one at that. It was not to be: I was certainly "read" -- but I had a good time anyhow.

In the matter of being perceived as a Real Woman: I haven't gotten there yet in 5 years, may never get there to the average person -- but I'm getting closer. And it isn't due to "better wigs" or studying movement or reading fashion magazines or practicing voice: the key has been in accepting my transgendered (not transsexual) nature -- and in Just Doing It, just going out wearing what I want to wear. My hair is shoulder-length and I don't wear a wig much any more; my face is as male as ever and I use little makeup; my ears are now pierced and whether my earrings peak out from behind my hair is a matter of chance rather than design (except when I practice wearing Really Big Hoops ). But even though I'm wearing less "disguise", people are perceiving me as being more female, and are treating me as such more.

The most important part of successfully going out feminine is what is happening in your brain. Feminine is not what you are wearing -- though cosmetics and nice outfits are useful "props" to get you to the point where what you "project" matters more.

[Rianna Humble]

I would love to try to go out HOW do you know when your ready to go out ?

The answer will be different for different people. For me it was when the desire to go out became as strong as the fear of other people's reaction.

When I get all dress up and look at myself I still look like a guy in the face How do I change that. . . .

Easy way: stop looking

Harder way: learn to accept yourself for who you are

But you are lucky that your wife accepts you, maybe she can help you find the look you want.

How do you get you wife to go along?

Have you tried asking her? It can often be a good first step.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

baby steps... you know you are ready when you want to go out

just get in your car and let bonnie breathe the fresh air...

she won't let you keep her in the house after that ..

i'm not kidding...just go out to your car...let your nerves calm down and see how you feel...just keep doing that until you drive...then park the car and let your nerves calm...go to a side street (a safe one!!) and take a quick walk around the block..then go to a more public place..

and don't get discouraged...it's your life not theirs...

keep doing it and you will find you are more and more comfortable..

[BonnieJG]

Thank you for all your input

Mybe I have to work on the makeup, what I read out of this there should be a change in the face. ? on how it's looks , ,
My be i need more time & more confident about your presentation

I see lots of good info that you sent me now i have to sit back and and read the them agan and work on it


Please keep the posting coming I need all the help I can get

[sherri]

The time it took me to go from realizing that I was a cross-dresser at all, that I myself wanted to wear women's clothes, to the point where I realized that I wanted to go out in public dressed.... was about 16 seconds. The time it took me from there to actually get out dressed (in a major mall at that), was less than 3 weeks.

I was the same way -- just knew immediately, and acted on it quickly.

For me, the materials were a skirt (likely borrowed from my wife), some spare lipstick my wife had forgotten about for years (and, in retrospect, was the wrong colour for me), a mirror, and just enough bathroom tissue to wipe off the first lipstick drawing attempt; I went out with the second attempt, even though it wasn't very good at all. If I have my mental chronology right, I walked to a gas station about a kilometer away, went in and bought a can of pop, and walked out again. No wig, no eye makeup, and the lipstick was crooked, too thick, and "too obvious" (that is, didn't match either my skin or what I was wearing).

That first time for me, the look was not attractive, the "skill" was nearly non-existent, and I'm sure I was "read" trivially.

It might not matter so much for such a brief, casual outing, but imo it's a big mistake to go out prematurely to places where you're likely to be making an impression where it matters. I made this exact same mistake, except I started out going to the clubs I would be frequenting for years to come, and there is no question that I made a very poor impression. It has taken a long time to overcome the social ramifications of that negative image. People do judge a book by its cover, and first impressions do count.

But readers should not interpret this as meaning I think you have to be beautiful or passable to go out. Not at all. But people are not going to respect you or take an interest in you unless you have figured out how to make yourself presentable. For most of us, this is a never-ending process but there is a sort of minimum standard that should be met before venturing out into the world. It will enhance the experience tremendously -- and reflect well on all of us.

Just my opinion.

The most important part of successfully going out feminine is what is happening in your brain.

There is no question that this too is a very important component, just absolutely essential. But IMO this comes with experience.

[sandra-leigh]

It might not matter so much for such a brief, casual outing, but imo it's a big mistake to go out prematurely to places where you're likely to be making an impression where it matters. I made this exact same mistake, except I started out going to the clubs I would be frequenting for years to come, and there is no question that I made a very poor impression.

The first places I went out were (as I recall) the gas station, and the mall (where I walked around and let myself be seen rather than shopping.) The only long-term risk was that someone I knew might see me in the mall; there is a sufficiently high customer turn-over rate that I didn't worry about the mall customers remembering me the next time.

It wasn't very long after that before I started openly shopping for myself -- but I did the shopping in drab at first, and at places that were already accustomed to me dropping by to shop for my wife... in retrospect, they probably already thought that I was really shopping for myself, so my asking to try something on was no shock to them. (Did I mention how I'd been oblivious to the clues I was giving myself? )

But readers should not interpret this as meaning I think you have to be beautiful or passable to go out. Not at all. But people are not going to respect you or take an interest in you unless you have figured out how to make yourself presentable.

Or unless you are honest and open and appreciative of their help. I don't know about how the public felt at the sight of me, but the sales agents treated me with consideration from the beginning; I might not have been very good at it, but I was polite, I didn't lie or pretend to them or insult their intelligence with stories of having lost a bet or whatever -- and I was making an effort.

For most of us, this is a never-ending process but there is a sort of minimum standard that should be met before venturing out into the world. It will enhance the experience tremendously -- and reflect well on all of us.

To be honest, when I first started going out, I didn't have any thoughts about the community of cross-dressers or what would "reflect well" on them. As I mentioned in my posting of early this morning in the Homophobia thread, when I first went out, I was twisting around decades of social rejection (of me as a person), and much in a mood of "I don't care what anyone thinks: I am going to do this, and ain't nobody going to stand in my way!"

All refinement and grace came later: I was ready to Go Out, and Go Out I did. It might not have been what was best for the community; perhaps I did Look Silly and fed back into some negative stereotypes. That first time at the gas-station anyhow: by the time I went to the mall just days later, already I was no longer Silly (not saying that I wasn't to do some more Silly before I grew out of it.)

Minimum requirements... Well, I wouldn't recommend doing the big-breasted micro-skirted **** look the first time out (at least not without a fair bit of study and practice at home -- or perhaps an excuse such as Halloween where hamming is expected.) And lipstick like a 3-year-old's colouring book is probably not the best idea either. But I don't know that I'd put the bar any higher than that.

A few years ago I went to a CD'ing conference. At one of the group meals, one of the people sitting near me was awkward, clothes not "well chosen", and her lipstick was markedly outside the lines. I mentioned the lipstick to her (in a good natured way)... she didn't care, it wasn't important to her. It was the first time she had ever "gone out" in any way, and just to be there was a personal triumph for her. Once I understood and absorbed that fact, her crooked lipstick became unimportant to me: she was happy, she had broken through her fears, she had found friends where she was alone before. Compared to that, who were we to be "bouncers" deciding who was or was not "beautiful enough" to be fit for our company?

[msginaadoll]

Sometimes I believe you just have to make a move. If I waited to go out till I was presentable I probably never would have got out. Heck Im still not sure what presentable is but Im me and figure or hope I have something to offer. Besides my friends say I'm nice. But off that- Im sure many of us have seen the awkward looking cd out and about at clubs, shopping etc( Heck some of us have been that awkward one) . Guess what as long as they are comfortable and enjoying themselves great for them. It's hard to get past the idea of this is not a beauty pageant. My first times out I was comparing myself to all the other lovely gurls and feeling coming up short. But the funny thing was that most people actually treated me nice when I let them. Sometimes it meant getting out of my comfort zone and introducing myself. Sure there were some ones who ignored me or maybe looked down on me but I figure those are a minority, and I really dont care now to make there acquaintance. Others told me that they thought I was stuck up- cause I was afraid to introduce myself. So life is fuuny but fun go and enjoy it!!!