my SO is the one that promoted me to find my fem side and that dressing up was ok. now she wants me to stop, sort of oh im sorry i meant no its not ok. im very confused any advice?
my SO is the one that promoted me to find my fem side and that dressing up was ok. now she wants me to stop, sort of oh im sorry i meant no its not ok. im very confused any advice?
sit down and TALK to her and explain what dressing means to you.
That really stinks. I think now is the time to open the lines of communication. Ask her questions about how she feels and why the sudden reversal. She'll not likely have all the answers but at least she will be given something to consider. Agree to set boundries and stick to them. You canplan on changing them following a future discussion. Be understanding, but also explain your needs and feelings.
You are still you no matter what you wear. Good luck.
I was told that I was "Way out there In left field", but I don't even know where that is.
Jess
Sally read the sticky in the loved ones section now I like it now I don't It should help you understand where she might be coming from.
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"Gee honey, I'm afraid Pandora is already out of the box now."
Maybe you can explain that it is impossible to put the genie back in the bottle. Then just back off a bit and set some ground rules.
Maybe you're taking things way too fast and she feels suffocated by it all... pink fog? Have you asked her why she wants you to stop? A bit more information would be good, like when she said to explore your fem side (how many months/years ago), what you've done to explore it, do you live for it etc... Sometimes, when the wife/SO says go ahead, CD's generally go full steam, without putting on the brakes... and I think that's when we get a tad fed up with it. I could be totally wrong, so let us know? There has to be a reason she wants to clamp down like this.
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These strike me as really good questions to ask oneself in this situation. Perhaps a little soul-searching is in order?Originally Posted by Tamara Croft
More good advice. And no cheating!
I think that this is very good advice. Good luck.
warmly, Linnea
Time for a woman to woman talk. She started you, it's not easy to stop. Have a discussion, if you must cut back around her but you'll hate it. If you love your SO You do what you must to keep them.
Sounds like it's time to talk Hon. Marriage is a partnership but the real deal is: "If Momma ain't happy, no one is happy."
Did she just suddenly, out of the blue, say..stop?? As a GG who's totally supportive and more often than not the instigator...I still have these WTF moments when my brain goes on overload. But that passes. I think that can happen when you realize what seemed more like a game or just dressing up for fun in the beginning is really a serious aspect of who your SO is and you have to process it on a whole other level. I had a period where I realized that this was not just fun and games but a complete lifestyle change and that's a lot to digest and come to terms with. Maybe that's where she's at and her way of coping is to just make it go away. I'm not sure what you do about that other than talk it out and give her the space she needs...that's my limited perspective. Good luck.
When "she who must be obeyed" (spoken with affection!!) Says to stop.... You better stop!!
There is a difference between a man who acts like a man who wears woman's cloth and a man who acts like a woman and wears woman's cloths.
Sallyjones when you were given permission to explore your feminine side, did the flood gates open and you maybe overwhelmed her with your enthusiasm, more fem than male, pushing your manhood aside, immersing yourself in too much Pink Fog, forgetting to be a man and do your manly duties when needed. Maybe you overwhelmed her so that you threatened her femininity, Remember: only 1 Queen per household.
My wife has become more accepting lately, though I am a little more open about my feminine side. I still climb ladders, use power tools, drink, smoke cigars, cut lawns, so still the man, yet feminine, wearing polish on all 20 openly, lipstick and a little make up ,always underdressed, sometimes with noticeable padded bras and stockings, yet this does not change my demeanor, still me still the guy
Maybe that'll help dear
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Love Rebecca Jayne
Couples therapy. Then you'll both know how to communicate & reach compromise ( if needed )- or you'll know it's time to part ways.
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Ask her, "stop what?"... ...you are probably not spending enough time with her.
My ... former... SO promoted the girl in me but then changed her mind when too much of the girl in me cropped up. We are still very much part of each other's lives since we have kids with each other but without the kids we would have likely drifted apart. So to be shown the way only to have a glass wall put up is pretty tough and I feel for you. As was said in the other posts here it will end up as a discovery of what each of you mean to each other in order to strengthen your relationship.
women can be fickle and so can tgirls
good luck
Tasha
Sally, it's difficult to give you meaningful advice without any of the details. Can you give usa bita lot more history? If anything, opening up to us will be good practice for when you discuss things with your wife.
Reine
Right on the mark. I think a lot of SOs are OK with it at first, not realizing the full implications of CDing. I still think it is best to make light of it, and just say you are curious about it. When they realize that your crossdressing is more important than they are, you are in deep trouble! That's why making a big deal about coming out, and having the big heavy conversation usually leads to trouble. Better to just make light of it if you get caught, and say you just wondered what it felt like, and you were just naturally curious about womens clothing. At that point, you have to decide if it's worth risking your marriage to continue. Because that's what you will be doing if you continue.I think that can happen when you realize what seemed more like a game or just dressing up for fun in the beginning is really a serious aspect of who your SO is and you have to process it on a whole other level. I had a period where I realized that this was not just fun and games but a complete lifestyle change and that's a lot to digest and come to terms with. Maybe that's where she's at and her way of coping is to just make it go away.
Is there a possibility that you've developed your "fem side" so perfect that you're now competing with your SO to see who is most authentic? Unfortunately our culture promotes female qualities and values so powerfully that all females are in some crazy beauty contest .... just look at all the smiling female faces in any magazine stand. When was the last time you told your SO how beautiful she is ?
While we cannot suggest this is Sally's situation since we are all just guessing what it might be at this point, I couldn't disagree with you more! Are you suggesting that CDs should hide the fact that the marriage comes second to the CDing if they feel this way and to lie about the depth of the need to be feminine? This is making a pretense out of the relationship and it is robbing the GG of finding someone who is more in tune with what she wants in a marriage, which is reciprocity. It is also robbing the CD (or TS) of the freedom to fully express who she is. You suggestion can only lead to dissatisfaction and unhappiness down the road.
EDITED to add:
Although I agree about letting a SO know she is beautiful (if the sentiment is genuine), I'm afraid you've got the other points all wrong. Life is not a magazine beauty contest, and there is no comparison between a CD and a GG when it comes to authenticity. This is basic biology. Not even medical science has developed the perfection you allude to in the best and most expensive transitioning process. Makeup skills and fashion sense are admirable talents to acquire, but they are superficial. And it is debatable whether our culture values female over male qualities.
I've read many times in this forum where TGs believe that GGs feel they are in competition, but it strikes me that it is those TGs themselves who feel competitive and feel threatened because they are not born GGs. This is sad. It is best to just appreciate yourself for who you are.
Last edited by ReineD; 12-01-2009 at 02:29 AM. Reason: Added comment
Reine
Wow! Not fair, not fair at all. You got the short end of the stick on this one, that's for sure. The question is even if you do stop, what, if anything, will it do to you as a person? I mean, will you, or will you not, get uptight? wired? on edge? start to not like her? or is there even a down side? Did she say that to assert herself, to be the "Dom", as in dominate,? What in the hell is going on? Nutsville. I don't know if talking to her will change her, "No", afterall, means "No", so I suppose "Stop" means like forever. Gosh, doesn't she know that's how you get to unwind, to relax, to take a break from this crazy world? Doesn't she know that dressing is a part of you that makes you you?
Keep us informed how this is going to turn out.
She's the confused one, your confusion is merely the product of hers. Sounds like she "bit off more than she can chew" when she encouraged you - she had good intentions but has now discovered that she can't really deal with the reality of the situation - very common.
If you want to save the relationship, don't let things polarize - as others have said, if you can't give up CD'ing for her sake then try to work out a compromise solution that you can both live with.
Ah, yes... that whole paradox... Well here's what I'll do since I don't know the full story/extent. How about I list a few things that may help.
1. Second thoughts - This happens... and we're all entitled to take back our own word if we're uncomfortable... It hurts.. but it happens. This is mainly due to fears, though.
2. Over stepped - If she has seen you dressed, maybe you over stepped an unknown boundry? Worn something or acted a way she didn't like?
3. Fear - Maybe she doesn't want friends to find out because of reputation or something of the like? If she hasn't seen you dressed, she fears that she won't like what she sees, feels, and hears. Maybe even, she is afraid that she will be left in the dust and forgotten because of your new self freedom.
4. Left out - This tends to happen in the "pink fog" stage.. I've watched many of us get so wrapped up into the new found freedom of our crossdressing that we forget those special around us.. When was the last time you've been a couple?
All-in-all, though, this is something that you both need to sit down and discuss openly with full communication. You both need to listen to each other and remain open-minded. If boundries need to be set, don't cross them without an "ok". Just remember, this isn't easy on our girlfriends, wives, and SO's. Just take it slow, and don't try to push her in a direction that she is uncomfortable with.
Best of luck to you both
I'm not out to fool the world, just my inner girl
Real men wear pink <3
G.K. Chesterton“Fairy Tales are more than true; not because they tell us that dragons exist, but because they tell us that dragons can be beaten.”
Tell your So you love her. That is great advice!
As for the rest of this post, I am almost speechless. But I don't want to hijack the thread.
Renie has covered it already. I couldn't agree with her more.
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