Just trying to figure myself out

[Bailey_in_Mansfield]

In your avatar you look great. Are you sure that you could not get out and try it.

Thanks so much! But that's not actually me. That avatar is what I *WISH* I looked like. That there is a particular girl I've had a thing for...well, for years. Yeah, trust me. You can do whatever you want to me, I won't pass. Free fem makeover, SRS, grow out hair, still won't. My facial stubble grows fast, and razors don't cut it...it cuts razors. Plus my face is still all rough from teenage acne. >_< AND my vocal cords have been torn up by my asthma, so I don't have enough pitch control to do a fem voice.

[Amanda Styles]

I guess I am much like you and apparently like a whole bunch of others here. I am conservative, was raised Baptist, but never really participated, not to say I am without my beliefs today.

I have also had a struggle with 100% acceptance or quitting. Getting much closer to the 100% acceptance side at the moment.
I thought at one time that having a relationship, being married etc would "cure" me but so much for that idea.
At 26 you have a lot of time left to sort yourself out.
Have fun while doing so.

[Bailey_in_Mansfield]

I was feeling all down in the dumps today, for a lot of the same reasons as I outlined in the OP of this thread (my very first post!), and came back to dig this thread up and find some encouragement from it. I know we've had some new people join since I joined last month, so I thought I'd resurrect the thread so others can find encouragement from it too. It's comforting to know there are others with the same struggles as I have, and I find myself wishing more and more for just one really accepting GG friend around my area to help me feel more like a girl when the need arises.

At any rate, if you haven't seen this thread before now, go back and read the first few posts... apparently some people really enjoyed it, and we found that none of us are ever truly alone.

[AlisonRenee]

I didn't make a choice at 5 years old to want to be a girl. What 5-year-old makes that choice? No, it's how I was made. And only God will judge me. I figure, if I've tried my best to reflect a little of His light in this world, He'll forgive me for any mistakes I've made.

Nicely said, Dianna.

[AlisonRenee]

...my vocal cords have been torn up by my asthma, so I don't have enough pitch control to do a fem voice.

-- Maybe that's not such a problem, there are quite a few well-known women with lower-pitched voices. Kathleen Turner, Bea Arthur would be two that come to mind. Kathleen Turner was never at a loss for sexy. If you can learn to use more-feminine inflection in your voice it might help do the trick.

[msniki48]

Bailey,

you sound like a wonderful person...and your feelings are shared by me and many others in this forum. Many of the girls in here are crossdressers...such is the title of the forum. But, Many of the girls in here are transgendered or [in my humble opinion] gender blessed. i feel i am one of these girls... and yes I crossdress to feel and express and be closer to those inner feelings, but don't see myself going through a total transition for life reasons.

i feel i am somewhere in the middle also, probably will never be the total woman...but i strive every day to be womanly as possible.

Have you been to sites that explain some of the differences? [crossdresser, transgendered, transgenderist, transexual] I think you will find much of what you feel is that of one who is transgendered...but don't put yourself in a cooby hole either...this is a gray sliding scale of masculinity vs femininity....no one is totally one or the other.

i hope you find peace in being yourself

hugs

msniki48

[TiffanyMN]

Bailey,
When it comes to not accepting yourself 100% either way I really feel your pain. I am also a "Tea Party Conservative". I have spent years trying to come to grips with the battle going on in my own head and how it relates to my views of the world at large. I never felt like I had anybody that I could tell about Tiffany, let alone confide in about all of the different feelings I was dealing with. Guilt led me to several purges over the years and ultimately drove me deeper into a closet. The shame of not being able to accept "what I was" along with the perceived "weakness" of not being able to quit doing it was pretty overwhelming. More than once I sat alone in a pair of panties, stockings and high heels wondering, "What the hell is wrong with me that I can't stop doing this?" The whole sin aspect just made it worse. Then I spent some time looking around on the net and happened across this forum. I spent a long time just reading posts and seeing what others were thinking. I finally came to the full acceptance that there isn't anything wrong with the way I am or with what I am doing. The people on this site are an amazing source of knowledge and support. I still can't approach most of the people I know about Tiffany. I am sure most of them wouldn't understand. That is why I am thankful for all of the support I get from this site. I am sure you will get to 100%, on one side or the other; I think we all know which way it usually ends up, if you just keep looking inward and asking for the help of others that understand. Best of luck to you, on your road of discovery and ultimate acceptance. Welcome to the group!

[Teranika]

I hear much of what you say, I'm also from Texas and I went through alot of that, but my dad is alot more violent about it (he's a conservative/tea party type =P)

Oh, and Psssh, cows aren't even real druids. Shoulda rolled a Nelf, even if shadowmeld got nerfed.

[Daniela76]

I love this thread!
Bailey, you are pretty cool sounding.
I would play WoW, but I already play enough games & don't want to spent $15 a month for it. Rather buy clothes now.
I haven't played much since I accepted Dani though. Pretty much only with other people now. Maybe if the new Star Wars MMO is good I might get into that.
I am a Christian (definitely thinking about being baptized this year if my church accepts my CD'ing). I am economic & social conservative with some moderate leanings. Those are on the public aid side. But living in MN you see what people do with public aid so that compassion has been starting to erode a little bit. Also worked for Schwan's last year & had a route full of people with food stamps. They bought steaks & shrimp!! (Sorry for that little rant)
I love the conservative talk radio, especially Glenn Beck. He is really funny. We coolest ladies could start a TG fan club for him!! Wonder what he'd think!? I'm not yet a tea partier, but may change that this year. Didn't feel like participating in much last year. Too depressed.
Not depressed anymore though!! Super happy joy time now!!!

[Bailey_in_Mansfield]

Oh, and Psssh, cows aren't even real druids. Shoulda rolled a Nelf, even if shadowmeld got nerfed.

Nelf druids are way cuter and I would totally roll one, but Alliance is full of little kids with no clue what the hell is going on, and assholes who hate the world.

Perfect example: I rolled up a Draenei pally and around level 10 or so, I took her to Stormwind with 50 gold on her and said in Trade that I wanted to buy a portal to Dalaran. Only one mage in Stormwind was able to do the port, and he cursed me out and /yelled "I'm not ur portal machine."

The very next day, running through Orgrimmar on my tauren, I saw a message in Trade that a mage was about to port himself from Orgrimmar to Dalaran, and wanted to know if anyone wanted to come along, for free. It's just such a different mindset. It's a huge difference in the kind of people you run into. The Nelf druids are cute, but I just can't stand the Alliance.

Besides, Alliance are the bad guys.

[Terrigirl]

I found this post by searching acceptance. I feel exactly the same as your post. I feel like I could have posted it myself. I too am a conservative Christian and hold those type of political views. I too look at women the same way. It is as if I am looking through two lenses. One lens is the male side of me. Oh that girl is pretty and sexy and what would it be like to be with her. The other lens is from the fem side that looks her up and down. I notice what she is wearing, how she does her make-up, and how she does her hair. What would it be like to be her? It is all very confusing and at times overwhelming. Oh the life of a crossdresser.