I'll always dress...I guess?

[bridget jones]

I have been trying to quit cding for some time now.I now realize that it isn't going away.I'm ok with it but I am afraid.I am afraid of how people will treat me if and when I finally come out and out I mean OUT.I have a lot of thoughts rushing through my mind everyday.I love to dress(completely).I have had thoughts of being with a man but I have not.I'm just scared.I'm not sure at this time what to do.I am confused and it terrifies to think of talking to a Dr. that's just another person that knows my secret.I really don't what to do.I do know as hard as I've tried I cannot stop dressing and I always think about cute guys,hell I've even catch myself checking out guys.I just don't get it.

[TeriAnn]

It is hard to know what to do when faced with a decision like you are. I have always said follow your heart. You will know what is right and what is not. I have had a fantasy about guys but tio me that is all it is.
I tried to stop dressing many years ago but I gave up and accepted me for who I am. I love to dress as a woman and I always will until I take my last breath.
Just follow your heart it will let you know if it is right

[DiannaRose]

Bridget, I feel for you. There's a lot that goes into figuring out who we are sometimes. One of the things that got me to the point where I was able to accept my dual nature was the realization that God made me who I am. And He doesn't make mistakes. I thought about it, prayed hard on it, and came to the conclusion that I can't go through life trying to live up to society's expectation of me...I am what I am, and I need to live with it or else be miserable for the rest of my life.

Once I was able to accept myself, some of the other pieces fell into place. Not all of them, though, because I still have society's and my wife's inability to accept this part of me. We're seeing a therapist for that...and there is no shame in that. Our counselor has been working with the LGBT community--and transgender issues in particular) for twenty years, so I know there is no negative judgement coming there.

I'd definitely recommend counseling...and try to find a TG-versed therapist if you can, to avoid that feeling of being judged. She or He can help you balance the see-sawing aspects of your life, not to mention the thoughts in your head.

I'll pray for you, Bridget, and feel free to PM me if you need a private ear. I don't guarantee all the answers, but I also don't mind offering whatever thoughts I have.

[linnea]

You should talk to a doctor. I don't mean a psychiatrist (I don't think that you're crazy); I mean a medical doctor, preferably your primary-care physician. The reason that I'm saying this is that if you talk to your doctor, you will probably experience at least two important things: One, you find out that your doctor will not look upon you as a freak or weirdo or someone awful but simply as a patient who wears panties instead of tidy-whitey underwear--no big deal. Two, your doctor can probably give you some good advice about what you are feeling and what you are confused about.
In addition, you will know that someone knows, someone who is bound by patient-physician privilege and therefore won't be blabbing your secret to the world.
Good luck.

[TabbyJames]

Hi Bridget, I know well your dilema, not knowing who or what you are. Struggling with these feelings and desires all the time. It is only recently (within the last month or so) that I finally decided that I was going to be who I am and opened up with my wife. I am so lucky that she tolerates this and knows that it will not go away.

Take your time, talk to others (including a therapist), read books on the subject ( I am almost done with Alice in Genderland and recomend it, my husband betty and my husband wears my clothes are also worth the read), but most of all follow your own insticts and accept yourself. You only live once.

[Frédérique]

I have been trying to quit cding for some time now.I now realize that it isn't going away.I'm ok with it but I am afraid.

[SIZE="2"]But, darling – if it says “CD lovin to dress” under your femme name, why would you be trying to quit crossdressing? I know it’s a scary proposition, wondering where all this is leading you, but don’t worry so much about it. You have to believe in your own feelings and embrace this undefinable compulsion you share with so many others here. We all have many thoughts rushing through our minds every day, but there are ways to compartmentalize things and take small steps towards a happy life. I’m guessing you’re a young person? My advice is just to be patient and let things happen, but I believe in not taking things so seriously no matter what the issue may be. If you love to dress (and I know you do), just keep doing that and make yourself happy. Everything else will fall into place, I promise…[/SIZE]

[busker]

Bridget,
The best advice given here so far is to see a doctor. Your family doctor or one in a nearby town could do as well. Your secret will remain a secret because of doctor-patient confidentiality laws. If you don't want your insurance to get wind of this, pay out of pocket--dr visits are about 65$. Go to the county facilities where you live--there can be free help there as well. Social services will give you some help if you live in a reasonably large sized city. Stay away from religious based advice and services. It will not help you. You have a biological-psychological-chemical problem that requires proper care.
You are scared and rightly so. If you can't talk to a doctor, how the hell are you going to "COME OUT" to anyone else and have your mind after its over? Do nothing rash or you are likely to do more harm than good. It is OK if you think your are gay--it occurs in every human population around the world (and even in some animal populations)-- and there is less stigma these days. Acceptance may take time, but therapy can be a big help.
SEE YOUR DOCTOR.
Mandrake out of water.

[Tracy_Victoria]

Sadly, People on the other side of the fence just do not realise how adictive CDing can be, I've been dressing since I was about 8, and I'm now 48. I've always said to myself if I didn't feel happy dressing I would stop, however 40 years later I'm still doing it.

The secret to happy dressing is to be happy yourself. you can take all the advice in the world, and talk to others endlessly about what you do, however the biggest key to happyness and being a dresser, is self acceptance, Ie I am a crossdresser, I enjoy my dressing, but I also accept other things have to come first over it, it my partner, my family and my work (work pays the bills, my hobby doesn't)

I would say to anyone struggling with dressing to just take the pressure of yourself. NEVER purge, if need be, put your clothes in storage, or in a safe place,but out of temptations reach, and then you always have the option to return to them if need be (and it normally the case you do!) However until you can accept yourself, and accept what we do, is not a bad thing, it maybe a little difficult to understand, but there is so many more things we could do that are far far worse.

I'm very, very lucky, I never did have the guilt trips, and as far as I can remember the only time I have purged has been out of need to get rid, over want to get rid of my clothing.

I would suggest to anyone struggling, try to find constructive things in your life, that your crossdressing can either work with, or replace if you so wish, ie some time I get so busy crossdressing doesn't enter my mind for days, yet I know it will be back, but to me it not something I have to do 24/7 or even once a week! And I feel that really does help, and take the pressure off. And if I do have a bad day, be it work, or dressing, I just stop and do something else, and again take the presure off.

What we do, can be fun if we allow ourself to enjoy it, and go with it. but if you always put yourself under pressure for reason of doubts, or you feel you look silly, or even just for looking like a guy in a dress. WTF if your really doing something you want to do, then just enjoy it, or put it back in the box, until you can.

take care

[CamilleLeon]

It's part of who you are...trying to quit CDing is like trying to quit loving your favorite foods or favorite music. The most important thing is for you to feel good about yourself and who you are, not worry about what other people might think

[Kate Simmons]

It's not necessary to CD to be with cute guys my friend unless you feel that your default persona is feminine.

[Angie G]

I think you may go a bit beyond cross dressing girl. You may be a bit bisexual. As far as the dressing go it will never go away. As for the other I just don't know. IF you think of men all that much maybe you should give it a try you'll know if it's what you want.
Angie

[eluuzion]

Paraphilias (i.e. crossdressing) have a compulsive quality which have only moderate success rates for those trying to "quit". It generally results in a return to the behavior, with more stress created. Stress increases the desire and guilt follows the acting out. (and you thought Disneyland was fun...)

Rest assured that you are not alone. But you are what you are, and life is what it is. The chances of either of those changing to match your "wishes" are slim to none.

It is not a damaged car that needs fixing. Nor is it an accident that you can "back out of". It "is what it is". We all have to find a path that we can live with. People can help, but ultimately we must choose our individual path.

A mind is just another body part like a leg or arm. If it is not "healthy", we go to a doctor to help make it well again. I can assure you that any issue you present to a health professional (M.D. psychologist, etc.) will not be the first time they have encountered it. That is what they do. They are just high paid "mechanics", really. They do not rush out and tell funny jokes about you to the staff when they leave...lol. They view you as another patient they can hopefully "help" feel healthy again. Ten minutes after they exit the room, they are helping another patient down the hall. They are not getting on the phone to tell your stories to their buddies...!

If you feel you need some help figuring things out, there are professionals that specialize in doing that. Take advantage of their skills. You do not stay home and wait for a broken arm to "fix" itself, do you?

It is just a part of your life, not a sickness. Sure it is scarey sometimes. But hey, so was riding a bicycle at first...well, it still is sometimes...hehe

[Nicole Erin]

Slow down if you must but being TG is part of who we are.

For telling people, tread that one carefully. I don't know if people are different if they hear about it but never see it, but when people start seeing it is when they act stupid.

[theresa]

We all struggle with the question of what makes us happy and what do we want? That is a difficult question for most of us, and often we need help of friends and professionals to help us determine who we really are and what we want out of life. You are among freinds here in the forum.

Everyone has heard the overused cliche "Life is a Journey". I believe that our TG lifestyle is also a journey that isn't really over until the day we die. Your life perspective changes over the years, and what you want or what is important to you today will likely be different than what's important to you in the future. It seems to me that you are traveling down that road at this time with a compelling need to to make new life decisions.

So I guess what I'm trying to say (probably not too well) is open up to those you trust and explore your feelings and what you want from life with them. I suggest seeking professional help from qualified therapist could be an asset to you to help you work thru making these lfe decisions and exploring who you really are. It can be a challenging yet rewarding journey involving discoveries about yourself and what is right for you.

Best wishes on your journey.

[Fab Karen]

You'll be more relaxed and happier in life when you accept yourself. Who you decide to tell is a personal decision, and should be based on if you think they will be understanding. You can choose to tell others, including family if you want, but if you suspect they may not be accepting, you have to prepared that some of those people may shun you.
As far as going out, those of us that do it can tell you mostly we're not paid attention to or are generally accepted as someone doing their own thing. Of course it helps if we have done our best to look as femme as we can.
If you want to explore your sexuality, take precautions with meeting people. Somewhere here there's advice posted about meeting others ( probably up above the rest of the posts ).

If you want a professional to talk to, you can find a therapist ( there are sliding scale, next-to-no-cost ones available for low-income people ). A medical doctor, which some have mentioned, treats physical problems and you'd be wasting their time when they could be helping sick people.

[sherri52]

Bridget The only thing I can tell you is that you should seek some kind of counciling. Only you can answer your questions but a therapist may be able to help you bring the inner you out. Good luck

[jenna_woods]

yes its very hard to know what to do, please think it through before you do it, and yes the CDing does not go away

[kristinacd55]

Bridget, sounds to me like you might like guys. If you do, you do. Just go with the flow, don't fight the stream....