Stop Crossdressing

[thechic]

Hi there

My name is Geneva and im quite new to this forum

A Bit about my self

I have a problem of the woman coming out alot,Im a closet dresser,married but do go out when ever i get the chance.
Ive crossdressed ever since i was 6 years old.
I try to pass as a compleat woman.I love wearing makup and even were light amount of makeup as a man.
I have shaped my eyebrows have been waxing and having laser treatment, i have even let my nails grow longer, so have to now were gloves at work,this has helped stopping them brake,as im a engineer. I even have facials in secret.
I love shopping for clothing and going to cafes,I just seem to enjoy being a woman to much I think.

This is now becoming a problem as its starting to merge with my male life, The wife and inlaws are deeply Catholic and just hate people who are not normal male of femail.

The wife is now starting to notice the changes in me.
What broke the cammels back is when i answered the phone in my femail voise by mistake she then made several comments that made the femail in me please, but as a man embarrassed as it was infront of the kids.the trouble with this is im getting to a stage that i dont care if anybody finds out, so Im about to try and seek help so maybe that i can stop the habit.

But reading post scares me as most peaple dont seem to be able to stop crossdressing

Hope to here from all you girls soon

http://www.flickr.com/photos/44936757@N07/

[Karren H]

Well I can stop!!! Done it a hundred times!!! Its the starting back up that's the big problem. And welcome!

[DawnRodgers]

They say that anything is possible if you are determined enough to do it but something that seems so innocent and feels so good certainly maked it harder. I tend to think like the NRA people. "Out of my cold. dead hands" as I hold up my lipstick and mascara.

[Sara82]

most people will tell you that you can't "Quit" or break the habit. I'm not sure I fully believe that, depending on whats at stake.

If you feel however that this part of you isn't something that can stay in the closet, and you need to live your life as a woman, then you need be honest with family. But most importantly be honest with yourself. Is your CDing merely a fantasy driven tool for escaping the stressful issues we face in the real world everday, or do you really feel that you are a women inside?

If its the ladder, than I would suggest seeking counseling, but if you just enjoy slipping into the role of a girl, you may want to discuss some type of compromise with your wife, where you can both be happy.

[SuzanneBender]

Karren is right. Stopping is the easy part. Staying stopped is the hard part. So hard I finally just gave up.

My heart goes out to you. You and your wife need to work through this. My suggestion, counseling, but with a professional that understands and specializes in Gender issues. She will see that you are "working" on your issue. Then you can bring her into the process as you start to figure this out yourself. She may never fully accept it, but perhaps there is room for future tolerance.

[minalost]

Hiding it from your wife is almost impossible - I know this from personal experience. Also, it sounds like you WANT her to find out. Otherwise why the nails and eyebrows? Being honest about it will, in the long run, cause less damage that trying to hide it - although that damage may already be done.

Trying to quit? Statisticaly unlikely - just read these posts. Also serch on-line under "crossdressing cures" and read the all the profesional literature on the topic. If you've been dressing from age six, it's part of you. You might as well try to cut off a body part.

Get help. If it's becoming a problem see a therapist - preferably one that specializes in gender issues (if you can find one). This may also entail marriage counceling.

Good luck hon .

[Elle44]

First I'm 65 years old. Throughout my life I crossdressed, fully at 14, home alone, wore panties and stockings w/garter belt (no such thing as pantyhose back then, still love my stockings and garter belts), but at 14 I fully dressed with mom's clothes, bra, panties, jewelry (clip on earrings), necklace, bracelets, full slip, nice silky flower print dress, high heels, eye shadow, the old charcoal mascara applied from a compressed block such as eye shadow with a stiff brush, red lipstick some blush on the cheeks and powder to hide the sheen just like mom did, a little perfume. I stood in front of a full length mirror and looked from my feet to my eyes and while looking in my eyes I became aware of my deep inner self and realized I should have been a girl. I turned on the phonograph and danced to rock and roll of the 50's throughout the house, free at last and wanted to stay dressed for all the family to see and to tell. Not in the 50's, that didn't happen, I pictured a bad beating. My dad always wanted me to be in spikes and shoulder pads on the football field, the only spikes I wanted were of the high heel type and of course shoulder pads in my blouses.

Inside I knew I was always different from other boys, rather enjoyed playing more with the girls, teased for doing that. Attracted to girls clothes, envious of my sisters clothes and things she did as a gg. So I hid it for my teenage years. I was allowed however to wear panties with permission from my mom, yes teased by her even,she thought I would outgrow it, she put lipstick on me until I was 8 when my sister would run up to her and ask for lipstick too, me too.

I tried to quit throughout my life, prior to military service @ 19 I threw everything away, only to steal moms stuff while on leave at home, the craving never went away and at 21 I wanted a sex change operation, only in Denmark back then. But after military life @ 22, I reentered civilian life, went to work bought my own clothes (feminine) and continued dressing full and of course ventured out going to clubs in NYC.

Got married @ 28 thought it was over, crossdressing, threw everything away. It didn't go away, tried to explain to wife and we tried with me all made up, but she said she didn't want to be a lesbian and that's how she felt. We stayed married and I dressed whenever I could when she was away or out for awhile, heavy into booze I was to drown my self pity. We had 3 beautiful children, got sober in AA (31 years ago, still sober and attend AA meetings), went to phycologist for help and with her help came to fully accept myself as I am, diagnosed as manic depressive ( bi polar as it's known today, I take no meds). Took a written test by psychologist on Transgender and passed with flying colors, 89 out of a hundred as female, asked why I wasn't on hormones living as a woman. Divorced at this time. I dress behind closed doors, age has taken a toll on me. LOL but still venture out on occasion, especially if I am meeting another with the same interests, but I love it more as I get older, more than ever. Most days I feel like 35, but it never goes away, I feel the most comfortable dressed fully with makeup, no stress.

Acceptance is the key, acceptance removes the doubt, love yourself as you are. If it's simply a fetish for you, it might go away, but for me it's my life and I choose to live it as a female for the most part. I've never known anybody to stop for many years, it will return.

[Joni Marie Cruz]

Hi Geneva-

First of all, let me say I think you're cute as hell and have tons of fempo (femme potential) going on for you.

Hon, I feel for you, being TG isn't easy and no matter how much we come to accept ourselves and even if others we care about accept us, it does complicate our lives. There is good news, though. You may not be able to ever make the feelings and the desire go away, but you can suppress it and stuff it and deny it, sort of. Like in a white-knuckle, gritting your teeth all the time, never really feeling comfortable in your own skin, never really feeling yourself, sort of way. Sounds fun, don't it?

Lots and lots of girls live in the closet all their lives, snatching opportunities to be themselves when they can and living with the fear of being discovered. My own recommendation is to tell your wife and seek counseling, as has already been suggested. Nothing about being TG is wrong, bad, illegal or immoral. There is always the chance, of course, that your spouse will never accept you, or perhaps she will, or perhaps you can work out some sort of compromise. Good luck, Geneva, my best wishes go with you and yours.

Hugs...Joni Mari

[Lainie]

Alcoholics & other addicts can't stop by themselves, either. They need sponsors, groups, and to give themselves up to a higher power. So of course we can't stop by wanting to, or purging, or suffering alone in silence.
We have this support group for encouraging crossdressing, but I know of no CDAnonymous organization. Anyone want to start one?

[Brandi Wyne]

Wow! First, reading your story and then the replies all give me much pause for thought.

I'm age 60 and have also been CD since early in life. I never felt the need to fully dress but there was that desire and curiosity and then the wonderful after glow from remembering the times I was in my femme self.

Here is some food or thought, Dear. The longer you stay in the closet because it might mean redicule or rejection, the more difficult and cloudy your life will become and you will always look to your femme side and her needs as the problem. The fact is, the only real problem that can't be handled is fear.

I live in that state often. My dressing is not for family and workmates to know about as it might lead to more difficulities. Of course, that leads to fear that someone might know and then what? I'm doubting I'll ever have a sex change operation or even go for hormone therapy but I do love this side of me. Shedding a vital part of my life and then picking it back up again can feel like just the taking up of another bad habit rather than being drawn to that part of you that yerns to be.

The question you and everyone of us here has to ask is, "What do I want more?"

Good luck in your endeavours and you do have support and fellow feeling here.

[Fab Karen]

We have this support group for encouraging crossdressing, but I know of no CDAnonymous organization. Anyone want to start one?

Probably be put together by the same guys who created the "reformed gay" groups. And be just as ineffective at "curing" it.

[SANDRA MICHELLE]

Well just try it! I am 53 and stopped as many times as Karen has, I also started back up one more time than I have stopped. If I had it to do over again I would have went full time as a 18 year old when I was "sexy", at least that is how I felt at the time. You look pretty fem in your picture, oh to be young again and have the acceptance level that there exist now. I will tell you that it is a must to let your wife in on your "secret" I wish I had done that before I married, I owed it to her. She does know now and is OK with it as best she can be. Good luck with whatever decision you go with.

[Kate Simmons]

My rule of thumb is: don't believe anything you hear, anything you read and only half of what you see. This goes for CDing as well. Contrary to popular belief(especially on here), it is possible to stop if one really wants to. The way to do that is to turn it into a choice rather than a compulsion. The key to doing that is to get in touch with the feelings that drive it. Only you can determine what those feelings are. This is what finally worked for me so that the CDing wasn't leading me around by the nose. Whether people believe it or not, that is how I gained mastery over it.Now it is a fun thing for me that I enjoy rather than a driving"need" that can cause angst and frustration. Then you can do it or stop by your own choice.

[KateW]

It's got nothing to do with being Christian (I am), its more about them being uneducated. In all honesty, I COULD stop today, but I can't stop being me, so I'd just be supressing a very big part of my personality. That isn't healthy for anyone. It took me a very long time to be at peace with who I am. Everyone else gets the chance to live their life and you should get to live yours. If you truely want to stop dressing, then do so by all means but not if it makes you unhappy.

[Tanya C]

I think that most crossdressers can stop temporarily and tough it out for awhile but in most cases it comes roaring back with a vengence.
Althiugh many crossdressers may have strong motivations for quitting, the motivation to dress is even stronger because it comes from inside.
It is my considered opinion that we are genetically predisposed to express our female side.
A crossdresser can live without dressing just as a bird can live without flying.
But is that living?

[Samantha B L]

Hi Geneva, Therapists are OK sometimes but they won't know what to tell you. Most modern day therapists and mental health professionals don't even consider crossdressing to be a mental illness but my point is that a lot of therapists,even though they won't think you're crazy,they don't feel comfortable with LGBT/TG/TS/CD subject matter and they'll fob you off and change the subject. And I think that crossdressing runs in families and it is somehow neurological and hormonal in nature. Of all the things you could inherit,you could do a lot worse than to be a crossdresser. If you have to go easy on the dressing sometimes like with the wife and the inlaws then it can't be helped. I'm fairly out of the closet more and more but sometimes there's people in our lives who won't accept crossdressing no matter what. Normally I don't like secrets and lies but this is something that sometimes can't be helped. You look real cute in your avatar Geneva.

[CuteKaraCD]

Don't deny who you are or who you want to be, i understand her and her family are overly catholic but that shouldn't stop you from being you. as much i believe you should tell her the truth you should test the grounds first.

Like if you go out shopping, ( sorry if this offends anyone) point out a female that looks like it could be a guy, guage her reaction. just becareful not to accidently point out one of her friends or family memebers. then you could be in a world of hurt

[poison]

The levels that you're dressing to now and obivously enjoying,it's HIGHLY unlikely you'll give it up for good. The main question you need to ask yourself is "dressed" the way you want to be are you physically attracted to males or females first? If you're still attracted sexually to females you and your wife have hope IF shes willing to give some to meet you on this. A lot of people dont understand that even if you like female clothes and such you can still be a hetero. guy and even be more loving and sexual with a woman...problem is,most women once they make up their mind (seeing dressing as gay) they only see you as another woman looking for a male and making them feel like they're with another woman and making them lesbian.Plus the issue of presenting you to her friends as such if you do it 24/7 as most would if it were acceptable in their daily role. You make a cute girl but you have some serious thinking to do
Good Luck
Heather

[Raechel Marris]

Hi there

My name is Geneva and im quite new to this forum

A Bit about my self

I have a problem of the woman coming out alot,Im a closet dresser,married but do go out when ever i get the chance.
Ive crossdressed ever since i was 6 years old.
I try to pass as a compleat woman.I love wearing makup and even were light amount of makeup as a man.
I have shaped my eyebrows have been waxing and having laser treatment, i have even let my nails grow longer, so have to now were gloves at work,this has helped stopping them brake,as im a engineer. I even have facials in secret.
I love shopping for clothing and going to cafes,I just seem to enjoy being a woman to much I think.

This is now becoming a problem as its starting to merge with my male life, The wife and inlaws are deeply Catholic and just hate people who are not normal male of femail.

The wife is now starting to notice the changes in me.
What broke the cammels back is when i answered the phone in my femail voise by mistake she then made several comments that made the femail in me please, but as a man embarrassed as it was infront of the kids.the trouble with this is im getting to a stage that i dont care if anybody finds out, so Im about to try and seek help so maybe that i can stop the habit.

But reading post scares me as most peaple dont seem to be able to stop crossdressing

Hope to here from all you girls soon

http://www.flickr.com/photos/44936757@N07/

Hello Geneva

I found your post very interesting and that you have quite a dilema to deal with. I have been dressing off and on since I was 8 but more in the last few years.I have also be caught a few times aswell by family that are kind of "christian". I have had a couple exgirlfriends find out with rather negitve reactions. I currently have a friend that accepts my crossdressing and she even gets me ladies clothes. I would rather be my fem self than myself any day of the week,I haven't comepletely come out either. I think you've kind of made a decision about coming out fully. Telling your wife won't be easy and she may also surprise you and be accepting. Those of us doing what we do truthfully don't want to quit. I also beleive that we in the Ts,tg,cd world are or were predestined to be what we are. All the best to you Geneva.

[sherri52]

I went a whole 20 min without dressing once so don't say I can't stop.

[Raechel Marris]

Hello

20 min is not very long and I was simply saying that if one comes out with the truth have made choice to live or dress regularly may not or want to quit. Yes one can quit dressing, however the question is how much does one want stop and for what personal reasons. Everyone of us is different in how we think and feel. I still go hours and days without dressing. I appalogize if I have offened you. Best wishes to you.

[ReineD]

I have a few questions ... how do you feel when you are in guy mode when you are with wife, family, or friends? And when you are alone?

Do you wish you could be dressed all the time, or are there times when you are in guy mode that you enjoy?

Do you think of yourself as a guy or a girl?

Thanks for answering!

[Monica Santos]

I totally understand. Once stopped, the desire to start burns. I stopped stopping years ago and go with the flow. But, my secret...even though I go out fully dressed...I mean fully. I say follow your desires, because you won't change. It's a part of who you are...gay, bi, straight, etc...you have a fem side.

Monica

[Raechel Marris]

When I am my male self I feel half real around girlfriends,family,and friends always having to hide the other side of me. When alone I shed the man and the calm relaxed woman comes out in a natural manner. I very much wish I could dress all time at home,work,and play. I don't ever recall times of enjoying things in male mode. I think I am more of girl than a guy and happier as a girl. I have always been menally /emotionaly different for as long as I can remember from an early age.

I hope this answers you questions or I sound like a crazy freak and I admit that I am just scared to cross over completely. hugs.

[Kitty Sue]

OMG! Napier. I used to live in Wairoa! I went to boarding school in Hastings!

I totally understand about the masculine thing that goes on "down the bay." Hawkes bay in my opinion is not the ideal place to be a CDer. Funnily I now live in Appalacia (pretty much the US version of the NZ east coast, again not the best place to be a CD). I am not at all surprised, that your wife does not seem to impressed with CDing, especially if she grew up in the bay, or Dannevirke, Wairoa, Onga Onga, Waipuk etc. I too grew up with religion. I spent my primary school years at a Catholic school in Wairoa. I spent most of my college years at Lindisfarne and again a heavy emphasis on religion was the norm.

Napier is not a big city and at least when I was there last (last year) I did not notice a lot of places to express myself. On the other hand Wellington and Auckland are very good in my experience. I spent 2 years in the NZ navy before moving to the US and joining the US army. I am not in the army now either except the American version of the territorials.

In Napier there is a great lingerie store and the sales ladies are really nice. They fitted me for my first bra.

I do not think there is any sure way to stop CDing, at least not in my experience. Like you I have been dressing from about age 5/6. I do feel for you. Perhaps finding a good counselor could help you with acceptance.

Take care. Feel free to contact me, who knows maybe next time I am home, we will be able to meet and talk. All the best, KS.

Oh by the way I like your pics. I even recognise a couple of those shots from along Marine Parade.