How Well has the wife taken the news that your a Crossdresser

[thechic]

Told my wife last night that I have a Problem
She did not take this Well.

At lest I will have time to my Self

Geneva

http://www.flickr.com/photos/44936757@N07/

[Destiny]

At least she now knows, move VERY slowly and choose your opportunities to advance wisely hun, moving too fast at this point could be devistating to your relationship. My advice is to back off now, give her a little time to get used to the idea and let her know that the reason you came out to her is because you didnt want any secrets between the two of you.

[Sheila]

Told my wife last night that I have a Problem
She did not take this Well.

What do you mean you told your wife you had a problem ? what did you say to her ? and how did you respond to it ?

[Sandra]

I little more info may help us to give oyu some support and advise.

[Shelly Preston]

Sorry to hear it did not go well. Unfortunately I think your opening line may have set the tone

Telling her its a problem would not help

Hopefully she will be willing to discuss it a bit more but dont try and go to quick. She will need time to digest the news. Please read the link in my signature on "telling your partner". The link should give you some good information which might help.

[Karren H]

I don't think I would have phrased this as a "problem"?? Maybe an issue..... Or a secret.. Or a secret issue... It wasn't pretty when my wife found out either. Lots of screaming and crying and carying on.. She was pretty pissed too!!

[Daintre]

I agree that more information is needed so that we can respond ....but I do have a question and that is ...Why would you want to tell your wife at Christmas? You were not up front when you two married so why now and not into the new year? I think for most SO's they need time to mull over what is told to them. Don't you think this will cast a cloud over the holiday season?

[tricia_uktv]

The girls are right, you haven't got a problem. All may not be lost however but it will take time. You've changed your SO's life remember. Hope it works out. Hugs

[Joanne f]

Geneva,
would you like to give us some more information because when you say that you will now have more time sounds like your wife has taken it very badly and it may help her if she could communicate with someone about it , and it also sounds like it has upset you as well .

[Leigh58]

Please do not lose heart. I did not take it well when my husband first told me, either. The key has been education and communication. Find everything out you can about CD, TG, etc. so that you can discuss it together. Also, be really patient with her. This takes time to process and it isn't easy for us GGs! You've known about this part of you for a long time. She just found out, and if she's like a lot of women, she probably had no idea that straight men ever even thought of wearingwomen's clothes! That's the way it was for me.

When my husband and I treated his CDing like a "problem" we got nowhere. It is part of who he is.

[sandra-leigh]

She did not take this Well.

At lest I will have time to my Self

It sounds like you are hinting that she has indicated she wishes to separate or even divorce? If so, I'm sorry to hear that, and hope things work out once she has had some time to think things over.

To answer the question posed by your title: my wife found a pair of my breast forms and figured out what they were and that they were mine and the basic fact that I cross-dressed. She was upset and came up and asked me to hold her tight, but didn't say way (leaving me to guess about what she knew and what she found.) Then she didn't say anything at all on the topic for about 3 months, "processing" the idea, before she asked me why the forms were there. I didn't deny, I didn't act ashamed, I didn't get defensive... we talked, and talked more. She indicated she wasn't sure she would be able to handle seeing me dressed, but she also (to this day) never asked me to stop nor even asked me to keep it inside the house: instead, she expressed concern about my safety, that I should be careful when I go out.

Her comfort with my dressing and with my TG identity has waffled greatly, sometimes within short periods. She has, for example, actively participated in buying me makeup, given me some, even tried some out on me on occasion -- but she gets uncomfortable in seeing me dressed and wearing makeup... so makeup is okay intellectually for her, but not so okay for her emotionally, when she actually sees me dressed with it. Her expression of the situation at this time is that "It's very confusing to have a partner who dresses in woman's clothes!"... but she actively likes some of the tops and earrings I wear, "Oh, so cute!", "That's very nice", "You have better taste than I do." Confusion all around. On the whole, she would prefer... ummm, not that I would go back to the way I was before, but rather that I continued to take care of my appearance and wear nice male clothes... but panties would probably still be okay, colourful ones, Kitty-chan even, as long as they weren't frilly or see-through or nylon (because nylon ones don't breathe properly and aren't healthy for you.) {Ummm, did I mention the confusion all around? )

[kayfan]

my wife gave me the boot when she found out..could have understood if i had her gear on when she caught me... but never looked back can be kay every night now

[thechic]

Hi there

The problem is im a crossdresser, Its not actulay a problem to me because i enjoy it so much and cant stop.Trouble is its merging into my main life.
but as Discussed in another post (STOP CROSSDRESSING) i decided to tell my wife over a wine, as i was getting sick of the lies and secret life,it made me feel like cheeting.
She didnt take it well and flu into a rage and has left for several day to think about it

So I would like to know how any other partners have taken the news when you have told them about being a crossdresser TS or other

bye
Geneva


http://www.flickr.com/photos/44936757@N07/

[KateW]

I think of it more as something that makes me a bit more unique then other guys. I told my wife very gradually over a number of years, as if we were discovering it together. I only told her recently that I've been doing it since I was a young child. I think telling them everything can be overwhelming. The key for me was to reinforce that I am still the man she fell in love with, and part of that personality is the female side. I would be a completely different person where it not for that side of me.

I wish you the best of luck with your wife. Take it slow, and let her know that you are still you. And it isn't a problem. Its an opportunity.

Kate xxx

[Vanessa5]

My wife knew before we were married that I liked to wear lingerie. After we were married the urge to dress left for a little while. It came back and progressed to now wanting to look entirely like a woman. She recently found one of my sweaters (it's cold here in MN) and the proverbial cat is out of the bag. So far she has been OK with it. No one is to know until she processes her emotions and I am fine with that. After the holidays we are going to counseling. I hope that over time she understands that this is who I am (still the same person she married). After reading some of the posts here I am thankfull that it wasn't too big a shock to her. Hope this helps you.

[Leslie Langford]

Hi there

The problem is im a crossdresser, Its not actulay a problem to me because i enjoy it so much and cant stop.Trouble is its merging into my main life.
but as Discussed in another post (STOP CROSSDRESSING) i decided to tell my wife over a wine, as i was getting sick of the lies and secret life,it made me feel like cheeting.
She didnt take it well and flu into a rage and has left for several day to think about it

So I would like to know how any other partners have taken the news when you have told them about being a crossdresser TS or other

bye
Geneva


http://www.flickr.com/photos/44936757@N07/

Geneva,

What you now have to deal with is a reality that many of us CDers were initially in denial about when we first came out to our SO's and others, and that is the fact that in doing so, our "problem" suddenly became their "problem" as well. We have usually had years to come to terms with this side of ourselves - for them, it is often a major, unexpected bombshell and uncharted territory.

Some SO's don't see this as such a huge deal; others have a really difficult time coping with the news, given all of the negativity that society has burdened our particular lifestyle with (although that is gradually diminishing as more of us come out into the open).

As others here have said, what you now need to do is give your SO some time and space to get her head around this announcement. My suspicion is that if she truly loves you, she will eventually come to terms with it. You have shown great honesty in divulging this deep, dark secret to her, and shown her how much you trust her in the process. That will gain you a number of points in the "plus" column as a starting point. What you now need to do is give her time to digest this new development and take "baby steps" only as you reveal more of this side of you. You also need to be twice the "man" you were for her beforehand to show her that this is still an integral part of your being, even as you work towards letting the "inner girl" emerge from her prison.

I hope all goes well for you in the end; this is not the time of year to be alone with your thoughts .

[Brandi Wyne]

It sounds like it's not going well for you. I'm sorry to hear that. We all want acceptance and esp. from those close to us i.e. parents, siblings, spouse, etc. You are very brave to bare your soul that way.

XXs,

[Joanne f]

First of all my wife was in disbelief as she had never heard of it be for , then it was , i will try to cope with it , then it was , i cannot cope with this ( but that had more to do with outside interference), then it was , i will put up with it as long as you are in another room so that i do not see it , then my wife said this is silly you being in a different room , and from then onwards it has been complete acceptance , but i never pushed the issue yet i was lucky enough that my wife could see how much it use to get at me .
So things can change but it just takes time and a lot of understanding on both sides.
Talk to your wife and ask her what her fears and concerns are and see what you can work out between you both .

[SuzanneBender]

I think of it more as something that makes me a bit more unique then other guys...The key for me was to reinforce that I am still the man she fell in love with, and part of that personality is the female side. I would be a completely different person where it not for that side of me.

How you approached the situation doesn't matter now. The genie (and a cute one I might add) is out of the bottle.

Kate’s words above are the key to eventual acceptance. I told my wife after 13 years of marriage and trust me it didn't go well at first. After four years she has grown to realize that some of her favorite things about me are my feminine traits. I had a good friend who is gay explain to me that we owe our loved ones as my time to come to terms with who we are as it took us to accept ourselves. I think that is so true.

I am sorry your stepping out of the closet with your wife went rough. She will either come back and work towards acceptance or you will move on. You no longer have to live with deceit hanging over your head and a world of new doors is about to open.

Hang in there girl.

[charlie]

Hello Geneva!
My wife found out about me about three months ago. The tears are not flowing as fast as before and I hear that "I'm not normal" about half as much. I do not think she is leaving me this week, but a round of hostility is still just around the corner. I've also been told that she does not want another woman in the house, it is like I'm having an affair (albeit with myself), it would be better if she heard I was a drunk or gambler.....it is all bad. I have told her that I would stop immediately if I could. I just cannot say that I can or will. We have both gone to see a counselor, but it does little good. Some wives just cannot handle their husbands dressing in woman's clothes. My shattered wife is one of them.

[sherri52]

Tread softly until she has time to recoup her thoughts. If she loves you she may make room for the chic, but it will take time.

[KarenCDFL]

I told my wife way before we married and that way she had time to learn about it and think about if we were going to have a future.

We have anniversary # 14 coming up next month and for the holidays she bought me a bunch of gorgeous lingerie and makeup items hoping that she could borrow them once in awhile!

I hope that you two will be able to work things out. Just give it time and if you can, steer her toward the Forum and any other information you can. Cross dressing seems to becoming almost a majority these days Knowledge is definitely a plus in a situation like this.

[daviolin]

Hang in there girl. I came out to my wife this year, and its been a up and down thing since april. I could tell you a lot of things. It would take to long here. Send me a private message and I can help you however I can. Believe me I care. We need all the support we can get. flickr.com/photos/daviolin

[sherryleigh]

Last year my girlfriend had apparently found some of my pics on my computer. She dumped me then but we were basically going nowhere anyway. So far and only as far as I know she has told no one about that. It's hard to talk about....

Sherry

[Marcie4you]

What's a "wife"?