It hit me yesterday like a ton of bricks. Throughout my adult life I've been confused and desperately trying to figure out what my CDing meant. I remember being a young boy at about 4 years old and enjoy doing girly activities. I did have a male influence with three older brothers, but that only did so much. I remember growing up and wanting to wear dresses and grow my hair long. However, when I was finally old enough to think about what it all meant I just kept telling myself that I just wanted to wear the clothes and remain a male. I guess it was just the safest thing to admit to myself.
But yesterday I felt something I've never felt before. It's kind of hard to explain but a thought just popped into my head as if it were a female talking. My inner thoughts had always been male, but a female voice finally talked. That's when I admitted that I should have been born a girl and I no longer want to be male. Suddenly my way of thinking has changed. I'm no longer afraid to be honest and let my true feelings out.
That's why this year I've decided that I'm coming out. Just to my immediate family at first, then I'll slowly let everybody else know. I'm planning to do it on my birthday. I figure that's the best day since extra attention will be on me anyway. But I'm open to doing it sooner if a good moment should come up.
2010 was once known as the year we make contact. Well, the same can be said for me as I contact the part of me I've been hiding my whole life and ask her to come out. And I'll definitely need some help transitioning so this will be like my second home.