Met one of us Monday in MN, but also sad!

[Daniela76]

I met one of us on Monday at work!!
Whoever it was came in drab but had long well kept nails, long hair & a look of recent makeup use. And a little pink bow in the back of the hair!
I tried to get away from the pharmacy to talk, but got too busy right after they walked away. GRRRR!!
If this was you, please let me know! Post here or PM me!!
Pharmacy in St. Paul where you asked about flu shots.

Now for the sad part.
After the nice lady left, I commented to my coworker (GG) about her in a broaching way. Mentioned the nails, the long hair, the pink bow. She made a face and went "eeeww." Well I guess I'm not going to receive a great welcome at work.
Here's the worst part:
This girl is 24. She has 5 tattoos and I think 20 body piercings (including studs in her upper chest!). She goes out, drinks a lot and sleeps around (which I have to listen to her complain about on Mondays). She also likes to mention that people's lives are their business & she doesn't judge people!!
[SIZE="3"]W...T...FRAK!!!![/SIZE]
Immediately after this I went to check the stockroom for an item, and while back there, I cried just a little bit. Didn't break down or anything, but felt a tear and a great sadness.

How am I going to do this now??
I am hoping to come out to my female pharmacist on Friday night I think. I work with her until 10pm & alone from 8-10. I work until 11 though so I can't talk to her after.

[Loni]

you know some people just will not judge others...

.execpt when it suits them.


sounds like your coworker has worse problems then what you stated.

but not to worry, life has a way.


.

[Nicola2876]

I know what you mean. I work in a hotel and have a regular MTF transexual who stays with us who is a lovely woman but you should hear the comments. We recently had a man who turned up a drab but went to the restaurant in a lovely black dress, heels, the works and once again the comments were horrible. People like to think they don't judge but most do I'm afraid.

[linnea]

you know some people just will not judge others...

.execpt when it suits them.

I think that this is a good point; I hope that the CD you saw will contact you. Good luck.

[Paula Siemen]

I would let it ride until some point in future time when you co-worker throws out that "she doesn't judge people and that their own lives are their own business"? At that time I would remind her of her response to the supposed crossresser customer you described and then go on to itemize her own idiocyncocies which you and your other co-workers accept without negative comment or indications of repulsion. And then mention how disturbing "hypocracy" is in general. It sounds like your co-worker needs to be "slapped" into the reality of her own views and how inconsistant they are, no matter what she thinks she presents. A redneck by anyother name is still a REDNECK!

IMHO

Paula

[vikki2020]

I wouldn't let it bother you. There are all kinds of people out there, and you will never please all of them, no matter the situation. If you feel confident about talking with your co-worker, and you really want to, I would say let the info out slowly, and see where it goes. Good luck!

[JenniferR771]

Is it cold where you are Daneila? LOL! Don't assume your "friend" is non-accepting--she may have said the first thing that came out of her mouth. Sound her out more carefully, but be subtle.
I saw a probable sister last week at Goodwill on Division Ave. Drab, 6 feet, dark hair, about 30, tiny goatee on chin. Looked at the slips and niteys, then bras, then skirts. I tried to get his attention while holding up a top to ask if he thought it went with my eyes. But he left without buying anything within about 5 minutes.

[Angie G]

Daniela don't let the girl get you down.You just work with her you don't have to party with her.Go ahead with your plans on coming out or you may be miserable. for not doing it.You will never make every one happy. So look out for you girl.
Angie

[Veronica75]

Is it cold where you are Daneila? LOL! Don't assume your "friend" is non-accepting--she may have said the first thing that came out of her mouth. Sound her out more carefully, but be subtle.

Great point. You might try asking her a leading series of questions to walk her through the logic (or lack thereof) of her prejudices. Often people are unthinkingly bigoted until they're actually asked to THINK. If she's really as non-judgemental as she claims to be, she might change her own mind, once she realizes her hypocrisy.

[KimberlyJo]

Here's the worst part:
This girl is 24. She has 5 tattoos and I think 20 body piercings (including studs in her upper chest!). She goes out, drinks a lot and sleeps around (which I have to listen to her complain about on Mondays). She also likes to mention that people's lives are their business & she doesn't judge people!!

Most people have a bit of hypocrisy in them, it's tough to get away from. Not to mention, what we sometimes like to believe about ourselves [and what we try to make others believe about us] isn't always necessarily how we really are. A crossdresser should know that better than anyone

[Lorileah]

She is only one person in the world. And she isn't the end all. Let's look at it from a recent news story perspective. Maybe she has done a lot of work her whole life to gain acceptance of all types of people. Maybe she really does care about equality. Maybe she simply used ''inartful language.''

As pointed out we all have our lines in the sand limits. It is usually ignorance and ignorance can be corrected (stupid is forever however). Due to laws of physics you can never see what another sees from that exact perspective (two bodies cannot occupy the same space at the same time) and we have different views. We can try and explain what we are seeing from our perspective. And maybe we can get another to see how we are viewing something (yo know the story of the three blind men and the elephant). Give it a few days, don't jump in right away unless you are ready to out yourself to her, and ask why she found the idea of a CD so repulsive? Maybe she will stop at that point, think for a second, look at her piercings and tattoos and remember how she was treated recently and say, "Gee, I don't know why I reacted like that".

On the other hand she may just tell tell you that it is gross and that one should not try and be anything other than what she thinks they should be. In that case just smile, give her a pitying look and say "you know I don't need to hear about your weekends any more...ewwwww."

[jenna_woods]

I wouldn't let it bother you hun some people are just that way

[lavistaa62]

Depending on her perception of you she may have said what she thought you wanted to hear. Since there's apparently a strong social current to criticize TG/CD people (mtf and ftm) often people will just spout what they think the social standard reaction "should" be and may even have deeply buried whatever acceptance they might naturally have. I guess it's a fear of being rejected if they accept others who are rejected- birds of a feather, cliques and all that. Sad but I think true.

The roundabout way of questioning others mentioned seems like an effective way of sounding her out or see what trouble if any she might be motivated to cause you.

[aggi123]

Maybe she misread your reaction to it as something negative and was simply just going along with it.

[carolinoakland]

so, me loving to play devil's advocate here...Daniella, what is the end result you expect by coming out to your co worker? Will there be consequences? I know the frustration one feels that comes after self acceptence, after a lifetime of hiding from myself the last thing I wanted anymore was to hide. But... I mean I never realized how things I did changed my daughters life. How to respond to the question " So what's your dad do?"
"Oh, dads turning into a woman..." tends to bring any conversation to a screeching halt...and I'm sure she just cringes now when ever the topic goes to family. So, I know you're tired, but what's going to happen that you haven't thought about happening? Just be carefull. Carol

[minalost]

We can all be understanding and open minded toward anyone inside or our own individual "boxes." The goal is to make your box as big as you can. That being said, some people will never be in my box: rapists, murderers, child molesters... and maybe hypocrites !

[giuseppina]

...
How am I going to do this now??
I am hoping to come out to my female pharmacist on Friday night I think. I work with her until 10pm & alone from 8-10. I work until 11 though so I can't talk to her after.

I can't recommend you do this. Private issues like this really don't belong at work. Just my humble opinion.

[Nicole Erin]

She made a face and went "eeeww." Well I guess I'm not going to receive a great welcome at work.
Here's the worst part:
This girl is 24. She has 5 tattoos and I think 20 body piercings (including studs in her upper chest!). She goes out, drinks a lot and sleeps around (which I have to listen to her complain about on Mondays). She also likes to mention that people's lives are their business & she doesn't judge people!!

OK so she has all these tattoos and piercings, and spends weekends in whoever's bed. And she has the nerve to say "eeww" about anyone?
Well she may not realise that in our society, people who look like an art canvas and pincushion are judged just as much as TG. Not to mention she sounds like a drunk. Upstanding young woman there.

If it was me, I would not want to even be around that woman, let alone let her in on anything personal in my life.

[Daniela76]

Thank you all for your supportive words & reasonable criticism.

I can't recommend you do this. Private issues like this really don't belong at work. Just my humble opinion.

I want to come out at work so I can begin living as a woman. I know I have the rights to do this with the company I work for. I feel so much happier & joy-filled being a woman now.
I did come out to my store manager to ask her what my rights & allowances are. She was understanding (as she has to be) and referred me to the people I would need to talk to so I could find out for sure.
I also came out to my pharmacist today also (Couldn't keep my damn mouth shut!!). She is actually very understanding of me wanting to wear women's clothing that could pass as men's, but doesn't understand me wanting to be fully dressed as a woman. I still will be able to talk to her on Friday.

[kinkycd]

has the mystery person come back in yet?

[sherri52]

What you co-worker should have said was "they don't bother me so I won't bother them". At least it would have kept her out of her lie about not judging

[mklinden2010]

You describe this event at work and your co-worker's reaction, and then YOU point out "negative" things about her that "anybody would find weird." Not nice on your part, or, helpful.

Your view of the customer is that the customer was doing nothing wrong and was doing what they had a right to do - while ignoring that anyone observing the customer may express an opinion about them/what they were doing if they want to do so publicly.

The problem here isn't that your co-worker spoke her mind, the problem here is that you didn't.

People can be unkind, but their unkindness can be trimmed in the budding stage by some diplomatic and well-timed counters to what they express. Fair, as you seem to argue, IS fair.

I've learned many sound lessons in getting along in life by having people quickly correct me when I was being a bone-head --- and I am a better person for it.

(Thanks, Grandma!)

[Sarah_GG]

I would seize the opportunity to challenge her and ask her why she feels like she does. After all, she is being judged quite harshly and may herself be at the receiving end of narrow-minded bigotry.

Perhaps she didn't know what to say? Perhaps she's never met a TG person before? Perhaps she thought that was your view and was echoing your own thoughts on the subject? Has she any idea at all about this side of you?

I'd be inclined to get her on side, she sounds like she might actually be quite broad-minded and accepting of alternative lifestyle choices.

[abigailf]

How am I going to do this now??
I am hoping to come out to my female pharmacist on Friday night I think. I work with her until 10pm & alone from 8-10. I work until 11 though so I can't talk to her after.

That may have been just a reaction based on the company she was with (you). She may have felt that is what you would have preferred to hear her say.

I once worked in the same office with a colleague of mine who (I did not know at the time) was gay. Well, I had a very colorful language back then and often used what might be considered gay bashing phrases. Although I never actually meant them as such, they were just terms of exclamation and playful insulting. Imagine my surprise that the person I would call a gay bast@&$ was actually gay.

He had a hard time coming out to me for this reason but eventually did. Of course today we are still good friends. It was also a huge life lesson for me and a turning point in my continual growth to be a better person.

The funny thing is he doesn’t know I crossdress. Mostly because my wife has not given me go ahead to share.