I discovered that I had a significant feminine side to my personality a couple of years ago. During this period, I have gone from complete and utter confusion to complete acceptance of who I seem to be.
Once I reached full acceptance of myself I was very happy, calm and felt like one of the most guarded secrets of the universe had been revealed to me. I basked in feminine energy and knew that everyone actually had this capacity.
Then, my mind goes to work and does it best to tear all of this down and restore me to some sort of previous sanity -- before realization of the feminine "me".
My mind is pretty good at writing all of my "feminine interest" off as simply a male with an unusually strong sex drive. Combine that with a non-typical means of expression, that is rather than going out there and finding the woman of my dreams, I attempt "to be" the woman of my dreams. I do like acting and being on stage, so this is a plausible explanation for me.
I then get comfortable in this sobering, apparent truth for a while. Then the old pink fog sets in and starts the process of dragging me back into suffering so I can "learn" once again that I actually do have a feminine side to my personality and that it is very real. After writhing around in pain and suffering for a while, my mind capitulates and agrees that I do in fact have a strong feminine side and interest and that it's OK.
If viewed as a sin-wave (that's my guy talking), the amplitude (height of the trough and peak) is getting less and less and I am tending toward the middle which is where real peace may lie. So, perhaps a few more cycles and I will finally reach a place where I don't have to ask myself whether or not this is real anymore!
Does anyone else cycle this way? Does it resolve one way or another for all time, that is, can I look forward to not having to rediscover myself over and over again?