More acceptance than I was expecting

[PretzelGirl]

I've had a lot going on lately, so I haven't done anything since my first time in the public eye. Some of that is to combat the typical pink fog you get from that first exposure (yes I had it!). But a while back, I had talked with my wife and agreed that she could let one of her best friends in on things so she could have someone to talk to, face-to-face.

Well last night, one of those friends was over at the house as her and my wife were about to go out. My wife is about 6 feet away mouthing something. Am I the only one that can't ever tell what someone is trying to get across when they do that? Anyway, I can pick up what she is getting at and shrug my shoulders. So she tells her and the friend goes "That's chill". Okay, I pause and wait for facial expressions so I know if that was good or bad. She gets a big smile and I breathe again. So what was her first question? Not "was I gay" or "was I getting surgery" but "Do you have a lot of sequined dresses?". Well that got me laughing, but I said no. She then said that she had to do my hair. That was about as far as it went as they had to go.

So later, they get back and my wife tells me that she later called the other best friend and told her. First I said "You can't tell someone over the phone!". Then of course curiosity kicked in and I asked what she said. My wife told me "Totally awesome". Did she have any questions? No, my wife said. Wow, neither one asked the big "two".

So now I am sitting here with the one told first. I show her some pictures and she wanted to check out my shoes and forms. She got a kick out of some of the stuff I kept out in the open. But she goes home and I think about the other one. I first text her a picture of a bra that I references in my Facebook status that she previously thought was a joke (http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?t=123429) and I said "I wouldn't lie to you". Her reply was "You totally rock! :-)". When I got up this morning, there was another text from her that got the conversation going again. I told her that it is a little scary to tell a friend and possibly risk that friendship. She came back with "I think it is awesome. I totally get it".

So it couldn't have gone any better, at least initially. I know the caveats apply. See what happens down the road. But I am starting off with what seems like great acceptance and there are no bus treads on me yet.

[DonnaLynn77]

Congrats, that must feel pretty good!

Now just keep an eye out for that pink fog lol.

[AllieSF]

Congratulations on the positive results. Those are what most of us dream about. Since the proverbial cat is out of the bag to one, now two, of your wife's friends, I would be interested to see how long before others get the inside unofficial line as secrecies are breached by that overpowering urge to share hot news.

[Stephanie Miller]

You don’t think your wives friends would start giving this new “fun” more attention than your wife feels is necessary do you? Might sting a little more than you would think if she isn’t as accepting as the friends. Usually is the case between outsiders and family members since the outsiders really don’t have and “skin in the game” so to speak.
Be careful.

[theresa]

It sounds so wonderful, but I agree with Stephanie, I'd be cautious and careful for awhile.

[Angie G]

Well it seem your geting groupies Sue. How cool is that.
Angie

[Kathi Lake]

Wow, this sounds promising, Sue!

It is a wonderful feeling when someone you know, knows about you and still accepts you. As others have said though, prepare for the floodgates to open. They may not, but prepare anyway.

Oh, and why does everyone assume that drag queens and crossdressers are the same. I don't have a single sequined dress!

Kathi

[Midnight Skye]

Three cheers for accepting female friends. I could really use a few more of those locally. Sounds like you're going to have some fun with them around though, they sound almost a bit too jazzed about it - giggles -. It will be really great for your wife though, that kind of support has got to be uplifting for her.

[msniki48]

Sue, This is great news for you. its nice to know when your wife's friends are around, you may find yourself more involved in the chat, as you can actually show an interest in what the are talking about.

I have an inner circle also. my next door neighbors i deal with the women mostly...the men know but do not mention it unless i do. Also, we used to have a boat, and our dock friends know also... the girls love the conversation with niki and have also bought me little presents for my birthday and such....hmmmmm...

many times the girls will come over for a glass of wine to chat. My sister and daughter are also supporting.

depending on how out of the closet you wish to be, make sure they know they are in your confidence and you are not out of the closet. at least you know the flood gates won't open....although there will always be a leak here and there.

Enjoy your inner circle of support


hugs

msniki48

[Annaliese]

Sue were did you find anyone in Utah so open.

Annaliese

[Kathi Lake]

Sue were did you find anyone in Utah so open.

Annaliese

Annaliese, speaking from experience, they're out there, you just have to look and trust.

kathi

[melissacd]

I am finding that much of this has to do with your own attitude about yourself. If you start to behave in a way that shows that you are totally okay with this part of who you are then others just follow suit. In some cases they are interested in learning more and in others it is just - oaky - fine - whatever it is that makes you happy. For the most part most people do not seem to have much of an issue with this and most of the great fears that we have about the sky falling in if we are ever outed just never happen.

Now that being said, it is difficult for someone who is deep in the closet to truly believe that this is true. I know I would never have felt that way many years ago and nothing anyone would have said would have made a difference to me. But one day I took a small step and I have been stepping further everyday and have found that all of my girlfriend's girlfriends are very cool and in some cases very interested in this aspect of me.

[Kathi Lake]

I am finding that much of this has to do with your own attitude about yourself. If you start to behave in a way that shows that you are totally okay with this part of who you are then others just follow suit. In some cases they are interested in learning more and in others it is just - oaky - fine - whatever it is that makes you happy. For the most part most people do not seem to have much of an issue with this and most of the great fears that we have about the sky falling in if we are ever outed just never happen.

Yes, yes, yes!!!

This is totally true! Sue, you've been around me, you know how I'm like. Did I ever act in any encounter with the public like I was scared or guilty? Heck no! They all knew the fun I have doing it, and seemed to want to share in that fun. I'm sure your friends will follow suit. It sure sounds like fun times!

Kathi

[carolinoakland]

yay!go ahead, give yourself permission to be happy. Not enough happy in the world. Cheers. Carol

[PretzelGirl]

Since there are so many similiar thoughts, I'll avoid quoting so this doesn't become humongous!

My wife is very accepting. She wanted me to go out before I wanted to. She said I should put up a picture here before I was ready. She suggested I take a make-up class (and it wasn't done maliciously ). So I don't see my wife having a problem with the attention. She knows how her friends are and my wife is the quiet one of the bunch already. But I do make sure she knows how much I appreciate her anyway.

As far as the cat out of the bag. Yes, I thought about this ahead of time. One thing about these two friends is that the rest of the core group that they are from are no longer in our lives. So if they tell anyone, they probably aren't likely to be anyone we are around. But, I made the decision knowing full well that someone else could find out. You just can't assume otherwise. It makes me think of a shampoo commercial from the 70's. A lady says she told two friends about the shampoo, and the screen splits showing two of her. Then she says they told two friends and the screen now shows four of her. And it goes on with the pictures doubling each time. Stuff can multiply quickly.

But I do believe it is how you present yourself. When the one was told that was face-to-face, I didn't hold my head down, I smiled, I looked her right in the eye, I didn't ask if she thought it was wrong, and I didn't throw up! They do seem jazzed, but I am just going to sit tight now and let them bring it up next. No pushing.

Kathi - You are exactly the opposite. You grab the bull by the horns and everyone is having fun with you before they can think about it.

Annaliese - You can find a trail of them by following Kathi around! It probably also helps that my wife is so accepting, so you can reason that she would hang around with similiar people.

DonnaLynn - One of the things we have been going through in my part of Utah is about three weeks of a weather inversion. So all of the fog and smog has been trapped and just sitting here. I went out dressed for the first time a couple of weeks ago and I blame the inversion for having trouble getting rid of the pink fog! Seriously though. I have noticed on this board that occassionally someone will come along that will progress through things at a rapid pace and then one day, BAM. They get busted and post that things aren't good and then we don't hear from them anymore. I feel for those people. If anything, it does add to my feelings that moderate progression is a good thing.

And I am happy Caroline!

[Rachel Morley]

I told her that it is a little scary to tell a friend and possibly risk that friendship. She came back with "I think it is awesome. I totally get it".

IMHO this in not only an indication of how cool your friend is with CDing but also an indication of how cool a person you are!

[sherri52]

Congrats; seems like your wifes friends give it the ok and that is going to help your wife with excepting better than she has. Her friends are on your side.

[LisaKarenAZ]

Sue, I loved reading your post.
How exciting that your first "out", besides your wife, was a great experience. Now if I can just get my wife to a level of acceptance even one tenth of your wife's, I'd be ecstatic.

[PretzelGirl]

IMHO this in not only an indication of how cool your friend is with CDing but also an indication of how cool a person you are!

Thank you Rachel! I don't see where we can always make the right decision because everyone's circumstances are different. But I believe that if we guide ourselves by the experiences of others here, things will go well most of the time. And she is a very cool friend!

Congrats; seems like your wifes friends give it the ok and that is going to help your wife with excepting better than she has. Her friends are on your side.

I think my wife has her people to talk to now. That takes a load off as that was the only concern I had in that she might be bursting holding it in. She made an account here, but just doesn't get on-line a lot.

Sue, I loved reading your post.
How exciting that your first "out", besides your wife, was a great experience. Now if I can just get my wife to a level of acceptance even one tenth of your wife's, I'd be ecstatic.

Acceptance sometimes is already there and sometimes it grows over time. Patience appears to be the key for some, unfortunately (since we don't want to be patient).