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Thread: Is cybering cheating?

  1. #1
    Lucky GG nodaybuttoday's Avatar
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    Is cybering cheating?

    I am interested in getting everyone's opinion about this. It seems that with some individuals that crossdress, they become almost a different person when crossdressing. They look different, their attitude is different, even sometimes their name is different. Sometimes they totally separate their "male" selves from their "female" selves. So, when are you taking it too far? Especially when you're in a relationship or married?

    If you cyber with someone, whether you're acting as a male with a male chat partner, or maybe even you're taking on a female role with a male chat partner, is it cheating? Are their certain circumstances that make it less or more okay? (ie. nude pictures, self stimulation, etc.)
    "I can't control my destiny. I trust my soul, my only goal is just to be."

  2. #2
    Miss Conception Karren Hutton's Avatar
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    Well personally I think cybering dumb and isn't even sex.. Kind of like listening to the Playboy Channel on XM?? Lol. Ohh and I'm the same person no mater now I'm dressed...

  3. #3
    Whiny li'l runt Ze's Avatar
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    I say hell yes. If you're in a committed relationship and yet still willingly engage (online or otherwise) with another person, it's cheating. Even if you physically "didn't do anything," your mind was fully involved. We can call that cheating or not all day; but the biggest factor still remains that you don't have enough respect for your partner. And if there isn't any respect, where's the love?

    Since I know somebody will also bring up the case of pornography, I'll say this now: It's not (always) the same. Regarding pornography, you aren't engaged with another person, but rather a representation of a person (paper, film, computer screen, etc). There's no mental commitment, but rather a regarding of the person(s) involved as (an) object(s). Pornography is constructed in a way where it's meant to be objectifying. (I'm not saying this is necessarily good for the various identities that are portrayed within pornography, but that's another matter.) That's the difference between cheating and not cheating. (And don't try the excuse of "well I did her, but I objectified her the whole time." If there was actual physicality involved, it was definitely cheating.) However, the problem of pornography starting to destroy a relationship and/or start a cheating trend is when the individual starts to willing choose the material over their partner. In which case the individual then starts to fall into the same trend of disrespect toward their partner as cybering. The partner is first in line for your love and sex life; pornography should only be used as a secondary supplement. Make sense?

    In short, cheating equals either 1) emotional engagement, or 2) actual physical interactions.
    Last edited by Ze; 01-20-2010 at 10:44 AM.

  4. #4
    Silver Member Amy Hepker's Avatar
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    Hey my now X-Wife said I was cheating on her if I looked at Ladies clothes in a store window. I could not even glance at another woman or she would want to start a fight over it, even if I was just looking to see what she was wearing.
    Ladies have a GREAT time!
    Smile GOD LOVES you!!!
    GOD BLESS US ALL!!!
    AMY Hepker

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    AND YOU BE YOU

  5. #5
    The Fem Mimic docrobbysherry's Avatar
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    The DIFFERENCE is another PERSON is involved!

    Most folks don't consider reading porn and getting off, to be "cheating".
    So, to me, online porn is in that SAME category.

    However, bring ANOTHER human being into that picture, and it BECOMES cheating, if sex EVER "comes up" in your conversations!
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
    Every day when wake up, u make choices. Remember, u don't ALWAYS have to choose the same direction every day. Think about it!

  6. #6
    :) Post-Op Hippie Chick CharleneT's Avatar
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    Engaging in an romantic/emotional relationship with another person is cheating. Whether you meet or not. It isn't the actions that hurt, it is the betrayal.
    There is a road—no simple highway—between the dawn and the dark of night.
    And if you go no one may follow. That path is for your steps alone.

  7. #7
    left site permanently aggi123's Avatar
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    I consider that cheating as well. There are a few other things about cybering that I'm thinking, but it's just my opinion, so I'll keep quiet.
    removed

  8. #8
    Cant help smiling Mirani's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ze View Post
    I say hell yes. If you're in a committed relationship and yet still willingly engage (online or otherwise) with another person, it's cheating. Even if you physically "didn't do anything," your mind was fully involved. We can call that cheating or not all day; but the biggest factor still remains that you don't have enough respect for your partner. And if there isn't any respect, where's the love?
    ................
    In short, cheating equals either 1) emotional engagement, or 2) actual physical interactions.
    [FONT="Comic Sans MS"]Mirani - [meer-rahn-nee] Beauty to Behold; to "See" beauty [/FONT]

  9. #9
    The best of both worlds Kathi Lake's Avatar
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    Two words; hell and yes!

    Anytime you get sex involved into the equation - cyber, virtual, actual or what have you - you are making a connection at the deepest level with someone. Through a process called orgasmic conditioning, you actually start to "bond" with whatever person or activity brings the pleasure. Sex is so much more than just the sweaty bits. The magic is in the connection between two people.

    If a person has to resort to "cybering" than they and their spouse have some serious issues to discuss. No matter how "different" a person may feel when dressed, cheating is still cheating.

    Kathi
    Last edited by Kathi Lake; 01-20-2010 at 11:13 AM. Reason: Clarity

  10. #10
    Silver Member kellycan27's Avatar
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    Yes it is cheating
    "one day I'll fly away..... leave all this to yesterday"

    http://youtu.be/kR7NlgwVHHg

  11. #11
    Whiny li'l runt Ze's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kathi Lake View Post
    Two words; hell and yes!
    Poser.

    Anytime you get sex involved into the equation - cyber, virtual, actual or what have you - you are making a connection at the deepest level with someone. Through a process called orgasmic conditioning, you actually start to "bond" with whatever person or activity brings the pleasure.
    Wow, I never actually heard of this terminology before. I'll have to look it up now. It makes a lot of sense.

  12. #12
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    That darn Ze, coming in here making perfect sense, saying almost exactly what I was going to say!!

    I'm still gonna say it since it is very important to be said as many times as possible.

    ANY emotional or physical engagement with someone other than your SO is cheating.

    And pornography is close to cheating, but not exactly. I agree that it is an objectifying of the person you are watching & a demeaning of the relationship you are in. Unless your SO is emotionally or physically unavailable. I don't mean out of town, I mean unwilling to or unable to participate. Some people don't have a problem with their SO & porn though. Then it isn't as bad. As long as the real-life relationship comes first!!

  13. #13
    The best of both worlds Kathi Lake's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ze View Post
    Poser.
    Sorry dude, that's just how I roll! (I wanted to post this earlier this morning - making you the poser! - but my internet went South on me ).

    Quote Originally Posted by Ze View Post
    Wow, I never actually heard of this terminology before. I'll have to look it up now. It makes a lot of sense.
    Yeah, few and far between are the days I get to actually use my degrees anymore. Let's hear it for education!

    Kathi

  14. #14
    Whiny li'l runt Ze's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Daniela76 View Post
    That darn Ze, coming in here making perfect sense, saying almost exactly what I was going to say!!
    Ain't I a stinker?



    Quote Originally Posted by Kathi Lake View Post
    Sorry dude, that's just how I roll! (I wanted to post this earlier this morning - making you the poser! - but my internet went South on me ).
    Yeah yeah, sure sure. Nice try.

  15. #15
    The best of both worlds Kathi Lake's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ze View Post
    Yeah yeah, sure sure. Nice try.
    No, seriously! It went South. I tried to type a cogent response, but all my internet would let me type were the words, "Y'all" and "inbreed."

    Kathi

    Quote Originally Posted by irenetancd View Post
    Just do whatever you are comfortable with.
    And in that phrase lies the problem! "Do whatever you're comfortable with." What about the other person?! By doing this, you are putting your own wants over the needs of the relationship and the other person. Not good, to say the least.

    Kathi
    Last edited by Holly; 01-20-2010 at 11:37 AM. Reason: Merged two consecutive posts... please use the EDIT button to add content or the multiquote function to reply to multiple posts in a single post. Multiposting is not permitted on the forum.

  16. #16
    Duchess of Eyeliner Erica2Sweet's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by nodaybuttoday View Post
    I am interested in getting everyone's opinion about this. It seems that with some individuals that crossdress, they become almost a different person when crossdressing. They look different, their attitude is different, even sometimes their name is different. Sometimes they totally separate their "male" selves from their "female" selves. So, when are you taking it too far? Especially when you're in a relationship or married?

    If you cyber with someone, whether you're acting as a male with a male chat partner, or maybe even you're taking on a female role with a male chat partner, is it cheating? Are their certain circumstances that make it less or more okay? (ie. nude pictures, self stimulation, etc.)
    I'd say it matters very little what we say here. What's important is whether or not the other person in the relationship feels its cheating.

    The original post overall suggests to me that a TG person's separation of their internal male and female persona (so to speak) may be excuse enough to engage in extracurricular activities with strangers online. That, in my opinion, is crap.

    Quote Originally Posted by Kathi Lake View Post
    And in that phrase lies the problem! "Do whatever you're comfortable with." What about the other person?! By doing this, you are putting your own wants over the needs of the relationship and the other person. Not good, to say the least.

    Kathi
    I totally agree.
    Last edited by Shelly Preston; 01-20-2010 at 01:23 PM. Reason: Merged Please use the multi quote button

  17. #17
    Senior Age Member sissystephanie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by CharleneT View Post
    Engaging in an romantic/emotional relationship with another person is cheating. Whether you meet or not. It isn't the actions that hurt, it is the betrayal.
    Charlene says it very well. Yes, it is cheating!!
    Stephanie

    Lady on the outside, but man underneath!

  18. #18
    Silver Member NicoleScott's Avatar
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    Reminds me of this story:
    Hillary asked teenager Chelsea if she was having sex, to which she replied: "Not according to Daddy"

  19. #19
    Aspiring Member JodyCD's Avatar
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    I think it depends on the relationship, and whether your s.o. knows about it. If all (and I do mean all) parties are consenting, then no it is not cheating.

  20. #20
    Accepting GG Dutchess's Avatar
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    Yes
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    Don't let me stay
    In a place where this hate can steal my soul
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  21. #21
    Ingredient: 100% Attitude DemonicDaughter's Avatar
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    Plain and simple

    [FONT="Lucida Sans Unicode"][SIZE="3"]If you would not do it in FRONT of your partner, you should not be doing it at all!
    [/SIZE][/FONT]
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
    [FONT="Verdana"][SIZE="3"]"We're all born naked. Everything we wear is drag," said Boy George
    [/SIZE][/FONT]

  22. #22
    JoannKelly Josie's Avatar
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    Cheating!

  23. #23
    Lucky GG nodaybuttoday's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by DemonicDaughter View Post
    [FONT="Lucida Sans Unicode"][SIZE="3"]If you would not do it in FRONT of your partner, you should not be doing it at all!
    [/SIZE][/FONT]
    I think those are good words to live by, Demonic. A very good rule of thumb!
    "I can't control my destiny. I trust my soul, my only goal is just to be."

  24. #24
    Member RitaCD's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Amy Hepker View Post
    Hey my now X-Wife said I was cheating on her if I looked at Ladies clothes in a store window. I could not even glance at another woman or she would want to start a fight over it, even if I was just looking to see what she was wearing.
    So Amy, by her way of thinking, if you are on a diet then you are not allowed to look at a menu. ??

  25. #25
    GG ReineD's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by nodaybuttoday View Post
    Are their certain circumstances that make it less or more okay? (ie. nude pictures, self stimulation, etc.)
    Yes ... if the TG is single, or if her partner knows about it and does not object.

    If the partner is not interested in having sex, and the TG has a high libido, it complicates things. They can either enter into an agreement where it is OK to do this, or see a couples counselor to address their deeper issues.

    But to seek sexual gratification elsewhere when there is a loving and willing partner is not cool.
    Reine

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