Failure?

[Kate Simmons]

Since many men here love to dress as women or gravitate towards that, does it mean you consider yourself a failure or imminent failure as a man? Why or why not? Do you consider yourself a viable man despite putting so much time and effort into a femme appearance? As one of my friends who is a GG recently said, she is constantly amazed about how feminine such masculine guys can look. Frankly, so am I. So guys, with these thoughts in mind, do you consider yourself a success or failure as a man? I'll post my comment a bit later.

[Wen4cd]

That's the whole nature of rebirth, isn't it hon? We all consider ourselves failures if we are honest, or more accurately, we all have that shadow in us that tells us we are.

That it has a gender label on it is unfortunately convenient, but in the One personality, it amounts to rearranging the pieces so the 'good' parts are on top. Whatever surface/external thing that has the label will be shifted accordingly.

[JaytoJillian]

wildly successful in most areas of my male life

[sissystephanie]

With an almost 50 year marriage and two very well adjusted children, I would consider my self to be a very well adjusted MAN. Not a failure in any sense of the word!! I happen to be a man who likes to wear feminine clothing!! No desire to be a woman, I just like to wear feminine things!

Since I lost my wife to cancer almost 5 years ago, my life has obviously changed somewhat! But I am still the same man, albeit one who like to dress feminine! Without my wife to help, I just don't do the wig or makeup!

[linnea]

As Walt Whitman once wrote, "Do I contradict myself. Very well, then, I contradict myself. I am large. I contain multitudes."
I quote this passage from "Song of Myself" because I think that it expresses what I and many others feel: we are human beings with many facets, qualities, desires, and intricacies. We are, as Whitman wrote, "large," i.e., multitudinous.
I don't think that I have failed as a man because I put a lot of effort into expressing my being as a woman. As a very successful wrestler, I put a lot of energy and time into becoming a very successful baseball player. That does not mean that I failed at wrestling. I may be less satisfied with my ability to give that femaleness expression, but I don't try this because I have failed as a man.

[sherri52]

Retired from a job I liked, and eight children later, I would have to say I was a successful man. I just like to wear womens clothes and feel sexy. Men are not sexy

[Sarah Doepner]

There are some aspects of my personal life where I have been successful, so I've undertaken crossdressing to see if I can make up for it by tanking in those areas in my feminine role.

No, that's not it at all.

First my definition of what it takes to be successful as a male is probably different from American Standard anyway, so I could be way off the mark right from the get-go. I'm not aggressive, I prefer to use reason to get my point across. I'm a good buddy to my friends and I support and nurture my family. I had a career that gave me opportunities to shine and gain respect. And I can be handy in the house and yard, doing the heavy lifting as well as the design and build. There are those who will have a much different definition of what it takes to be a successful male and I will have failed in their assessment. That's their problem I guess.

So no. I don't feel like a failure or imminent failure as a male. Maybe I just need something else to make me feel successful as a human and connecting with the feminine will help there.

[lavistaa62]

Well we all get depressed and insecure about things but all in all my kids are growing up great (fingers crossed); I'm in a good marriage and haven't lost my job yet. About the only thing I have to complain about is not being able to wear a dress to work or grow my hair. All in all, that's not too bad.

That said I'm a bit out of step with the norm in the US- my favorite sport is cycling, my political views are becoming outside the mainstream, I do dishes and cook, I think in km and use Linux on my computer. Outside the US though, most of those things are the norm.

I'm not sure what "being a man" is supposed to mean- a boatload of baggage in my mind. Perhaps that's what part of what makes me (us all?) different in a good way. Leave that baggage back on the quay.

[DiannaRose]

I was never what I would have called a successful man. I blew sports, romance, home construction projects...you name it. My marriage is teetering on the knife's edge of collapse, my kids laugh at the idea of me disciplining them, I don't "get" cars, I'm not terribly interested in sports (unless you count the social aspect of getting people together to watch a game on TV).

I'm a fabulous cook, though, and a sensitive and compassionate listener. My daughter comes to me first after a nightmare, my wife asks my opinion on clothes (but then gets freaked out when I tell her what I think would look good with those boots). I make a much better female than a male.

And I like being the way I am.

[Charleen]

By whose or what standards are we to define success or failure as a "man"?
I've had both as a human being in my 59 years.
Do I fit the stereotypical male image? No. Never have. Does that make me a failure as a man from the start? In some eyes I believe it might.
I really could not care less that I live up to some mythical standards. I was married to a woman who loved me in spite of my faults and failures for 30 years 'till she passed.I have a son who loves me as well. I must have done something right to earn that love so I can chalk that up on the plus side.
I am who I am. I have changed throughout my life trying to become a better human being, and being who I am, my friend Karren put it best a while back when she said she had the best of both worlds.

[NikiMichelle]

I didn't set out to be a cd so I see no relationship to whether I am a failure as a male.....but to answer you anyway...NO..I am good at sports dominated by males and compete well thanks...but more importantly I have been married to a wonderful wife (and my best friend) for 33 years (she has known about my cd'ing for 10 years), have two wonderful adult kids who adore their father (and don't know) and have two extra-special grankids who also adore "grandpa". I must have done many things right as a male!!!!

[AmandaM]

I've had success if you count going from the Barrio/Ghetto to the Middle Class. But, I've always had a hard time at guy stuff. I just ain't good at it. I have to force it. So, in that context, yes, most of the time I fail at being a man.

[JackieInPA]

I never really considered myself much of a man so...whetehr i fail or not...i guess i do but, hey I am good with that!

[Rachel Morley]

I agree with the others ... just what exactly is the criteria for being a "successful man" may I ask? It's totally subjective, and if you are going to try to apply things that are considered "traditionally masculine behavior" or be what is commonly "expected of a man" then you're getting off on the wrong foot to start with IMHO

[AllieSF]

I am a successful man and an unsuccessful CD. Just joking! Actually, I think I do quite well in both modes. As for someone being a failure as a man or a woman because they crossdress, is like saying a person is a failure at one sport because they play another sport. It is all a matter of choice as we progress through these crazy, frustrating and wonderful lives of ours. We tend to prioritize that which we must do to survive and then those other things that may bring us happiness. I think your theory is way off base. We can co-exist with many interests and personalities, including those that vary within each of us.

[kellycan27]

Been this way for pretty much of my life so far, never really had to do any what one might call "manly" stuff. No wife or kids to fend for, No military service although I did play little league baseball for a time, when I was around 10. Went to college on like an 80/20 girl/andro. And here I am.
So I guess I missed out on being a "man", successful or otherwise

Kel

[windycissy]

If I weren't reasonably successful as a man, no way would I be able to afford all the clothes, shoes, makeup, etc and pull off living two lives...

[Teri Jean]

Success of a man or woman is not determined by the clothes they wear or how they identify male or female. What determines success is more what you do as a human being and how you inter-react with those around you.

When I decided to take my CDing to the next point where I decided to transition. I talked to a nephewwho knew of my CDing and he said it the best. He said I have been a great father, grandfather, husband, and brother. I have done what was best for the family and my wife so now with that behind me it is time for my time. Later when he met me for the first time as Teri he said I surprized him as he wouold have not recognized me in passing on the street.

So the answer I found was more about substance and less about appearance. JMO

Teri

[vikki2020]

To do what we do, on whatever level, is being true to ourselves. This,for man or woman, can be considered a success.

[ArleneRaquel]

Bravo Vikki !

[GaleWarning]

IF you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:

If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;
If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: 'Hold on!'

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
' Or walk with Kings - nor lose the common touch,
if neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man, my son!




--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Mmmm ... let me think ...
Yup!
I think I'll be reckoned a man by these standards!

[Daniela76]

I guess I could say I am a failure as a man.
But I'm not upset about it anymore.
For my first 33 years I didn't know what life was really about & hated trying to figure it out.
Everything seemed jumbled to me & I didn't know what to do.

What do you do when you are sick as a child, raised by controlling women & pushed to excel but never helped along the way? And when you have a strong intellect, are accepting of others with only minor judgment, and are very sympathetic & empathic?

I only now know that my whole life has led up to me accepting my feminine side & trying to live my life the way I need to. Right now I'm pretty sure I want to transition & live as a lesbian. That could change any time along the way, so I'm not in a huge hurry.

[DeniseNJ]

Faliure as a man maybe a failure at not being very macho at times. Like when I am at a nail salon and getting a pedicure with color or after freshly shaving my legs and slipping into sheer hose and heels. Being chubby all my life a the kids in school used to tease me and tell me I needed to wear a bra cause my breast showed through my T-shirt in GYM class. Failure is the wrong term. We all want to be a convincing looking woman when we dress and look and feel the part of Womanhood. If I am wrong correct me. I feel I would have been a better woman than a man based on my inner feelings not on what sucesses I made in life as me!!!

[JiveTurkeyOnRye]

Side question inspired by the OP:

Do you think maybe one of the reasons that the majority of Male to Female crossdressers (not including true TSs) develop female personas is because there is so much social conditioning telling us from such a wrong age that it is weak/wrong for a man to dress or behave in a feminine way? So as kids we start to imagine we are part girl so we can dress the way we want?

Part of the reason I gave up on "passing" is because it started to feel like all I was doing was reinforcing the social stereotypes that keep us marginalized and ostracized to begin with. That a man who wants to be feminine adopting a female persona is essentially subconsciously saying "Yes, on some level I feel like obviously a man wouldn't want to dress this way so some part of me must be female."

[Alicia Grey]

I don't feel so much as a failure as a man, but as one that has little or no interest in so called manly activities. Like watching sports or idolizing overpaid athletes because they can hit a ball with a bat, club, or racquet.

I have always identified with girls, their beauty, grace of movement, and mostly their clothes. Men have such limited expression in clothes. How men express their clothing tastes are by wearing advertising for their favorite sports teams.