Milestone of Sorts

[Diane Elizabeth]

I have been to a therapist a few times now. Laying the ground work and history for her. I am able to say I am transgender. I think my ooutlook has improved since I have come to terms within myself. I am happier about many things.
Now I need to scrape some money together for electrolysis. The SO says I can't until the bills are paid down. So I am in a funk over that, but still in good spirits - hope I can keep it going. I would really love to get started on hormones. So close, yet so far away. So much more that I am feeling right now. So much I want to say.

[TerryTerri]

I was basically where you are at around one year ago. My finances barely cover therapist and hormone doctor (I'm 200 miles or so from either). The good news is that the hormones have helped me so much in the mental and emotional department that the external appearence issues are not as important and glaring.
When I caught myself having suicidal thoughts, that was the event that triggered seeking a gender therapist for me. I am so glad I did, I had been depressed for several years and had been unable to pull myself out of the depression. Gettings the affirmations and clarity and knowledge from my therapist has been such a help. The more I've learned about my gender, the more my life has made sense to me.
Anyway, congradulations. I hope the world just keeps getting better and better for you. I'd concentrate more on the internal stuff than the external stuff myself.

[Diane Elizabeth]

Thanks Terry Terri, I feel like a break through in a way. I have tried dealing with my depression for years as well. The past couple of weeks have been pretty good for me. The only thing that had changed was comming to terms with my TG. Also have been able to talk with the SO to find where she stands on it. I know that I still have a long ways to go mentally in preparing myself but I just feel I need to do something on the outside right now.
The SO is supportive to a point. Just where that point is no one knows for sure. She says we would be friends still. Just can't be roommates (she doesn't want to be in bed with another female). She has loaned me jewelry and clothes (not same size) at times. But I mostly get warnings of how family will respond to me when I come out. Or what if I change my mind after I have hair removal or been on hrt. I know that there is always a possibility of something happening to stop my "growing" . She doesn't fully understand it though, not that I do totally either. Time will tell......

[TerryTerri]

Good luck with the coming to terms part. I'm a recovering alcoholic and I think it was easier coming to terms with imy alcoholism. It's not so much I'm ashamed of it, it is just hard for me, at times, to wrap my head around it. Gender is so subtle and overt at the same time. Even today I had another (of many) epiphanies of my past. I wasn't one to 'know' throughout my childhood that I was a girl. But, today I remembered, for the first time, how during much of my childhood I just had a 'not right feeling' I can remeber thinking that "it just must be me" but never really knowing what "it" was. It is just I got used to living with everything being not quite right and not knowing there was something legitimate to it. EVERYTIME I look back over my life with my newfound self-awarness of having the wrong physical gender and trying to live as the wrong gender, the more it makes sense and my actions, feelings, fears, etc. make perfect sense. I even managed to keep all this from myself during my getting sober recovery, which is not a small feat.
Anyway, it's just another day in paradise and we'll be seeing you around the forum pages!

As for my wife. That's a long story, the concise version is that, she is not mad at me, but, we are getting a divorce. I am simply taking a path she can't walk with me. But, it is a path I pretty much have to walk and she respects and accepts that. So, I respect and accept she can't. My wife and I, from day 1, were honest and respectful with each other and those traits make a difficult situation easier.

[Diane Elizabeth]

I didn't have any knowledge as a child( or memories) that said I was in the wrong body/mind as I was groing up. I did have fun dressing in mothers clothes. When I reach the point you are at, then I will be getting a divorce too. My wife is supportive but doesn't want to travel down my road. Good luck Terry.

[TerryTerri]

Ditto Starla

[Katesback]

When I went through the pre-opp transition stage I had six setting of laser on my face. That did make a difference.........however I still have to shave every morning. By the way I am post opp x3 since I have had FFS,SRS,BA,Lipo.

I work every day helping trans people in HIV prevention and other aspects. I live a normal life and ya know the fact I have to shave every day is something I dont give much though to. Perhaps one of these days I will go back to getting rid of the hair but it is not today. I never let facial hair slow down my transition.

[Kimberly Marie Kelly]

All I knew was something was not right, I didn't like boy activities, such as sports. I was very uncomfortable trying to date girls, it never happened. For me the only reason I got married was the girl took interest in me and it was what was expected of me. I eventually was divorced after 19 years and in the last 2 years have come to know I'm transsexual. I started hormones about 8 months ago and changed my name legally and went full time 2 months ago at work. Like you, all I can afford right now is the therapy and the hormones. the facial hair, the surgeries etc will wait. but the need to be me cannot. Don't sweat it, be you. Kimberly Marie Kelly

[Kaitlyn Michele]

I didn't have any knowledge as a child( or memories) that said I was in the wrong body/mind as I was groing up. I did have fun dressing in mothers clothes. When I reach the point you are at, then I will be getting a divorce too. My wife is supportive but doesn't want to travel down my road. Good luck Terry.

Hi Starla....The thought you mentioned above is exactly my path...

I'm divorced now and my ex has been really great after a period of suffering for both of us...i still feel horrible for "what I did to her", but I also know in my heart that I never ever thought of our marriage as an attempt to be a man until it was wayyyyy too late..

also hair removal will not only help you if you transition...it will calm you down and is quite a commitment...you could consider trying your best to get that started..

[Diane Elizabeth]

That is a double edge sword for me. I have talked to the SO about hair removal. She is concerned that I will want it back if I don't transition.....duh! no way will I want it back no matter what happens in my journey. She also says there is no money to afford it. This is true, however, I had squrrilled away a few bucks to get it started. Just one appt so far. Another one in 10 days. I am trying to squirrel some away for the 2nd appt, but not having much luck getting done. May have to reschedule it for later. I hate not telling her that I had done this.