Hobsons Choice

[Nigella]

PLEASE DO NOT POST IF YOU ARE IN A RELATIONSHIP WHERE ALL PARTIES ARE AWARE OF THE TRANSGENDERISM WITHIN THE RELATIONSHIP. WOULD MODS PLEASE ENFORCE THIS REQUEST BY DELETING POSTS FROM KNOWN MEMBERS IN A STABLE KNOWING RELATIONSHIP.

We often see comments on here such as “I should be supported it was in my wedding vows”, “why can’t (s)he accept it is who I am” “if (s)he loves me” etc.

So here is a hypothetical question.

You find your partner accepts the transgenderism and does all they can to support it, but because it is now in the open you lose some, if not all, of your personal relationships, would you be happy to have your partners acceptance?

Other aspects of your life are not affected, only personal relationships, such as siblings, friends, and parents.

[ReineD]

Per OPs request, I've just moved this to the M2F from Loved Ones since it will get more traffic here. I'm now bumping it since it was far down on page 2 after being moved.

[Nigella]

What, no takers?

Choice to difficult?

[Kimmy55]

Stupid Question!

[Nicola2876]

I think about losing all my friends and most of my family nearly everyday as I am starting to explore the avenues of transgenderism and everytime I do I want to cry! The people I love are the most important things in my life so to lose any of them would hurt like hell. I know my wife wouldn't accept but I couldn't lose my little girl.

[Nigella]

Stupid Question!

Please feel free to elaborate

[Kaitlyn Michele]

I didnt have a supportive wife..

I don't understand this question either...sorry...

if your wife supports you, then why couldnt you (hypothetically) share
your dressing only with only her? What do other people have to do with it?

just trying to understand your question

btw...its not a hobson's choice...thats when you appear to have a choice but really don't...whats for dinner mom? Liver. That's a hobson's choice..you can have liver or you can have nothing...you really don't have a choice other than nothing.. sorry..i learned it in college.

[JiveTurkeyOnRye]

I guess the reason so many people haven't responded or feel it is a stupid question is because rather than being a hypothetical question it's really just an oversimplification of real fears and insecurities a lot of folks have about coming out.

[Nigella]

I guess the reason so many people haven't responded or feel it is a stupid question is because rather than being a hypothetical question it's really just an oversimplification of real fears and insecurities a lot of folks have about coming out.

I dont think it is an oversimplification, it is a choice. The question has been aimed a those who say their partners should support them, for whatever reason they believe is the right one for them.

The question posed is simple, the transgendered person can have the support they crave from their partner, but would they be prepared to accept that support (its been wanted), if it meant that they would lose some of their other personal relationships? How much do they really want that acceptance from their partner? Do they think it would be worth losing some friends/family for that support?

Just to clarify one thing though, although my SO is accepting, I have lost some of the personal relationships I had prior to coming out.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

so the question is whether you value your relationship with your SO more or less than with friends...

If you choose your friends over your SO, then its time to get a new SO
and it doesnt really matter what the reason is..

[Nigella]

so the question is whether you value your relationship with your SO more or less than with friends...

If you choose your friends over your SO, then its time to get a new SO
and it doesnt really matter what the reason is..

Not just friends, I also included family, that could be parents, siblings or even sons/daughters.

[JamieOH]

The way I see it, is that IS what will happen if you come out fully. You ARE going to lose some personal relationships. Perhpas not totally, but they will be strained or at the very least different. When people find out about someone being different than what society deems normal, they very often treat that person differently than they did before, like now they dont know how to act around them. For instance, some of the "guys" are going to be put off a bit, thinking is he gay? man, is he goign to start coming on to me? Granted that isn't what will happen, but that is going to be in their mind. some of your family members will be uncomfortable around you, thinking your a pervert, some will try to keep their kids away from you, or at the very least not let you be alone with them, where they were fine with it before... This isnt EVERY scenario, or EVERY family.. Granted, those that arent just like whatever, arent true deep don friends, BUt, family doesn't always consist of Friends.. Family is family, we dont always like our cousins, or aunts, or uncles.. heck sometimes not even our parents or siblings.. but they are family.. In truth, we only have one or two TRUE good friends in our lives at any time.. The rest are people we hang with occasionally and know fairly well, but not as well as our true friends.. and your TRUE friends, are more family to you than some of your family.. So, that makes this really just a matter of bringing to light those that truly are there for you..