What happened in mid-life?

[Wen4cd]

Wen!!! Midlife??? YOU!?!?!?! No way...

i used to joke about it, but not anymore....this whole midlife thing really impacts people, and its often when people realize that their lives are not going the way they want, or that a particular thing is missing..in our case, its pretty obvious what was missing.

i wonder what kinds of crazy things people do at midlife...

i felt it was my last chance...now or never...so i picked now.

Well, when you're absolutely certain you have nothing left to look forward to but inevitable slow decline and death, and hopefully without leaving the smallest trace of your blighted existence on the earth, mid-life comes along at about 33-35, and even the smallest of things, (like finding something in which to believe,) seem huge and crazy.

I remember two years ago, I wrote down my life's goal, "to get to the point of death without doing any damage to others on the way, to go away somewhere and die hidden and quietly, like an old cat might." Then, the mistake that was my existence could be quietly rectified. I would take nothing of life, because I had nothing to give, and I would feel ashamed for the air and food my body had wasted.

Then out of the sky one day came the mockingbird, who said, "ok loser, if you don't want it, I'll gladly step in and take it."

I gave it to her, and now I am her. Of course, she waited until I was totally committed to non-existence before she revealed that she was me all long.

[il.dso]

Yes, my crossdressing desires have increased dramatically with age, something I
didn't really expect to happen. I'm not sure why this has been the case and
appreciate the reasons offered by others. I do believe that it involves many factors,
including psychological factors, social factors and changing brain chemistry and hormones.
Having the internet has also helped as my ability to purchase great women's clothes has also improved dramatically.
Since I never totally figured out why I love to crossdress, I don't think I'll be able to
fully understand this phenomenon as well. I'm grateful to have this forum to share our
insights and struggles.

[Madilyn A.]

I totally agree that the urge to dress, the urge to act more feminine definitely increses with age. I believe it has much to do with the travails of life. Many of us started very young and dressed every spare minute of the time, ie., "mom I'm sick gotta stay home from school today". Then, life got more complicated, we had gym class with showers, testosterone coursing through our bodies, life was becoming complicated. Then, families, bills, our bodies are now accustomed to testosterone, little femme activity. Older yet, the family has grown, more time to myself, testosterone production begins to decrease with age, we dress more often. Another few years go by and we are much more comfortable femme than drab. Anyway, that's my story and I'm sticking to it !!.........Madilyn

[audreyinalbany]

actually, starr, I think you bring up a god point...not only am I maturing and have lower testosterone levels, but, at this stage in life, there is such a thing as the Internet which allows for increased communication about crossdressing, and increased acceptance..

[Katie Ellen]

My desires have never gone away. There were times when the opportunities were affected, but even then I don't recall going more than a couple of weeks.

Even wrapping a towel after a shower could trigger a feeling and a desire for more.

[kimdl93]

Yup, me too. At mid life, I witnessed one marriage end and after a couple years was ready to start a new ltr. At that point, I came out to my gf so that I'd know if it was to become an obstacle. Fortunately, she was entirely OK with it - just not around the kids...which of course I agreed with.

I also think there is some biological factor...as noted above...I think I'm changing into a more feminine being.

[Lorileah]

You know what makes this forum great? It is the fact that we all have common threads. Things that when we start thinking we are totally alone, suddenly show up as a lot of people go through it. It is part of the reason I think we should share, to help others who follow know that they are not alone out there, that if they decide to go out, if they decide to start living for themselves, if we can convince them that life is short and there are no re-rides and to follow your heart, that things can and often will work out. I will throw in the "don't wait and hide, be honest early" part also.

But yes, as with many here, the desire and need was there but other things took priority. Things that maybe were not as important as we thought and many things that really WERE as important as we thought. No one here would give up the children, a few would give up the wife, some would give up the good times they had but don't realize that they may be trading down. In general, I have had a good life. Sure there were speed bumps but over all, it was fun. Life changes, things change and even if what brought you here was bad, now you can feel that you are being yourself.

We fear, early in life, about what people will think of us. How we are perceived and honestly 25 years ago, we would have been persecuted and shunned. We had to survive. So wearing what we wanted or being who we really were had to be sequestered. We kept busy, who doesn't in the years of 20-40. We built what we worked towards, house, profession, family and they all matured with us. We start to see the bottom of the hill now. Before we had all the time and opportunity in the world. The "what if"'s were looking at a long term stable goal, comfort. If you had kids, they grew and left, started their own pursuits. Your wife,either has her profession or is now looking for exactly what you are looking for, what she gave up to be a family before. So it isn't unusual for one to rethink what was or what could have been. And here we are. Older for sure, wiser, maybe, but knowing that if we don't make ourselves happy now, there may not be a chance later. Even if you live to be 100 and midlife is 50, you see the end of the road.

We should not regret what we have done, but we often regret what we didn't do. So we now dress up, some of us pursue the transformation we have desired. The downside is that we have lied to get this far. It is hard to un-do lies, especially when it involves years of commitment. That holds some back again, and we cannot blame them. Comfort is a good thing. But you still have the need to "be", be you, who you are, who you want to be so dressing in silence maybe the option. It takes mid-life for most of us to realize this.

If we could reach out to the thousands of young CD's and TS's out there and tell them, go for it, do what makes you happy. we would do it. That is why I at least preach coming out early. It makes life later easier. There are women out there who if you were honest would love to make a life and family with you. But you won't read this, you will take the same path we did. Mid-life is coming. Try and make it a small hill and not a mountain.

"There was always something more important to do, more important to say. But I love you wasn't one of those things, and now it's too late, tell me you remember" No re-rides

[Gillian]

For me it was the rejection of the Gillian factor by my wife in my mid-twenties, then getting office based jobs that gave me no alone time to let her emerge, so next time I blinked I was in my lat thirties and now in my mid-forties it's now with my new job I have time to fully discover her and gain such deep satisfaction from this it's almost indescribable

[minalost]

I didn't dress at all in my late 40s. Mostly due to having teenagers at home and a disapproving wife. The desire never went away though. Now in my 50s the kids are grown up, I've (sort of) made peace with the wife, and the urge is stronger than ever.

I also think we just naturally go through stages when the need/urge/desire is less. It could be linked to something physical, or it could be that most men find themselves in similar situations at similar ages just do to the natural progression of things: kids, marriage, money, freedom, maturity...

Just some random thoughts on the subject .

[Carole]

Hi Sarah, hopefully I'll be able to add my twopennyworth when I reach midlife!!!!

[Mistybtm]

This one may be for the more, uh, senior members of the forum.

I started dressing fairly young and was pretty active through high school. As I got into college I was still dressing when I had the chance, but it seems that the opportunites and desire diminished. I would often go a couple of years between times when I would dress. Work, family, more school, activities with friends were all part of the mix, but they were always there anyway. I still had time alone, but crossdressing just didn't enter my mind very often. Then in my early 40's it started coming back and now I'm dressing more than ever.

The question is in two parts I guess. First, does this pattern seem familiar to any of you? Second, what happened? Do you think it was just a lack of opportunity or were there other things going on in life that eliminated the desire/need to dress? Is there something that happens in the brain or with our hormones that change our desires on this? I'm just trying to put this in perspective and can't figure out what was going on during that period of my life.

same for me exactly what you said it seems the older i get (47) the more i desire dressing i am lucky i live alone and can dress every day and do. the only time i am in drab is when i have to go to work or out and about even then i have somthing girly on

[Sarah Doepner]

Thank you all. I posted this last night and went to bed figuring there would one or two responses and it would disappear.

It may have been the kids and the job and the testostorone-fueled activities that pushed my crossdressing to the side of the road for those years. But it may have been something else as well. This is another way of asking a pink fog question I posted a while back. That is, "If we know what our needs really are, are the alternate means to meet those needs?"' Actually, I don't think we can easily identify those needs, hidden as they are deep in our brain boxes. Secondly, as our bodies age we are attempting to respond to those needs with changed body and brain chemistry than we did in that mid-life period. We don't have to give in 100% to the desire every time it hits, but we have to find some way to meet the need represented by the pink fog. For me, if I couldn't dress I became cranky and anger would change things. Dressing up was a much better response it seems.

So, I'm thinking that it's not just the responsibilities of age that tend to limit our desire to dress, but there are biological and psychological drivers as well. Part of my belief in that goes back to my belief that my desire to crossdress is at least partially hard-wired. We respond differently at various ages partly because of the changing chemical soup our brains and bodies produce through the years. To use the title of a current movie "It's Complicated".