Errand while dressed

[SamanthaS]

Last Thursday I was supposed to run an errand for my girlfriend. I was going to show a friend who knows about "Samantha" something my gf was trying to sell. Seeing how my friend Amy has done makeovers for me, I thought I'd go see her as Samantha. That morning I put my makeup and wig in the bathroom hours before hand. My gf walked passed this maybe a million times before asking what I was doing. I told her I was going to see Amy dressed. This question was posed to me in the family room while watching Desperate Housewives- which I wish I could be "Brie"; love her clothes . Anyway, after I told her that Sammi was going to run this errand, she asked me: "Don't you want to be a man anymore?" This question to me was out of the blue because my gf has known about my dressing since 05, and even helped me get ready for the Halloween party last year. When I'm not Sammi you would never guest that a favorite pass-time of mine is wearing heels. I guest to put it another way would be to say I'm the typical manly-man when not dressed. So much so that if you were to tell someone, anyone that I'm a crossdresser, they would not believe you due to all the hobbies I have besisdes crossdressing. So to have the woman who knows me, ask me this question really set me back. Do women who say they accept "us" really accept us?

[Kimmy55]

In my limited experience only "us" totally accept "us"

[Gillian]

First reaction is ouch! that must have hurt you and probably came from a position of dissapointment from you SO? Maybe it was a simple off the cuff remark and it is quite easy to read a lot into those, I know I do, but never the less it is out there now and will probably need revisiting at some stage.

I hope all things considered you have a good day out.

[Bree-asaurus]

I haven't been in a situation with a CURRENT significant other dealing with me dressing, but I would guess that while she may accept it, she is still attached to the man she met and doesn't want to loose him entirely. I'm assuming that you told her about the dressing during the relationship and not before?

I think there's a difference between general acceptance from friends or passers-by and acceptance from the ones who have fallen in love with us before they knew about our other side (or our real side... however you want to put it). I would talk to her, give her time and realize that while she is trying hard to accept you for who you are, it's tough for her too.

EDIT: or as Deller just mentioned, maybe it was just a stupid remark that meant nothing and you're reading too much into it...

[kimdl93]

My first reaction was similar to yours, but on second thought, maybe these episodes are opportunities for communication.

its a fair question, really, and from what you've said, easily answered. Yes, I do want to continue being a man. BUT I also very much enjoy spending time as Sammi... and if you're lucky, more conversation could result.

[cindym5_04]

My wife totally accepts me for me...both sides of me.

[Katesback]

Key definition trans= all transgender people including cd, ts, and whatever else there is.


There are different levels of acceptance. To add to that most people are not good with seeing a girl one day and a guy the next (myself included). Perhaps a better way to put it is most everyone could care less if you are a crossdresser.

Add another layer and you get to a certain level where people will talk to ya and interact to you in a positive way. Take note at this point you have not even come close to REALLY being acepted.

Going a bit further some people might actually want to get to know you. Here is where trans people tend to REALLY screw up and make the mistake of getting the "me, myself, and I" syndrome. Yes most of us (myself included) go through this. The chance to talk to other people and all we can do is talk about ourselves and not listen to other people let alone really have any interest in them (we often are in the defensive mode still). That phase is still not acceptace.


A bit further takes you to the trans person that can actually carry on a conversation with other people in a totally normal way with no chatter about all the crazy stuff that being trans is. (I do know CDs that have gotten to this point).

IF YOU HAVE READ THIS FAR YOU MIGHT NOW UNDERSTAND WHY I HATE THE "P" WORD!

Now for a TS girl the goal is to take it even further to a level of a totally seamless presentation that raises next to no red flags. That does not mean that people cannot tell you are trans, it only means you act appropriately in a way that is expected by others in 3,000,000 possible scenerios.

At this point most women and men see you as the person you are presenting and you have gotten to the point where all is pretty normal.............but.


The big but. YES thats it. Do you really want to know what I see as the ultimate test of your presentation? Take a guess, how about kids? Yes thats a good answer since kids will let you know how your physical presentation is going BUT the real test is the lesbian community.

The lesbian community is really critical of transgender people. They will tear you to shreads if your presentation (physically, and mentally) are not spot on!

That to me is the ultimate test of how well your presentation is.

[renee k]

Hi Sammi,

From reading your post, it probably has more to do with you doing something out of the norm of your relationship. I wouldn't worry too much with her reaction to you going out dressed; ie, dressing for Halloween. I would reassure her that nothing is going to change between the two of you. If that is in fact the case. She's probably a little insecure with your female side, and just needs some reassuring.

Renee

[Sally2005]

You might be crossing the fun divide. You say she helped with halloween. I've done that with my wife and we had fun, but it was like going on a 'wild ride'...if you start doing it everyday she is going to wonder why, because it is not fun for her. I would say, just answer her question honestly and just tell her its something fun you enjoy and ask her not to ruin it for you. Or call her bluff and say yup...full time now ( you might get a laugh out of her as she realizes it is not really true).

[Genifer Teal]

This is definitely a talking point to bring up with your wife - sooner rather than later. It is possible she is ok with your dressing occasionally. Now she seems to be expressing concern as to how often you may eventually want to dress.

It is like the husband who asks his wife if she likes to go boating and she says yes. The next day she comes home to find a 40 ft yacht in the driveway and her husband wonders why she is upset. She said she likes boating.

Talk to her. Ask her what her comment meant to her. Then reassure her what this means to you and how far you see yourself taking it.

Gen

[sherri52]

Think about your alone time with her. Are you always dressed? This could be where the question comes from. As manly as you may be with your friends, you may be spending all of you time with the GF enfemme. She might want to see the man at home once in a while

[transcarrie]

I was asked the same question by my ex-wife. Right before she threw a fit and screamed at me because "my legs were smoother than hers!" Then she thought the best "cure" for my "illness" was to purge all my stuff. Whatever! Then three months later she moved out. Of course SHE was really immature and I could not be happier! He loss not mine. what does this have to do with? Your guess is as good as mine, guess I am just venting....