Need advice, RE Coming out at work

[Stephanie-L]

As several here have posted on coming out at work I wanted to get a bit of advise on the subject.
I work for a small to medium size division of a medium size business (actually one of the largest medical groups in the country). Our division is somewhat autonomous, so the actual day to day stuff is handled locally while payroll, insurance, etc. is handled by the main office. I have a fair idea how the local folks would react to me transitioning (some good, some OK, a few not good, probably about average), but I would like ideas as to how to find out what the company HR department will say, without actually coming out yet. This is a generally good job, I like most of the people I work with, I am paid well and have good benefits. One problem is that the person who handles the HR stuff at the local level is a bit nosey and a gossip, so if I ask her it would be all over the place very quickly. She is also the only person in the divison who is not a healthcare professional and has a bit of resentment towards the rest of us. Another wrinkle is that we are contractors providing a service for another company (A large hospital corporation), and I would have to find out their reaction to my transitioning as well. I really do not want to have to change jobs as a part of my transition but is it becomes necessary I may have to. Any help would be wonderful.....Stephanie

[Brandi Wyne]

Once again, that can be a gnarley problem. However, have you considered going to such places online that have execs who will coach people in regards to employment and such matters before going to your own company execs? Remember, there are a ton of anit-discrimination laws out there and any HR person will tread lightly for sure. How each person reacts is an unknown but you might be surprised at who will and who will not be supportive of you.

Good luck on your journey

[kellycan27]

As several here have posted on coming out at work I wanted to get a bit of advise on the subject.
I work for a small to medium size division of a medium size business (actually one of the largest medical groups in the country). Our division is somewhat autonomous, so the actual day to day stuff is handled locally while payroll, insurance, etc. is handled by the main office. I have a fair idea how the local folks would react to me transitioning (some good, some OK, a few not good, probably about average), but I would like ideas as to how to find out what the company HR department will say, without actually coming out yet. This is a generally good job, I like most of the people I work with, I am paid well and have good benefits. One problem is that the person who handles the HR stuff at the local level is a bit nosey and a gossip, so if I ask her it would be all over the place very quickly. She is also the only person in the divison who is not a healthcare professional and has a bit of resentment towards the rest of us. Another wrinkle is that we are contractors providing a service for another company (A large hospital corporation), and I would have to find out their reaction to my transitioning as well. I really do not want to have to change jobs as a part of my transition but is it becomes necessary I may have to. Any help would be wonderful.....Stephanie

If you are not comfortable with your local HR rep.. call corporate and speak to someone else. You have a right to ask what the the company's policy is on the transgendered... with out committing yourself.

[Stephenie S]

Kelly is right on here. Take her advice.

Now, there is a bigger issue to be considered. Transitioning on the job will turn out to be perfectly possible, I'm sure. 99.9% of the people involved just don't care as long as you do your job and make money for the company. But the fact will ALWAYS remain that you will never be considered a woman. You will forever be "that tranny" at that job. If this is OK with you then go for it. Otherwise, start looking for a new job now, transition, and go to the new job as a woman.

I am in healthcare too and live in New England. I changed jobs and yet I am always running into someone or other who "remembers".

"Didn't you used to be ______?"

Stephie

[TerryTerri]

Kelly is right on here. Take her advice.

Now, there is a bigger issue to be considered. Transitioning on the job will turn out to be perfectly possible, I'm sure. 99.9% of the people involved just don't care as long as you do your job and make money for the company. But the fact will ALWAYS remain that you will never be considered a woman. You will forever be "that tranny" at that job. If this is OK with you then go for it. Otherwise, start looking for a new job now, transition, and go to the new job as a woman.

I am in healthcare too and live in New England. I changed jobs and yet I am always running into someone or other who "remembers".

"Didn't you used to be ______?"

Stephie

Yea, Stephie, I think you are right about others always considering you to be that tranny until you change jobs and start out as a female. I kind of think people tend to 'lock' in someone's gender from their intial introduction. I think it much easier to be considerd female by others if that is the way they meet you and much more difficult, if not impossible vice versa.
It is sort of a bummer for me. I've had the same job, at the same place for over 13 years now, and believe it or not, most of the folks I work with have been there longer than I. I love the job and plan on retiring from it in about 15 or so years (I'll be eligibal to retire much sooner. But, with small children I think I need to wait till they are basically grown, the youngest is 5 now).
Anyway, my co-workers are all good people. But, I accept that there is not much I can ever do to have them see me as a girl. So, my choice will either be to accept the tranny label or switch jobs. Neither option is appealing at this time. One of the many reasons I'm not in a place to begin RLE yet.

[luvSophia]

As a start I would try and find out if either the company you work for or the hospital you are contracted to has a stated position. It should be listed in an employee handbook or if you are lucky and there is an on-line employment section of a web page any anti-discrimination policies will commonly be shown there.

[Kimberly Marie Kelly]

I started dressing femininely over a year ago, started wearing makeup and jewelry as well. People noticed the changes but no one said anything. I spoke with my HR Rep in my office about transitioning and she was very helpful to me. She did tell people along the way, but she always informed me who she told ( they were all managers ) and why. She told the senior managers so that if their employees under them had questions they could address them properly. Along the way I also spoke with people I worked closely with one on one, to explain the changes in me. Most people were happy that I considered them close enough to me to talk with them. Overall, I've been very happy going forward. Remember if you do speak with your HR rep, remind her to keep it private if that's what you want and need. She/he could get in trouble if she breaks your trust. Remember though once you tell others outside management, expect all to know very soon. I was officially out at work 2 months ago with a legal name change as well.
Kimberly Marie Kelly

[Teri Jean]

There is a lot of good advice and the best is start with the written declaration in the companies handbooks. Then if there is a concern about the local HR representative, it sounds as if there is, go to the parent HR Department for answers. If they ask why you didn't go through your rep. let them know of your concerns, being honest with those who are responsible for HR will be on your side. The one thing I would suggest is when you talk to HR at whatever level do it in person and not over the phone or by e-mail. This will give you a better feel as t6o their commitment as well offering a chance to answer any questions you may have and vice-verses.

I personally went to the director of HR and asked for a meeting to discuss my transition. She was so understanding and helpful. I wish you the best and keep us informed as how it goes.

Teri

[Diane Elizabeth]

I wish I had as much faith in the people I work with and for that you all seem to have. I know hat I would have to deal with "teasing" (harassment) questions and jokes. I had a lot of it when I let my hair grow out. But then again, I am not ready to go to the HR and "out" myself yet. So good luck with dealing with your work place. At least they should be professional about things.

[imarocker2]

My way to cope at work has been to take everyone in my department aside individually and tell my story to them in a one on one setting. Either in my office or at a noisy restaurant. Everyone I have come out to has been shocked and at the same time, supportive. From the big boss to the younger people, everyone has been just great. I think it's, in part, due to the personal attention I have given everyone and the willingness to answer any question they may have for me. It helps not to take yourself too seriously the whole time to make the other person feel at ease. I usually end the conversation with a huge hug and tell the person that I will be very insulted if everyone isn't joking about this with me in the next 5-7 business days. Best of luck to you.

[ptp009]

I have an idea!! Why don't you call the International Federation of Gender Education and ask the Director Denise I believe to Call your company stating they are doing a survey on what compies polies are towrd gender transition and see what they say National and locally??

[kellycan27]

I have an idea!! Why don't you call the International Federation of Gender Education and ask the Director Denise I believe to Call your company stating they are doing a survey on what compies polies are towrd gender transition and see what they say National and locally??

There is no need to be sneaky about it... You have the absolute right to ask the company's policy without fear of retribution. ????

[Karen564]

There is no need to be sneaky about it... You have the absolute right to ask the company's policy without fear of retribution. ????

Kelly is so right!!

They can't fire anyone for inquiring about company policy..You have every right to know..just because you ask about something doesn't necessarily imply what your intent is..Sure it may raise an eyebrow or two, but they can only speculate why you want to know, nothing more...