My opinion on explaining/defining what we do.

[VikkiVixen7188]

Ive been reading a lot of threads about how we should explain our behaviors, or what we should call ourselves. I have developed a different approach to this dilemma.

Rather than try to make a definition that fits, I think that we should define ourselves individually.

Example A: The Definition Approach

Friend: Vikki, what are you?
Me: Im Bi-Gendered which means that sometimes I like to present myself as a guy and other times I like to present as a female.
Friend: O OK is that how all of you are?
Me:No its not how all of us are there are a lot of diferent titles and we dont even alway agree on those.....(Insert long boring and repetitive explanation here).

Example B: The Individualistic Approach

Friend:Vikki what are you?
Me:Im just me.
Friend:Why do you dress like a girl?
Me:I enjoy it.
Friend:Why do other people do it?
Me: Ask them.

Much simpler. Thats just my 2cents. I dont call myself A Tgirl, a Crossdresser, a TG, a TS. I just call myself Vikki, (or Zach en Masculine)

[Carly D.]

Simply put the second part seems best for me.. To explain why I do it when I don't entirely understand why myself.. I don't get why anyone would wear the clothes of the opposite sex.. I have feared from the very start about getting caught, what would everyone say.. I think everyone would be cool with it but it's the off chance that one or two would freak out totally that keeps me from telling anyone.. I know this thread is about explaining or defining the "movement" (as it were) and truth be told I wish I could explain it to myself.. I feel like there are not only two people in my mind but maybe a dozen.. and mostly that has to do with dressing up partially or some.. Wearing shoes as a way to passify my urges but lately my urge has been not to wear anything else but shoes.. hu.. shoot me now..

[Amanda Stubbs]

I have been dressing for as long a I can remember, and for similar reasons as the preceding text I have never come "out" I'm in no hurry to and enjoy my privacy.
As to catagorising myself I've no idea? I suppose I'm my own partnership with the Him and Her sides of me I'm happy with both but I'm Her every chance I get!

[Lucy_Bella]

Good Ideal,

But I think it would only work best in a place simular or such as this. At least we all here have some sort of knowledge of who and what we are . To be honest ( IN MY OPINION ) The majority of the population equates crossdressing as also being gay.. Which is fine and is not the point but other than that why would you feel the need to explain?

[Alicia Grey]

It's a force that grabs me from time to time and I am helpless to overcome it. It becomes a part of the whole person I am. Perhaps I am too large to be confined in one gender, or too small to fit in one. this force has been with me since my earliest memories and is inescapable. Instead I have learned to embrace the force from within and enjoy the diversity of who I am.

[jenifer m.]

a lady asked me in sears one time why?ill set it up for you i was standing in line to pay,and i was mostly en drab except for my tan knee highs,and some womans moccasons,oh i think i might have had nail polish on my fingers too.but i noticed her keep staring real hard,and long at my feet,so i finally turned around and said yes they are womans shoes in case your wondering,andi have kneehighs on too.she was quiet for a second or two then she asked why i would do that,and my reply was simply oh no big deal i just like to mix masculin,and feminine stuff together is all.besides these shoes are way more comfortable than any thing else i have.she was like oh i see well you are a brave man cuz one doesnt see that every day.and i laughed,and said hey its what makes me unique i guess.then i could see she was more at ease and we spoke for another min till i paid for whatever i was buying.she thanked me for being so plesent toward her and she said im sorry i was staring at you,and i said thanks it was nice to visit with you.so i hope if i was her only contact with a cd i left a good taste in her mouth,and she may have a different opinion of us now.i hope.

[Joanne f]

I think that there are basically two types of people that would ask , the first would ask because they would like to understand why and i would be inclined to explain to them that i am transgendered so to me i am not cross dressing and if they would like more information on what that meant i would give it to them.
The second type would ask in a sarcastic way and then i would be inclined to answer in a sarcastic way

[Danielle Gee]

Since I'm not out to anyone but my Sweetie, I don't really feel the need to explain myself to anyone.......Saying that however, I've spent years trying to explain my "Female" side to my "Male" side. Unfortunatly my Male side is clueless!!!! So I was forced to abandon any thoughts of reconcillation.

If I was forced to explain myself however, I would go with plan B

Danielle

[sherri]

I don't think I've ever been asked to speak for all CDers. The questions are always about why I do it. The people who are genuinely interested really do seem to be puzzled by it and want to try to understand. And of course I appreciate their interest and am happy to talk about it, even if I'm not always successful in making myself understood.

The real challenge comes in getting people to see past the external to the person inside, to see me not so much as a feminized crossdresser as a person with a strong feminine identity. People really do seem to need that initial conversation to help them get their heads around this, but the real comprehension has less to do with explanations and more to do with plain old interaction. That's the real key to acceptance, imo. And I believe that good people are willing to do that. It just takes them awhile to get there, some quicker than others.

That said, I am aware that in helping people better understand how I tick, I am, to a degree, shaping their perception of all of us. Well, most of us anyway. If I may be permitted to paint with a very broad brush for a moment, I do believe that we as CDers and the people who interact with us can be roughly divided into two camps. On one hand are those who are sort of posturing at this and everyone's sort of *wink-wink* playing along -- a "oh, okay, we're all pretending that Sherri is a girl tonight" kind of thing. Let me hasten to say that imo there's nothing wrong with this, even if people are inclined to still think of her as a guy in a dress. It's perfectly valid in my book. On the other hand are those of us whose femininity is more deeply ingrained, woven into the fabric of who they are. I think people are fairly quick to pick up on this if you can help them break through the surface. It isn't always possible in a brief encounter with a stranger though.

I think I tend to fall into the latter group, but then again, there are days when I so feel like an imposter.

[sometimes_miss]

JMHO; rather than just say it's all about the clothes, if you've ever done or even considered putting on make up, or having a female hair style or wear a wig, then it's more than just about the clothes. For whatever reason, a lot of us want either to be female, feel like we were supposed to be female, or have the life of a female, and western society simply isn't generally comfortable with that. Few people can grasp the psychological concepts involved. Even the educated, I'm talking people with doctorate degrees, seem to prefer to believe that we're all either gay or just denying it to ourselves. Which is why I stay in the closet.

[kimdl93]

B is a pretty good answer for other people. Sometimes, for myself I wonder why/how did I become who I am. There's no clear answer and maybe there doesn't need to be. I just am.

[suchacutie]

Vikki's first line in example A seemed ok to me! For everyone else, they would have to be asked

tina

[Cassandra Lynn]

For me it would depend on the feel i get for anyone who i may encounter. If i get a perception (i have a very keen sense of perception) that a person can handle what i might say, then i would go with example A. If i sense sarcasm then definitely B. That said both examples are very thoughful and intelligent.
I also like what Alicia said, sums it up well for me.
I recently had an encounter with a GG friend who asked me about my polished nails (clear), i admitted to doing it myself and that i go to a salon for pedis and she smiled very sweetly and said "how cool", her eyes and general demeanor were sparkling with obvious acceptance. I was even hoping she might ask more questions so i could gauge her reactions and purge my bottled up emotions. Alas no such luck yet. mj

[ソSophieフィ]

If someone asked me, it would be 'because I don't like men's clothes.' To me, the difference between male and female clothes is the same difference between one style of man clothes or another. 'Male' and 'female' is just a label, not a rule, and it just so happens that more clothes with the female label appeal to me more.
To put it another way, everybody's cooked food differently to how the label suggested, but that doesn't get questioned or deemed weird. So why does it need to be different in other aspects of life?

[minalost]

I think the reason we see so many threads on this topic has less to do with explaining ourselves to others than it does in explaining us to ourselves. Many of us, me included, are constantly trying to define the “why” of our crossdressing. For some maybe it’s just curiosity and a general desire to know how thing work (this is me, I think, because this extends to things other than crossdressing…), for others maybe it’s a “if I knew why then I could ‘cure’ myself” kind of thing (this is not me. I’ve too much invested in accepting who I am, and I enjoy what I/we do too much to want to change).

As far as explaining my CDing to others, the only person I’ve tried that with is my wife. If I had to talk to a stranger about it I guess “B” is the correct answer.

[Lynn Marie]

I just don't feel there is any easy explanation that will satisfy the non TG. All I know is that I just love the look of being dressed, and most of all the feel of the different parts of my outfit.

Heels feel just outrageous on my feet, my stockings squeeze my legs a little and feel just so smooth and sleek. I love the way my bra band feels around my back and the weight of my breast forms up front. I love the feel of dangly earings hanging off my earlobes. I love the snugness of a tight skirt, waist cincher belt, corset, or girdle. I even love the feel of silky blouses and lace trimmed anything!

Hey, how can you knock it until you've tried it. I did, and look at me now!

[sonia_dargency]

Rather than try to make a definition that fits, I think that we should define ourselves individually.

Agree, keep it simple. labels are confusing, even on soup cans.

I am me, I do what I enjoy, you are you, you do what you enjoy. do I ask you why you do such things?
you are not comfortable talking about it? let's move on.

[tamarav]

[SIZE=4]I work in the public dressed quite often, I am a hair stylist and makeup artist. The funny thing is, I am prepared to answer any of these questions from anybody, but very, very few ever ask me about myself. They make their own assumptions or just keep their mouth shut, or are too afraid to ask anything.[/SIZE]
[SIZE=4][/SIZE]
[SIZE=4]I guess in the beauty industry we have a sufficient number of crazies that my behavior really doesn't stand out. Then of course, I wear a really low-cut top and reveal just about more than I have, and all I get are comments about the "boob girl". [/SIZE]
[SIZE=4][/SIZE]
[SIZE=4]So, come on by, ask your questions, I have lots of answers..[/SIZE]

[ReineD]

The second approach is by far the simplest, and it is good if you don't plan on having a relationship with the person who is asking the question. But it doesn't do much to explain who you are to someone who cares to know you better and who has very little experience with TGs. We all pretty well know what makes most males and females tick, but understanding the continuum in between is challenging for even TGs sometimes, let alone friends or potential SOs.

I'm glad that at the beginning of our relationship, my SO did her best to clarify things in a bit more detail. Otherwise I would have been left to fill in all the blanks by myself and I surely would have made lots of assumptions that would not have been correct.

[Renee_E]

I dress in the clothes I desire because that is me at that moment. I guess my catagory is just being myself.

[VanessaVW]

I like example B better. I just am who I am and have interests and likes (don't we all?)

[Jenny Doolittle]

Since I'm not out to anyone but my Sweetie, I don't really feel the need to explain myself to anyone.......Saying that however, I've spent years trying to explain my "Female" side to my "Male" side. Unfortunatly my Male side is clueless!!!! So I was forced to abandon any thoughts of reconcillation.

If I was forced to explain myself however, I would go with plan B

Danielle

Danielle,

I just loved your answer, My male side is every bit as dumb about things as any man.

Thank God I have a female self that can actually understand the more difficult things in life!

[Angie G]

I fall in under B I preferkeeping thing simple.
Angie