Introducing Nicole to daughter

[ReineD]

So...am I the only one that thinks age 4 is WAY too young to start exposing her to her dad crossdressing?

No. Kids deal with all kinds of different situations where they need to learn to navigate through other people's bias, not just the CDing.

Their daughter will develop her own sensitivity as to when it is and it is not appropriate to share the information, and with whom. Much of it will depend on her own resilience of spirit. She may grow up to be militant in her support of LGBT rights and defy anyone who dares to make any comments to her face. Or, she may have a more quiet personality and will prefer to keep things private and only tell trusted friends. There are other factors that will influence how she handles it, namely how liberal her friends and her school environment are.

Her strongest asset is having *both* her parents present a united front as to how they wish to handle the situation.

[sherri52]

That's great Nikki. The family that plays together stays together.

[Froggy's Angel]

Thank you Reine

[MamaJJ]

I think it's great that you both have decided to include your little girl!

I personally believe that the secretive part is really what will effect our kids in the long run. I was raised knowing everyone is equal, people may have different skin color, may dress differently, do different things, think differently or have different beliefs but we're all still people and should be treated the same.

My hubs has just recently started coming out about his CDing to his family, but we've never hidden it from our baby girl. Granted she's only 18mo. old, but we are in full agreement that she be raised in an honest environment and be taught the art of accepting others differences.

So, kudos to you two- from me anyway

[Froggy's Angel]

Thank you MamaJJ, that is EXACTLY what we are/have tried to do.

And Reine said "She may grow up to be militant in her support of LGBT rights and defy anyone who dares to make any comments to her face. "
And I wanted to add "Like her momma"

[Samantha_Smile]

This really is a metaphorical minefield.

To speak out negatively to it may come across like telling a person how to raise their kids. Nobody wants to hear it.
But at the end of the day, despite my own opinion that 4 is a little young, you can't beat a parent to measure a child's tollerance, inteligence, emotional resiliance or strength of character.
But this is why I think 4 is too young, becuase theyre only just being introduce to mainstream schooling and sociology (otherwise known as how to make friends and influence people) and as such their tollerance, inteligence, emotional resiliance or strength of character is very difficult to gauge.
Theyre only just starting to develop who they are and how they will behave around their peers. Quiet/extrovert/studious/class clown... you don't know for sure how the pressure to fit in will affect them.
Personally, I'd have waited just a couple of years to give them 'the talk', while they may handle it well with mum and dad, around their friends they may find it odd to see that other daddy's aren't wearing dresses and makeup, and then they will want to know why. Then they ask their friends...

I've said all this, and yet I still cant escape from the fact that Nicole and Wifey are obviously making a huge conscious effort to shape a wonderful little person.
Tollerance, peace and love seem to be missing from a great many places in the world, and if everyone raised a child in the broad-minded way these two are, then the world might not be so bad.

I wish you and your family the very best.

-x-

[erica12b]

omg this is awsom , thanks for sharing

[JulieK1980]

I think its fantastic the way you both are in it together in explaining this to your kids! I'd disregard most of the negativity here, only the two of you know your daughter the best, and I'm sure she will adapt fine! I've been weighing the pros and cons of when a good age to let my daughter know about this myself (she's 7) and often come to the conclusion I'm a little late lol! I wish you both the best of luck, and it sounds to me like you are doing an amazing job of raising the little one!

[ReineD]

No you're not, Jody, 7's the perfect age!

[AliceJaneInNewcastle]

Am I the only one who thinks it takes a lot of gall to tell both parents posting in the thread that you don't think they know what they're doing in raising their children.

No, you're not the only one.

My hubs has just recently started coming out about his CDing to his family, but we've never hidden it from our baby girl. Granted she's only 18mo. old, but we are in full agreement that she be raised in an honest environment and be taught the art of accepting others differences.

You have one advantage over those who tell their children when they're a few years older. Because your daughter knows very early, the probability of her outing your husband by accident is lower.

But this is why I think 4 is too young, becuase theyre only just being introduce to mainstream schooling and sociology (otherwise known as how to make friends and influence people) and as such their tollerance, inteligence, emotional resiliance or strength of character is very difficult to gauge.

The fact that she is finding out around the same time as she's getting into mainstream schooling, etc is why I believe that it would have been better for her to know earlier, not later. If she had time to adjust to the idea before that socialisation had started, the probability of outing would be less. We can't go back in time, so now is the best time, even if that risk is slightly higher.

I've been weighing the pros and cons of when a good age to let my daughter know about this myself (she's 7) and often come to the conclusion I'm a little late lol! I wish you both the best of luck, and it sounds to me like you are doing an amazing job of raising the little one!

Aside from needing to be prepared for the fact that she may well out you accidentally, 7 is good. If you delay too long she'll be heading towards puberty and you really don't want to do it then.

[Sophie_C]

I think a person's greatest responsibility is giving their child the most positive environment for them to be raised within. Bringing crossdressing into the mix is the complete opposite of doing that. If you want to raise a child who is comfortable with the whole thing, raise them balanced and open-minded, and when they are a grown adult with their psyche fully developed and independent, explain it then.

Anything earlier is selfish and I've not seen a justifiable reason for it yet. The only benefit is to the cross-dresser, not the child.

Let me ask you this question: If you were into hardcore S&M, would you think it would be appropriate to expose a 4-year old child to leather and whips? It's just as inappropriate to expose a child to crossdressing, in the same way.

[JulieK1980]

I think a person's greatest responsibility is giving their child the most positive environment for them to be raised within. Bringing crossdressing into the mix is the complete opposite of doing that. If you want to raise a child who is comfortable with the whole thing, raise them balanced and open-minded, and when they are a grown adult with their psyche fully developed and independent, explain it then.

Anything earlier is selfish and I've not seen a justifiable reason for it yet. The only benefit is to the cross-dresser, not the child.

Let me ask you this question: If you were into hardcore S&M, would you think it would be appropriate to expose a 4-year old child to leather and whips? It's just as inappropriate to expose a child to crossdressing, in the same way.

The comparison doesn't work, that's a strictly sexual lifestyle, so that really depends what age you want your kids to understand sex. and I fail to see what crossdressing has to do with a positive environment. If I saw my dressing as a problem perhaps that would be relevant, but it isn't.

As for being outed, I'm personally indifferent, almost all of the people that matter to me already know, and if others did, I could care less. But I agree puberty is the wrong time, Personally I think before puberty would be best.

[Froggy's Angel]

Yea, no, Nicoles cross dressing is not sexual.

We actually do partake in S&M and that is NOT something we would or will ever "expose" our daughter to.
All of our "toys" are safely locked away and only come out when our daughter is away on weekends.

If Nicole dressing was strictly a fetish thing then obviously there would be no reason whatsoever to ever even mention it,
BUT,
that is not the case.
Nicole wants to eventually do this 24/7, not really possible if she does not come out to everyone, including our daughter.

And frankly I find it disturbing and insulting that you would think that my husband and I would expose our daughter to anything sexual or fetish-like, we are not child molesters or predators or anything like that.

[TG_Nicole]

I think a person's greatest responsibility is giving their child the most positive environment for them to be raised within. Bringing crossdressing into the mix is the complete opposite of doing that.

Sophie it sounds to me like you view cross dressing as a negative thing. That makes me very sad to see.
I don't want my daughter or anyone to have to live in a world where gender roles are strictly enforced. I want to show my daughter a world where she can choose to express her gender anyway she chooses.
Even if it starts small in our home I will always strive to provide that for her. And that IMO is the very definition of a positive environment.
Lies and deception about this are the complete opposite of it.

[KimberlyJo]

I'm really glad to see this topic come up again and I think it is something that needs to be explored more. I posted a thread recently about this where I was asking opinions about my own gender blending around my kids and had some very enlightening replies.

My take on the issue now is if done properly with love and understanding it can be a positive influence in their lives and not something to be ashamed of.

My thread here

[ChainedJane]

Nicole, Froggy, I think it's awesome that you told your daughter about it. She's at an age where she's impressionable, but has a mind of her own. Being exposed to people who aren't cookie-cutter humans will help her develop an open mind and an acceptance of things that might not be "normal" to everybody else. If my niece knew of my dressing, she'd probably give me a strange look and say, "You're silly, Uncle Pat."

One thing though, as she gets older she might express embarrassment and want to hide you from her friends. If this does happen, please don't force the issue. She's your daughter and she loves you, but her path through life will be rough enough and she'll eventually be as open about you as you are with her, it will just take time.

Good luck Nicole, and I think you're awesome!

[Satrana]

I'm really glad to see this topic come up again and I think it is something that needs to be explored more.

I am glad too. Revealing this behavior to young children is still a bit of a taboo subject in our community. This is to be expected considering the guilt and anguish we have endured ourselves but it is indicative that talking the talk is easy, walking the walk is more difficult. It is easy to rationalize that CDing is not damaging or wrong but much harder to take that idea to heart and change your outlook on life. Some people cannot shed their guilt that easily.

Unfortunately adults routinely invoke "the children's welfare" to control others. Often it is one parent against the other, but sometimes it reflects a person's inability to cope with their own issues. Lets not hide behind "the children" to obscure that some still perceive CDing to be an abnormal behavior, an infliction you should not expose others to.

When I was 12 I became short-sighted and began wearing glasses. Just as I entered those difficult teenage years I became a target of ridicule. Amazingly I, along with all the other children who wore glasses or any other issue which made them different, survived just fine. It probably made me a better person - less judgmental of others since I knew myself what it is like to be picked on. That's life. You have to face your challenges and you become stronger and wiser for it.