How many of you had a job that was ruined because they knew about your crossdressing?

[Jesse69]

How many of you have had a job that was ruined because they knew about your crossdressing? This might be an unpopular topic but it might be important. Looking back at my resume, I've had 8 professional jobs were they found out at the workplace that I was a crossdressor (either through gossip or them spying on me). What later happened was that either my temp to perm opportunity didn't go perm, I was fired, or I was laid off for a made up reason. Now that IL has a statewide law banning discrimination against gays in employment - I now think there's hope. But it came too late for my career. And I've also had several interviews go bad because somehow "they knew."

Also state what's your career. I'm mostly a Mechanical Engineer / Technical Writer / CAD Designer.

[emmicd]

You may need to consult an attorney well versed in transgender issues and can argue clearly discrimination in your case. I don't see how crossdressing that is done in privacy of your home could be grounds for job dismissal.

It just doesn't make any sense!

Emmi

[Jesse69]

You may need to consult an attorney well versed in transgender issues and can argue clearly discrimination in your case. I don't see how crossdressing that is done in privacy of your home could be grounds for job dismissal.

It just doesn't make any sense!

Emmi

I can't afford an attorney. I've been on SSDI ($734 a month) since summer 2001!

[KewTnCurvy GG]

Honey, there is recourse, seriously! I'm sure there are attorney's that would do it pro bono. And I'm quite sure there are groups like the ACLU and others that would be happy to get involved. Another thread was started like this a while ago. And I responded similarly. I will look for it.

[Mandy Salamander]

Hi Jess,, so sorry for you, I know the feeling,, almost hate to post,,, but maybe some "common sense" reality here, doo note that I have been working in the legal field for almost four years now, after having lost a previous job, due to the TG issue,,,, original employer was totally cool and I was completely out and had started hormone therapy,, then the company was "merged" in a hostile buyout orchestrated by the founder's son, along with a rival business,, the rest you can figure out yourself,,,, the point being,, what I learned then and has been re-affirmed at my current post,,, sue if you must, but doo know that if your going up against a large company, with a battery of lawyers on retainer, and hundreds of thousands of dollars previously allocated towards legal defense,, regardless of justice,, they can wait you out in court and bleed you dry,,, so sorry,,,, as well you must consider the repercussions (and don't think they haven't) of having your name and picture on the evening news, and local papers as "Transvestite Sues Local Business",,, I just collected my unemployment checks, enjoyed living en femme full-time for six months,, then moved on,,, so it goes....Good Luck.

[Deborah]

How many of you have had a job that was ruined because they knew about your crossdressing? This might be an unpopular topic but it might be important. Looking back at my resume, I've had 8 professional jobs were they found out at the workplace that I was a crossdressor (either through gossip or them spying on me). What later happened was that either my temp to perm opportunity didn't go perm, I was fired, or I was laid off for a made up reason. Now that IL has a statewide law banning discrimination against gays in employment - I now think there's hope. But it came too late for my career. And I've also had several interviews go bad because somehow "they knew."

Also state what's your career. I'm mostly a Mechanical Engineer / Technical Writer / CAD Designer.

Doesn't sound like you have any luck Jesse. I think you asked once about moving out of state. Might be a good idea.

As for me no i have never lost a job because I'm being myself. Then again i've been shoved up in a closet forever. I'm currently a student in a private college on my 3rd year towards a bachelor's degree. It will all over soon. Then the first time i walk into work in a dress i dare them to say anything.

[KewTnCurvy GG]

K, here's the thread link I promised; my advice is in this thread. G'luck! Don't take it lying down (or standing up for that matter)!
http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...ead.php?t=1557

[crispy]

why d'ya think companies take on temps through agencies?

one reason is that they don't have to go through the same process when they want to release you. So if you are a temp and your employer gets to hear about your CD-ing, you can probably kiss any chance of a permanent position goodbye.

you have to be realistic.

[upsidedownpatty]

The last job I had. I was working with 2 other men, and all they could talk about was Hunting, fishing, cars, the regular guy stuff. Well I am a bit fem even as a man. I did not "do" regular guy stuff, and because I have a little wiggle in my walk, they told the boss that they are not comfortable working with me. I am not sure if they knew or not, bit sometimes the day after dressing, there are little tell tell signs...(not getting all the nail polish off,etc.). I was devestated...but everything worked out. Now I work with an all woman staff, and they consider me one of the "girls",

[brandi]

I wasn't fired for it, but did have a problem in my last job. One night after work I was out with a friend from work drinking, and I thought that I could trust her so I told her about my dressing. She didn't freak out or anything at the time, but a couple of days later my manager pulled me into the office and told me that the woman was not comfortable working with me because I was a crossdresser. I had never worn anything at work but was told that this was going in my personel file and that she was calling the HR department to see if she could get me dismissed. She got a week off with pay and I got jerked around until I finally quit. Luckily I found a better job with more money and better hours. Now I know better, and I will never tell anyone that I work with that I crossdress.
I am sorry to hear of the problems you have had, but there has to be some kind of recourse somewhere. Good luck and my prayers are with you.

Brandi

[Marlena Dahlstrom]

It's painful for me to do this, but I'm gonna give some tough love here...

Since your lost your job over four years ago, bringing an lawsuit will be pretty difficult. And those sorts of lawsuits are pretty painful to pursue even under the best of circumstances. So at this point, you're probably better just trying to move forward.

With a felony (assault?) conviction and more than four years of unemployment, frankly that isn't going to be easy. I actually think the employment gap may be the more problematic at point. Having hired people in the past, my concern would be whether someone who's been unemployed that long will be able to handle the 9-5 routine again. Particuarly since you had 8 jobs in your first 3.6 years of employment after graduating, which is a pretty high number of jobs for that amount of time.

So you're going to have prove yourself. No it ain't fair, but that's the way it is. Having any sort of job will help. No it may not be related to your previous career, but there's no shame in later interviews on saying that you took it because you needed to eat and wanted to work. And who knows maybe you'll find something else besides engineering that you enjoy. You might also look at volunteer work. Again, you need to be able to get someone who can attest that you're a good, reliable worker.

As for your interviews, I really doubt they knew you were a CD. I have seen unemployeed people who interviewed badly because they were so desparate and lacked self-confidence, so perhaps that's what happened. And much as it's painful to disclose a felony conviction, never fail to disclose it. If the prospective employer does a background check and finds out, that's an automatic disqualification (and can potentially lose you your job if you landed it).

As far as keeping a job, I think you need to take a hard look at what happened with those eight previous employers. Was there any other reason besides CDing that might have been the cause of losing your job, or not getting hired to perm? If so, you need to address it and keep it from happening again. If they mentioned your CDing, how did they learn about it? Unless you had a security clearance, I'm a bit dubious that an employer would actively spy on someone off-work -- most employers just don't care that much about their employees. From your previous comments, I guess someone might have seen you shopping, but unless you were really obvious that you were buying for yourself, I'm not sure shopping in the women's department was in itself a give-away after guys do buy presents for family and SOs. So was there something at work that made people think you were dressing. You mentioned gossip, so you may need to move in different circles and be extremely discrete in your CDing. I hate to tell anyone to go back into the closet, but given your situation, it's probably the best thing to do for the time being.

I'm sure you're pretty disheartened by now, so it probably would be helpful to get some counseling both about getting a job and your life in general. I'm sure the Chicago area has some job counseling services, who could give you some more specific tips about how to handle your conviction and employment gap. And likewise, there are probably some free or sliding scale counselors who can help you deal with the frustrations you're undoubtly feeling.

My heart goes out to you because I know you've got a hard road ahead, but you need to focus on the future rather than dwelling on the past.

Hugs

[Tiffy]

How do eight differnet employers find out you are a CD? Do you wear a sign that says so? It has been over 20 years and not one employer has ever known. There seems to be a trend in your posts. Maybe you need to reevlauate yourself and see what is giving you away and change it. If they are spying on you then you must owrk in a very specailized feild. Change what you do for a living if being a cd means that much to you. I am sure if you worked at wal-mart noone would care that you were a cd. And doubt if they would spy on you either.

April

[biddy]

There was a case here in Aussie dealing with a CD who crossed over to completely funcuntioning as a women, was dismissed by employer as he claimed that he had employed and needed a male for the position.
The decision was that the Employer was out of line and he was ordered to reinstate the lady, he refused and coped a hefty compansation bill.
All this took place about 2yr ago.

[obsessedwithpantyhose]

i never lost a job for cding,,,last job i had they knew i was a cd b4 i even started working there

they found out i wore pantyhose at the job i had b4 i moved to Phoenix.

[Jesse69]

How do eight differnet employers find out you are a CD? Do you wear a sign that says so? It has been over 20 years and not one employer has ever known. There seems to be a trend in your posts. Maybe you need to reevlauate yourself and see what is giving you away and change it. If they are spying on you then you must owrk in a very specailized feild. Change what you do for a living if being a cd means that much to you. I am sure if you worked at wal-mart noone would care that you were a cd. And doubt if they would spy on you either.

Well, people gossip too much and I guess I'm an attractive guy to gossip about. The girls generally once had an eye for me but now they don't since they know I crossdress. Likely when I move things will get better, but before I move I will try to expunge or seal my record of my felony. Companies are rejecting me simply because of my felony - I interviewed twice at AKSV for 2 positions I was highly qualified for and they rejected me twice because of my felony. And I do apply for other jobs that are nonprofessional - like I worked for 1 month as a Chicago Bike Messenger but the company that I worked for had a bad reputation for low pay, and my pay was below minimum wage so I quit.

It's good to know from this forum that other cdr's have not had such bad luck in employment, I wonder why my career is so terrible. When they knew at work that I crossdress sometimes they made really bad insults about me.

I've never gone out in public with any female attire on.

[Marlena Dahlstrom]

Well, people gossip too much and I guess I'm an attractive guy to gossip about.

Not to be a bitch about this, but it's worth asking yourself why that is? Especially if you've never gone out in public. Very few of us ever have had an employer find out, so as April said, it sure seems like there's something that was giving you away for that many companies to find out. I realize I'm pushing you on this, but I'd just hate for you to make a fresh start and have history repeat itself.

Hugs,

[Jesse69]

Not to be a bitch about this, but it's worth asking yourself why that is? Especially if you've never gone out in public. Very few of us ever have had an employer find out, so as April said, it sure seems like there's something that was giving you away for that many companies to find out. I realize I'm pushing you on this, but I'd just hate for you to make a fresh start and have history repeat itself.

Hugs,

I don't know why people generally hate me and gossip too much about me in Chicago. I've also had bad insults in public that gave other people the wrong ideas about me. And then sometimes I wonder if God curses me for crossdressing or doesn't bless me because of it. I'm not really a bad person, and I go to church every Sunday.

The only way people know about my crossdressing was because I bought too many womens clothes as a man. I've been buying womens clothes since 1990, and I have purged 2 or 3 times and tried quitting.

When I hear that other cdr's in this forum have successful careers then I feel like "why should I quit crossdressing when others do it and have successful careers?"

Maybe my former employers spied on me because I worked in a higher level position as a mechanical engineer or technical writer? Maybe they wanted to check if I'm promotable?

[Natasha Anne]

Well in South Africa we have a government body called the Council for Conciliation, Mediation and Arbitration (CCMA). If that happened here, you would certainly have a case for reinstatement, or a 12 month salary payout because of constructive dismissal. Companies are not in a position to interfere in or dictate peoples personal lives. Dress codes may prevail, but then people know that going in to the job, but basing promotions or job retention on your personal life (provided it's not a criminal set of activities) just will not fly here.

That's why I love SA. We're working hard to get things right for everyone, even minorities.

[Kierci]

Hey Veronica, where did you work that knew about your cding? (in phx) I need a job and might like to persue the job :-)

[Helen MC]

I have never lost a job because of my CD tendencies but did have a very uncomfortable time in one employment 30 years ago when my wearing women's panties was discovered by a very unsympathetic male co-worker and left that job, (which wasn't very good anyway) , as a result.

I had taken a job in a small office with 2 male proprietors, 3 female employees, and 4 other males who were also in their 20s as I was at that time. I am not externally effeminate and was dressed in an ordinary male suit of course, only my undies were women's. One day I was in the toilet in a cubicle (stall) as I always use one, but although it had a door the lock was weak and hadn't fastened properly. I was sat on the toilet doing a wee-wee when the door opened and in came one of the other men, a rather aggressive , butch, macho, sport playing type who didn't like me . As bad luck would have it that day I was wearing a pretty and very girly pair of panties with a pink floral pattern and he saw these at my knees, had I been wearing a plain white or navy blue pair I might have got away with it as even then there were male underpants in dark colours but the pair I knicks I had on that day were so obviously women's. He didn't say anything to me as he turned and left but he told the others with a sneering manner that "**** wear's women's knickers" . Now they were all rather unsympathetic towards TVs etc, bearing in mind that in the 1970s there was not the more tolerant attitudes we now have. A couple accused me of being a Homosexual which I am not and have never been and I found myself being mocked, cold shouldered and generally given a hard time. Only one of the women was sympathetic and asked them to leave me in peace as I was harming nobody but this fell on deaf ears. Going to work was torture. I started to look for another job but having only been there a few weeks prospective employers were put off and although I was well rehearsed in sensible reasons for wishing to change jobs and didn't mention anything about the real situation I am sure that some Interviewers could sense that there was a hidden agenda adn I was unsuccessful. I had to stick this for about a year and thankfully in that time my chief tormentor left and the situation eased a bit. Eventually I got another job and took great pains to ensure that my secret was not discovered again.

Thirty years on in the UK we have quite powerful anti-discrimination laws which make it a Criminal Offence for employees to be mis-treated by reason of Gender, Race or Sexual Orientation and both the co-workers and the bosses have been prosecuted and compensation has been paid to victims, but in those days such protection did not exist and employers attitudes were unsympathetic, basically "If you don't like it, leave!"

Nowadays I am still very careful although where I now work, a greatly larger organisation with hundreds of employees, there are openly homosexual men and lesbian women there although to date no men who dress en-femme at work. The company has spelled out strict anti discrimination policies in its Contract of Employment which all must sign stating that instant dismissal can result for anyone guilty of abusing a co-worker physically or verbally.

I cannot advise Jesse on the US situation but as a general recommendation. unless you work for a very liberal and progessive organisation staffed with people of that attitude then I would keep your TV/CD practices to yourself and if like myself you wear panties 24/7 wear plain ones at work particularly if as seems to be common in the USA Toilets have no doors on the stalls and other employees could see your underwear. Also ensure your panties do not show over the waistband of your trousers (pants) . For those who have to get changed in view of other employees for example into a uniform or protective clothing worn at work it is a bit more difficult and I would advise wearing plain panties in dark colours such as black or navy blue which could be passed off as modern male underpants. Black Sloggi Maxi Briefs are quite good in that respect.

Have any other UK members had similar experiences of being discovered at work or school and what was the outcome?

[MadVixen]

In Canada you cannot legally be let go or be hassled for crossdressing. Obviously the employer will find other excuses for letting someone go. I work in the hiring of people for a call centre here in Toronto. I have hired fulltime/lifestyle crossdressers before and am looking to fill our call centre with them. Most of the people around there know that I'm trans. (Hard to hide this long hair, long painted nails, and pink/purple glasses.)

If you are curious about the job (and yes, it is legit, no it does not involve selling anything), please contact me. It pays $10 through the day and $8.50 - $9 at night.

It's located in the same building as the temporary offices of the Sherbourne Health Centre.
Hope I can help a few girls.

Maddy

[Fallen Angel]

I live in the state of maryland.And there all for the employers in this state! They can let you go for not parting your hair right.But there are employers out there that really dont care what your life style is as long as your able to do your job.larger companies may not be the way to go because there afraid of law suits for sexual discrimination. maybe you should try some smaller ones instead.they may not pay you as much but they want people with experiance and close there eyes sort of speak and overlook things.I the past ive gotten up from interviewers with the attitude if you want me fine but if you dont theres someone who will.Dont let this bum you out!! it works both ways.your selling yourself to them showing them what you can do to improve there company and on the same turn of a coin they have to show you how working for them is going to make your life better as well wether it be more money,job security or some kind of benifitts ive found if you turn the tables on an interviewer and tell them what you expected it shows confidance and that your agressive and you might get the job.I hope this helps you good luck and remember one thing bow to none but kurtsy to all xxx

[Billie Jean]

I dressed at work one time and had a very beautiful gg help with my makeup who also was an employee there. There were some comments as to how well coordinated my outfit was and I told them that my daughters had helped me which was a fib since the clothes were mine. I don't think that they suscpected that I cross dress all the time. I work with mostly women and they were all very amazed as to how I looked and I don't think that outside of committing a felony they really would care what I do on my off time. In the past and presently they employ persons who are openly gay and they have no problem with that, but I'm not sure they would want me to work in a dress and since its in my home town I don't think I would anyway. Billie Jean