Curious about lesbians - anyone know?

[Keyplayer74]

Hello all you knowledgeable folks...

I have a friend that I sort of dated back in high school. She recently came out to me and told me she was a lesbian.. I thought, gee this would be a perfect opportunity to tell her my quirk as well, but then I wondered... what do lesbians (generally) think about crossdressers?

If it helps, she is more the feminine lesbian type.. goes for girls who look a little manly.

[DonnaT]

Everyone is different, so don't try to stereotype your friend as having the same thoughts as all lesbians.

She told you about herself, so tell her you're a CD, if you want to.

[Keyplayer74]

Everyone is different, so don't try to stereotype your friend as having the same thoughts as all lesbians.

She told you about herself, so tell her you're a CD, if you want to.

I had a feeling someone would say that... I almost went back and to edit my original question. Okay, maybe it was a dumb question, but I am pretty green here...

Is there no "general" thought amongst lesbians toward CD's? If not then that's okay too. I just didn't really know. I'm not trying to lump a particular group to any one way of thinking or anything.. I'm just trying to learn a little. For instance.. I know most lesbians like other women.

[Julie]

I was married to a Lesbian, she was fine with it but Donna is right in what she say's. There are Lesbians who are acceptable of us and there are others who oppose us big time, I think you'll have to sound her out by raising the issue in a general question and see what she thinks. If she sounds positive then you might consider telling her about yourself.

Sorry but I don't think you'll get a definitive yes or no on your question.

Julie

[obsessedwithpantyhose]

if she used to be "str8", and is now a lesbian then im sure she wouldnt mind if u told her ur a cd,,as 90% of cds r str8 even tho the small minds think we r gay just because we like to wear womens clothes (why should only the females get to wear the fun clothes)

lipstick lesbian

she could help u to do ur make up and then u both could have a girls night out hit the malls

just remeber it took alot of courage on her part to come out to u

[kathy gg]

Hey beign 'green' or even yellow or blue totally okay!

Um, as for the general lesbian opinion of crossdressers....like someone already said, it has to do with that persons exposure to transgendered people to start with. As I learned from so many times having worked at our transgendered groups booth at Pride Day, many people in the gay and lesbian community know very little about transgendered people. They either have across the board assumptions or just find it all kind of odd or strange. Not bad, not perverted, obvoisuly, but certainly more 'fringe' in their minds than being gay.

Now that said, I have a freind who is a lesbian and I actually 'felt' out her knowledge of transgendered stuff before revealing to her about my husband being a cd. SHe has actually known a few people who had the srs or were living full time. her knowledge though of just an average run of the mill 'crossdresser' was not much. She figured most people who crossdressed eventually desired to eventually transition to women. She did not know many just 'stop' at just being a weekend thing or not a full on quesitoning of gender.

Anyway, so is she knows nothing about the community you may have to actually spend time educating her and explaining all the different things that people who know nothing about this ask.

If she has some knowledge of it that is great for you. But as was also said some lesbians find this very upsetting to having on one end to having no issue what so ever with it. So it might just be as challening as telling an SO and her being upset. Do you want to loose this girl as a friend if she finds this really upsetting?

I think a few questions about her lesbian community is a good start. Followed by transgender questions to feel her out. I mean if I had gotten a really negative vibe from my friend I would not have told her about us. But since she seemed to be very okay with it all I proceeded.

Common sense with good detetive skills required to play this game!

hugs
kathy in canada

I had a feeling someone would say that... I almost went back and to edit my original question. Okay, maybe it was a dumb question, but I am pretty green here...

Is there no "general" thought amongst lesbians toward CD's? If not then that's okay too. I just didn't really know. I'm not trying to lump a particular group to any one way of thinking or anything.. I'm just trying to learn a little. For instance.. I know most lesbians like other women.

[Tristen Cox]

Long before I came out to anyone and was still in the closet, I had a few female friends that were BI, not particularly lesbian. One infact approached me and introduced the idea she would love to see me in pantyhose(shaddup Veronica) However she was also my best friend's G/F If not for that I would have probably taken her up on it. Maybe girls that are bi-sexual would be more into this sort of thing. But then again it depends on who you're asking.

[Marla GG]

Yes, Donna is absolutely right....and I completely agree with Kathy's take.

In my experience, many (but probably not all) lesbians who are out of the closet and active in the GLBT community are very supportive of transgendered people, including MTF crossdressers. But some may not be any more educated about crossdressing than the general public.

I would base my decision more on what kind of a person she is generally, and how close you are as friends.

[Angela Burke]

Hello all you knowledgeable folks...

I have a friend that I sort of dated back in high school. She recently came out to me and told me she was a lesbian.. I thought, gee this would be a perfect opportunity to tell her my quirk as well, but then I wondered... what do lesbians (generally) think about crossdressers?

If it helps, she is more the feminine lesbian type.. goes for girls who look a little manly.

Ask a lesbian.
Don't make generalisations.

Love Angela XX

[Mx Justina]

I have interacted very little with straight hetero females...but most of my female experiences have been with bi-friendly females and lesbians...and they are my preference for association regarding females. Found them easy to communicate with in a (no pun intended) straight-forward non manipulative personal way!

Depending on how much innate rapport a CD male has with the lesbian-gay world the same will be reflected back... If you are inherently uncomfortable and clumsy perceiving their lifestyle...they as individuals will sense that and react accordingly... The lesbian world is a world of individuals...not automatically CD-accepting, but generally more OPEN than majority conventional heteros.

ONE DUMB ASSOCIATED STEREOTYPE... Feminist, and Lesbians (be they femme, butch, dyke, bi or whatever) detest men.

J.

[nikky]

its not just about generalizations. its about the odds that she will accept. sure its a stereotype to assume that all lesbians like or dislike cds just as its a stereotype to assume that all cds are gay, which obviously isnt true. but if most encounters with a lesbian are for the better than chances are that the next may be alright too. my experience was a past g/f who was bi-curious she claimed and was totally into me as who i am so i would probably feel comfortable talking to another gg in a similar position. also anyone who is gay or bi or what have you tends to be a little more open minded to begin with so i say tell her and see how she reacts.
just my 2 cents

[Stlalice]

Key,

As a near full time TS my experience with the lesbian community has been that they will for the most part be cool with your being a C/D. Some will be supportive, some will be neutral, and a very few will be hostile. Mostly it seems that the younger they are the more likely that they will be accepting. The few that I've met who were non-supportive/hostile were mostly old line feminists who felt that we as TS or CD's were intruding in their hard won/sacred space. Think Michfest - the womens music festival in Michigan where non GG women are NOT welcome.

Not knowing your friend, I hesitate to advise you about coming out to her. My own gut instinct would be to go ahead perhaps after a few general questions about her reactions to the TS/CD scene. Read the posts by Kathy/GG and Donna and go slow. In my case the first person that I came out to was a lesbian woman friend and by extension her partner. They were the first people to see me dressed and they introduced me to my current church - MCC of Greater St. Louis. A better choice I could not have made. Good luck kid and hang in there.

[LaceLuvr]

i've known quite a few bi and lesbian women in my time and and while not all are even those that have never thought about it are generally more accepting of this lifestyle than the average person

[Deborah_UK]

As others have said - its so very hard to generalise, people are people with their own individual ideas and hang-ups.

Each person needs to be taken on their own merits, as said in an earlier post (I apologise for forgetting who it was) your friend clearly has sufficient feelings and trust in you to come out to you as a lesbian - although I don't know how out she is in the rest of her life, but ask yourself the question, what are you seeking to gain by coming out to her?

As for my own experiences with lesbians as a "group", I had a bad experience at a night club where several "butch" lesbians got quite aggresive when I was using the ladies room, and it was a straight GG who came to my rescue, asking them whether I was supposed to use the men's room dressed as I was? It was one of my first nights out in public anyway - so unnerved me initially - but thanks to that GG - I felt so much better.

So in answer to your question ...... I have no answer!!

[Marlena Dahlstrom]

I would base my decision more on what kind of a person she is generally, and how close you are as friends.

I think that's the best advice.

As others have said, my experience with gays and lesbians is that they tend to be more accepting of other "alternative" lifestyles, but individual reactions will vary considerably. Likewise, many of them aren't necessarily any more educated about CDing than the general public.

As Kathy said, it's probably best to test the waters first, just as you would coming out to any other friend.

[Phoebe Reece]

Last year a small group of CD's (including myself) slipped into a very large lesbian ball (there were several hundred of them there) that happened to be going on at the same hotel we were having our monthly meeting at. We danced and had a few drinks there. I wouldn't say we were welcomed with open arms, but they didn't run us out on a rail either. Tolerated is probably the best description. As has been pointed out by others, most lesbians and gays generally know as much about crossdressers as the general public. Some of the lesbians were fairly friendly to us, but most pretty much ignored us. Crossdressing was OK there, as there were quite a few FTM crossdressers in attendance. Of the lipstick lesbian variety, there were quite a few - and they were very nice on the eyes. It was a fun experience.

[Fallen Angel]

i read a few of the posts hear and i have to tell you they very different breed!! i have been in a gay comunity for a long time meaning going out. the men are very polite well manered and very out going. but on the other hand the females arent as freindly or out going and just about tolerate cders. they conserder there mate as there property you dont go near them. the dyke or butchy one" the male image" are rude nasty and extemly revolting they take over were we as males have left. now as far as the fem ones thats a completly different story there kind ,sweet.and exepted us very easly. i call them girly girls. alway complementing. and are alot more out going kind and sesitive ive seen girly girls as partners but not as many as i do with the boyish ones sorry thats my opinion and i dont mean to a fend any f-t-m s out there xx

[samanthajay]

well angel just said some of my answer. some butch lesbians are cds so you know there is your answer