How to educate people about crossdressers.

[Rebecca W.]

Hello to everyone!
I had this thought about drafting a short letter, to give to people that I encounter in the store when shopping for womens clothes. It would be a brief letter trying to help explain the basic reasons why we crossdress. I have this very strong feeling on wanting to educate people about crossdressing.
I am tired of the negative feelings toward us and I need your help on the subject matter for the letter. I have had pedicures done by a nice woman and one comment that she has made to me, is that she hopes that I do do not crossdress. I was lying to her when I said that I do not. I really wanted to say, yes. I was afraid to say otherwise due to her strong negative feelings towards a CD.
I know, that this is the proper place to ask this question and I look forward to your thoughts and ideas on the letter.

Thank you,

Rebecca

[JaytoJillian]

one comment that she has made to me, is that she hopes that I do do not crossdress.

Well, that was a pretty mean thing for such a "nice" person to say. Besides, it's none of her business. Sorry, but I lose my mind over stuff like this.

[Starfire Jade]

Well we can start by proving to the world that a good number of us are not scheming dishonest liars and perverts who steal from their wives panty drawers. Until the Jerry Springer image of us changes, we will always be frowned upon.

And seriously, you shouldn't have lied to her. Here is how I would have responded.

"Woman: I hope you don't Crossdress

Robb: Oh I do! But I'm paying you to do my nails, did I ask for your opinion aswell?"

Whats to be insecure about? The only reason someone should have insecurity is if they are hiding something.

[Renee_E]

You can educate people on crossdressing but you can't necessarily change their attitude. Sounds like she wouldn't even read your letter. Some people just have their minds snapped shut.

[erickka]

You can educate people on crossdressing but you can't necessarily change their attitude. Sounds like she wouldn't even read your letter. Some people just have their minds snapped shut.

I second this. People by and large do view us as perverts, etc., and as Jade stated, until you get rid of the Springer trash that is splattered everywhere, it is really giong to be a loooong road ahead to educate people.

[mklinden2010]

Nah, sorry, bad sales technique to hand someone something to read when you're already standing right there.

Let them read you. Smile. Say, "Hello." Offer that it's a nice day to go shopping. Be a friendly person.

Most people don't have a chronic problem with crossdressing; it's not really something they even think about most the time.

But, when they come across it, it goes down better if you're a "friendly guy/gal/person in a dress" instead of some "unknown, er, thing."

Relate to them in a positive way so they can respond in kind.

Kind. Now, there's a word...

PS

"Do I crossdress? Does wearing one black and one white sock count?"

[JiveTurkeyOnRye]

Let them read you. Smile. Say, "Hello." Offer that it's a nice day to go shopping. Be a friendly person.

Most people don't have a chronic problem with crossdressing; it's not really something they even think about most the time.

But, when they come across it, it goes down better if you're a "friendly guy/gal/person in a dress" instead of some "unknown, er, thing."

I agree. I think having a prepared defense would actually be a negative thing because it would then be like you were coming in preparing to defend yourself, like you knew something was wrong with it.

To the OP, I'd like to know more about this pedicure lady. Can you please give us some context for this quote, like was she saying it teasingly or seriously? I've had SA's at Victorias Secret ask me "did you find your size?" when I was checking out, and mean it as a joke, not knowing I actually had.

I honestly think if someone said that to me when I was getting a pedi done, and meant it, that I would say, I'd rather have someone else do my pedicure please.

[Sheila]

I have had pedicures done by a nice woman and one comment that she has made to me, is that she hopes that I do do not crossdress.

Well you just lost a good place to start educating people right there ........ you had the chance to have an open dialogue by asking the question "WHY" ? ...............you did not have to say you dressed, but you could have said you know people who do (on here eg so you would not be lying ) and that they come from all walks of life, from the neighbour across the way, to mayors, doctors, judges, teachers, shop keepers/assistants etc etc, and "why does she feel negative toward em?"

[Kaitlyn Michele]

I have to agree ....its hard to imagine how a letter would help anything

Especially if you are in male mode...

Frankly, if I got handed a letter by a person that I was talking to, i'd be likely to smile and throw it out, and the fact that you are thinking of a letter hints that you have to get more confidence before speaking out (if you want to speak out with success)

this isnt a criticism..your idea is much gutsier than my first 20 years of dressing in hotel rooms with clothes i got online...i never had the guts to go for a mani or pedi for fear of the very question you were asked...

i have learned that the best defense is offense..if you are totally comfortable with yourself, then the assholes will still be assholes, but everybody else will respond to you in the way you want...and you may even start to go get your pedi's in the clothes you want to wear

[Katesback]

How about a T-Shirt that says on the front "Crossdresser" and on the back a target that with a hole in the bullseye?

Seriously thoughts like this go back to the concept of the dreaded "P" word.

I guess I just shake my head. There are only so many ways to tell people to be themselves. I guess some will just slip through the cracks and never REALLY see the light at the end of the tunnel.

[Jenny Doolittle]

I agree about trash shows like Springer!. Thank God, Tyra and others are bringing the true story about us out into the media.

Secondly, WE need to be honest and not afraid to show others we come into contact that we are not some kind of pervert! Different is NOT a bad thing, It adds spice to life. If everyone was exactly the same Oh what a boring world we would live.

[Stephenie S]

Let them read you, not a letter.

Nah, sorry, bad sales technique to hand someone something to read when you're already standing right there.

Let them read you. Smile. Say, "Hello." Offer that it's a nice day to go shopping. Be a friendly person.

Most people don't have a chronic problem with crossdressing; it's not really something they even think about most the time.

But, when they come across it, it goes down better if you're a "friendly guy/gal/person in a dress" instead of some "unknown, er, thing."

Relate to them in a positive way so they can respond in kind.

I agree 100%.

If someone hands me a letter on the street, I might take it, but I will throw it in the next trash bin I see. The way to educate people is to show yourself to be a nice, kind, friendly person.

And you can ALWAYS engage someone in a dialog without "outing" your self.

Don't be such a wuss.

Stephie

[Sandra]

Don't bother with a letter instead get out there and let people see you.

[sherri]

For one-on-one encounters, giving someone a letter is a bad idea for multiple reasons, but it's something you might could do from a booth at a Pride festival or something.

And I agree with the others, for someone who claims to have a burning desire to educate people, you sure passed up a golden opportunity with the pedicure lady. It takes guts to be a crusader, hon. You can be an activist all you want, but it's personal interaction that has the greatest impact, imo. Sometimes that means defusing hostility with grace and aplomb. But trust me, I'm not dissing you -- it's easy to panic, I've done it myself.

I'm curious about one thing though. What prompted her comment? Was it just the fact that you were a guy getting a pedicure, or did you request nail polish? Passion Pink maybe? At any rate, I applaud you for going to a salon in the first place. Next time you get a pedicure, go as Rebecca. That'll make a statement!

[Stephanie Miller]

Sheila hit the nail on the head. Time to put your big girl panties on and confront those that push thier feelings upon you. Yes, push. From your post it was her that opened the dialog with "is that she hopes that I do do not crossdress". So why did you default to a more comfortable position of "I do not"? You didn't have to be confrontational, just informative. Maybe even invite her out to lunch to discuss in depth. After a nice chat THEN give her additional information. Not just a letter with your thoughts, but true information. Lots of resourses out there for that.
Why wait for your next nail session? Drop by now and ask her to lunch.

[jenifer m.]

if what you said had happend to me i would have said"why is there something wrong with crossdressers? cuz i think that lady over there is wearing jeans,and oh my god that lady over there has on cowboy boots i think were surounded by crossdressers!then see what her reply to that would have been.it might have been just enough sarcasm to shut her up or at least confuse her.i dont know but i just get mad at the double standards is all.

[carrie-ann]

Please no ltters not good. I agree with most get dressed go out and smile and have confidecne. I'm 24/7 it works. When some one aproaches me and ask ? I anser them open and honestly. So get out and meet people and act and dress apropriatly you will be supprised at what happens.

[Marcia Polari]

Hi Rebecca
If she has negative opinion about crossdressing she shouldn't be doing my nails. Try changing your pedicure instead. A letter wouldn't make much difference. If it is the case of educating her you could suggest her to get information on the internet but I doubt it works anyway.
I've been to different salons and tried a number of manicures. Now I have some 3 or 4 I trust who make my nails even french style and most often when I am on boy´s mode. And we take the time to chat on girlish stuffs.
No letter needed.
Love,
Marcia

[Lorileah]

Having a letter to hand out sort of sounds like you need a note from home to do what you do. It seems more like a "Hi I am ....here's my card..." deal. You should not have to explain it to start with. It isn't illegal, immoral or infectious. If they ask a simple "I dress like this" would be sufficient. If they ask for more details you can then have a conversation and you can "educate" from there. Carrying a letter around won't do much good. First they probably won't read it right then. second a letter isn't like a stone tablet where they get this epiphany and say "AH! now I get get it!"

There is an old saying. Never teach a pig to sing. It wastes your time and annoys the pig. The letter would be the annoying part

[5150 Girl]

Don't bother with a letter instead get out there and let people see you.

That's my philosophy, It's like hi, I'm just a normal every day person who likes to present as feamle. Nothing funny our odd here!

You can educate people on crossdressing but you can't necessarily change their attitude. Sounds like she wouldn't even read your letter. Some people just have their minds snapped shut.

I third this!!!

[Rebecca W.]

Hi everyone!
I have read all of the postings so far and you have set me in the right direction of not writing the letter. I had to ask all of you for your opinion on this, and what a response that I have received back from all of you! I really need your honesty on this and you sure were very direct and honest to me!

After sitting back and thinking about your comments, I realize that I am the problem and not the people that I encounter when shopping for clothes. I need to be a lot less timid about the dressing and to be polite and respond back nicely when a comment is made to me.

To answer the comment that I made about the woman at the spa and what she said to me about the possibility of me being a crossdresser. If I think back some more about it, she really would have understood about me dressing and the problem is with me, not her.

When I had my pedicure done the first time with her and it was also my first time to have one done in public. She was excited to be able to do it for me and she did take me as her first appointment in the morning because I was nervous about having them done for the first time.

The comment about being a crossdresser was due to my request to have the nails painted the brightest pink that she had. She thought that my first time would be just a clear coating. She said that it was very bold of me to ask for a color like that and I took her comment about the crossdressing the wrong way! The second appointment that was months later, was so much more relaxing with her and she knew that I was going to ask for a wild color again. I did and it was a wild blue metallic color! She even gave me a bottle of that color so that I could paint them at home when it wore off. She said again that she really enjoyed painting my nails and then I even had a manicure done without the polish.

On my next appointment I told her that I will have all of my nails painted to match in a really nice metallic pink. She has to know why I do it and my lying to her about it is just a denial by me not to accept who I am.

From this day forward I will lose the timid act and just be free to express myself in a proper manner. All I need to do is respond back to people when they make a comment to me with a polite and a direct answer, not a lie. It will take more effort for me to erase the lie to her than it would have been for me to just say, yes I am a crossdresser and so be it. If she had a problem with that then I should be able to respond back with a polite answer. She is really nice and I will never lie to her again, she deserves that from me.

Keep all of those responses coming and please be direct and totally honest with me as you have been. I need to stand up for myself and to be able express my true inner feelings without any regrets, period.

Your Friend,
Rebecca

[Sheila]

Rebbecca I wish you well, strength and courage for your next encounter hun

[Rachel Welsley]

Here's an idea, set your appointment for first thing in the morning again & go en femme. this will surely start her day off with a smile.

[AmandaM]

She was clearly wrong. IQ test, these are all the same:
1. Hey, I know you're limp-wristed, swishy, and talk with a lisp. I hope you're not gay!?
2. Hey, you drive a truck with a rifle rack, I hope you're not one of those rednecks?!
3. Hey, I'll give you a manicure but I hope you're not a crossdresser?!

[girlalex]

again, the explanation to why we cd shouldn't be in the form of a letter but in the form of a discussion because i think spoken words are more powerful than anything thats written. in a one on one encounter i think the best way to approach your argument is to explain the reason behind cross dressing in terms of biology/science. for instance you can say that your feminine side is more dominant and thats why you appear more feminine, which is a natural trait that can not be a choice. so thats what i am. just like its normal to be taller than average, which is not a choice either is it?????? i wonder.
in other words if you are 100 percent hetero macho man and you like to wear female's clothing than there is really something wrong with you. your feminine side must be really kicking your ass if you can't wait to get home from work just to put that skirt on and enjoy who you really are. other wise why would you do that???