how to react when being hit on by a man?

[ReineD]

I'd like to alter my previous post.

As a rule, GGs don't get propositioned in the manner that some people here have described, in day to day life. Maybe men are more blatant with other men or TGs because they are ruled by the same instincts as the objects of their admiration and deep-down they know that their sentiments will be understood.

I'm not saying that GGs never have to fend off unwonted advances, but it tends to happen more in certain types of situations, like clubs and bars, and it doesn't tend to be as crude. Maybe men are generally more courteous with GGs, unless the GG is in business for herself. In the normal course of the day while out and about, GGs do get flirted with and of course every once in awhile there will be a creep who feels entitled, but these creeps are few and far between. When this happens, it is indeed scary, because we don't have the same physical strength as guys.

And I'm not saying it is the case with everyone who has been approached, but there is also such a thing as sending out signals, even if someone doesn't want to admit to themselves that this is what they are doing, so of course my comments do not apply in this situation.

If your attitude when being approached in a flirty manner (assuming you are not out in clubs and bars where there seems to be a license to pick up people) is that the person is just being nice, or social, then it is easy to deflect the attention whether it is an imagined come-on or not, without being rude or without feeling you need to run away. Just carry on with the conversation until it is time for you to move on. But, if you are going out dressed, then I'll admit there are a slew of guys out there who do want T-girls and they do see you as someone with a bonus between your legs. If you're not interested, these men will need to be handled more firmly than most GGs would have to handle most guys. So the advice here is spot on.

[KristiMartin]

I've been approached by guys quite a few times while out. I let them know that while I appreciate the compliments, I'm not interested. I don't do this in a mean or bitchy way, but I try to subtly communicate that I am not to be screwed with. If need be, I can go from femme to butch in a couple of heartbeats, but I'd prefer not to have to resort to that. By the way, I've learned that a smile can diffuse lots of situations.

Jill,

Sounds like you and I have the exact same method on this. There's no reason to be anything but flattered (if someone flirts in a non-creepy / disgusting way), and I let them know I *am* quite flattered, but that I'm straight and quite happily married in a polite, friendly tone.

The couple of times that I've been hit on this approach worked really well for me.

Kristi

[krisinpink]

I've been hit on a few times when in T* or Gay clubs. Sometimes when dressed, and other times not.

I deal with it in this way: I'm flattered by the attention, and appreciate that just maybe, I still hold some element of attractiveness. However, I'm spoken for, and will never forget or deny that. I'm quick to share this fact. Generally, I've not had a problem with a possible 'suiter' taking the message. Sometimes I've had to be a little more blunt, maybe even repeat myself, but in general, it's never been a problem. Maybe I've just been lucky. Bottom line ladies, be assertive, know where the exits and bouncers are, and always have an escape plan and change of clothes at the ready. Additionally, never forget that regardless of how you may be dressed, you are still entitled to respect and totally in the right to insist upon that.

*hugs*

Krissy

[Loni]

not happened...yet.
but if it does i would just say thank you, but sorry no.
now if he buys me a drink, i might drink it first then blow him off.
rude, but a free drink .


.

[Sally24]

[SIZE=4] I often just stand there and look them up and down, ask them to turn around and then proceed to tell them they aren't my type, or whatever suits me. I can do that, you might not feel comfortable using that tactic.[/SIZE]

Wow Tamarav! You fully embrace the woman inside!! Good for you!

[prene]

A group of us go out. I have been asked to dance and have had someone buy me a drink. I have always told strangers . . . "No Thanks but I am here with someone."

hi girls wanted to know if wany of you have been hit on by a man? if yes what happened and how did you react to it? where were you? i'd like to know so when i go out dressed if it happens i dont run off scared hehe.

[Deborah Jane]

Well as I never go out without Sheila my wife, I guess I'd say [in my best Barry White voice]......

"I'd love a drink buddy, and my wife will have a Vodka and OJ"

[Kate Simmons]

Gracefully usually but it really depends a lot on the particular guy.

[BRANDYJ]

It's happened to me in clubs where we are accepted. In some cases the men were gentlemen when I explained that I am not into men. They understood and left me alone. Yes, there were a few creeps. One even grossed me out the first time my now ex-wife agreed to go out with me. He started telling us how he liked to dres sin lingerie and masturbate in front of his computer. I cut him off and told him his conversation was rude and inappropriate. I asked him to leave. He did. One guy, a gentleman that tried to hit on me until I told him I am not into men, left after a short conversation. Before he left the club that night, he sent over a rose he purchased from a woman selling them in the club. It was kind of shocking to me to have a man buy a rose for me, but kind of a compliment at the same time.

[kellycan27]

It can be fun for a while.... depending, but like a lot of other things, the novelty wears off and it can become downright annoying. I don't know, maybe it has to do with living in Las Vegas, but I get hit on a lot and not just in clubs, bars or casinos. I am talking about at places like the grocery store,the bank, library or the gas station. I don't mean the casual conversations in the queue about the price of gas or food, but the "hello beautiful, "hey sexy", you sure a hottie" Lets have coffee. Can I have your number? Just the other day at the post office , this guy tells me what beautiful bone structure I have and that he would like to sketch me... naked!
Airports and airplanes are even worse. You get seated next to some guy and he automatically thinks that you were seated there for him. And... married guys are the worst. lol One minute he's telling you about his wife and showing you pictures of his kids, the next minute he's asking you to dinner or out for drinks when you get to your destination. " I just want to be friends" HA! All age groups too, from the young to guys old enough to be my dad. I try and be polite in declining their advances, but I can be a real b***h if they won't take no for an answer, and sometimes that's exactly what it takes.

[NathalieX66]

I always find it an interesting topic.

I'm not that fond of walking into gay bars alone, and prefer to be amongst company when I do. Guys think I'm there for them, that's the confusion. I'm straight. I love the compliments I get and have been offered drinks countless times. Bring it on, I love it! Guys can be very good company. I have no problem with conversation & compliments, but, hon, I ain't gonna go home with you. Normally, I prefer the all-inclusive GLBT spot.

[t-girlxsophie]

Unless they are Sleazy or Intimidating,I just let them know I appreciate the compliment,and flash my girls engagement ring at them letting them know am attached.no need to be nasty or anything for I do take it as a great Compliment.
Oh!and I would probably recommend a good Optician

[kellycan27]

Unless they are Sleazy or Intimidating,I just let them know I appreciate the compliment,and flash my girls engagement ring at them letting them know am attached.no need to be nasty or anything for I do take it as a great Compliment.
Oh!and I would probably recommend a good Optician

I have a pretty good sized rock on my left hand, and it hasn't seemed to be much of a deterrent. And i do agree that one should be nice..until it's time for one to not be nice.

[Sarah Doepner]

You are all amazing! It hasn't happened to me, it hasn't even gotten close! If it did I'd probably start laughing so hard I'd pee myself and that would end the evening for both of us really quick.

Honestly, if some poor guy hit on me he'd have to be very disturbed or very desperate, neither of which would make me very happy or very comfortable. I'd ask him to hold my shoes and then I'd run like hell!

[Shelby]

I wouldn't say I was directly hit on, but I did have this guy constantly staring at me. I've told this story before, but some years ago I was in a Murder Mystery Show at a resturant and I was playing a woman. All the characters have to work the room mingling with the guests sharing who they are and setting up motive. Well at this one table were 3 couples and this one guy just stared at me. At first I thought nothing of it and played my part, perhaps a little flirty. So when I walked by later and caught him staring again, I was flattered. As the night went on and I would look over in that area I would catch him looking and he would either quickly look away or hold his gaze. At one point I even commented on it and his wife had also caught on without my help, so was good natured and seemed to find amusement in this. Finally, much later in the evening he was still staring and I was annoyed. So in typical female fashion, I would either walk right by without looking at him or simply avoided the table. I always hate it when a woman won't even blink in my direction and here I'm doing it to this guy.

Now I don't know if he was turned on by me, if so then he has low standards. Or perhaps he was confused by his sexuality or he has a secret that he isn't sharing with his wife and was looking for tips from me. Some people were surprised that I turned out to be a guy, but come on - I think I was fairly obvious. So he never said a word to me or made any advances, but his stare was uncomfortable.

Shelby

And Jill - If I saw you in a bar, I'd be hitting on ya too!

[Fab Karen]

If he's cute, smile & make conversation. If you're not interested, just politely say so if he's obviously coming on to you. Others have already mentioned how to deal with the pathetic ones that don't understand no means no.

[AKAMichelle]

I think the answer greatly depends upon your sexual orientation. Since I am hetero, I would let him know immediately not to waste him time and get lost.

[Jacqueline Vasquez]

If a guy hit on me, how would I react? well, it would depend on "bigger is better", thats all I have to say about that! heehee

[Lexine]

To be honest, I wouldn't know how I'd react. My current wardrobe doesn't really lend itself to being sexy or anything, just "cute." The problem with this for me is that if I find the guy very interesting I might want to be friends with him IN my boy mode and not my girl mode. So, I guess my default attitude would be just to try to shoo away any boys that would hit on me primarily because I wouldn't know how to take it back to friends for my boy mode (since I'm more interested in women than men anyway).

[mrpink50]

no but relish the though

[BRANDYJ]

One of the problems we CD's have that differs from GG's being hit on ois the fact that most men that hit on a Cd don't realize that many, if not most of us are not bisexual or gay. They simply assume that since we dress as women, we are all looking for sex with a man. They are not educated about gender gifted males and from what little they read and see on the Internet, they think we are all fair and easy game. So they come off rude and crude from the start. They would never approach a GG the same way.

[Paulette]

While I dress very age appropriate and at 6.... that rules out a lot of tight spandex and extra short skirts, I do try to blend as a women when I go out. I have had my bottom patted and told that I looked nice and would I like to dance. I declined and we both moved on I however was able to float back to the group I was with having just had my first bottom pat by a man. I had another guy while sitting on a bar stool in a gay club come up behind me and place his hand on my bare stocking covered leg. Then this smooth operator introduced himself by saying that he was a professional leg inspector and that mine were need of a close inspection with his tongue. Once again flattered that of the five or six gurls in the club he had picked me to gross out. I took his hand in mine and told him while that was certainly an interesting pick up line I was not interested in his services and in the future he should ask to touch a ladies leg before just doing it.

Going out to the club I seem to end up alone getting from the car to the club. Once I get there, there are others just like me to assist. The walk from a parking lot or down the street to the club is a very scary time. You usually do not see single women walking the streets at night. It is funny in drab I will walk into hell with a smile on my face but put on a dress or skirt and I become very aware of my surroundings and who else is on the street.

[kellycan27]

While I dress very age appropriate and at 6.... that rules out a lot of tight spandex and extra short skirts, I do try to blend as a women when I go out. I have had my bottom patted and told that I looked nice and would I like to dance. I declined and we both moved on I however was able to float back to the group I was with having just had my first bottom pat by a man. I had another guy while sitting on a bar stool in a gay club come up behind me and place his hand on my bare stocking covered leg. Then this smooth operator introduced himself by saying that he was a professional leg inspector and that mine were need of a close inspection with his tongue. Once again flattered that of the five or six gurls in the club he had picked me to gross out. I took his hand in mine and told him while that was certainly an interesting pick up line I was not interested in his services and in the future he should ask to touch a ladies leg before just doing it.

Going out to the club I seem to end up alone getting from the car to the club. Once I get there, there are others just like me to assist. The walk from a parking lot or down the street to the club is a very scary time. You usually do not see single women walking the streets at night. It is funny in drab I will walk into hell with a smile on my face but put on a dress or skirt and I become very aware of my surroundings and who else is on the street.

Wouldn't being patted on the rear and having a guy put his hand on your leg be more of an assault than say.. being hit on? I don't put up that type of inappropriate behavior.

[jasmine57]

I've been hit on by a couple of men and loved every minute of it. I guess the verification that I was kind of attractive to men was a boost to my ego. But please understand they were drunk and I'm sure they needed glasses and it was dark. But anyways it was a head rush for me.

[eluuzion]

And I'm not saying it is the case with everyone who has been approached, but there is also such a thing as sending out signals, even if someone doesn't want to admit to themselves that this is what they are doing, so of course my comments do not apply in this situation.

I agree with the "sending out signals", ReineD.

I have studied kinesics (non-verbal "language") a long time. Most communication and certainly interpretation is largely based on these cues, whether the sender/receiver is doing it consciously or unconsciously.

I have never been "hit on" by a guy(s) when dressed, but I rarely venture outside.(other than responses to pics posted on the net). I have been "hit on" by guys in public when not dressed when I lived in Florida.

However, three guys did attempt to "hit on"...("beat on me") one time while I was working in KC,(non-dressed mode) and tried to take a short-cut back to my hotel, ending up in bad neighborhood. I stopped at a "7-11" for directions, got jumped. I am martial arts, so I put one guy in hospital, cops arrived before anything else.