the urge: mood based? seasonal? moons aligning? hormones?

[Angel.Marie76]

Just working through the processes, working through transition.. I can say that my wantingness to 'feel pretty' and dress pretty varies as the environment around me varies, combined with my mood of the day. For example, jeans and tshirtwear is an average look for me, but 'stepping it up' to actually add colors to the foundation or trying to dress up for an occasion has to be something that I /WANT/ to do. I might relate it to any other moment in perhaps a man's or woman's life... some people like to dress up all the time, be fancy, etc. Other women I know get the whole 'Well, why would I want to go and shave my legs for THAT??!' kind of attitude. Figuring, to some people, that it takes a significant effort to get 'dressed up' as opposed to casually presenting, I might present the reality that 'I just don't feel like getting dressed up tonight' for one reason or another.

If I'm just dressing for myself and planning on flipping through my wardrobe to play musical outfits in front of the camera, the intention might be for outfit testing and planning.. hence getting dressed up would be fun IF I was looking forward to building outfits for later use. Presenting as a woman around the house, realistically, just means that I feel like 'me' and as long as NO male clothing is to be found anywhere on me, I'm good. If I had the urge to test out new makeup options, etc., would also be a good reason.. otherwise, I just want to make my skin look clear and presentable.

If I'm going out.. it's my time to have a good time AS MYSELF, and so, I would generally dress to match the location. Goth, business casual, theme, club wear, etc.. and yes, jeans, boots, and a nice Tshirt count for club wear. However, if I don't have the energy to dress for the occasion, I have to face the fact, I am a woman, and if I want to go out on the town, I need to present myself properly. That means looking respectful, tasteful, etc. if it's expected for the venue. If I don't have the energy to 'fix myself up' and look presentable for the evening, then I /don't/ have the energy to go out.. Of course, with all of this comes happiness. If I'm not happy and/or excited about looking good for an event, then when I get there, I may not even have a good time, because I have to face the fact, if I don't feel I look good enough or put together enough, then I'll feel out of place, which will ruin my mood further, and so on.

This, for me, might lead to depression at times. If I look at my closet, and stew over trying to pick something out to wear for the night, and feel like I need to give up because I can't find something that will make me happy.. I won't want to get dressed 'up', and I'll just mope about. We know that one can't stay in a depressed mood for too long before it kinda becomes overwhelming or overshadowing. I just try and find stuff to help break me out of the funk as quickly as possible, even of that means throwing on those jeans and going out to the book store.... Which means, yeah, the foundation comes out, maybe a little mascara, and a light lip gloss and poof!: Muted look, check. Now I can go be myself in the outside world, even if I'm just pumping gas or reading the newspaper in a coffee shop.

Now.. the second part of your question(s), it's both, but for different reasons each time. When I feel sad, depressed, and ugly.. I might try and FIND a reason to go out and feel pretty about myself.. again.. the simple things, if you live your life by the things that make you happy, then you may find that the things that make you happy work well together. If you see yourself getting dressed up to go out to the movies and spend a little time byyourself, then that works for you! Again, this is just my opinions talking, but if you can find /the/ thing that starts the mood change in a better direction, then the rest should follow suit.

However, I will say that, at least for me, the FAR WORST moments are when I've been trying to feel, look, BE pretty and attractive, and THEN I have to argue or fight with someone about anything. Having a disagreement with my SO or my son are perfect killers of mood. Almost every time it happens, and it will often have nothing to do with my dressing or presentation at all, but BAM! I'll want nothing more than to slither into a corner, tear off everything that I've donned to make me happy, and just want to cry.... After that, if I can see through the darkness, I will admit to trying to find anything I can to see the brighter sides of the moments around me, until, perhaps with a little less confidence, I can stand again, hold my head as high as comfortably possible, and work towards having a good day again. (summary: Still being pretty and being confident about that beauty gives me strength and happiness to move forward.)

Hope that ramblyness makes sense. :-)