A question for female-identified CD’s/ TV’s/ TS’s.

[NiCo]

Afternoon ladies, I hope you don’t mind my intrusion…

I’ve been reading through the thread “ask a MtF transsexual” and I actually wanting to ask a question to the entire female transgendered spectrum.

My question is this: if you are sexually attracted to men, would it matter to you if they were FtM? Especially Pre-op FtM’s.

My reason for asking such question is because I have encountered numerous gay men who have shuddered at the thought, gay crossdressers, gay transvestites and rarely straight MtF transsexuals who have also shuddered at the thought, simply because FtMs do not have a penis.

I have also encountered straight MtF’s mocking FtM’s because of their body. I don’t want to repeat what was said, as it was truly appalling!

I have also realised that when such people speak of men, they include “FtM too” into the sentence as if we are something less. Are we? Cause if I’m honest with any of you, I think we are more of a man than any GM, cause we have had to fight for the right to be accepted as men.

We also don‘t really care if people consider us “pretend men”, because straight away, they feel threatened enough into believing such a thing. We have worked for that honour, but I ask this for the sole reason that it hurts the very most when we are belittled for lacking the correct organ between our legs. That is all.

It seems so trivial, but has a massive effect on how us guys see ourselves when we are being tortured for the rejection. We know we don’t have that part, we beat ourselves up every single moment of the day, then we are horribly reminded of it. I’m sure you ladies understand to differing degrees, from the other side of the GID issues. My thoughts are obviously biased, as I am medically “FtM” but nonetheless.

This question may have been asked before, and I apologise if I am repeating…

Thank you for taking the time to read this. Take care x

P.s- complete honestly is respected.

[Veronica Nowakowski]

My question is this: if you are sexually attracted to men, would it matter to you if they were FtM? Especially Pre-op FtM’s.

Absolutely. It's about making myself feel feminine more than anything else. The thought is rather disgusting to me if I were in drab. I would also be acting more feminine if involved with a man than involved with a woman, more than likely.

I don't know if I'd ever get the operation, I doubt it. But if they figure out how to do transplants for it by then, I'll be sure to donate. That also answers one of my questions.

[Natalia]

I have also encountered straight MtF’s mocking FtM’s because of their body. I don’t want to repeat what was said, as it was truly appalling!

Rude people are rude people and bullies are bullies - regardless of any other label they may have.

Anatomy does not define a person, behavior and character does.

I cannot recall the last person, other than my wife, whose genitals I have seen. I know many transgendered people. Not one has shown me what is in their pants, and quite frankly I have never really given it any thought. It is none of my business.

To mock another person - for any reason - is an act of cowardice and ignorance.

[Barbara Dugan]

Very good question Nico I am only atracted to men and I consider myself a gay transvestite, and doesnt matter to me if they are pre-op or not as long they fit on the looks I prefer on a guy ''very butch and masculine'' .. I have to admit I 've seen some on the street that caught my eye and others that don't like any other guy I look at it.

[minalost]

My question is this: if you are sexually attracted to men, would it matter to you if they were FtM? Especially Pre-op FtM’s.

I'm NOT sexually attracted to men so my answer may not mean a lot, but here goes: For purposes of socializing I wouldn't care if you were genetically male or not. Being seen with a male treating me as a female is what it would be all about. Man as the accessory if you will.

I have also encountered straight MtF’s mocking FtM’s because of their body. I don’t want to repeat what was said, as it was truly appalling!

Rude people are rude people and bullies are bullies - regardless of any other label they may have.

Anatomy does not define a person, behavior and character does.

I cannot recall the last person, other than my wife, whose genitals I have seen. I know many transgendered people. Not one has shown me what is in their pants, and quite frankly I have never really given it any thought. It is none of my business.

To mock another person - for any reason - is an act of cowardice and ignorance.

Natalia's got it right. Can't add much.

[Veronica Nowakowski]

Oh god, I misread the question. It could matter. Right now I'd want a real man because my fantasy requires a real ****. I could see myself doing stuff with a FtM as well, but I would have to be in a different mindset. If it were just going out and being treated like a lady, there would be no problem with a FTM. In the end though, what I'm looking for is a feminine female, so neither GMs nor FTMs will do.

[NiCo]

Right now I'd want a real man because my fantasy requires a real ****.

Exactly my point. And also a question i asked:

I have also realised that when such people speak of men, they include “FtM too” into the sentence as if we are something less. Are we? .

It seems so trivial, but has a massive effect on how us guys see ourselves when we are being tortured for the rejection. We know we don’t have that part, we beat ourselves up every single moment of the day, then we are horribly reminded of it.

Anyway, respect for the honesty.

[SuzanneBender]

I am not attracted to men so much like Mina my answer will only be conjecture.

However, I think its more a matter of whats in the persons soul and heart than whats in their pants. I have met several Transmen. Some that I have thought were wonderful people and some that I thought were not so wonderful they are the same as T-Women, GG's or GM's.

I also find it revolting and upsetting when others disparage people because they are different especially when they are part of the Transgender community. Despite my inner identification as a woman, I understand why some women would want to be men. Its a pretty cool gig at times. Who's to say I wouldn't be a T-Man had I been born a genetic woman?

[EricaCD]

This is an interesting enough question that I'll actually unlurk to answer. BTW I admire your guts for asking it - can't be easy to do so.

I self-identify as heterosexual... but am comfortable enough with my own sexual identity so that I'm ok with the fact that I find certain men either emotionally or physically "of interest". Whether a man was trans or not, pre- or post-, wouldn't affect my level of attraction at all. Part of that, however, may be explained by the simple fact that I would NOT be looking for a man to provide that...ahem...unique validation of me as a woman.

And yes, ditto to the sentiment that cruelty of this sort within our community is nauseating, etc.

[And with that, back into hiding.]

[Joann Smith]

can only speak for me ....If i was sexually attracted to a man ...No his current plumbing configuration would not matter that much ....because there are alot of other charterstics that guy has to have before we ever make it to what i would call a sexual attraction...

To me ..When I see someone that I know nothing about and instantally claim that they make me hot .....thats just a fantasy thats just me making myself hot ...sort of like a mental masturbation...that bout it ....

And i can mentally masturbate bout a whole range of things ..Like marring some 95 yeay old guy with like a billion dollars and 3 weeks to live...oh baby "thats hot'... makes me moist just thinking bout it...and even if he did have the right plumbing its probaly rusted up any way...


Joann


Joann

[CharleneT]

In all honesty, I can tell you that it doesn't matter one wit to me whether the person I am attracted to is trans-whatever or not. What their presenting gender and biological sex are irrelevant. It is the person that matters, or as a friend put it so well a couple of years ago:

"... its all about the electricity, not the plumbing..."

[sterling12]

My attraction to another person is dependent on many things. But, it has little to do with their gender, or their sexuality.

When you fall in love with someone, it is because of your "mutual admiration" for one another, and the need to feel "bonded" by some type of invisible, but very tangent connection.

I would be very disappointed with myself as a person, if I would let something as unimportant as a birth status stand in the way of finding true happiness. That would be very stupid, and I'm hedonistic enough to want what is best for me. Gosh, to actual find "The Real Thing?" That is so rare, that we have a World that deifies The Occasional Happy Result. Nope, I'll take LOVE; if you can find it, it "trumps" everything!

To comment briefly on something else you wrote...."I don't think your superior to a Genetic Male." "Your circumstances on how you got there are different, but that doesn't make you superior or inferior." I will certainly accept that you feel like a male inside your mind, and you have decided to make your outward appearance congruent with your thoughs.....ergo, your a male. In my perceptions, you might be a superior human being, but I would have to get to know you, and it's kind of a "one way street." If your "superior," it would be only to me. Others might have a very different opinion.

Peace and Love, Joanie

[Bree-asaurus]

In all honesty, I can tell you that it doesn't matter one wit to me whether the person I am attracted to is trans-whatever or not. What their presenting gender and biological sex are irrelevant. It is the person that matters, or as a friend put it so well a couple of years ago:

"... its all about the electricity, not the plumbing..."

I'm the same way. I would prefer a manly man, but really, it depends on the person. I think I could love man, woman, mtf, ftm, whatever given that there is something there. Me feeling like a woman doesn't explicitly define who I want to be with.

[MiraM]

Hey NiCo, I've posted about it before, but to me it makes no differenence if the person is Bio-male, pre or post op FtM. I am an openly Gay MtF CD, and my partner of 8 years (husband of the last 4 of them) is a pre-op FtM. It does not make one bit of difference what his current plumbing is (there are ways around that). I fell in love with a beautiful man, not a penis.

[celeste26]

There are friendships and then there are intimate friendships. I wouldn't have any problems simply being friendly and/or a friend to a FtM but having an intimate friendship for me would be quite another thing.

[t-girlxsophie]

HAIL! HAIL! Nico (a scottish thing ladies),I have had priviledge to have known a cpl F2Ms in my life,and can safely say they are two great ppl,and fine men

As has been posted by someone earlier,this doesnt make them any less a person,a man as any other guy,Am sure theres a few GGs out there who say a Man thinks too much with his **** anyway

More power to you Nico,and good luck to you in everything you do in the future

ps. prejudice is prejudice,no matter who perpetrates it

[NiCo]

Thank you for the replies, they are appreciated.

@Erica --- Thanks for coming all the way out of hiding to respond to my enquiry.

And yes, ditto to the sentiment that cruelty of this sort within our community is nauseating, etc.

Yes.

@Joann --- <3 LoL

To comment briefly on something else you wrote...."I don't think your superior to a Genetic Male." "Your circumstances on how you got there are different, but that doesn't make you superior or inferior." I will certainly accept that you feel like a male inside your mind, and you have decided to make your outward appearance congruent with your thoughs.....ergo, your a male. In my perceptions, you might be a superior human being, but I would have to get to know you, and it's kind of a "one way street." If your "superior," it would be only to me. Others might have a very different opinion.

Sorry I didn’t say at all I was superior to men [I'm saying men here because I actually have XY which is GM...I'm IS but obvs I am basically medically FtM cause that's the operations I'll need, just thought I'd clear that up just-in-case]…I said “I’m more of a man” which is different to superior, or at least I meant it to come across different. Men and women are equal, everyone is equal and I have stated that a lot throughout my posts in regards to genders.

I believe firmly in equality; what I was meaning to say was if they are going to question our masculinity they better be doing a hell of a lot of adding up to how they came to be masculine. Very little. They have proved nothing. Whereas transgendered men have fought everything in their path to get from A to B in one piece [minus and plus a few bits and bobs]. Same for MtFs, I consider them more of a woman than [cis]women, because they have had to climb over every hurdle no matter how tired they get…I credit them highly.

Misunderstanding? I’ll try and explain myself better in the future. Thanks for highlighting that, it could have possibly caused an argument or something

@Alicia --- Yes I remember you from posting in the FtM section. I actually felt jealous of your husband for such a while because I found it so hard to get a male partner who wanted me as a male…but now I’ve got my man, I’m all good LOL. Respect to you =]

@Sophie

HAIL HAIL! Thank God for you, I’ve been getting pummelled on here by the likes of Az, Shelia…even my boyfriend is an orange yin! *blesses self* I know I’ve sinned…I'll convert him soon enough, it's only been 8 months!

[Fab Karen]

Not at all, but I don't know if I'm biased, being pansexual the gender/gender identity of a person I'm attracted to isn't an issue.

[Veronica Nowakowski]

Exactly my point. And also a question i asked:





Anyway, respect for the honesty.

Nico. That is not suggesting that you're something less. If a gay man goes up to a straight man, it's not because he's something less that he's turned down. Do FTMs interested in females look to MTFs first? I'm sure there's also people specifically into FTMs, just as there are people specific into MTFs.

[kellycan27]

I have nothing against F2M's, but in all honesty as to my preference in an SO I would have to choose a GM. I like everything about them, and I especially enjoy the sex. Let's face it, I am still pretty young, and sex for me is pretty important in a relationship. Without being graphic ...sex with a F2M just wouldn't be the same as it is with a GM.

Kelly

[Andy66]

Mind if I answer too? Even though I'm not MtF.

As a friend it doesn't matter one bit what sort of plumbing you have. If you behave like a man I will respond to you as I would to any other man.

As far as a romantic relationship, you bet I'm attracted to FtMs. The problem is the gender dysphoria thing that so many of you guys seem to struggle with. I would be disappointed to have a partner who was uncomfortable being touched, because I love to touch. The ability to make the best of what you have would be important to me.

[NiCo]

Completely understandable. The dysphoria has caused me a lot of problems previously but it’s only a matter of time before that person becomes post-op…and they’ve got a lot of catching up to do lol.

I’ll be post op before the end of the summer. I can’t wait.

I respect all the replies, because the question could easily be reversed to: would it matter if the partner was MtF? To me, it wouldn’t matter but there would be people out there who would refuse them. For the same reasons as the FtMs but reversed. Sad, but it’s how things are

Anyway, thanks

[victoriamwilliams1]

can only speak for me ....If i was sexually attracted to a man ...No his current plumbing configuration would not matter that much ....because there are alot of other charterstics that guy has to have before we ever make it to what i would call a sexual attraction...

To me ..When I see someone that I know nothing about and instantally claim that they make me hot .....thats just a fantasy thats just me making myself hot ...sort of like a mental masturbation...that bout it ....

And i can mentally masturbate bout a whole range of things ..Like marring some 95 yeay old guy with like a billion dollars and 3 weeks to live...oh baby "thats hot'... makes me moist just thinking bout it...and even if he did have the right plumbing its probaly rusted up any way...


Joann


Joann

The first part of what my dear big sister said is how I feel as well.

Now I have said before I got married or even found my spouse if I was to go out with a man on a date and or build a relationship with him he would have been a F2M! Now I have no problems being a friend to a F2M now and it would be just that friends. I have seen many F2M's in my area and I will say that to me they look like guys and sound like guys so I treat them like guys! Plus I now have a F2M cousin who married into the family so for me I see no big deal, however the elders of the family accept partially of the relationship however they disagree 100% with my cousin who is gay. I hate to see how they would react if they seen me!

[SirTrey]

Hey Nico....Good question....I will be watching this thread with interest, that's actually something I have wondered about, too, but just never thought about it long enough to post the question....

[Stephanie-L]

An interesting question. As a MTF TG who is bi, I would say in my case it would make a fun time. Both of us presenting in one way, but having the plumbing of the other way, the permutations boggle the mind, LOL. I see a FTM as no less of a man than I see a MTF as less of a woman. They are simply folks who have had a harder time dealing with gender than most. My issue is those of either variety, either FTM or MTF who tend to go overboard, more butch than any GM, more femme than any GG, and then tend to be rude about it. I guess it is the rudeness that gets me. We all know of folks who are the apex of their genetic gender, and some of them can be annoying too, but mostly they just are. Anyway, the rudeness that you encountered is inexcusable from anyone, but especially from someone who should know what being gender variant is like. These are just my thoughts, but it is a great question/thread........Stephanie