The disclaimer: I lied in many of my posts. If you have followed my posts I often wrote about being out to my loved ones. It is not an excuse for lying in my posts, but having my loved ones love me despite who I am was one of the deepest desires in my heart. I lived out that fantasy in my posts. Much of what I wrote was true. I do go out often, I flew, I have met other ladies from this site, but I did it in total secrecy away from those that I love. To all of you I sincerely apologize for having deceived you.
Why am I “coming out” to you? It would be so easy to hide away in the anonymity of the internet. Few would ever know this difference, but I would and those that I care about would. I am doing this for several reasons.
First, intimacy is impossible without truth. I have been disassociated from most everyone in my life because of the fear that I am not good enough. My wife has been able to save me from this fate. Thanks to the events of the past month and her honesty I realize that I am lovable despite the truth.
Second, I want to share with you the challenges and triumphs that my wife and I experience. Ours is a cautionary tale. I am not sure how it will end, but I know that there are lessons to be learned from it and the only way to share those lessons with you is through the sometimes bittersweet words of the truth.
Third, I want you to get to know the beautiful woman that has agreed to accompany me on this journey. She is my wife and learned of Suzanne after 15 years of Marriage and knowing me almost 17 years on February 16th. Her Nome de Plume is Peri Bender. She has joined the site. She came here to find out more about the woman named Suzanne that recently entered her life. She has read most of my posts which spawned wonderfully forthright, painful and freeing conversations between her and I concerning living life as a lie or living life and embracing the truth. Peri is here for support and to give support. She is joining FAB and I invite all of you to reach out to her and help her realize how special each and every one of you are.
Lastly and most importantly, it is the right thing to do.
With any confession comes penance and my penance is the possibility of loosing some of you as friends or at least losing your trust. It is a risk that must be taken and a price that must be paid in order for me to move forward as a person. My faith leads me to believe that with penance comes the possibly of forgiveness of past sins. I hope you can find forgiveness in your hearts for this transgression and I swear nothing but honesty to my family and sisters from this point forward.
With all my heart.
Suzanne