You're in drab and you spot a sister cder, what should you do ?

[Marlena-4now]

I was pulling into the parking lot of the Home Depot the other day when my wife said " Oh honey, look " There was a mtf cder walking across the parking lot and heading for the entrance. She didn't look too bad but really wasn't passing. I was torn about what I should do. I wanted to go up and say hello and try to be friendly and supportive because if it was me all alone in a home depot en femme I think I would have welcomed a similar show of solidarity. But, on the other hand, I thought the person may be un-nerved if a strange man walked up and started talking. I also didn't want the person to feel like they were being stalked or gawked at so when I eventually noticed her inside I paid no more attention to her than I would to any other woman shopper, i.e., little to none.

What do you think I should have done ? Has anyone had a similar experience ?

[Loni]

sounds like you did right.

.

[Staci G]

I was out yesterday (Sunday) at Sallys and dropped by Catos (nothing there and SA was not interested) anyway if I am seen and read (very likely) I dont think I'd mind the support but we are all different. I think you may have done right by them because I think I'm in the minority rather than majority

[Mirani]

"Hello, I am a man who dresses as a woman as well. Of course, I am saying hello because you are so obviously a crossdresser and not a real woman - I noticed from the other side of the parking lot.
Anyway - have a nice day!"

What is this ******* fixation that many CDer's seem to have. This topic is a regular boomerang. The angst about approaching a stranger to let them know you know. So that now you know they know you know. Well woopie do.

How many other complete strangers do you approach? Cheesh!

[MiraM]

"Hello, I am a man who dresses as a woman as well. Of course, I am saying hello because you are so obviously a crossdresser and not a real woman - I noticed from the other side of the parking lot.
Anyway - have a nice day!"

What is this ******* fixation that many CDer's seem to have. This topic is a regular boomerang. The angst about approaching a stranger to let them know you know. So that now you know they know you know. Well woopie do.

How many other complete strangers do you approach? Cheesh!

Exactly. I don't understand this either. Just because you think someone may be a CD, why on earth do you think you should go up to them and and tell them you think they are a man in a dress? Is it really any of your business? Just leave people alone.

[noeleena]

Hi..

Yes this does come up for me i do see a few who are dressers & im a woman yet know many people i wont say any thing ,
the point would be i talk to many strangers as a woman normaly does in your day to day converstion so like in shops its not a problem or like i do when doing camara work . & in large get to gethers , To make a bee line to say something to a dresser then no ,
It can be a hard one as some girls would be put on the spot so you did the best thing in saying nothing .

...noeleena...

[Phyliss]

In the parking lot, say NOTHING. If you both ended up in the paint section and a chance comment was made about different colors, then simply smile, speak , and above all use proper pronouns if needed.

[Marlena-4now]

What is this ******* fixation that many CDer's seem to have. This topic is a regular boomerang. The angst about approaching a stranger to let them know you know. So that now you know they know you know. Well woopie do.

How many other complete strangers do you approach? Cheesh!

Mirani, evidently this subject has been brought up before ? Well, then, sorry for bringing it up again - but - since you asked - if I , for example, happened to see someone wearing a sweatshirt ( I think you would say "pullover" ) with the name of my university on it I might strike up a conversation with that total stranger - the point being we have something in common....what's so wrong about being friendly and trying to make a connection with someone you have something in common with ?

[Jenny Gurl]

As someone said, in the parking lot I would not approach them unless they looked like they needed help loading a heavy item. In that case I would treat them as I would any man or woman, mam can I help you load that? Same as inside, I would always use proper pronouns and would not let on that I knew. Who knows, it might be their first time out and letting them know they are read might kill their nerve early in their "journey".

[Susancd]

I would say just treat everyone as you normally would, as most of the other posters have said. I know that if I had the courage to go out, that's what I would like.

[VanessaVW]

On a related note to approaching a fellow sister, many times I'll see someone wearing a t-shirt or hat from the college I graduated from and I'll greet them. Most of the time they act look at me like I have three heads. I think people don't like to feel as if they've been ambushed even if they have the same interests as you.

[Rogina B]

Well,not in the parking lot necessarily,but if you bump into them inside the store...Tell them that they look great and you wish you were dressed as well. Most of us don't pass a close look anyway and i doubt that any out and about girl in a Home Depot is going to be hurt that you noticed her.Telling her she looks great isn't hurtful anyway.

[eluuzion]

If it was a cocktail party or I was playing "Where's Waldo?", I might approach her. But in HomeDepot or any other store, I would not approach her, or a guy buying make-up, or an overweight person looking at diet products, or a person looking at breast pumps, or a guy buying tampons, or a guy in the wig department, etc.

If any assumptions are considered, I would lean towards the most common one shared...the goal is to "pass" and "blend in", not be recognized as an anomaly.

The person might be a store detective, a robber or shoplifter using a disguise. Or a person paid to follow somebody (which I have done before), or a neighbor of yours, Etc, Etc...

"If it ain't broke, don't fix it". hehehe

[tamarav]

[SIZE=4]Just as Mirani states, we have re-hashed this topic over and over but, I still approach apparent women and many real women all the time, especially if I am dressed. My excuse is valid, I love their hair or some aspect of their wardrobe, something that they can identify with.[/SIZE]
[SIZE=4][/SIZE]
[SIZE=4] I spoke to a woman in drab yesterday in line at a store, telling her that I thought she had a perfect asymetrical bob cut. She turned out to be the nicest woman, another hairdresser that was shopping. [/SIZE]
[SIZE=4][/SIZE]
[SIZE=4]I do admit, that I have not approached CDs that I have seen who, in my opinion, did not want to be approached, who looked like a victim waiting for the axe to fall.[/SIZE]
[SIZE=4][/SIZE]
[SIZE=4]What would you like to happen if you were dressed and someone came up to you to talk? Better get used to it if you plan on going out. I would approach Mirani to tell her how nice I thought she looked, women do that to one another and if you want to be perceived as a woman it will become commonplace. Or a discussion on your shoes in the women's room...[/SIZE]

[MsJoann]

There was a TG woman who I would occasionally see in the supermarket. I could tell. With myself looking half-enfemme that day, I decided to make an introduction.
When we bumped carts, I said hello and I had recognized her through a mutual friend. There was a look of horror on her face until I mentioned not only that friend's name, but a couple other names as well.
With that I received smiles. I'm sure she could tell by looking at the way I was dressed that I was "in the family" so to speak.
Everything has been fine ever since.

[Robertacd]

If they will make eye contact I give them the same little smile and nod I give a strange woman I make eye contact with.

[ellenwannabe]

I've been dressed several times and out in public but usually try to avoid talking to others as my voice is very masculine - otherwise I'm very passable - if someone spoke to me it would make me very nervous at least at first - would love to go out with another CD in public though - Ellen

[Stephenie S]

Well, as has been said already, there are two sides to this issue.

By all means speak to another PERSON as you would want therm to speak to you. But it's VERY important to remember that to "out" or "clock" or "read" another crossdressers in public is VERY impolite. If you are walking side by side into the store, or bump into her in the paint department, and you still want to strike up a conversation, compliment her on something. Her hair, her shoes, her outfit, whatever. Women do this all the time.

"Hi, I just LOVE your shoes. Where did you get them?" is a perfectly normal thing to say.

But DON'T go up to a stranger and say, "Hi, I noticed that you are a crossdresser. I'm a crossdresser too!"

That's very rude and impolite.

Let me tell you something that happened to ME recently. I was in a business meeting with refreshments later. After the meeting ended and all were milling about snacking on the buffet, a guy came up to me, stuck out his hand, and said, "Hi, I'm Frank. I'm trans too."

I was dumbfounded. I couldn't believe his naivete! Right in the middle of a business meeting! How impolite is THAT? I told him I hadn't seen him around, and he told me, "That's because I've been out on sick leave getting my hysterectomy." More TMI!!!

This guy clearly had NO social skills what so ever. There were, and are, lots we could have talked about over a cup of coffee somewhere, but NOT in a business meeting. And remember, DON'T out the other person. They may not WANT to be outed. You can say, "Hi, I'm a crossdresser." But don't ever say, I noticed that YOU are a crossdresser. That's the no-no.

That guy at my business meeting could have said, "Hi, my name is Frank. I'm trans." You can say, "Hi, I'm a crossdresser." But leave the other person out of your judgement. But you see, when you do that, no one will want to do it. Who wants to out themselves in public like that? Well, what you are REALLY doing when you say, "I noticed that you are a crossdresser, so am I", is you are outing the OTHER person. DON'T do it.

Treat other crossdressers as NORMAL human beings. Be friendly, if you want. Compliment the other person if you wish. Smile at them. But outing someone, is impolite both in public and in private.

Lovies,
Auntie Stephenie

[Andy66]

Treat her like men usually treat women in hardware stores: look at her like she has three heads and then give her unwanted advice about whatever she's buying.

No, seriously I never know the proper way to act either, so I just smile.

[TxKimberly]

Treat her like men usually treat women in hardware stores: look at her like she has three heads and then give her unwanted advice about whatever she's buying.

No, seriously I never know the proper way to act either, so I just smile.

ROFL - You gotta love the sarcasm there!

I've been sort of torn by this one too as I have crossed paths with a few here and there.

I don't necessarily agree with those that are flaming you for even considering it. As you pointed out, you share something significant in your lives and so there is reason and cause to consider having a conversation, but . . .
As others have pointed out, by doing so, you are essentially telling her "You did not pass - I pegged you and knew exactly what you are" and depending upon the person, this may cause them great discomfort. So what's more important? Her piece of mind and her confidence, or your desire to strike up a conversation with someone who shares your interests?
Now if she is making no effort to pass, let's say wearing way over the top stuff like a micro mini and six inch heels, with a bright purple wig to the hardware store, I think it's a safe bet you are not going to hurt her confidence by speaking to her.
For the record, I'm pretty comfortable with who and what I am, and you aren't going to hurt my pride any, so if you ever see me out and about, by all means say howdy!

[KandisTX]

I have actually had a very similar situation here. I did approach her and I began the conversation by saying "Excuse me sister, but do you happen to know if they have this item here"? What I did was emphasize the word "sister" and gave a knowing wink as I said it. That told her that I was a CD as well, although in drab at the moment. She said no she didn't think they carried that item there and went on her way. She walked by a few minutes later and handed me a note which invited me out for coffee at the little shop on the corner. We met there a little while later after we left the Home Depot and spent a couple hours chatting and having coffee.

My point is that I was able to tell her that I was a CD by calling her "sister" and she could relax knowing she was being talked to by a stranger who understood and anyone else that could have overheard us would have simply thought I was calling her sister because we went to church together or something like that.

NEVER EVER, NEVER EVER OUT THE OTHER PERSON!!!!

Kandis

[Lorileah]

Depends on circumstances.

Scene 1, she has toilet tissue dragging from her shoe
You should discretely say "Hey! You have TP on your heels"

Scene 2, she is walking across the parking lot at Home Depot going to buy a new roofing nail gun.
You go into Home Depot, but your plywood and only if you happen to walking down the same aisle in opposite directions and you happen to catch each other's eye you smile like yo would anyone else. Try not to hit her with your roll cart loaded with lumber, that is a definite no no

[JaytoJillian]

In the parking lot, say NOTHING. If you both ended up in the paint section and a chance comment was made about different colors, then simply smile, speak , and above all use proper pronouns if needed.

Exactly! I would not go out of my way to approach to the person anymore than I would if I saw any other stranger in public. However, in the event of a face to face encounter or passing by, I would give my customary "hi" and keep going about my business. I'd like the person to have the fun of NOT being read by the tall, dreamy (LoL), dark and handsome gentleman who smiled when he said hi, but didn't stare or stalk.

[Presh GG]

Tea and I were walking on a small town main street when we came face to face with a very well presenting CDer. [ Tea's in drab and I'm 3 steps ahead of her so we don't block the sidewalk] I smiled at her, she looked away, then at the ground. I could see her blushing with an angry, embarrassed look. No, she didn't smile back.

My point...
That look made it 10x more obvious she's not GG.

Presh GG

[sherri52]

I wouldn't go out of my way unless we ended up in the same isle. Then I might try to break in the ice. Although some people I know said they would never know I was a man in a dress I don't pass. I would still rather a sister greet me. Knowing I have a sister within 40 miles would be great.