This is what I was called

[victoriamwilliams1]

You did it the same way I did and said more than me. I am not out for the same reason, the test questions get a fail each time.

[GingerLeigh]

Big fat hairy oaf? Hmmmph. We all dream of passing, but I'm not delusional. I know I'm not the prettiest gurl out there. Honestly though, it's not how I look that matters as much as it's how I feel when I'm dressed.

It just sucks to hear your wife say it.

Ginger

[SusieK]

Staci,
I feel your hurt with you. My wife recently criticised both my choice of skirt and how I looked in it in no uncertain terms, and I was surprised just how hurtful it felt.

Can you clarify for those of us who don't know you that well, whether your wife knows that you dress or not. The way I read your post, she doesn't know officially, but may have an inkling based on your conversations and TV viewing. If this is the case, then it may be a knee-jerk reaction based on fear and lack of understanding.

It sounds like you did the right thing at the time, but where you go next depends on how much your wife knows.

If she does know, then it's probably worth letting her know that you found her comments hurtful (though you know she didn't mean to hurt you?).

If not, then it's rather more tricky... Either way, try to keep communication channels open, and try not to take it too hard. Either she didn't appreciate the impact of her comments, or she is struggling with accepting your dressing or the possibility of you dressing, in which case you both need reassurance.

good luck,

Susie

[jenifer m.]

wow what a meany she is.just ignore comments like that if you reply then you just fuel her.and things could get ugly.

[Fab Karen]

It's hard to tell from here - was she being mean, or just picking on you the way some couples do to each other?

and ( in that case )the reason to remain a couple is what?

[Hope]

Was she serious?

I think instead of taking that sort of abuse, I would have invited her to sleep in the guest room.

"Really? You see me as a fat harry oaf? Charming. Why don't you go sleep in the guest room then, because you sure aren't welcome here."

What would she have said if you had called her a fat disgusting cow?

[Veronica Nowakowski]

I would have said, "oh, so I'd be like you?" But that would not have been the right way to go at all. The sad thing is that I'd know it was a bad idea at the time, but I'd still say it because I wouldn't be able to pass up the opportunity.

[t-girlxsophie]

What a hurtful comment from a Loved one,am sure you handled the right way,I dont think I could have stayed silent.I hope she may realise herself that what she said was wrong.

[AmiFL]

I agree.... i saw you profile pic.... big hairy oaf.... NOT

[Rachel_Red]

how long has she known and how did she find out about you being TG, sometimes how we discover affects our picture in the beginning and it can be difficult to alter that

I have to agree without the facts its hard to tell you how you could have responded. From what I can guess she found out after you were married? The fact that she never heard anything about your CDing untill after the big day may make her feel as though you betrayed her trust. She may feel as though the man she married is an illusion... a mask. In which case its your job to ensure to her that you are the person she married and that its just something you like to do and she won't lose you. (Again I don't know the facts behind the issue so this is all guess work)

After reading the forums for a while now I've found one important fact, telling your SO you're a CDer/TG/TV or anything before getting to deep into the relationship is important. The fact that you're married means that you're beyond the "hi I'm..." part. Your job now is to find out what is wrong... where the negativity is coming from and try to find a solution that will make everyone happy. Marriage is a give and take relationship, it sounds like you did a good job of diffusing your emotions and avoiding a fight, however don't let her walk all over you and don't push her away by doing things behind her back.

[Satrana]

On the assumption that she deliberately tried to hurt you to dissuade you from crossdressing, telling her that you were hurt by her comments may not achieve the right result, in fact it may encourage her to repeat it if she feels her strategy is working.

So when you do talk to her you need to let her know that no matter what mean remarks she makes, you will not stop dressing because this is part of who you are. For the sake of the relationship and to make her hurt less inside she needs to come to terms with this and compromise. Education and support are key to overcoming ignorance and prejudice. So I would take her comments as an opportunity to tackle the big picture issues and to address her feelings.

[ptp009]

Yes tell her "Yeah I'd look like your mother". That will get her attention

[Andrea's Lynne]

Sounds like a delicate situation all around. Did she know of your desire to crossdress before you were married?

[Ruth]

I don't know what your usual conversations are like so I can't really tell how strong this comment was, but it may not be all bad. She may be trying to convince herself of something.
One thing that my wife finds uncomfortable about my CDing is that I make a fairly convincing woman when dressed (I know my avatar is not exactly a film-star lookalike, but I said convincing, not beautiful).
I think my wife would prefer if I looked like a big hairy oaf when dressed.