A stiring of echo's

[AmberLynn]

warning,long rambling story ahead. do not operate lip stick tube's or mascara brushes while attempting to read this post


After ranting on a little in a previous post i Decided a good way to work this out would be on paper "so to speak"

After giving being full time male 30 year's off and on and trying hard to find balance for both my male side and my fem side to co habitat I stand at 21 days and 30 min's on a dead line i set when I was 8 and merely a child. I remember the thought clearly "I hope that I become normal by the time im 30 or cross-dressing becomes excepted" It further more went on to making a agreement with myself

If I cant find happiness being a boy,i would become a girl. that was when i was 8.


I know many of you girl's here have followed your heart's and did what you set out to do. You are living your life's as you wanted. I have dreamed of these closing days since i was in my early 20's realizing that not only had i not changed but become more in tune with my fem side. But things I did not expect then have come around including but not limited to,being married to an excepting gg. She knows of my wanting to live as a girl and i have told her i dont plan on any surgery. One of the big's that i have mentioned before is my family moving to the same place i live and them not being the most excepting of change. And the biggest,Is the time frame i set unrealistic?

Granted the change will not occur over night,I guess im just scared to be happy. it's an emotion i have rarely felt in my short life. Amber is more then clothing and makeup to me,she is a real person that i care about. I know there are people here that have been in this place and have found guidance from others here. I love the fact the world is so full of color,but at time's i really wish part's could be black and white just for a split second.

Thanks for being here,if it was not for finding this forum a few months ago,i would be an emotional wreak crearing for the wall. I do feel a lot better putting this out where i can read thru it and process each part as im typing it out.

[Jessy]

And the biggest,Is the time frame i set unrealistic?

Maybe the fact of setting a time frame itself was unrealistic. I think the most important question is how you feel yourself about everything, and how do you plan to go on?

If you are confident with a decision to live as a girl, and your so supports it, then I'd say go for it. Don't set time frames, but do realize that if you want something, you just gotta do it or nothing will happen.

If you are not confident yet, or still in doubt, maybe it would be good to visit a psychologist specialized in gender issues. Maybe (s)he can help you finding confidence in who you are, and what you want to do. In this case you definitely shouldn't set any time frames, just keep an eye on your goal. Don't forget that it took many of our sisters here much longer before they made a decision, or felt confident about coming out.

Wish you best of luck with whatever it is you decide to do.

[AmberLynn]

Thanks jessy, I have been on a roller coaster of feeling's for a long time. My so is very supportive of me and my decision. I am go to cancel my time frame I had set back then and let it happen gradually till I find the peace i have been looking for.

I did feel a lot better setting that all out in the open to examine it for my self and get incite from others