Be Careful what you post

[Brandi Wyne]

I am not always sure which area to post a thread but I think this is the right one for this subject.

Through the months of my being a member I have enjoyed posting and replying to members on a number of topics. Recently, my life has taken a complete tumble. A major part of my wife's decision to divorce me came after I had already talked to her about my crossdressing. She had seem sort of ok with it then. However, when she actually saw me dressed, she flipped out and that all started a cascade effect.

The clincher though was one of my children had determined that I visited here and located my posts. Among them were some more descriptive recountings and they were downloaded and printed to be used against me in the divorce proceedings.

I hope my sh*t of a son is still reading this because I want him to know that if he hadn't been hiding his being gay from his wife and mother, he wouldn't have been attacking me with this now.

Now I have to find my way in a new life in a new town. But, I am able to continue to cross dress on a regular basis and it feels so good to me to feel that my femme side is now going to be more open to the world.

By the way, I am now living in the area around Destin/Ft. Walton Beach, Florida and if there are any CDs in the area, I'd love to meet. Come on girls, help another girl out a bit, huh?

[Sheila]

I am so sorry you are hurting and angry right mow, but announcing to the world your son is gay ain't gonna help a thing and in my opinion is the wrong thing to do ........ I am sure there are many who will disagree with me

[Shelly Preston]

Hi Brandi

I am sorry your going through a divorce and do hope you get your life back on the path you want

I do have one question how does your sons hiding being gay from his wife and mother result in him attacking you ?

[SexiBobbi]

I agree with Sheila. Outing your son in anger is the wrong thing to do. He did what he did because of his own insecurities and because he is hurt over the divorce.

[kellycan27]

I am so sorry you are hurting and angry right mow, but announcing to the world your son is gay ain't gonna help a thing and in my opinion is the wrong thing to do ........ I am sure there are many who will disagree with me

I agree.. tit for tat rarely solves anything.
Sorry for your troubles.
Kel

[sherri52]

I'm sorry that your son has done his part in hurting your divorce Brandi. I hope everything goes well and you find new friends.

[BRANDYJ]

Brandi, I am so sorry to hear what your son did. Like someone else said, he is hurt too. So cut him a little slack. It's hard to believe he is gay, yet has no understanding of your secret that you painfully had to keep inside. I wish I had words of wisdom or comfort for you. Understand one more thing, your wife is also hurting. She fears what she does not understand, like so many others that have never been educated about cross dressers. If for no other reason, I hope she seeks to educate herself to help heal herself. I tis not her fault for what you are or do. I hope you and your family get over the hurt enough to start understanding each other and respecting each other more. I sense and feel the pain of all of you.

[Kathi Lake]

Brandi,

While I'm sorry for the situation, I have to agree with the others here. The things that you posted - were they real experiences and thoughts? If so, then yes, you were caught. This is - for better or worse - a public forum and therefore "fair game" in the legal system.

I know you're angry right now, but try to look on this as a good thing. Now you can start to do what you said you wanted to in your posts.

Kathi

[Lorileah]

I do have one question how does your sons hiding being gay from his wife and mother result in him attacking you ?

Oh I totally get this Shelly. Remember when you were kids and you took your mom's ink pen and spilled it on the rug? Then you remembered your brother ate that last brownie that your mom was saving for after lunch? So you go and tell your mom what your brother did before she could find out about the ink stain? That way, she would be totally focused on the brownie and you could cover the ink stain and hope tat later she would be a lot madder at your brother? Here we have the same thing. I am going to tell YOUR secret so that they won't pay attention so much to MY secret. Neither are right but one is determined to be wrong louder.

The sad part about all this is that neither did anything wrong to start with except keeping a secret that had it been out in the open earlier would be inconsequential in both cases. Both hid something that honestly should have been revealed BEFORE taking a long term vow with their spouses. Same old story we hear here many many times. It isn't the act that is the problem. It is covering it up or hiding it that is the problem when it comes out. Now, there are at least 4 people who are dazed and confused over what happened. Two of those are caught in a "I am not as bad as he is" fight.

[minalost]

Brandi,
The pain that ALL parties are suffering is clear from your post.

[Shelly67]

This'll go down like the titanic ..... is this for real ??
Contradiction is no way to conflict . Sorry , but for one you shame , slur your son publicly , then ask to meet other cd'ers ....? Pot and Kettle springs to mind .....
We only have one life , we all say and do things in haste , but I bet one day you'll regret being so brutally rude to your offspring , just as he will in return regret snooping on you - no matter what history or anything else that has happened in the background over the years .....
I fear after such angst , bridges are well and truely burnt ........

[Cristi]

I don't see how Brandi 'outed' her son except in a very abstract sense. I don't know WHO Brandi really is, much less the identity of her son... so nobody knows anything more than when we started except that this anonymous son of an anonymous person is gay.

Yeah, that is a really terrible outing.

[Slim Jim]

Now I have to find my way in a new life in a new town. But, I am able to continue to cross dress on a regular basis and it feels so good to me to feel that my femme side is now going to be more open to the world.

By the way, I am now living in the area around Destin/Ft. Walton Beach, Florida and if there are any CDs in the area, I'd love to meet. Come on girls, help another girl out a bit, huh?

"I'm getting divorced and my entire life has basically turned to complete crap, but hey - now I can CD as much as I want!"
I've never understood people who look at life that way, but hey, whatever works for you.

[Hope]

I am so sorry you are hurting and angry right mow, but announcing to the world your son is gay ain't gonna help a thing and in my opinion is the wrong thing to do ........ I am sure there are many who will disagree with me

Well since no one else has...

Look, generally speaking outing someone is the wrong thing to do. But there are exceptions to that hard and fast rule. One exception I think is the outing of gay politicians who routinely sponsor and vote for legislation that harms the GLBT community. If you are going to hurt people, you have to expect that those people will protect themselves from you in whatever way they choose. People are allowed to be as closeted as they want to be, for as long as they want to be - provided that they are not doing actual harm to, or going about outing others who are also closeted.

So when a closeted gay son viciously outs his father as a part of a divorce proceeding, the outing he receives in return is not only fair, but richly earned. Karma is a bitch that way. Turn about IS fair play.

Now - wether or not a father should retributively out his son, and what effect that might have on their future relationship is debatable... though seeing as that relationship is basically over now ... there isn't a lot to loose, and it could be argued that it might do more good than harm.

[Karen564]

The clincher though was one of my children had determined that I visited here and located my posts. Among them were some more descriptive recountings and they were downloaded and printed to be used against me in the divorce proceedings.

I hope my sh*t of a son is still reading this because I want him to know that if he hadn't been hiding his being gay from his wife and mother, he wouldn't have been attacking me with this now.

[SIZE=2]Hmmmm, Like he found this post....[/SIZE]

I guess I never thought seriously about it in my early years of dressing but I have dated and enjoyed intimacy with a male, however it had to be another CD and it had to be with both of us dressed.

http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...7&postcount=17

[SIZE=2]So what's the deal here... Am I missing something..?[/SIZE]

[SIZE=2]Sounds like you outed your son to his mother & his wife...and by doing so, betrayed him... and so he took out his anger with you by doing what you did...[/SIZE]

[SIZE=2]So your now criticizing him for keeping a secret from them?[/SIZE]

[SIZE=2]Hmmm, [/SIZE]
[SIZE=2]I'm sorry to hear of your troubles but,[/SIZE]

[SIZE=2]As far as what your son did...I can only say in this case, it looks like the apple doesn't fall far from the tree..[/SIZE]

[SIZE=2]All this bitterness solves Nothing....and just think it's time to pick up the pieces and move on with your life.....because I see no good coming out of this by blaming your son for your own actions... [/SIZE]

[SIZE=2]We all make our own bed, and have to sleep in it...[/SIZE]

[sterling12]

You need a good Divorce Lawyer! Being transgendered is not a crime! And, I don't think it will be of much use to Your (Soon to be)Ex in a Divorce Proceeding. I know how The Mods are around here, and I can't think of anything you could have written that would cause you trouble.

Remember Florida is basically a "No Fault State" for Divorces. I think about 99% of all Divorces down her are labeled "Irreconcilable Differences," and that's just about what The Court wants to hear. They DON'T want to hear about all of your problems in The marriage, they aren't interested in assigning blame!

Your Lawyer, and her Lawyer both know that! But, if their side can "freak you out," with a major bunch of B.S. about your lifestyle, and get you to do certain things, all The Better for them! Trust me, what interests The Lawyers, is The distribution of The Marital Assets, and child/spousal support. They know that both of you will over time become exhausted, and will eventually come to some sort of grudging settlement. Then....suddenly The Divorce is magically granted, lawyers A & B GET PAID, and everybody else in The World goes on living!

Just take a deep breath with all of this. It's not nearly as bad as it seems! Talk to Debi, talk to some of The Others who have divorced, I know there are several in that Ft. Meyer's Group. Keep your cool, don't attack The Son, that will bring out all Your Spouse's Defense Mechanisms. Legal Stuff is a huge game! It has little to do with "Right or Wrong," it has to do With The Law. Take your lumps, and move on with your life. In a couple of years, you'll be better, you'll be doing what is intended for you to do....it won't make much difference.

Peace and Love, Joanie

[BRANDYJ]

"I'm getting divorced and my entire life has basically turned to complete crap, but hey - now I can CD as much as I want!"
I've never understood people who look at life that way, but hey, whatever works for you.

I'm with you on this one. When I lost the love of my life, the lasrt thing I wanted to do was dress up. But then again, it is because she was so supportive and even enjoyed that part of me. My relationship came first and foremost, The dressing is such a small thing of importance to me.

I'm happy to say that after 6 months of no contact, we are back together and the love is stronger then ever.

Sorry to hear of your lose Slim Jim

[carolinoakland]

Ok, someone take a picture. Carol is speechless. I'm so sorry Slim Jim.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

Brandi

Totally true...be careful what you post...

oh and also, be careful what you do!!! its like the south park skit about Bill Belichek....its not about the Patriots cheating their way to all those superbowls..
(eagles fan here...)

or about all those steroid enhanced atheletes...

its about getting (or not getting) caught..

sometimes you get caught...you have to be a man (or woman) and live with the consequences...

as a transwoman that lost her marriage..i can actually relate to the part of you that feels excited about your freedom

but you have to pay a price, and only you should pay it..altho i understand you are angry..
you are getting flak because what you said about your son is terrible , how can you possibly blame him? and i hope you decide to retract that message...

[docrobbysherry]

I'm sorry u have to suffer thru this divorce and breakup of your family!
Not sure what the laws r in Florida. But, in Cal., all divorces r "no fault". The judges here won't listen to ANY party blaming the other for the split!
And, like the judges, and unlike OTHERS here, I have no comment or opinion on whose at fault in yours!

I'm happy that Brandi can start anew, and be the girl you've only DREAMED about until now!
My CD life seriously began after I split with my ex!

[Alice B]

I also am sorry that things turned out the way they did for you. But, now you can get on with your new life and make the most of it. My wife knows I visit this site and talk to others, thus do not have a problem. I've met a few members of the site and that has been very positive and my wife knows about that also.

[shaniquia]

good luck, just remember that you used to be trapped and you will be now as free as a bird

[PantyhoseNPumps]

Wow! It sounds like a lot has happened in the couple of weeks since we've spoken Brandi.. I'll drop you a line, you know I'm always here to talk hun..

[marny]

You wanted to be caught and so you were. No sympathy!

[Sunni D.]

Wow, seems to me that maybe you're really having a hard time managing your anger. Even though they are adults, children can often feel caught between their parents, causing them to have to make tough calls in their own lives.

Are you sure he's gay? I mean, if he's married and all, that's one heck of a lot of hiding in the closet. Has he come out to you?

Regardless, if he loves both of his parents, this has got to be pretty tough on him as well. I mean, for the most part, if a couple makes it as long as you have with your wife, they're pretty much there until one or the other dies. To have that hit later on, well, I can't imagine that it'd be easy.

Maybe you could see some kind of professional therapist to help you deal with the anger you seem to have. That way you don't get misplaced blame.